yeur Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I'm a cisgender/asexual/homoromantic female, and it's fine. I like my name, people using female pronouns is fine, people knowing me as a girl, overall, is fine. But the same time, I don't like being a girl? Especially when it comes to the physical aspects of it (breasts, hips, menstruation, etc). I also don't like the thought of being in a relationship as a female? Maybe it's because of social constructs but the idea of being someone's girlfriend is odd, even though I want a boyfriend. I feel like I'd be more comfortable being in a relationship if I were a male, but that's just me thinking so who knows. I've been scrolling through FTM transformations and I'm SO jealous of how the men look after their surgeries, which is causing a lot of confusion regarding who and what I want to be. I've always wanted to be more androgynous but I feel like this is a bit more extreme. Is there anyone else who can relate and/or is there any advice you would give? Link to post Share on other sites
Just Somebody Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 You don't need to be a (trans) man to have a masculine body, we're in the 21th century, women are not obligated to shut up and agree to that bitch mother nature. You want get rid of these bags of fat magnets of pain ? Try minimizing them, hiding, binding , try losing weight, if that doesn't solve the problem, go for a reduction, if that doesn't solve the problem go all the way for top surgery. Don't want PMS, blood stains and painful cramps ? Take birth control injections, if that doesn't help , go to low dose HRT or better , surgery. Don't want that weak petite body ? Go for HRT, go exercise, go supplements. There's not wrong with being a gender non-conforming cis girl. butches , tomboyish, androgynous and genderqueery girls don't need to conform to society's nor to nature's standards of femininity, only to their own standards of happiness, what are you waiting for ? Nothing wrong with prince charming being a lady. As for gender identity, it's whatever you feel like calling yourself in the moment, it's literally words you wanna hear by the moment (the reasons behind that doesn't matter). It's OK to change and experiment with gender, I'm genderfluid myself and I change all the time. If you feel better saying "I'm a boy" more than saying "I'm a girl" by the moment, you're very likely an Ftm for now. Now if you tell me sometimes saying "I'm a girl" feels better, I would consider being genderfluid with a masculine gender expression. You don't have to neglect your feminine name or mannerisms even if you assume a new identity, it's fine to keep them if they bring you comfort. And seriously if you feel like a boy just bc you wanna date gay dudes, keep in mind that there's men out there who can love you regardless of your identity. Have a good day. Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Your words remind me of some of my early stages of gender questioning. I needed 4+ years of intense questioning to figure out my identity, and I was only able to come out to myself as a man once I knew that transition was necessary to preserve my mental health. My gender identity is very strongly founded on the medical side of things: I needed my brain and body to function on testosterone, and I needed to undo the damage estrogen did to me. If there is anything I can say, it's that gender questioning can take time, and sometimes, getting to know yourself has to come in small increments. Heck, I privately questioned if I was androgyne for a while. Honestly, my attitude about so many things in life even started shifting within my transition, like my attitude toward bottom growth/bottom surgery, my thoughts on kids, my reaction to hearing my birthname or being misgendered, and even my understanding of gender issues within different cultures. You could be a cis woman, a trans man, or perhaps you fit somewhere else on/outside the gender spectrum. Questioning is the only way to really figure that out, and some people need longer than others to process everything. Just go at your own pace. Link to post Share on other sites
Starbogen Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I agree with Mezzo Forte. To me this sounds like the beginnings of questioning your gender too and it reminds me a bit of how I thought some years ago. I also thought I must be a cis female but at the same time didn't like being one and wanted to look more like men. So yeah, I also think you could just be an unusual/non conforming cis female or you could be something else.. A trans man or a non binary person. Questioning is a difficult and long path but if this is something you think about a lot or that bothers you in life then it might be good for figuring out what fits best for you. Also.. I have a question about something you said in your post... You said you're a homoromantic female but then said you want a boyfriend? What do you mean by that, if you don't mind me asking? Link to post Share on other sites
:)(: Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I am just going to say I am in the same boat. I have been binding since I got a chest using a bra and...but I hat everything else like beards and male looking organs. But I love being called my last name and would enjoy cross dressing and being mistaken for a boy?? Life is confusing... Link to post Share on other sites
Just Somebody Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 3 hours ago, :)(: said: I am just going to say I am in the same boat. I have been binding since I got a chest using a bra and...but I hat everything else like beards and male looking organs. But I love being called my last name and would enjoy cross dressing and being mistaken for a boy?? Life is confusing... maybe you like to present as a boy instead of being a boy. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 11 hours ago, jeong.money said: Especially when it comes to the physical aspects of it (breasts, hips, menstruation, etc). I really think the only benefit of being physically female is that I heard we have a lower center of gravity thus better balance in general. Being smaller, on average, might be beneficial if you find yourself having to squeeze through tight spaces. Not having external genitalia is pretty great. Oh an I think women, on average, have longer natural life spans than men. But yeah, being physically male has far more benefits. Like if I were an alien who got a video game called Humans, men would definitely have better physical stats and I would just one of them as my avatar. 