The "me too" movement

[woodswalker]

OK, so it seems every woman in the universe has a "me too" story. Except ME! I made sure a man never got close enough to molest me. I had a "smug" feeling: "those girls were dumb enough to do this & this: got drunk, dressed too slutty...should have known better..." etc. All the usual victim-blaming tropes. What, me get molested? Not on your life, thank you very much. (Except for age 14 thru 16, when I acted "stupid" and thought I could "handle it" and was damn lucky I didn't get raped or worse.)
To be honest, I simply didn't enjoy sex.  I put on a nice thick invisible shield so nobody thought I was sexual material. Never wore high heels, short skirt, low shirt. I was "androgynous", "invisible". At work, I was likewise "not attractive". I didn't use my "assets" to climb in the work heirarchy. My ambition was to have a technical or skilled job and be respected, not to be a pretty secretary. I did not have "dates". I finally married a guy who had even less self-esteem or confidence than me. We finally divorced, and I briefly tried to meet the right guy and get over my lifelong aversion to sex (except with myself). Now that the term "asexual" has come out of the closet, it occurs to me that I had a "me too" story. In fact my entire life was a Me Too story. While others were molested, I went so far out of my way to avoid it that I spent my whole life feeling different, handicapped, alone. So yeah,  "me too".

[lilgroundhog]

I think you'll be hard put to find many people who have NOT been hurt by the over sexualization of a culture and the related power plays.  I've tried really hard to just be 'one of the guys' and I still have stories.

[Mermaidy]

I've been sexually assaulted in public on a sidewalk at 11AM walking to school before, so I would say there's no perfect way to avoid it either, besides never leaving your house and never getting within/letting anyone within 50 feet of you LOL

[Guest]

2 hours ago, woodswalker said:

OK, so it seems every woman in the universe has a "me too" story. Except ME! I made sure a man never got close enough to molest me. I had a "smug" feeling: "those girls were dumb enough to do this & this: got drunk, dressed too slutty...should have known better..." etc. All the usual victim-blaming tropes. What, me get molested? Not on your life, thank you very much. (Except for age 14 thru 16, when I acted "stupid" and thought I could "handle it" and was damn lucky I didn't get raped or worse.)
To be honest, I simply didn't enjoy sex.  I put on a nice thick invisible shield so nobody thought I was sexual material. Never wore high heels, short skirt, low shirt. I was "androgynous", "invisible". At work, I was likewise "not attractive". I didn't use my "assets" to climb in the work heirarchy. My ambition was to have a technical or skilled job and be respected, not to be a pretty secretary. I did not have "dates". I finally married a guy who had even less self-esteem or confidence than me. We finally divorced, and I briefly tried to meet the right guy and get over my lifelong aversion to sex (except with myself). Now that the term "asexual" has come out of the closet, it occurs to me that I had a "me too" story. In fact my entire life was a Me Too story. While others were molested, I went so far out of my way to avoid it that I spent my whole life feeling different, handicapped, alone. So yeah,  "me too".

 

I just have to point out that feeling different, or even broken or handicapped is absolutely not in any way comparable to being sexually assaulted. It's not some club you miss out on if you want to wear high-neck tops and focus on work or whatever.

 

And also, anyone can be the victim of a sexual attack.. there are plenty of women just like you who weren't out looking for sex but ended up being dragged into a van on the way home from work anyway. On top of that, the feelings that often plague a person after they've been assaulted sexually are very isolating - you feel broken, alone, disgusting... but for very different reasons than someone who choose to avoid the types of situations that may have ended with them being sexually assaulted in the first place.

 

Please don't diminish the experience of victims of sexual assault by saying your 'me too' story is that you never put yourself in a situation where you could have been sexually molested or assaulted, which has led you to feel different and handicapped. Those two situations are totally incomparable. (and again, not every woman - or man - who has been sexually assaulted was out behaving in a way that may attract that kind of situation, but that's a different topic.)

[lilgroundhog]

I totally agree my comparatively minor incidents of sexual harassment at work do NOT compare with actually being sexually assaulted.  However, isn't part of the reason for the me too movement to show how widespread sexual misbehavior is in our culture.  Making deliberate choices just to avoid the possibility of any sort of sexual aggression is still a negative impact of our culture.

[Mermaidy]

6 hours ago, lilgroundhog said:

I totally agree my comparatively minor incidents of sexual harassment at work do NOT compare with actually being sexually assaulted.  However, isn't part of the reason for the me too movement to show how widespread sexual misbehavior is in our culture.  Making deliberate choices just to avoid the possibility of any sort of sexual aggression is still a negative impact of our culture.

I know what you're saying but I think most people take the "me too" to describe instances where they're actually sexually assaulted or harassed. 

