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Telecaster68

List different kinds of sex (All the TMI, hopefully...)

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Telecaster68
Just now, vega57 said:

The Daily Mail is about as reliable as Fox News (I have direct experience of how they'll twist things). Their core readership is middle aged women, and this is playing to a narrative a lot of them will love. The Mail is very, very good at that stuff, often at the expense of a balanced story.

 

The bustle.com article was about the same study, and went into far more rigorous detail about it, including that women are far more likely than men to want to 'go again' because their capacity to experience physical pleasure increases, not decreases after orgasm - unlike men's.

 

https://www.bustle.com/articles/105437-what-happens-to-the-body-after-orgasm-how-women-men-experience-post-coital-bliss-differently-according

 

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Telecaster68
2 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

the point I getting at is that outside of well established relationships there are gaps in the scripts we're taught that result in sex that one person isn't all that into, and that happens to women more than men.

These are the kind of moments where Skulls could've had some useful input...

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vega57
3 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

Basically, the point I getting at is that outside of well established relationships there are gaps in the scripts we're taught that result in sex that one person isn't all that into, and that happens to women more than men.

I think this is so important, Snao.  When we talk about sex we need to talk about it in all contexts, and not only in the context of a loving, long-term relationship/marriage. 

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Evren
3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

These are the kind of moments where Skulls could've had some useful input...

I miss Skulls

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vega57
6 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

The Daily Mail is about as reliable as Fox News (I have direct experience of how they'll twist things). Their core readership is middle aged women, and this is playing to a narrative a lot of them will love. The Mail is very, very good at that stuff, often at the expense of a balanced story.

 

The bustle.com article was about the same study, and went into far more rigorous detail about it, including that women are far more likely than men to want to 'go again' because their capacity to experience physical pleasure increases, not decreases after orgasm - unlike men's.

 

https://www.bustle.com/articles/105437-what-happens-to-the-body-after-orgasm-how-women-men-experience-post-coital-bliss-differently-according

 

I'm not that crazy about the Daily Mail either, but it's the study I was curious about. 

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Telecaster68
3 minutes ago, vega57 said:

I'm not that crazy about the Daily Mail either, but it's the study I was curious about. 

Its reporting of anything, ever, is not a trustworthy. That's why I was trying to track down the original research, and bustle.com does a far more inclusive and sober job of reporting it, from what I could see. 

 

It's really complicated, but from what I've gleaned - women's brains are far more sensitive to oxytocin than men's, so crude blood levels don't tell us much anyway. The effect can be muted in either sex by other hormones, including oestregen and progesterone, which are higher in women, and testosterone, which is higher in men. On top of that, men release another hormone called vasopressin at orgasm, which has a similar though not identical effect. And that's without individual variations and environmental effects, and that most of the studies were done on rats not humans, and they were far from ambiguous anyhow. So beyond knowing orgasm results in a load of pleasurable hormones flooding the brain, with varying effects but mostly to do with bonding, it doesn't look like anything general can be said.

 

Some actual Science (TM)

 

http://www.medicaldaily.com/why-couples-engage-pillow-talk-after-sex-orgasms-increase-oxytocin-levels-leading-feelings-trust

 

https://lifeischemistry.com/tag/vasopressin/

 

https://www.livescience.com/12833-love-hormone-oxytocin-dark-side.html

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Jade Cross
2 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

It can be flattering and a turn on to have someone interested you, and could tip the shall I/shan't I balance, particularly if you're generally horny and on the look out anyway.

But this would work on the premise that youre looking as well. So if you arent, any attention can go from being flattering to annoying.

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Telecaster68
8 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

But this would work on the premise that youre looking as well. So if you arent, any attention can go from being flattering to annoying.

Yes. I don't think anyone was citing it as a universal truth. 

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Thea2
4 hours ago, Evren said:

Oh no he did actually have one, I know two of the four other people, and they have assured me of it.

