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Telecaster68

List different kinds of sex (All the TMI, hopefully...)

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vega57
17 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

The point of the list is to describe the different situations especially in terms of how sex can mean different things in different situations, rather than just list them. It's hard to describe them if you've never done them, and I haven't swung or been to an orgy.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/237-reasons-to-have-sex/

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Telecaster68

Although, it links to the top twenty, by male and female. They're very similar.

 

Male:

 

1. I was attracted to the person.
2. It feels good.
3. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
4. It’s fun.
5. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
7. I was ‘‘horny’’.
8. I wanted to express my love for the person.
9. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
10. I wanted to please my partner.
11. The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
12. I wanted the pure pleasure.
13. I was ‘‘in the heat of the moment’’.
14. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
15. It’s exciting, adventurous.
16. The person had a desirable body.
17. I realized I was in love.
18. The person had an attractive face.
19. The person really desired me.
20. I wanted the adventure/excitement.

 

Female

 

1. I was attracted to the person.
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
3. It feels good.
4. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
5. I wanted to express my love for the person.
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
7. I was ‘‘horny’’.
8. It’s fun.
9. I realized I was in love.
10. I was ‘‘in the heat of the moment’’.
11. I wanted to please my partner.
12. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
13. I wanted the pure pleasure.
14. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
15. It’s exciting, adventurous.
16. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
17. The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
18. It was a romantic setting.
19. The person really desired me.
20. The person made me feel sexy.

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vega57
5 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

Some of these are sad... 

I know.  :(  Makes me wonder about all of the different combinations.  I mean, partner 'A' may be having sex because they're afraid of 'losing' their partner, while their partner may be having sex because sex puts them to sleep.  Talk about a disconnection! 

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vega57
Just now, Jade Cross said:

How does cyber/phone not constitute sex if its the same equation: 2 people + interacrion + stimulation = aiming to find release?  

I believe the question had to do with whether or not sex could be done without touching each other

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Telecaster68
Just now, Jade Cross said:

How does cyber/phone not constitute sex if its the same equation: 2 people + interacrion + stimulation = aiming to find release?  

You could say it is sex, but because it's not physically touching, some people will make that distinction. It's definitely really different, and less immersive.

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Snao van der Cone
3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Although, it links to the top twenty, by male and female. They're very similar.

 

Male:

 

1. I was attracted to the person.
2. It feels good.
3. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
4. It’s fun.
5. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
7. I was ‘‘horny’’.
8. I wanted to express my love for the person.
9. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
10. I wanted to please my partner.
11. The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
12. I wanted the pure pleasure.
13. I was ‘‘in the heat of the moment’’.
14. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
15. It’s exciting, adventurous.
16. The person had a desirable body.
17. I realized I was in love.
18. The person had an attractive face.
19. The person really desired me.
20. I wanted the adventure/excitement.

 

Female

 

1. I was attracted to the person.
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
3. It feels good.
4. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
5. I wanted to express my love for the person.
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
7. I was ‘‘horny’’.
8. It’s fun.
9. I realized I was in love.
10. I was ‘‘in the heat of the moment’’.
11. I wanted to please my partner.
12. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
13. I wanted the pure pleasure.
14. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
15. It’s exciting, adventurous.
16. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
17. The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
18. It was a romantic setting.
19. The person really desired me.
20. The person made me feel sexy.

It's not clear if these are top 20 based on favourite reasons, or most frequent reasons. Ideally those would be the same thing, of course. I would imagine, though, that women have sex for the more negative reasons more often than men do.

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Telecaster68
4 minutes ago, vega57 said:

I know.  :(  Makes me wonder about all of the different combinations.  I mean, partner 'A' may be having sex because they're afraid of 'losing' their partner, while their partner may be having sex because sex puts them to sleep.  Talk about a disconnection! 

I doubt would actually happen in that particular combination - presumably the person only having sex to avoid losing their partner wouldn't be bothered by not having sex, and their partner would be too tired to bother about it much, or just masturbate, since it would have much the same effect.

 

There was certainly nothing like either of those reasons in the top twenty.

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Telecaster68
2 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

It's not clear if these are top 20 based on favourite reasons, or most frequent reasons. Ideally those would be the same thing, of course

It looks to me that it's the result of content analysis, bracketing the responses that essentially meaning 'I was attracted to the person' together (the phrases are the same in both lists, which means they're kind of themes, not verbatim), which would mean the list is probably based on the number of responses bracketed under each phrase.

 

4 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I would imagine, though, that women have sex for the more negative reasons more often than men do.

Why on earth would you make that assumption?