11 hours ago, jeong.money said: I also don't like the thought of being in a relationship as a female? Maybe it's because of social constructs but the idea of being someone's girlfriend is odd, even though I want a boyfriend. That could be because with the way life is, women are still often seen as below men even if it's not expressly stated. I think that's why lots of women get all hype about male x male stories. They're equal - less threatening to each other, perhaps. A friend of mine did a whole research thing about the popularity of gay fiction written by women for women. Just what I've observed in general. Of course for most straight women who have that point of view, their attraction towards men in general overrides that societal context at some point. All that being said, if I could wake up looking outwardly like a man and could change my name that would be great. As it is, that's really not just in the cards for me. They say grass always seems greener on the other side, but I truly do think my life goals would be more easily reached as a man. It sucks. Luckily gender equality keeps inching its way a long... century by century... I'm lucky to have been born when I was. But oh the possibilities if I could fool the masses... Link to post Share on other sites
:)(: Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 1 hour ago, Just Somebody said: maybe you like to present as a boy instead of being a boy. What is the difference? I am Genuinely confused .... Link to post Share on other sites
Just Somebody Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 25 minutes ago, :)(: said: What is the difference? I am Genuinely confused .... Looking like a boy doesn't mean you're a boy. Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I kinda relate! Though it's more of a clothes issue for me since I'm already small chested and have a not-curvy waist. like to wear guy's clothes because they're comfortable and pockets are nice... but my mom and grandma want me to be like "a pretty lady who wears makeup and all that jazz." The thing I hate MOST about being a girl: nobody takes me seriously. I mountain bike, do all sorts of dares, hurdle everything in my path, and have a boyish playfulness about me. I play video games and work on ethereal music with either no lyrics or lyrics about passion for life. My dad can't come to terms with the fact that his daughter is braver than him, so he won't let me do fun stuff or see scary movies. Tips for being more boyish: Birth control pills reduce the period problems (though check with a doctor Wearing a tight sports bra helps reduce jiggle Walk in a very stiff hipped way. Put a little distance between your feet as to have a "man stance" I'm sorry if I don't have lots of advice but I hope this helps!! Link to post Share on other sites
Just Somebody Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 12 minutes ago, StormySky said: I kinda relate! Though it's more of a clothes issue for me since I'm already small chested and have a not-curvy waist. like to wear guy's clothes because they're comfortable and pockets are nice... but my mom and grandma want me to be like "a pretty lady who wears makeup and all that jazz." The thing I hate MOST about being a girl: nobody takes me seriously. I mountain bike, do all sorts of dares, hurdle everything in my path, and have a boyish playfulness about me. I play video games and work on ethereal music with either no lyrics or lyrics about passion for life. My dad can't come to terms with the fact that his daughter is braver than him, so he won't let me do fun stuff or see scary movies. Tips for being more boyish: Birth control pills reduce the period problems (though check with a doctor Wearing a tight sports bra helps reduce jiggle Walk in a very stiff hipped way. Put a little distance between your feet as to have a "man stance" I'm sorry if I don't have lots of advice but I hope this helps!! Just to mention, do not take birth control if it has estrogen in it . If the bra hurts, if you're sick or if you can't breath properly , take it off. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenAce Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I can kinda relate- I 100% identify as a cis female, but I guess my gender expression is slightly masculine as well (I'm very tom-boyish). I often wish I had a slightly less feminine body (smaller breasts, less 'curveyness', if i could not have periods that'd be great) but that's mostly a reflection of wanting to avoid sexual attention from others (being cat-called is awful for anyone, but as a sex-repulsed ace it haunts me). As for tips, sorry, don't really have any other than drink lots of water on your period- it'll go quicker... Link to post Share on other sites
yeur Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 10 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said: I really think the only benefit of being physically female is that I heard we have a lower center of gravity thus better balance in general. Being smaller, on average, might be beneficial if you find yourself having to squeeze through tight spaces. Not having external genitalia is pretty great. Oh an I think women, on average, have longer natural life spans than men. But yeah, being physically male has far more benefits. Like if I were an alien who got a video game called Humans, men would definitely have better physical stats and I would just one of them as my avatar. Right?! I have a lot of friends who play sports, are in the military, and just a lot of guy friends in general, and I'm very envious of their physical appearances and abilities. 10 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said: That could be because with the way life is, women are still often seen as below men even if it's not expressly stated. I think that's why lots of women get all hype about male x male stories. They're equal - less threatening to each other, perhaps. A friend of mine did a whole research thing about the popularity of gay fiction written by women for women. Just what I've observed in general. Of course for most straight women who have that point of view, their attraction towards men in general overrides that societal context at some point. This actually makes a lot of sense. The idea of being someone's "girl" isn't all too appealing to me, mostly because I'm not anyone's anything. I can be in a relationship and still be an individual/independent person. Thanks for your reply! I really appreciate it, it helps knowing that there are other people who feel similarly. Link to post Share on other sites