People often are lying. 🤥

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Alejandrogynous

Break-up sex - one last experience with each other, usually passionate, could be angry or loving depending on how the relationship is ending. It's a way of affirming what you were to each other while also saying goodbye. A way of getting closure.


Post break-up sex - usually not the best choice but eh, we all backslide sometimes. It can be comforting to be with someone who already knows you well and you don't have to put on airs for. 


Subject change sex/distraction sex - usually between long-term partners, done to end or avoid a discussion. Could be an unhealthy manipulation tactic but can also be light and playful. Could also includes 'you're really annoying me right now, lets have sex so you stop doing XYZ and remind me why I love you' sex. :P

 

Grief sex - seeking comfort in a partner, a way to feel connected and not alone when you're hurting and vulnerable. To release emotions, to be distracted for just a little while, to take care of them and/or to let them take care of you. It's intense and can be a way to feel alive in times of grief.

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nanogretchen4

I think some of the examples of women having unwanted but uncoerced sex occur during the early stages of dating. Let's say the man is driving and they have gone to the man's place, and it's clear that he is expecting sex. If at that point the woman realizes she is not really into him she has two options. She can turn him down, which is a difficult conversation, and then ask him to drive her home, dealing with his emotions throughout the negotiation and the drive, all this assuming that he turns out not to be a rapist. Or, she might conclude that having sex and getting it over with is the least awkward way to conclude the date. Read the story "Cat Person" if you haven't already.

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Jade Cross
5 hours ago, vega57 said:

:lol:  Once you've read these forums every day for 20 years, nothing really surprises me anymore.  You'd be amazed at what some people believe...or, at least what they want *us* to believe, in order to get out of trouble!  ("Is Oral Sex REALLY "Sex"?   Or, how about, "If I have Intercourse, but do NOT have an orgasm, it doesn't 'count' as sex!"  :blink:)

This happens even outside the forum. I could cite a couple of my old school peeps and some of the ridiculous things they used to say about sex.

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Jade Cross
5 minutes ago, nanogretchen4 said:

I think some of the examples of women having unwanted but uncoerced sex occur during the early stages of dating. Let's say the man is driving and they have gone to the man's place, and it's clear that he is expecting sex. If at that point the woman realizes she is not really into him she has two options. She can turn him down, which is a difficult conversation, and then ask him to drive her home, dealing with his emotions throughout the negotiation and the drive, all this assuming that he turns out not to be a rapist. Or, she might conclude that having sex and getting it over with is the least awkward way to conclude the date. Read the story "Cat Person" if you haven't already.

I dont date so I may be off on this but isnt it safe dating advice to always take your own car to a date in case something doesnt go right, especially on first dates? And isnt "sex on the first date(s)" more of a rule of thumb rather than an absolute rule?

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Evren
2 hours ago, Thea2 said:

People often are lying. 🤥

You don't know this guy like I do. Classic narrcisit. He cheated on his wife for like 10 years, never saw anything wrong with it. Finally told her, only to figure out she was cheating on him. They decided to open their marriage and ended up inviting 3 other people into their bed. He would talk to the women he was cheating with at work, said multiple times I was welcome, if I was ever interested. And then he started to give extra stuff to the people he was having sex with because he was thier boss. And amazingly enough,  none of that is why he got fired.

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roland.o
10 hours ago, Evren said:

where do you get a big enough bed?

Why would you need one bed? Five are enough to split into groups. All the motels rooms I've stayed in had two double beds, so three go into one and two into the other. Or in a living room, three on the couch and two on an armchair. Maybe there's a comfy carpet as well.

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Snao Cone
1 hour ago, Jade Cross said:

This happens even outside the forum. I could cite a couple of my old school peeps and some of the ridiculous things they used to say about sex.

What, teenagers being incorrect about sex??????

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roland.o
1 hour ago, Jade Cross said:

isnt it safe dating advice to always take your own car to a date in case something doesnt go right, especially on first dates?

