Has anyone tried having a relationship without sex?

[abh93]

If so, how did you ask them out? How did you tell them you wanted them to be your girlfriend/boyfriend but you didn't want to have sex?

[Yep, me]

Umm... MILLIONS HAVE, and I’ve never had to say anything about it.

[Yeast]

I had a friend who also happened to be a girl. She seemed to understand we were just friends. I didn't care if she had boyfriends.  We always planned on what we were going to do before we got together so maybe I might say I dated her but not in a conventional sense. I knew her nearly two decades but she passed away a couple years ago. 

[Guest]

Yes!

Thankfully for me, I was already familiar with asexuality, and that I was sex-repulsed at that, so things were a bit easier on my side.

My ex and I were really close friends before he decided to ask me out, so he knew all about me being ace; even when he asked me out, I made it very clear that our relationship was going to be lacking sex — and he was very much okay with that!

We stayed together for two years and I was never pressured into anything I wasn't 100% on.

 

You should just be honest with this person, and if they don't reciprocate those feelings, then either work out a compromise or try to move on. Don't force yourself to do things you don't want to  — it'll honestly just hurt you and your partner in the end. ;w;

 

Good luck!
 

[Crazy Cat Lady]

Yes. Though, we did "try" at first (it didn't work - we were both virgins and it just didn't work). We tried a few times. After I later ended up with a blood clot (likely, in part, due to the birth control pills I was taking... assuming eventually it would happen), I stopped taking the birth control pills. I didn't want to take any chances (possibly getting pregnant), so we never tried again. I never missed it. We stayed together 10 years (I think the blood clot happened about 5 years in...?). I'm still amazed he was so understanding.

 

Now, even after having been on AVEN for a number of years (I only found out that asexuality was a "thing" a few years after my ex and I split), this is the first time I've told that story to anyone.

[fan fanackapan]

I was seeing a guy for about 18 months back in the early 90s. He was fine about not having sex if I didn't want it, but it didn't last and I never felt the need to have a relationship after it. I just thought I wasn't cut out for relationships, because of my aversion to sex, so I never tried after that. Of course, I didn't know about asexuality back then. I just thought that I had a sex aversion. 

[James121]

I think you’ll find there are thousands of sexuals who are in such relationships without having ever consented to it.

[blue dog]

my wife and i havent had sex for at least a few years, and thats on me not her.

 

[Cnyb]

On 1/22/2018 at 6:01 AM, James121 said:

I think you’ll find there are thousands of sexuals who are in such relationships without having ever consented to it.

There is no breach of consent involved.  No means no, but yes for someone who is sexual doesn't mean yes for another person, so it's erroneous to say one is LACKING consent in that one is NOT having sex.  Even if consent was ever granted it cannot be assumed to persist forever as if it were one's right in a relationship.

 

The issue is communication and negotiation, or lack of clarity of foresight as to what a relationship will be like into the future, not consent.  If I don't let you into my abode, but you don't consent, the issue is only whether you are intending to be bitter and resentful, or perhaps an intruder.  Intruders do not have rights.  Guests don't have a right to stay forever, either.

 

I think whether an arrangement works really depends upon the individuals involved, the degree of libido, degree of communication creativity or compromise, etc.