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Telecaster68

List different kinds of sex (All the TMI, hopefully...)

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Chimeric

I was working under the assumption that the original point of this thread was to communicate from a sexual person's perspective the nuanced and varied types of sex people have, in an effort to convey that it isn't always the "gotta get some" mentality that tends to be perpetuated.

 

2 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Whoever wants to understand their partner or sex will make the effort

Exactly this, in fact. I'm on these forums because my partner identifies as ace, and I'm hugely invested in understanding his perspective. In the meantime, I can share mine, and through multiple discussions like this one, we can eventually hammer out the general reality of things.

 

I'm not understanding this as an attempt to dictate a universal truth, but rather as an attempt to demonstrate there is no One True Way to experience sex - and certainly not as an advertisement for sex. Just as a source of information, in case anyone was wanting to understand the other side of the coin.

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Snao van der Cone
2 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Even if you want to present it in the most textbook, definition available and get technical or biological about it, the only phrase people will hear is "gotta get me some" because that is the phrases that gets so tiresomely repeatedly thrown around in general society. 

I think people want to express it in deeply personal ways, not using fancy scientific terminologies or presenting diagrams as vague as furniture assembly instructions. Many sexual people on AVEN have wanted to describe the nuances and intricacies of how and when they feel sexual. "When I see a hot piece of ass" is very rarely mentioned. If that's the only thing some asexual people are hearing, they're likely choosing to hear it - for what reason, I don't know. 

 

You may encounter a lot of people talking about sex that way in your life, but in mine people talk more about gardening, tv series, and signing their kids up for sports. Part of what makes AVEN special for me is getting to learn about a/sexual diversity of experience in a designated environment. The original intent of this thread was a great way to compile that, in my opinion.

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Telecaster68
5 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

It may have started out like that but got derailed as I suspect any future threads will.

If it's just sexuals posting, I really don't think it will. What derails threads like this is the insistence on One True Definition, which seems to me to be an exclusively asexual quest (not all asexuals, but just asexuals).

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Telecaster68

I think men, especially, and youngish men even more especially, tend to talk about it like that as they prefer not admit to emotions which might imply vulnerability. Having been a youngish man at one point, I'm pretty sure they do have those emotions. It's another thing that sexuals can figure out, based on their own experience, but asexuals tend to struggle with.

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Telecaster68

I haven't seen anyone getting mad, but YMMV. It's more that the subtext and emotional stuff is a given, because we all do it, and it can be puzzling when someone doesn't get it, and then frustrating if they then insist there was no subtext.

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Telecaster68

Your mileage may vary...ie your experience may be different. 

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Philip027

YMMV is used for pretty much anything with which experiences can shift wildly from one person to another.  It might be rooted with car discussion, but is an expression that has branched out to damn well nearly everything.

 

In a similar manner, "batting a thousand" does not always specifically mean playing a perfect game of baseball.  It's gone on to be an expression used to refer to doing a perfect job at nearly anything you could think of.

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Philip027

YMMV is used loooooooads on the internet; I'm actually surprised you haven't seen it anywhere other than that.  You're probably not as likely to hear it said in actual verbal conversation though.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
41 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

Its what they hear from peers, from friends, etc. I have never heard anyone outside Aven generally talk about sex in any other form (unless medical) other than the "gotta get some".

how do you mean exactly? I haven't read all the posts here so may have missed something, but do you mean you've never heard of anyone talking about sex as something emotional, as opposed to just something physical? 

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Telecaster68

To be fair Jade, I've seen you post about avoiding discussions about other people's personal stuff quite a lot.

15 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

Frustrated and getting mad are pretty close.

Frustrated can come out as low level anger I guess, or shift into anger. But it's not the same thing. Seriously, have you had people shouting at you because sex is just physical to you?

 

 

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Telecaster68
6 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

if talk about emotional sex is really as common as its being made to sound here

It's not being made to sound common. But it exists, it's not 'never'.

 

7 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

I dont hang around people, especially in sex talks.

So you can't really know all the ins and outs.

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Chimeric

So, again, this thread is meant to convey ideas about sex that may not necessarily fly in daily life. 

 

Sex is deeply personal which is why most people don't talk about it, except very superficially, which comes off as flippant, which produces the "stick it in" vibe. 

 

Those of us posting on this thread are desperate to tell you that this isn't the case, so while you can insist that the rest of your life experiences say otherwise, you can also believe our perspective. We're not lying to you. We want to pull that curtain back a bit. 

 

We're also not trying to convert you, and we know there's a de facto barrier to be faced when it comes to conversations about sex between sexuals and asexuals, but what we're trying to say is sex isn't always the way it's portrayed in the mainstream. You can believe us. 

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Chimeric

Ohhh, I think I see where my message is failing to come across. 

 

I don't talk about sex in my daily life. Who I have sex with and how I choose to have it is immensely personal, and no one's business. There is probably a degree of selection bias happening in that people who brag about sexual encounters may tend to be people pursuing casual hookups. Or, as Tele has said already, people don't tend to wax eloquent on emotions, period, let alone emotions involved with something as vulnerable as sex. 

 

What if we framed it a different way? AVEN generally accepts that the concept of a woman is different from what the mainstream tends to sell as the concept of a woman. In fact, I think most people (paradoxically) accept this stance. 

 

The concept of sex is different from what the mainstream tends to sell as the concept of sex. 

 

I agree that it's a conflicting thing out in the real world, but that doesn't make our statements less true. 

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Telecaster68

If it was the people who talk about gotta get some you were talking to now, on AVEN, and they were saying the same thing, you'd have a point. But these are different people in a different context - that's why we're saying something different. If I was talking with them in that situation, I'd be a bit more Gotta Get Some (not entirely that way as I'm not like that, but I'd moderate what i was saying somewhat). If they were here now, they'd probably be using more emotional terms. These things aren't a pure mathematical statement of eternal objective truths, they're people's conversations in different contexts.

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Snao van der Cone
1 hour ago, Jade Cross said:

So are we agreeing that its basically a lost cause?

 

Because as you guys/girls are mentioning, sex is personal/emotional. You cannot convey emotions and aces will not understand it at a personal/emotional level as they do not participate nor feel the emotions usually associated with sex. At best, all you can hope to explain it objectively which by the look of this will not get very far.

 

Even if you convince aces to say that "Ok you guys feel emotions" or that sex is not just physical thats pretty much the extent of what you can hope to gain.

 

Or at least I will never be able to say something like "Yes I see exactly what you're saying, my partner and I (assuming that I had one which is not going to happen) feel the same"

 

To be honest it just has a "birds of a feather fly together" feel to it. Aces and sexuals cannot mix so should each group stay within their own kind so to speak? In which case whats the point that aces know or not that there are emotions attavhed to sex? Unless they are struggling with being able to make a relationship with a sexual partner work, it seems like theres no point or purpose to know sex entangles emotions.

 

 

Sorry, Jade, I'm not understanding where this is coming from. When I read the things that sexual members of AVEN have to say, as well as my friends in other realms of life, I find that I'm better able to put myself in their shoes, even though I don't feel that way on my own. Reading things like how sex after a fight feels different from sex after a romantic dinner on the couple's anniversary provides context for things that asexual people won't directly experience. Asexual people don't need to say "I experience the same thing" for this to be a relevant conversation to have for asexual and sexual people alike. What they may say is "That's interesting, and gives me a better understanding of how sex means more things than just fitting objects into other objects." Asexual people can benefit from that, and it will help promote the understanding that asexual people aren't weird or messed up - they just don't experience the same things.

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