Here's the official site that might respond to this

https://metoomvmt.org/

[Guest]

On 1/26/2018 at 4:41 AM, lilgroundhog said:

I totally agree my comparatively minor incidents of sexual harassment at work do NOT compare with actually being sexually assaulted.  HiHowever, isn't part of the reason for the me too movement to show how widespread sexual misbehavior is in our culture.  Making deliberate choices just to avoid the possibility of any sort of sexual aggression is still a negative impact of our culture.

Many women make deliberate choices to avoid sexual assault. Not every woman who has been raped was out clubbing late at night in a short skirt or whatever. Some women who live lives taking no less precautions than you did may end up being raped by a member of their husband's family or someone at work (or even by their husband). That's what I was saying. It's not just women who aren't careful and don't take precautions who can end up being victims. I know one lady who was a stay at home mum and men broke into her home and sexually attacked her in front of her 5 year old, as a random example of someone living a quiet life at home and involuntarily ended up in that situation.

 

The violent side of sexuality can and often does effect everyone negatively to some extent or another, that includes men as well who can be sexually assaulted OR falsely accused of committing sexual violence which can have massive negative consequences on their lives. But making efforts to avoid such things, as many people do, is not comparable to being someone who has actually experienced rape.

 

As a side note, I'm a bit of an anti-feminist and think the 'me too' movement is a bit silly.. we sadly live in human society and to be around humans (even if you avoid them) has meant one faces the risk of rape and sexual assault since the beginning of time. Many women have been the victims of sexual violence, as have many men too of course, but human society has always been that way and I honestly can't see it changing just because we start a 'me too' movement or hang, draw, and quarter every man who looks at a woman the wrong way (which really is becoming a huge issue these days).

 

I'm also not trying to belittle your suffering, just to clarify. I know how it feels to live in isolation as I myself have chosen that also (though have experienced sexual violence in the past which again just isn't really comparable to what it feels like when you intentionally isolate yourself from society), so yes, I know how that isolation feels. It just felt like you were saying that every woman who experienced sexual assault didn't take the same kind of precautions you did and didn't live a lonely life with low self esteem etc, but it just doesn't work that way. Often women like that can actually be an easier target DUE to their low self esteem and isolation and living that way isn't comparable to the feelings one experiences from having actually been raped, that's what I was trying to say with my initial comment.

 

 

[Yeast]

In some cases the "me too" movement seems like a witch hunt but what seems relevant is that many of the women weren't given a chance to avoid harassment. They worked in male dominated professions that typically belittled women.  The movement started in the movie industry and spread into the political arena and the latest Olympics scandal best illustrates how women can become unwilling victims of sexual predators. The young gymnasts were afraid to report their doctor's abuse for fear of being disqualified. Also, this was before the movement began and they were essentially isolated. Often they felt nobody would believe them. I think this society is better off without lecherous movie producers, sleazy senators and pedophile doctors - not to mention the environment around them that allowed these people to do what they did.   

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

This sounds a bit weird, but as I was watching 'secret life of the zoo' last night the keepers were discussing a new female chimpanzee, brought from Germany to increase the gene pool. She 'did the right thing ' by offering her ripe bottom to the high ranking males, so that she'd be accepted and start climbing from the lowest rank. It's just a primate thing, but if we describe ourselves as more than that, we shouldn't have to do the same stuff!

 

If, however, we are doing that stuff and we can't help ourselves because it's a genetic algorithm built in through hundreds of thousands of years...then it is as it's supposed to be.

We have to decide the parameters of acceptable behaviour and stick to them.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

PS: I wasn't saying that women behave like that! Neither should men. It'd be great to get past all the stuff and see the person /talent/skill, not the potential to mate. Of course, being aro ace I can only talk about these things like a scientist as I've no direct ways to think on it. Having been treated like that a couple of times, though I admit to being incensed at the objectification.

[dee615]

I think the  #Me Too movement highlights the prevalence of seeing (overwhelmingly) females in terms of their sexuality, and using that perception to debase them.  I'm not averse to, or repulsed by sex - just disinterested in engaging in the act - but I can see how the alignment of sexuality with denigration could compel a borderline ace person to shut down that aspect of their psyche.

 

[dogwithbooks]

I developed quite early - and was unfortunately very embarrassed about it - so I wore everything oversized thinking I could hide myself. Starting at age 12 , then 14, then 17 I was sexually assaulted 3 times. I never told anyone until 5 months ago...because I thought it was my fault by looking the way I looked. I tried to make myself small, hide myself, have nothing that was feminine about me and it didn't protect me. Only now, at almost 46, do I recognize what happened to me wasn't my fault, that it was assault. I also realize that my assaults had very little to do with sex...it was about having power over someone perceived weaker and using appearance as an excuse. It can happen to anyone, no matter how hard you try to prepare yourself and avoid it.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

It makes me angry how just because your body develops fast, you then become fair game! Not acceptable!

[thylacine]

I think our society is finally having a conversation we should have had a long time ago, really.  Why men think it's okay to treat women and girls as badly as they want to treat them, I'll never understand.  Yet even in this day and age, men still think it's okay to treat women horribly.  We obviously have not evolved much.