Then you can't drink alcohol. If you're into that, the better safety advice is to have enough money with you to take a taxi home.

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Jade Cross
10 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

What, teenagers being incorrect about sex??????

Teenagers who grew up to be adults with still incorrect ideals :P

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Jade Cross
10 minutes ago, roland.o said:

Then you can't drink alcohol. If you're into that, the better safety advice is to have enough money with you to take a taxi home.

I always wondered why the excesive reliance on alcohol. If you need that to even talk to another person, much more date them, I think more time should be spent on building confidence.

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roland.o
2 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

If you need that to even talk to another person, much more date them

Do you think that people drink alcohol only because the need that? Some people drink alcohol because they like to, and not being able to drink in a setting where they usually would means stress instead of relaxing. Instead of "I'd like to go out and have a few drinks, with you around, to see if you're a nice person", a no-alcohol policy makes that "I want to see if you're a nice person, but with you around, I can't do what I would like to, because you might not be such a nice person, and I must always stay sober enough to drive home by myself". Sure takes the fun out of dating, for some people.

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Jade Cross
8 minutes ago, roland.o said:

means stress instead of relaxing. 

And who would be responsible for that? If you need the alcohol to talk or feel relaxed, thats more of setting yourself up for failure.

 

And if you're going to get to know a person, sooner or later you have to have a clear head when dating them, unless you plan to make alcohol your key to long and happy relationship(s) in which case, I would question what exactly are you looking for if you cant deal with the person without the inhibitor.

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roland.o
6 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

And if you're going to get to know a person, sooner or later you have to have a clear head when dating them

And if you're going to get to know a person who likes to drink, sooner or later you have to be light-headed when dating them, or you have to make it clear from the start that you'll never be someone to share this experience with.

 

I met the person with that safety advice when I was clear headed. We met several times, with only her drinking. And then I adjusted, for example by taking a train instead of the car, so I could drink with her. And then came the day when I could tell her: today was the first time I drank more than you did. (Not by far, but a little bit.) We've been around eachother clear headed and light headed. The most relaxing thing is that we can do both. I don't have to be constantly on guard around her.

 

But I think I am derailing this thread now. Good day, and have some :cake: :-D

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Chimeric

 

"I crave you" sex - I guess it's akin to "missing/ed you" sex, but without the partner's absence, first. Just an overwhelming, almost carnal desire to share your body with your loved one right this moment, to be in as close to exactly the same place at exactly the same time as you possibly can be. Generally in the context of a deeply loving relationship. The focus is on the two of you, bodies all smooshed together as close as they can get, so you can feel each other's heart beat right up against your own. Sometimes nails are involved, but talking rarely is. In the moment, you don't even mind all the sweat.

 

Controlled sex - Consensual, of course, with full permission and a proper safe word all ready to go. Generally in the context of a long-term, highly trusting relationship, due to the the inherent vulnerability. Bondage not necessarily involved. Your partner controls not just his or her pleasure, but yours as well. You've given all of yourself to them, you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position but you are demonstrating your trust in your partner - and they're reciprocating by not tossing that trust aside.

 

Laughy sex - Arises from a really lighthearted, fun environment, where all the sudden the two of you have found yourself in bed and you're not entirely sure how you got there, but the two of you are making jokes and both of you are laughing. You're relaxed, things are progressing naturally, and you're still laughing. It all feels so much better when you're laughing. Could be a long-term relationship, could be a brand new one, could even be in the context of really good friends who didn't realize there was all that sexual tension, after all.

 

 

Sidenote, regarding oxytocin in males - many of its main physiologic effects are on organs men don't possess (it regulates milk letdown and coordinates uterine contractions, in addition to all the fun lovey stuff it's supposed to do in the head), so it's worth wondering how the study measured oxytocin effect. If they're going by physiologic markers, well.... it's completely understandable that it wouldn't affect men the same way. :lol:

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Law of Circles

Mentored sex - Sex that happens between people who differ significantly in sexual experience where the more experienced partner acts as a guide. Ideally, this kind of sex progresses gradually and incorporates frequent check-ins to help the less experienced partner ease into it. May occur when one person is unsure of their sexual orientation and trying to figure out what they like. Requires a lot of patience and understanding, but can be very rewarding and informative.  

