Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

dyyanae

A Pretty Pickle

Recommended Posts

dyyanae

as my grandmother used to say...

So. We were talking a while ago about what might happen to those of us without a life partner if the time ever comes that we need some care.

I guess I'm getting my 'preview' now. Last week I had a rather nasty surprise and ended up in the hospital with a coronary blockage. I will be fine, recovery should be nearly 100%. But I must admit, this first week home has been a bit of a 'challenge' :)

Sure, people tell me, "take it easy". But I don't see them here getting the groceries and doing laundry. There are some things in life that have to be done, no matter what. Not to worry, I'm handling everything well! (it's mostly a matter of spreading it all out and taking my time with each thing etc... )

But I did get thinking yesterday that I almost wish I could make some kind of 'marriage of convenience' :) Of course, I really don't have anything tangible to offer someone so that's never gonna happen, but it's become my new daydream :lol:

For a few of the bigger tasks that I never got a chance to do (bring the air-conditioners out of storage, paint windowsills etc...) I have discovered there is a county volunteer service that will assist with those types of things. So, if we don't have family, at least in some areas maybe we older singles can look to community. I spend quite a bit of time as a volunteer myself, so I don't think I'll feel guilty for asking for a little assistance.

Aagh, I know I'm rambling but I think my point is that not having a life partner can be scary and frustrating, but does not have to be an insurmountable obstacle.

Side Rant Because I don't Know Where Else To Put This:

I swear, sometimes I just can't catch a break :x

ONE thing, I did wrong. One. Otherwise... I ate healthy, kept the weight down and got a reasonable amount of excercise. But because of the one thing...I end up having a $#@#$ heart attack!!! Yesterday, I was at the store and I looked around and was surrounded by people I could tell never did a healthy thing in their lives!!! You just knew they were the type to sit in front of the TV all day eating fast food. So why aren't they the ones in the hospital? Nature really stinks sometimes!

End Rant.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
roddy9uk

I can see where you are coming from. It worries me sometimes as I see retirement approaching and "living alone" becomes a major issue (currently I live in my offices so have staff on hand virtually all the time). Yes a "marriage of convenience" bureau would be an excellent idea. Who would be better suited to that than asexuals ?

By the way, don't believe all the propaganda about "the one thing you did wrong". There is a heck of a lot more evidence that some people develop conditions because of genetic tendency than the rather vague statistical "evidence" that, put simply says, "We don't know why so we will blame x...."

Heart attacks happen. No-one really knows why they strike some people and not others. Just remember that , in the end, we ALL die of "heart failure".

roddy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Calla_Lily

hi dyyanae,

sorry to hear about your heart problems, speedy and full recovery to you! with or without health issues, i think having the right partner would be wonderful. there are people who have partners though, who don't get a stitch of help from them when they need it. (i know people married to those types) you certainly get to see who the loyal people in your life are when your health fails, it weeds out the true friends like nothing else! take care of yourself and don't overdo it while you're healing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kbrd143

Of course, even marriages of convinience don't always manage to meet the needs of both parties. Even if both were willing and would never dream of leaving each other, there is always that "Til death do you part" thing, which will leave one or the other right back in the same, gotta' be self-sufficient boat.

At least I know what I am getting myself into -- I know that I shouldn't get my hopes up to high. But, if I had someone around who I would expect to care for me, or at least help out, and then they didn't -- for whatever reason, say, a spouse, or a child -- then I imagine that I would feel much worse about the situation. . .

Feel better, though. . . Let us know how things are going. . .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ziffler

And the thing is with "Marriage of Convenience" You gotta marry someone way younger than you. If you marry someone your own age, more than likely both of you would be down with health problems and still need outside help but would be even harder to find someone to take care of two rather than just one.

Now,, Take it easy, Let your heart rest and get back to 100% soon.

I like that advice except before you have a heart attack they tell you to do cardio vascular exercises which push the heart to its limits. Now does that make any sense? My doc and physical trainer tell me the heart is a muscle and it should be exercised to its limits. I say, hey wait a minute, it is also getting old right along with the rest of me, and if I wear it out early then what will I use when the rest of me want to keep going and it wants to take a rest?

Doctors have no clue as to what causes heart disease or failure. People that smoke all their lives live to be in their 100's and some die in their teens. Some who eat a dozen eggs every morning for breakfast for over 60 years live well into their old age and some who just eat a couple eggs a day get clogged arteries.

So doctors really don't have any real proof of anything. That said, I am still doing the exercising even though I hate it and I'm sorta watching my diet, that means I'm eating right except for eating chocolate, I haven't given up on that yet. LOL. So, I'm trying to do it the way they say, but none of that is a quarrantee. It's all in God's hands and we live as long as He says and we go when He says come home.

