Am I Overreacting?

[anon12345678]

I live in a college dorm with two other girls I met last year. They, another girl and I formed a group of friends after meeting for the first time in August of 2016. One girl transferred to a new school, the others moved in with me. 

 

Last year, we all took the BDSM test, just for a laugh. They all got provocative results, where as mine branded me as vanilla. As this was before I thought I might be asexual, I took it for face value, and agreed with the assessment. But my friends thought it was hilarious, because I am already the most "innocent" one in the group (as far as they know, I don't like being overtly sexual or making too many crude jokes, but I appreciate them and I have had relationships before where we did a little more than hold hands), and they thought it was just my inexperience. It did not stop with one or two jokes that night, the teasing went on for several days. They would send me vanilla ice cream cone emojis, and whatnot. My only consolation was they teased each other as well. 

 

Now however, its been over a year since we've taken the test, and no one remembers what anyone got, except that I was Vanilla. And they still joke about it. I admit, it can be funny as a one off, but as someone who still feels embarrassed by discussing her own sexual experience or lack thereof, it can be a little upsetting. I usually laugh and go along anyway, because I've heard them say on several occasions that they hate people who can make fun of others, but not take others making fun of them, and I do enjoy gently teasing them, as friends do. I'm sure I'm not innocent of never hurting their feelings, but it was never on purpose, and if I felt I went too far I've apologized. I don't think these girls are being malicious, I think it just became an easy joke to bring up and get some laughs, and I was too afraid of ruining a new friendship to explain that it can upset me. But now I feel like every time something overtly sexual comes up, and I try to participate in the conversation, they share this look that is either "aww look she's so cute for trying" or "its so funny when she thinks she can be raunchy". I'm not raunchy. I don't like movies or tv that center around sex, like Fifty Shades of Grey. But they do like stuff like that, and whenever they watch something it always brings up my supposed innocence and boringness. I even tried to make a "that's what she said" joke tonight and they shared that look and questioned "She? I think you meant he." and laughed like I was a cute for making a mistake. What kills me is neither of them have had sex, and yet its me that gets all the teasing. 

 

I know I shouldn't put so much stock in it, because I know I'm not boring or innocent, I know that I might be asexual and that's absolutely fine, and I know that they probably don't even know how often they do it or how much it can hurt. But I still would like to focus on something else for a while, and I don't know how to phrase it without sounding like a whiny baby. 

[Lichley]

It sounded fair when they were all teasing each other, but now they're only teasing you it sounds cruel. They stopped doing it to everyone else, so why should you have to put up with more of it? It's been a year, they should've stopped by now. It sounds like they're starting to make fun of you "she's so cute for trying" "it's so funny when she thinks she can be raunchy". It's going too far. Your not being whiny, they're being rude.

[James121]

2 hours ago, Lichley said:

It sounded fair when they were all teasing each other, but now they're only teasing you it sounds cruel. They stopped doing it to everyone else, so why should you have to put up with more of it? It's been a year, they should've stopped by now. It sounds like they're starting to make fun of you "she's so cute for trying" "it's so funny when she thinks she can be raunchy". It's going too far. Your not being whiny, they're being rude.

I agree with this in part but by your own admissions anon12345678, you have teased them historically. How do you or we know that they haven’t ever sat at home feeling the same things as what you feel now.

My advice would be to speak up. Say something. Tell that you don’t like it because it makes you feel upset or unfairly inadequate. They will understand if they are your friends. If they don’t, fuck them as they aren’t worth your time.

[MrDane]

4 hours ago, anon12345678 said:

I live in a college dorm with two other girls I met last year. They, another girl and I formed a group of friends after meeting for the first time in August of 2016. One girl transferred to a new school, the others moved in with me. 

 

Last year, we all took the BDSM test, just for a laugh. They all got provocative results, where as mine branded me as vanilla. As this was before I thought I might be asexual, I took it for face value, and agreed with the assessment. But my friends thought it was hilarious, because I am already the most "innocent" one in the group (as far as they know, I don't like being overtly sexual or making too many crude jokes, but I appreciate them and I have had relationships before where we did a little more than hold hands), and they thought it was just my inexperience. It did not stop with one or two jokes that night, the teasing went on for several days. They would send me vanilla ice cream cone emojis, and whatnot. My only consolation was they teased each other as well. 

 

Now however, its been over a year since we've taken the test, and no one remembers what anyone got, except that I was Vanilla. And they still joke about it. I admit, it can be funny as a one off, but as someone who still feels embarrassed by discussing her own sexual experience or lack thereof, it can be a little upsetting. I usually laugh and go along anyway, because I've heard them say on several occasions that they hate people who can make fun of others, but not take others making fun of them, and I do enjoy gently teasing them, as friends do. I'm sure I'm not innocent of never hurting their feelings, but it was never on purpose, and if I felt I went too far I've apologized. I don't think these girls are being malicious, I think it just became an easy joke to bring up and get some laughs, and I was too afraid of ruining a new friendship to explain that it can upset me. But now I feel like every time something overtly sexual comes up, and I try to participate in the conversation, they share this look that is either "aww look she's so cute for trying" or "its so funny when she thinks she can be raunchy". I'm not raunchy. I don't like movies or tv that center around sex, like Fifty Shades of Grey. But they do like stuff like that, and whenever they watch something it always brings up my supposed innocence and boringness. I even tried to make a "that's what she said" joke tonight and they shared that look and questioned "She? I think you meant he." and laughed like I was a cute for making a mistake. What kills me is neither of them have had sex, and yet its me that gets all the teasing. 

 

I know I shouldn't put so much stock in it, because I know I'm not boring or innocent, I know that I might be asexual and that's absolutely fine, and I know that they probably don't even know how often they do it or how much it can hurt. But I still would like to focus on something else for a while, and I don't know how to phrase it without sounding like a whiny baby. 

To me, this doesnt sound like an asexual problem, but a problem about friends, who are not really listening to you. It was okay in the beginning. Now it has to stop. it may require you to put your foot down and tell them how you feel.