Book/article suggestions for non-monogamous relationships?

[Guest]

I'm trying to learn to be less monogamous by nature, so am reading books on strategies non-monogamous people use to overcome certain negative emotions they may feel during relationships. Does anyone have any articles or books that are good at describing things and coping strategies for them? 

 

I'm not really planning on practicing non-monogamy, but I would like to care less about what my partner does or doesn't do with other people. I've tried in the past and been unsuccessful, but I'd like to try again now I'm older. Logically, I know some things shouldn't matter. Emotionally, I can't help feeling very hurt. And I'm tired of that mixture of feeling like I want to throw up and cry all at the same time. I want to get rid of that emotional response. 

 

I'm currently working on More Than Two, any other suggestions? 

 

 

[Arctangent]

More Than Two is a good start. I assume you're talking about the book (which I haven't read) but there's also a lot of helpful advice on the website. You may be interested in some of the essays on poly/mono relationships. I remember reading this one and thinking it was helpful for understanding both perspectives (although I don't necessarily agree with everything that's in it - I personally think Veaux is a little too disparaging of what he calls "free agent polyamory" here). Some episodes of the Polyamory Weekly podcast may also be helpful to you.

 

For books, there's the book Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life, which I haven't gotten around to reading yet, but it's by one of my favorite polyamory bloggers (the person who does the Solo Poly blog). The book incorporates responses from an online survey that the author put out, and thanks to a large number of aromantic and asexual people who responded, the author has dedicated entire chapters of the book to aromantic and asexual relationships. This would probably be nice if you're looking for a book about non-monogamy that isn't as focused on the sexual aspect.

 

That's all I can think of off the top of my head for now. If I think of anything else, I'll make another post.

[Guest]

Thank you.  And yes, I was thinking of the book. They even have a 29 page book on jealousy specifically - which they describe as the negative emotions around your partner and other people, even if it's just feeling hurt. So, I figured it was a good place to start and I remember people on here talking about it. But, I will check out the other links you provided.