So Get well soon and try to take it easy. The work will still be there tomorrow and the next day and the next, so don't try and do it all at one time. It will wait for you.

Ziff

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ziffler

Oh, I forgot our family plan.

It's not really official, it's just different ideas and talks that we have had over the years.

But it basically comes down to I have the old family home. My dad is still with us and he plans on living to be 100 so this plan will be awhile coming, but my sisters and a couple brothers have said that their plan is if they are the survivor in their marriages that they plan on moving in with me in this big house and we all take care of each other. LOL.

Ziff

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cijay
I swear, sometimes I just can't catch a break :x

ONE thing, I did wrong. One. Otherwise... I ate healthy, kept the weight down and got a reasonable amount of excercise. But because of the one thing...I end up having a $#@#$ heart attack!!! Yesterday, I was at the store and I looked around and was surrounded by people I could tell never did a healthy thing in their lives!!! You just knew they were the type to sit in front of the TV all day eating fast food. So why aren't they the ones in the hospital? Nature really stinks sometimes!

End Rant.

My father chain smokes and just sits in front of the telly playing solitaire all day/night. Every now and again he takes time out of his strenuous day to have a 3 or 4 hour nap. He's 72 and his heart & blood pressure are fine. Isn't that unfair? Really, he's just a 'waste'/blob doing nothing and not caring about anyone...and all around me my friends' fathers are dying so young...and yes it's often from smoking/poor eating but their fathers are all so active and happy 'til the last few months. WHAT is keeping my dad alive?

Anyway, dyyanae, don't forget to ASK for help, too. I know that people shouldn't have to wait to BE asked but life gets busy and a lot of people would be willing to run errands and the like if you just ask.

Hope you feel better

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kusan38

I understand how you feel. Even though I'm young relative to most people on this board, the prospect of getting older without a significant other to help support me is terrifying. It's one thing that makes me hate our society--virtually no one wants to spend their life with you without first being your sexual partner. "Marriages of Convenience" really do become an attractive prospect after enough thought.

In any case, good luck completing your recovery and getting everything done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
141822

Yeah I've thought about that a fair bit, the only reason I'd see to getting a marriage would be if it was convenient and beneficial to both of us. Though I could count on my room mates with my life, so there really is no need to run off down the isle quite yet. Having someone there, even their presence in another room can be comforting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tanwen

Sorry to hear about your heartattack dyyanae, and I hope you'll make a good recovery. My uncle suffered a heart attack when he was in his late forties/early fifties (can't quite remember). Everyone expected him to die relatively young, but he outlived all of his brothers and sisters (my dad was considerably younger than him).

He used to say he looked on it as a warning, he did as he was told and took his medication and it worked.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mackat5

I am sorry to hear about your heart attack. Here in Central IL, I work for an organization that helps folks like you stay at home rather than go into a nursing home. I tell people that we help the elderly/disabled. We clean house, run errands, take them to the doctor if necessary and do other items just to make sure they can stay home. The folks pay on a scale, depending on the ability to pay - what they get from Social

Security. I don't know if anything like this is available in your area, but it is something to think about.

Please take care of yourself!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Islander9

Support all other messages & suggestions Dyyannae-

isnt it about time we all started looking at alternative late-age communal structures?

Marriage-of-convenience - no way.

Resthome for any of the family, including self- urk.

Relying on the social props our taxes have/are paying for - not wise.

We generally - once we are into our 50s & 60s - control a bit of equity - so - CHALLENGE! - cant we think of/start up a better way of living out our last few decades?

I'm not coming from a hippy-commune background, nor from what we call a papakaika (marae-centred village for elders) but from an idea one of my nurse-sisters floated (all my sisters are nurses): 'Why dont we get together & look after each other?'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
dyyanae

Thank you everyone for the good thoughts. Sorry that I'm turning into a sort of 'hit and run' poster. It's taking me a little longer to recover than I thought it would, although I will get there. I also forgot to factor in getting used to the new medications which may take awhile. But I hope to be more AVEN-active soon!

isnt it about time we all started looking at alternative late-age communal structures?

Love this idea. Sigh. Too bad I lost all my equity a few years back and have nothing to contribute now (it was a combination of illness and divorce, just about the worst luck a woman in my part of the world can experience). But I still think it's an intriguing idea for others, one that could help with a lot of the issues and concerns of aging.

Mac's group of helpers is a great idea too! We have something similar here, and it's a comfort just to know they are there if I ever really, really end up needing help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...