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Telecaster68
Just now, Jade Cross said:

But if it achieves the sort of bonding (to some level) as whats often said to be sought out through physical sex, then whats the difference?

The bonding isn't as intense without touch and physically being in the same space together.

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vega57
Just now, Jade Cross said:

But if it achieves the sort of bonding (to some level) as whats often said to be sought out through physical sex, then whats the difference?

People don't always have sex--any kind of sex--in order to 'bond'. 

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Telecaster68
Just now, vega57 said:

People don't always have sex--any kind of sex--in order to 'bond'. 

No but other than one-offs and paying, it's really unusual if it doesn't happen to a degree. I don't mean great romantic loves, just in the way that sharing something exclusively with one other person will bond any two people together.

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Telecaster68
1 minute ago, Jade Cross said:

Number 19 on mens top reasons make no sense to me. The fact that you're desired has to automatically mean that you should reciprocate it? Isnt that similar to the "Im interested in you"/"Im not scenario"?

It can be flattering and a turn on to have someone interested you, and could tip the shall I/shan't I balance, particularly if you're generally horny and on the look out anyway.

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vega57
5 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

But its still sex isnt it? Bonding or no bonding its the same activity, more or less.

I guess it depends on the definition of "sex".  Some people believe that "sex" is defined as nothing more than heterosexual intercourse  without the use of a condom.   If you use a condom, it's not really "sex".   

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Snao van der Cone
5 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Why on earth would you make that assumption?

It's based on anecdotal evidence from other people, so feel free to sprinkle grains of salt. I've heard more examples of women feeling pressured or obligated both within a relationship and in a casual setting. With recent high profile exposés opening up conversations on compromising sexual situations, more women have been coming out with stories like "I had sex because I thought there would be worse consequences for backing down at that point." I'm not saying this in an accusatory way towards men, by the way. I just know from talking with (straight) women about sex that they have encountered situations where they go long with sex for not very sexual reasons. I'm sure it happens to some men as well, and I can understand if they find it difficult to open up about it for reasons specific to gendered expectations - I would just be very surprised if the prevalence was equal between men and women (in hetero circumstances).

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Snao van der Cone
1 minute ago, vega57 said:

I guess it depends on the definition of "sex".  Some people believe that "sex" is defined as nothing more than heterosexual intercourse  without the use of a condom.   If you use a condom, it's not really "sex".   

Side note, this is ridiculous.

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vega57
8 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

No but other than one-offs and paying, it's really unusual if it doesn't happen to a degree. I don't mean great romantic loves, just in the way that sharing something exclusively with one other person will bond any two people together.

Not sure if this is true.  From what I understand, it's usually the female who will be more likely to 'bond' than her male counterpart, simply because of the type of chemicals released in the male/female brains during sex.  The main chemical released in women is oxytocin, whereas the main chemical released in men is dopamine. 

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vega57
11 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

Side note, this is ridiculous.

:lol:  Once you've read these forums every day for 20 years, nothing really surprises me anymore.  You'd be amazed at what some people believe...or, at least what they want *us* to believe, in order to get out of trouble!  ("Is Oral Sex REALLY "Sex"?   Or, how about, "If I have Intercourse, but do NOT have an orgasm, it doesn't 'count' as sex!"  :blink:)

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Telecaster68
13 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

It's based on anecdotal evidence from other people, so feel free to sprinkle grains of salt. I've heard more examples of women feeling pressured or obligated both within a relationship and in a casual setting. With recent high profile exposés opening up conversations on compromising sexual situations, more women have been coming out with stories like "I had sex because I thought there would be worse consequences for backing down at that point." I'm not saying this in an accusatory way towards men, by the way. I just know from talking with (straight) women about sex that they have encountered situations where they go long with sex for not very sexual reasons. I'm sure it happens to some men as well, and I can understand if they find it difficult to open up about it for reasons specific to gendered expectations - I would just be very surprised if the prevalence was equal between men and women (in hetero circumstances).

Maybe, but you're bracketing assault with 'having sex less than enthusiastically' which is a bit dodgy to me.

 

I also think that within an established relationship, where agreement to have sex might be more like 'oh, well, I was actually really into this book, but yeah, fine, that'd be okay if you want and I don't want you to feel rejected', it can sound like some subtle element of co-ercion when spelled out, whereas sexuals are far less worried about it. I've definitely been in a situation where I'd just as rather read a book, but my partner was initiating, and it wasn't for a moment anything like co-ercion, or out of fear of losing her. I just didn't want to make her feel crap by turning her down, even though there'd be no consequences beyond that and I easily could've done.

