Partner2Ace Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I’ve just stumbled onto this forum and it’s been a piece of the puzzle. I’ve been married for eight years to my first love, who I’m beginning to figure out is asexual. We hadn’t had sex before we married and there were signs right from our wedding night. I thought it was me, and him, and everything in between. Now, I’m beginning to realise this is who he is. Not sure where I go from here. We have a 6 year old who adores him. I don’t want to end our marriage because our friendship is precious to me. However, my sexuality is an integral part of who I am, and I’m dying inside, because I realise I will never be able to have what I desire within my marriage. Just needed to let it out. Please be kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Moctallk Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Hello and welcome on AVEN! You can find a lot of people with similar situation on this forum, if you would like to talk to them, you can check this part of AVEN: http://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/30-for-sexual-partners-friends-and-allies/ Anyways, I wish you good luck in your situation and in your life, I am sorry that I can´t help you more. Be happy and don´t be afraid to talk freely on this forum! Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Moved from Questions about Asexuality to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies. TheAP Questions about Asexuality co-mod Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Have a read. You'll recognise a whole bunch of stuff, and then fire away with the million and one questions... Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Hi @Partner2Ace I am sorry to welcome you. You are now entering a looong proces of finding out what you need, what you cant have and how to have something anyway. If you have a good man/husband/fatherfigure/friend/loved one, then that also matters. This is what will make you look at possibilities and options. There are many ways to live in a mixed marriage. None are perfect, but sometimes splitting is just not a good option. Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I’m glad you found AVEN. It’s been both helpful and informative to me. Anyhow, I also believe my husband is ace. It’s interesting, your post jogged my memory. I didn’t exactly understand the issue when we married, but I did believe my husband needed to be schooled. I thought I could teach him just how bonding, healing, stimulating and supportive great sex could be. Then, on our honeymoon I realized it was potentially serious. We had two incredible, friendly and fun weeks, but didn’t have intercourse once. I recall running into a couple at Trevi Fountain and they’d been there all week. They too were on their honeymoon. It was their last night, but they hadn’t left their room, so ran out to take a few photos lest someone ask to see some upon their return. I was overcome with great sadness in that moment. 16 years, 2 beautiful children and an otherwise incredible partner later - I’m still working with it. It’s less than perfect and always a work in progress. My decisions aren’t clean, but they’ve worked out generally well so far. Take in all you can, learn about what options might work for you both and communicate like your marriage depends on it, because it does. If you’d like to PM, I’m here. Link to post Share on other sites
Partner2Ace Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Thank you so much, everybody, for your support and kindness. There’s so much info on here. Going to work my way through it to understand what’s going on. Will be reaching out again soon. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 On 2/1/2018 at 4:31 AM, Ilovecake said: When and how did you manage to conceive your child? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess about 6 years ago (+/- 9 months or so), via immaculate conception. OP, have you spoken with your partner about this? Is he familiar with asexuality? Is it a label he subscribes to as an orientation or is there maybe an underlying reason? If there's a medical contributor, would he be willing to seek treatment? If it isn't medical, would he be willing to open the relationship? There are still options, if isn't hopeless. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.