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Confused and curious


brandybuck

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Hey,

 

I've finally decided to join this site and for a while now I've come to the conclusion that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum (and the aromantic one), but I'm not sure exactly where, and would like to hear someone else's input. I'm a 23 year old girl and I've never been in a relationship before, nor have I had sex, and I'm quite sure I've never experienced full-blown sexual attraction. A lot of things click when I read other ace's stories. I've never understood what the fuss was all about with dating or why a lot of people seemed determined to go from one romantic partner to another. I've never really cared much about societal expectations so I didn't seek to be in a relationship just for the sake of it.  I have found some people appealing, but not in a way I would actually like to put much effort into it, and pretty much figured I was a late bloomer throughout my teens, and thought someone "worthy" might come along eventually and change that. Growing up, I now know my indifference isn't something most sexual people feel.

 

But it gets a bit tricky. I'm not repulsed by sex, actually I find it  quite fascinating, especially since it is such an important part or human life (well, most humans anyway) and I enjoy reading about it, watching it on screen, whether in movies, tv shows and even porn occasionally (whether straight, gay or lesbian). I don't mind talking openly about it, listening to stories or making dirty jokes. I find different kinks and sexualities interesting and I daydream about sex quite often. I also experience arousal from sexual imagery and masturbate regularly, so I do have some sort of a sex drive. The thing it, it's never really personal. If I think about me actually having sex (or touching a person that way), it just feels odd, and a bit cringy, not sure if this is due to inexperience or something else. I find can find both males and females aesthetically pleasing, but it rarely goes beyond that (if it does it's celebrities or fictional characters and it's basically fantasy realm). If I do fantasize about having sex, that person doing it in my head is never 100% me, if that makes sense. It's either some character resembling me or just some random character used to create a scenario. 

 

On the aromantic side of things, I can't really see myself in a romantic relationship, ever more so than having sex. I tend to "flirt" as a joke, but when someone is actually coming on to me I feel very uncomfortable. Most things deemed romantic I find rather boring. Again, I find some relationships interesting (and the idea of romantic love), but most of them I just find unappealing and I rather like being on my own. 

 

I don't really think I'm fully asexual, since there are some glimpses of...something. But I'm not sure where would I fit in the grey area, or if I fit at all. This has been a rather chaotic rant but any opinions would be much appreciated.

 

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Just Somebody

Welcome to AVEN,  some people here identify as aegosexuals, I think you would relate to them.

 

 

Not all aces are sex negative or anti-sex,  some actually enjoy sex,  feel arousal, some feel indifferent, etc.

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I think you might be aromantic grey-asexual. 

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10 minutes ago, Just Somebody said:

Welcome to AVEN,  some people here identify as aegosexuals, I think you would relate to them.

 

 

Not all aces are sex negative or anti-sex,  some actually enjoy sex,  feel arousal, some feel indifferent, etc.

Thank you. Aegosexuality does actually sound relatable atm, though I am still unsure whether I would like to try sex sometime in the future. 

 

I know some aces enjoy sex and have a sex drive, I just haven't encountered many that were so "interested" in it, for lack of a better word.  

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7 minutes ago, caetxln said:

I think you might be aromantic grey-asexual. 

I like to think I might actually experience real sexual attraction to a real person at some point, but who knows. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

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Just Somebody
Just now, brandybuck said:

Thank you. Aegosexuality does actually sound relatable atm, though I am still unsure whether I would like to try sex sometime in the future. 

 

I know some aces enjoy sex and have a sex drive, I just haven't encountered many that were so "interested" in it, for lack of a better word.  

Oh no problem,  I think these buzzwords may help you in your self knowledge research:

 

Apathsexual Ace - is an ace indifferent towards sex

iculasexual - is an sex positive ace

Libidist Ace - is an ace with libido

Cupiosexual ace - an ace who want to have sex for reasons other than attraction since they're ace.

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Just Somebody
10 minutes ago, caetxln said:

I think you might be aromantic grey-asexual. 

Sounds aromantic to me too.

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everywhere and nowhere

I have, to some extent, similar feelings. I'm definitely autochorissexual and enjoy imagining sexual scenes. However, I'm completely sure that I couldn't have sex personally, this idea terrifies and disgusts me. Altogether, I say that I'm sex-averse, but not sex-repulsed. But also definitely not sex-indifferent, I consider myself psychologically genuinely incapable of having sex.

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I've been looking up autochorissexual/aegosexuality on threads for the past hour and I can't believe I haven't stumbled across it until now. It's a bit weird enjoying the idea of something but not actually wanting to take part in it. Well, except in your brain, I guess. I also think I might be aegoromantic. I'm very sex positive but I'm not yet sure whether I'm neutral or averse to it (hope I got these terms right), but I don't really crave it and the idea of doing it certainly makes me feels awkward. I'm kinda curious as to how it feels like but in a way similar to being curious about trying certain drugs.