yeur Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 2 minutes ago, OpenAce said: I can kinda relate- I 100% identify as a cis female, but I guess my gender expression is slightly masculine as well (I'm very tom-boyish). I often wish I had a slightly less feminine body (smaller breasts, less 'curveyness', if i could not have periods that'd be great) but that's mostly a reflection of wanting to avoid sexual attention from others (being cat-called is awful for anyone, but as a sex-repulsed ace it haunts me). As for tips, sorry, don't really have any other than drink lots of water on your period- it'll go quicker... I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with catcalling : ( Stay safe! Thank you for replying, its good to know there are people who understand! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyLor Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 It's nice to see a post like this and seeing the replies when I was just about to post something similar! I've also began questioning my gender a lot recently, but I think I've found where I lay, androgynous. I've been looking at binders and might purchase one soon to see if it helps any of the disconnect I've been feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple_Panda Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 @jeong.money, I'm questioning my gender right now. Have you thought about finding someone to talk to about what you're experiencing? Link to post Share on other sites
TKD4 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 I can relate to this as well! I've never been super girly: I didn't wear a dress from the time I was 5 until my high school prom, never worn heels, never work make-up, never done anything with my hair other than brush it and put it in a ponytail/bun (and recently cut it really short), have always been super athletic and have an athletic build, and so many other things lol. I've always worn more guy-ish type clothes. A lot of my wardrobe actually comes from the men's section. Even my nicer clothes are usually slacks with a polo or a button-down. That all being said, I've always been labeled a tomboy growing up. However, 'tomboy' has never felt exactly right to me but at the same time, I identify as a girl, use she/her pronouns, go by my birth name and when I get mistaken for a guy and called he/sir that doesn't feel right either. So I guess I do identify as female, just not what society's image of a what a female should look and act like. I'd suggest looking into some different identities that fall under the non-binary umbrella. Personally, I've been taking a liking to greygender specifically. It's something I feel fits me a lot better than just 'tomboy.' If I do decide to identify as that it'll probably be a label that's mostly for me, it gives me a better understanding of myself and my feelings and since I'm good with my name and she/her pronouns, I figure I don't need to tell anyone else if I don't want or have to. Try not to stress too much about it, you don't have to figure yourself out overnight! Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I'm not sure where to put this, but I'm a little confused. I'm already not-curvy and small chested and I'm cool with that, and I don't want to be more masculine, but I've realized that I "think" like a boy and act like a boy a little much to the point it confuses female friends. My handwriting is masculine, I seem to be innately driven to take risks, and I walk and talk in a very "unfemmenite" way. I also have a style of immaturity that mimicks the "freshman boy horseplay" minus sex jokes. I'm mistaken for a guy sometimes and it's like "huh. Cool." I don't feel bad about my body, or the fact that people call me "she." Certain people in my life call me "lady" and I don't feel bad about it (except when I realize "lady" is a grown up term) Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Just now, StormySky said: I'm not sure where to put this, but I'm a little confused. I'm already not-curvy and small chested and I'm cool with that, and I don't want to be more masculine, but I've realized that I "think" like a boy and act like a boy a little much to the point it confuses female friends. My handwriting is masculine, I seem to be innately driven to take risks, and I walk and talk in a very "unfemmenite" way. I also have a style of immaturity that mimicks the "freshman boy horseplay" minus sex jokes. I'm mistaken for a guy sometimes and it's like "huh. Cool." I don't feel bad about my body, or the fact that people call me "she." Certain people in my life call me "lady" and I don't feel bad about it (except when I realize "lady" is a grown up term) To me, there is no such thing as thinking or acting "like a boy". It's only stereotypes that cause certain traits to be associated with males. Basically, a girl is a girl no matter how "masculine" she is, as long as she identifies as one. Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Just now, TheAP said: To me, there is no such thing as thinking or acting "like a boy". It's only stereotypes that cause certain traits to be associated with males. Basically, a girl is a girl no matter how "masculine" she is, as long as she identifies as one. Yeah, maybe it's my school's (psychology and sociology classes) emphasis on "guys think like this, girls think like this" But it's majority trends, in a very gendered society. I guess I'm an outlier. Link to post Share on other sites
Tortuga Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Whenever this matter pops up, I agree with @TheAP. Basically, scr3w gender stereotypes. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I can relate so much to what you say there! I'm as girly as can be but i just love to be seen as a girly boy. Transitioning has never been on my mind, ever but i'm sometimes sooo jealous of those who do transition XD but i can't bring myself to actually transition as i don't care that much about my body that i need that change either but hey, it's definetly good to look into binders and stuff to get a more androgynous look to start with and see how it goes from there. For me, i tried binders but i couldn't really appriciate the effect it had on me so i changed into using frogshaped sportsbra's, tops only and baggy sweaters wich usually work for me. Try shopping in the men's section for anything that could help you get that look! On 19-1-2018 at 1:24 AM, TheAP said: To me, there is no such thing as thinking or acting "like a boy". It's only stereotypes that cause certain traits to be associated with males. Basically, a girl is a girl no matter how "masculine" she is, as long as she identifies as one. For me you there is no such thing as stereotypes in my book. I threw that overboard along time ago when i started to work for a truck builder as a insecure 27 year old XD. Spending too much time worrying about stereo types really keep you from living your dreams, so. I don't act like a boy or a girl, I either am a boy or a girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.