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Thea2
8 hours ago, Evren said:

You don't know this guy like I do. Classic narrcisit. He cheated on his wife for like 10 years, never saw anything wrong with it. Finally told her, only to figure out she was cheating on him. They decided to open their marriage and ended up inviting 3 other people into their bed. He would talk to the women he was cheating with at work, said multiple times I was welcome, if I was ever interested. And then he started to give extra stuff to the people he was having sex with because he was thier boss. And amazingly enough,  none of that is why he got fired.

Well, you make a convincing case. 😊 About the bed, possibly on the floor?

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Yurilover

I notice the definition of sex came up in this thread. I think Autostraddle did a really cool flowchart on "is it sex". They were basically addressing how two women with a vagina have sex (since most ppl think lesbian sex isn't real sex especially if penetration isn't involve). The chart works for any gender.

 

lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg 

 

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Redshirt Jim
4 hours ago, Yurilover said:

I notice the definition of sex came up in this thread. I think Autostraddle did a really cool flowchart on "is it sex". They were basically addressing how two women with a vagina have sex (since most ppl think lesbian sex isn't real sex especially if penetration isn't involve). The chart works for any gender.

 

lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg 

 

🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥
TW:- discretion advised
Green Yellow Red Black
🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥🌻🔥

The "sexy" in the first question is a bit shady, to be honest. 

 

So according to the chart, in order for something to be called sex, it needs not only touching but also touching another's nether region? Or at least the "feeling" of having sex. Again, the line isn't clear...

 

(But the chart is awesome graphically)

 

I mean if this is the definition of sex, then sure...seems pretty reasonable to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems sex  is determined by the individual perception, according to this chart. 

 

Does AVEN already have a defintion of sex? I'll go check on that.

UPDATE: I honestly can't find it. Please tell me if I accidentally missed while searching.

 

🌻🔥LLAP🔥🌻

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Telecaster68

 

1 hour ago, Redshirt Jim said:

Does AVEN already have a defintion of sex?

Oh please, don't give the 'redefine everything as you go' crew any ideas...

 

The nearest I've seen was in a discussion of losing your virginity, and whether oral/anal/handjobs counted. Being AVEN, there was a school of thought that even having PIV didn't count as losing your virginity if you didn't feel like it should...

 

By that chart, you could be naked with someone in the same room as you, clothed, with  headset on gaming and ignoring you entirely, and if you felt like you were having sex, you're having sex. So not great.

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NoLongerActive1234
9 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

 

Oh please, don't give the 'redefine everything as you go' crew any ideas...

 

The nearest I've seen was in a discussion of losing your virginity, and whether oral/anal/handjobs counted. Being AVEN, there was a school of thought that even having PIV didn't count as losing your virginity if you didn't feel like it should...

 

By that chart, you could be naked with someone in the same room as you, clothed, with  headset on gaming and ignoring you entirely, and if you felt like you were having sex, you're having sex. So not great.

That sounds more like someone's personal feelings towards having had sex a first time or something and it feeling like a mistake hence not calling it having been sex to them personally. I used to say something similar to my first kiss because it was horrid and I tend to count my second one as the actual, true first kiss.

Not sure if it has already been mention btw but of course there is the sex via prostitution route as well.

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Telecaster68
6 minutes ago, MistySpring said:

That sounds more like someone's personal feelings towards having had sex a first time or something and it feeling like a mistake hence not calling it having been sex to them personally. I used to say something similar to my first kiss because it was horrid and I tend to count my second one as the actual, true first kiss.

Yeah, that's exactly what it was, and the poster in question had to be humoured, since this is AVEN and her status as 'virgin' shouldn't be invalidated.

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