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Just Somebody
1 hour ago, brandybuck said:

I've been looking up autochorissexual/aegosexuality on threads for the past hour and I can't believe I haven't stumbled across it until now. It's a bit weird enjoying the idea of something but not actually wanting to take part in it. Well, except in your brain, I guess. I also think I might be aegoromantic. I'm very sex positive but I'm not yet sure whether I'm neutral or averse to it (hope I got these terms right), but I don't really crave it and the idea of doing it certainly makes me feels awkward. I'm kinda curious as to how it feels like but in a way similar to being curious about trying certain drugs.

You can take a look on depoiments from :

 

Apothisexual aces - sex repulsed aces

Vapubsexual aces - genital repulsed aces

Antisexual aces - aces against sex

Somniosexuals- people who feel attracted only for people in their dreams

Limnosexual aces - aces who feel aroused towards depictions of sex

Fictosexuals - people who feel attracted to fictional characters

Objectumsexuals - people attracted to objects

 

 

Im out of advice now,  but I'll say, if you can't figure it out right now, just don't overthink about it, you don't need a label if you don't want it.

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Thank you, I'm a bit behind with my terminology:D. I'm not really looking for a laber per se, more like trying to find myself in the meaning behind them. Sexuality can get a little confusing when you're a bit different. 

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Just Somebody
Just now, brandybuck said:

Thank you, I'm a bit behind with my terminology:D. I'm not really looking for a laber per se, more like trying to find myself in the meaning behind them. Sexuality can get a little confusing when you're a bit different. 

No problem,  take your time, if you need,  just ask.

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elbow_macaroni

I relate to this so much.  I was in one "relationship" about 5 1/2 years ago, and I value my independence and 95% of the time don't mind and/or enjoy being alone.

I am not repulsed by sex either, though I also have never had sex and it's a bit hard to imagine myself actually doing it without cringing a bit/feeling awkward--mostly my fantasies are also about celebrities/TV characters.

And when someone comes on to me, it is EXTREMELY uncomfortable for me.

I am trying to ID myself as well but I wanted to post because you're not alone in having some "tricky" feelings. =)

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16 hours ago, brandybuck said:

Hey,

 

I've finally decided to join this site and for a while now I've come to the conclusion that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum (and the aromantic one), but I'm not sure exactly where, and would like to hear someone else's input. I'm a 23 year old girl and I've never been in a relationship before, nor have I had sex, and I'm quite sure I've never experienced full-blown sexual attraction. A lot of things click when I read other ace's stories. I've never understood what the fuss was all about with dating or why a lot of people seemed determined to go from one romantic partner to another. I've never really cared much about societal expectations so I didn't seek to be in a relationship just for the sake of it.  I have found some people appealing, but not in a way I would actually like to put much effort into it, and pretty much figured I was a late bloomer throughout my teens, and thought someone "worthy" might come along eventually and change that. Growing up, I now know my indifference isn't something most sexual people feel.

 

But it gets a bit tricky. I'm not repulsed by sex, actually I find it  quite fascinating, especially since it is such an important part or human life (well, most humans anyway) and I enjoy reading about it, watching it on screen, whether in movies, tv shows and even porn occasionally (whether straight, gay or lesbian). I don't mind talking openly about it, listening to stories or making dirty jokes. I find different kinks and sexualities interesting and I daydream about sex quite often. I also experience arousal from sexual imagery and masturbate regularly, so I do have some sort of a sex drive. The thing it, it's never really personal. If I think about me actually having sex (or touching a person that way), it just feels odd, and a bit cringy, not sure if this is due to inexperience or something else. I find can find both males and females aesthetically pleasing, but it rarely goes beyond that (if it does it's celebrities or fictional characters and it's basically fantasy realm). If I do fantasize about having sex, that person doing it in my head is never 100% me, if that makes sense. It's either some character resembling me or just some random character used to create a scenario. 

 

On the aromantic side of things, I can't really see myself in a romantic relationship, ever more so than having sex. I tend to "flirt" as a joke, but when someone is actually coming on to me I feel very uncomfortable. Most things deemed romantic I find rather boring. Again, I find some relationships interesting (and the idea of romantic love), but most of them I just find unappealing and I rather like being on my own. 

 

I don't really think I'm fully asexual, since there are some glimpses of...something. But I'm not sure where would I fit in the grey area, or if I fit at all. This has been a rather chaotic rant but any opinions would be much appreciated.

 

Hi there, im new to this site too. Im aromantic. But i also enjoy flirting in a jokey type way.

I consider myself homo-aesthetic and homo-sensual.

Like you i have never been in a relationship and look mostly for friendships

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I also look for friendships, and it's a bit annoying when some people get the wrong idea since I tend to be really outgoing when I enjoy someone's company. 

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