I have no idea anymore

[Kierel Shan]

I'm hesitant about "being" non-binary because all the trans stories say "oh I've been feeling this way since I've been 5 years old!! I was always this gender and am just realizing this now!" but I'm pretty sure I've been cis all the way up until I started using Tumblr, so I'm really just doubtful whether or not I'm only feeling "non-binary" because of Tumblr's influence. Yet I know that ever since I agreed to cut my hair short I've been more and more eager to present myself as androgynous/agender. I know these things so far:

- as a kid, I hated "girly" things like princesses, but I liked pink (up until I decided that was girly too, but that was only in grade 6)

- I didn't have any gender-questioning thoughts until actually finding out about this stuff

- I hate any clothes that are in weird cuts, but I've always shied away from getting stuff from the men's section so it's been really hard finding neutral-looking clothes in the women's section (almost all my shirts are polo shirts)

- I've managed to be mistaken as a boy maybe twice, and I really liked the feeling

- I'm highly aware when I get called "girl/woman/lady" (especially the latter two; I hate being referred to as woman or lady)

- when I imagine myself as male, wearing very masculine clothing and using he/him and referred to as man, I'm not comfortable with that at all either

- in general though, I would rather be seen at first glance as male than female

- my face apparently looks too feminine and I don't like it; I wish I had a more androgynous face (not facial hair though)

- on Halloween my costume included a hooded cloak so my identity was completely obscured, but for some weird reason any and all kids that saw it were obsessed with figuring out "is it a boy or a girl?!??" I liked the feeling of nobody being able to tell my gender and when a few of the kids concluded I was a boy because of my voice, I was pretty satisfied with that too

- as far as I can tell from my own research it seems like I'm something like gender neutral or agender, though I liked the term androgynous until I realized it was the opposite of agender

- I'm kind of really apprehensive about everything "non-binary" because unlike being trans male/female, it's this weird thing that almost everyone outside of the LGBT+ community doesn't know about. And it feels weird to me. I feel like if someone says they're non-binary it really sounds like they're just attention-seeking, but if they say they're trans male/female and changing their gender then it doesn't sound attention seeking at all.

- So it's more like, I don't feel comfortable identifying as agender more because it feels so "extra" and attention-seeking and I don't think it's very accepted by most people.

- About pronouns— I really don't know because I'm really used to she/her, so I don't know if I'd be able to get used to they/them.

- For most of my life I've been creating OCs (original characters) for fun, and over the years the creation of new OCs have shifted from being always female to often male and sometimes non-binary, yet when writing I find it difficult to remember using they/them for non-binary characters and keep defaulting to (usually) he/him.

 

ok that's about all the info I've gathered for now I might come back and edit this later?

[Dean.]

It's fine to just recently figure out the whole non binary thing, I used to make fun of non binary people because I didn't understand it, (not proud of that) but as for the while they/them it'd up to you wether you want people to call you that or not, and people really just don't know about non binary people, they actually called trans people attention seekers for a while too

[Ortanique]

First of all, no one can tell you exactly what you are. It's absolutely your choice how are you going to identify. NB is a real thing and IT IS NOT attention seeking, it's just what some people are. From what you said, you definitely don't fall on the binary. But how are you going to identify is entirely up to you. It's not a thing as simple as "yeah, you're that". No one can tell, you are the one who have to tell others.

 

And about the pronouns, they're yours and they're not linked to gender itself. You may be agender, but still like she/her, you may be a girl but like he/him. I think you got the point? You choose your pronouns. 

 

Realization "something's not right" may come at any point of life, so you're not any less valid then people who felt like that since they were 5.

You are you, and you should be proud who you are.

[Xenobot]

Obviously it’s perfectly fine to be non-binary. When they start conducting neuropsych research on non-binary people specifically, I will be thoroughly unsurprised if they find that non-binary people tend to have dimophically androgynous brain structures. Most NB people are AFAB, and most trans men have brains that are structurally more like men’s brains, so what happens to AFAB people with androgynous brains? I have a feeling they end up NB. We’ll find out eventually no doubt.

 

At the same time though, I do want to point out that gender nonconforming cis people do exist, and that is totally fine too. Either way, there’s absolutely no reason why you have to conform to anything anyone else is doing in order to be valid. Don’t like they/them pronouns? Don’t use them. Don’t like men’s clothes? Don’t wear them.

 

Not everyone understands their gender identity from a young age. You may know something feels a certain way but you have no idea how to articulate it. Seriously, I’m a bit older (early 30s), and growing up I had virtually zero exposure to transgender stuff. I saw something about a trans woman on TV once and my mom made a sort of derogatory statement about it so I didn’t have access to the info I needed. Also, I didn’t know trans men even existed at all. I just sort of assumed a lot of AFAB people felt the way I did about being a girl. When I finally had access to the information/language I needed I was like “Whoa, wtf? There are other people like me? There’s treatment for this? I don’t have to live like this?“ It sounds like having access to information like that was your wakeup call too, but obviously a lot of that info is on tumblr and tumblr is...well. It’s tumblr.

[Pepper Spray]

i totally get you! i feel the same way but reversed.
since i was little i didn't really like anything masculine, but it was that i just didn't like those things (sports, masculine clothes, etc) and i wasn't rejecting them just for being masculine.
now that i'm a little older (i'm seventeen though, still figuring it out) i'm not sure what the fuck i am, as i identify as a boy and do not want to transition or to change my name, or even to use she/her pronouns (even though they don't bother me, just don't use they/them with me, i hate it), i just like to mix some feminine clothes in my looks, wear high heels and makeup. i still would like to have been born a girl, but being male doesn't make me uncomfortable or anything. 

well i'm sorry i told you my life story lol but i felt like it, the point is that i kind of get how you feel.