 

Clearly where there's a power relationship that one side is keen to abuse, it's a different ball game, and for safety's sake, it's better to veer towards the whole enthusiastic consent thing when it's dating/hookups etc., and 'no' means no. But things are far more nuanced and complicated in long term relationships.

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Evren
3 hours ago, Thea2 said:

:lol:  Methinks, in the imagination store where he got the five some too. 

Oh no he did actually have one, I know two of the four other people, and they have assured me of it.

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vega57
1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

Maybe, but you're bracketing assault with 'having sex less than enthusiastically' which is a bit dodgy to me.

The "consequences" for backing down don't always mean assault.  Could be that the consequences include the loss of a job, or threats to divorce and take their children away from them, for example, or that the person will spread lies and gossip about you. 

 

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Telecaster68
7 minutes ago, vega57 said:

Not sure if this is true.  From what I understand, it's usually the female who will be more likely to 'bond' than her male counterpart, simply because of the type of chemicals released in the male/female brains during sex.  The main chemical released in women is oxytocin, whereas the main chemical released in men is dopamine. 

I just had a quick search on that differing levels thing, and the best I could find was a report of a study on bustle.com that said oxytocin may not work as well the more testosterone you have, so since men have more testosterone than women, I guess they may feel less of an effect. Have you got something different?

 

As a man, I'd suggest there's a strong cultural element happening there as well. Even relatively pinko commie liberal feminist types tend not to emote about stuff like that as much as women are.

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vega57
3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I just had a quick search on that differing levels thing, and the best I could find was a report of a study on bustle.com that said oxytocin may not work as well the more testosterone you have, so since men have more testosterone than women, I guess they may feel less of an effect. Have you got something different?

 

As a man, I'd suggest there's a strong cultural element happening there as well. Even relatively pinko commie liberal feminist types tend not to emote about stuff like that as much as women are.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2031498/Sex-Why-makes-women-fall-love--just-makes-men-want-MORE.html

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Telecaster68
4 minutes ago, vega57 said:

The "consequences" for backing down don't always mean assault.  Could be that the consequences include the loss of a job, or threats to divorce and take their children away from them, for example, or that the person will spread lies and gossip about you. 

 

I meant sex without freely given consent is assault in itself - it's coerced, and absolutely that coercion could consist of, say, threatening to stop that person ever working in Hollywood again.

 

But say in a long term relationship, is knowing a partner will be miserable and not much fun to be with if they don't have sex co-ercion? Because pretty often, that's what it boils down to. Clearly either partner has the absolute right to make their own decision, but all decisions have consequences, and not liking them doesn't make something co-ercion. 

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Snao van der Cone
1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

Maybe, but you're bracketing assault with 'having sex less than enthusiastically' which is a bit dodgy to me.

No I'm not.

 

3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I also think that within an established relationship, where agreement to have sex might be more like 'oh, well, I was actually really into this book, but yeah, fine, that'd be okay if you want and I don't want you to feel rejected', it can sound like some subtle element of co-ercion when spelled out, whereas sexuals are far less worried about it. I've definitely been in a situation where I'd just as rather read a book, but my partner was initiating, and it was for a moment anything like co-ercion, or out of fear of losing her. I just didn't want to make her feel crap by turning her down, even though there'd be no consequences beyond that and I easily could've done.

I see this as different circumstances from going along with sex to avoid any potential backlash. Established relationships may have a habit, or a sense of doing favours for each other by going along with the partner's mood. I don't think it's a bad thing for partners who are not in the mood to do this if they really don't mind it in the long run.

 

9 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Clearly where there's a power relationship that one side is keen to abuse, it's a different ball game, and for safety's sake, it's better to veer towards the whole enthusiastic consent thing when it's dating/hookups etc., and 'no' means no. But things are far more nuanced and complicated in long term relationships.

 

Yeah, that's how I see it from my (albeit outside) perspective. I don't think the phrase "enthusiastic consent" recognizes how situations like these, where a non-horny partner is fine with going along with it at that time, are still valid expressions of love and not really in grey territory on a moral level. In a committed long term relationship, the balance of power is less dependent on overall societal roles or expectations of how a sexual partner might react. It sucks for everyone, but I'd imagine it's more common for it to suck for a woman because she felt obligated to have sex she didn't want to have, while it's more common for it to suck for a man because he'd feel bad that she wasn't as into it. I've been in sexual situations with very attentive men who check in on my level of interest, and have even stopped because I didn't seem that into it (which, you know, should've been sign of my asexuality, but that's another topic), but not all men do that, or can sense discomfort or disinterest.

 

Basically, the point I getting at is that outside of well established relationships there are gaps in the scripts we're taught that result in sex that one person isn't all that into, and that happens to women more than men.

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