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Do I tell?


hirsch

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I have had a loving relationship with my guy for ten years.  All along I've said to him that "I have a poor libido" as a way of explaining that I'm not turned on by his good looks.  Other women find him very interesting.  Luckily, he's not bothered about having sex only once a month but that is almost too much for me; I've got to brace myself with a "Here we go again" attitude.  Now I understand that I am indeed asexual.  I don't know if it's wise to tell him about it or just carry on as usual.  I feel my sexual attractiveness is part my appeal to him.  I think he might resist and not acknowledge. 

 

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6 hours ago, hirsch said:

I have had a loving relationship with my guy for ten years.  All along I've said to him that "I have a poor libido" as a way of explaining that I'm not turned on by his good looks.  Other women find him very interesting.  Luckily, he's not bothered about having sex only once a month but that is almost too much for me; I've got to brace myself with a "Here we go again" attitude.  Now I understand that I am indeed asexual.  I don't know if it's wise to tell him about it or just carry on as usual.  I feel my sexual attractiveness is part my appeal to him.  I think he might resist and not acknowledge. 

 

Not telling him could backfire. If sex is important to him, then you should share in order to give him the possibility to cope wiith it. I suppose you share other things and allow him the freedom to make up his own mind. When my wife told me after 15+ years, I was very hurt and angry and felt like betrayed. It is not just about putting extra emphasiz on an “Uh, yes!” once in a while. It is accepting to let him use you without letting him know to which extend. In a way, I lost my girlfriend or actually never had her, like I thougth I did. I still love her and she loves me. Just skipped the ‘lovers-part!’

You say that you ‘have to brace yourself’, but someday you migth not be able to do that. Then what? 

 

i think you should give him the full story. I know that it can be considered a dealbreaker as well, though.

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