Haunted by Cat-Calling (TW)

[OpenAce]

Sorry, this is really long...
Ok, first: If you like being cat called, if it makes you feel good, or whatever- that's great, good for you. This thread is not really aimed at you, though obviously I can't stop you from posting.

Also, if you cat call people, again, this thread is not aimed at you either- I am not interested in having an argument about whether or not its a compliment.

So, got that out the way, just so there's hopefully no arguments...

 

I would go out on a limb and say that most people probably don't like being cat-called, however, I as a sex-repulsed ace find that it affects me more than others I see.

I'm lucky in that where I live there isn't a 'cat-calling culture'- there aren't guys calling you down every street. The closest I've been to being cat-called is in school, high school. I've been whistled at twice (one repeatedly over 5 minutes), and the more troubling one happened last year (2017).

It was lunch break and I was watching my friends play handball and another, younger student (maybe 2 grades younger than me) came up to me, I didnt know him, so I felt a bit confused as to why he was there. He pretty much said, "You have really nice tits/breasts" And I was so shocked, the only response I had was "ahh... thanks..." Like, I thought i was prepared for that- I had written angry retorts in my head when for when this happened, but then it did, and I could do absolutely nothing.

I remember being distracted for the rest of the day and walking around in a jacket with my arms crossed across my chest. I also clearly remember going home that afternoon and googling ‘how to make breasts smaller’.

OK, in case anyone was wondering, my breasts are proportionate to the rest of me, I’m tall and a few Kg overweight (by a few, i literally mean just a few) so they're definitely there, but in my opinion don't really stand out compared to the rest of me. (though obviously, nothing excuses that behaviour). My school has a uniform policy and I was wearing the correct uniform- a polo-shirt style shirt and sports shorts.

And that leads me to where i am now, about 5 months later, I cannot get it out of my head. I still imagine what I wish I’d said, and play it over and over again. I aim to look slightly less feminine when going out to avoid that sexual attention and objectification. I also have an eating disorder (EDNOS/ OSFED) [For me I have episodes of restriction, lasting about 2 wks at a time, with 2-3 wks normal eating in-between] and what can trigger an episode or make one worse is thinking about/being reminded of that comment. Weight-loss can make breasts smaller (you lose fat everywhere, including in breasts). Did it start my ED? No. Does it make it worse? Yes.

 

Idk what I’m really saying or asking… has anyone else been this affected by being cat called or similar? Thanks.

[Euna]

First off, I'm really sorry to hear you experienced this.  I've been cat-called, though nothing as explicit and blatantly inappropriate.  It always seems to happen when you're off guard and they know they'll get away with it.

 

One time I was in the grocery store parking lot, getting out of my car.  Suddenly I realized another car had pulled up alongside.  The driver had his window rolled down; he grinned and said "you're really pretty."  The words weren't creepy, but the way he said them was, and of course he had been watching me before that.  I was scared to come back out to my car later (thankfully he'd left).  I felt sick the rest of the day.

 

I had a couple of similar, humiliating experiences as a child, so when this happens part of me relives that and it makes me angry.  I learned early on how selfish some people are and how they don't care if they hurt you emotionally... no wonder I'm cynical.    Like you, I try to dress less cute/feminine.  (I don't believe in changing myself out of fear, but I hate it that much.)

 

I hope things get better for you soon.  It is hard to get rid of a comment like that, but remember it's not truly a reflection of you.  It's someone else's pathetic attempt at gaining attention for themselves.

 

[skyedive]

Sorry to hear you've experienced this

I've had inappropriate comments directed at me as well. What I get from strangers is usually something along the lines of "Hello, gorgeous". I tend to ignore this and walk away. It makes me very uncomfortable, but it doesn't haunt me much. Much worse for me are the people who aren't strangers and who I can't avoid who tell me things like how distracting I'll be in summer when I'm wearing little, or better yet, no clothing or to just strip if the room is too hot for me. I never quite know how to react either I get anxiety attacks about having to be around those people and am never quite comfortable around them again. It's also made me wish I could be less attractive to those guys. Mostly my discomfort is directed at my hair (wanting to get a buzz cut to appear less feminine) and face (wanting it to be less pretty and feminine somehow). I do dress in form fitting t-shirts a lot, but somehow I feel like if my face were less appealing to these guys, maybe the body and clothes wouldn't matter so much. I'm probably wrong.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

When I went to London at first, in the 1980s, I was walking along the road to work in a t shirt and jeans when an old guy came up to me and said 'Nice Bristols!' (Bristol city=titty). I was so shocked that I let him get away before I could berate him loudly. Then a couple of years later, I was sitting on the bus when another old guy sat next to me and when he went to get up at his stop he consciously put his hand on my groin then legged it before I could catch him. Today, neither would get off at all never mind lightly for that! But at 20 something, and in a previous era, it was a tough call.

 

I'd say to you in the light of events in my life, you can't go back and change what happened, but you can galvanise yourself into a state of mind that will not accept any more of it, so next time (and I hope there won't be a next time), put all that suppressed rage into the next loser who tries it on and fully 'out ' them to whoever is around and able to listen. Tell everyone loudly what they've done, how unacceptable it is and how they should get help for their 'problem'. If you say it loud enough, they may be shamed into changing their behaviour. 

There's a lot to be said for Testosterone-lowering medications! Good luck!

[OpenAce]

13 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

I'd say to you in the light of events in my life, you can't go back and change what happened, but you can galvanise yourself into a state of mind that will not accept any more of it, so next time (and I hope there won't be a next time), put all that suppressed rage into the next loser who tries it on and fully 'out ' them to whoever is around and able to listen. Tell everyone loudly what they've done, how unacceptable it is and how they should get help for their 'problem'. If you say it loud enough, they may be shamed into changing their behaviour. 

I'll have to start a list of intellectual insults and shaming comments - keep it on me so I can let it off at them next time.

 

And thanks for your responses everyone, sorry that you've all experienced this too

 

[Rhaenys]

I've been cat called everyday for 4 years walking to my university to a point people put up signs on the posters. I don't look feminine and it's never stopped them. Once you have a vagina some guys take it as an excuse to do as they please.

I don't really care once they don't follow me cause it's happened before.

[EggplantWitch]

If you're perceived as feminine and aren't particularly ugly, you will get cat-called. If you're perceived as feminine and are ugly you will get shouted at and harassed for that instead.  Doesn't matter how fat you are, doesn't matter how big your boobs are. There is no way to win.

 

Which is completely and utterly infuriating and neither you nor anyone else deserve to be verbally harassed in public. I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you and that it makes your disorder so much worse. I've never been catcalled but I live in constant fear of being shouted at or even attacked for being unattractive, so I'm going to take up kickboxing. I want to feel like if I was ever approached like that I could make them a threat I could act upon. I think it's a good thing for any woman to do, as ludicrous as it is that any of us feel like we have to resort to it. It's good for your physical health and even if you never have to use any self-defense techniques in public chances are you'll feel a lot more confident knowing you damn well could. That's my logic, anyway! But maybe I just have too many years of repressed anger making me overeager to rip off a man's testicles at the first chance I get.

[Albine]

guys are jerks sorry you had the experience very immature behavior hopefully it was done by young boys or younger men and hoped they would grow out of it. Nobody feel good about being cat called and usually the guys doing it as real losers.