Nicolas Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Yeah. As you can probably see from the title, this is a bit weird. Could someone explain or describe how it feels to be in love/sexually attracted to someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Every answer you might get in this topic will be subjective based on everyone's own experiences. I can only describe what it felt like to be in love. Imagine that one day you come across a person. This person starts something in you like a fire that can't be put down. There's an indescribable pull towards them, a need to be with them, a need to care for them, to see them happy. Any thought of them being hurt in any way frightens you and yet steels you at the same time to be ready for anything, to give anything and everything you have including your very life all for the sake of them. It's like having a part of a missing puzzle piece inserted into you that you never even knew was missing to begin with. You're a better person because of them, you strive to do better in all of your actions. And you're safe with them. It's like being free. You can say any thought, do any action, and they're right there beside you for it, not as a separate person, but your other half. When they're gone, you miss them and you worry if they're safe, if they'll be coming back. When they're there, all you want to do is hold them close and never be apart again. In total silence, without saying any words, their presence alone puts you at ease and at peace. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 wouldn't that be easy? Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 On 1/7/2018 at 8:06 AM, E is for E said: Every answer you might get in this topic will be subjective based on everyone's own experiences. I can only describe what it felt like to be in love. Imagine that one day you come across a person. This person starts something in you like a fire that can't be put down. There's an indescribable pull towards them, a need to be with them, a need to care for them, to see them happy. Any thought of them being hurt in any way frightens you and yet steels you at the same time to be ready for anything, to give anything and everything you have including your very life all for the sake of them. It's like having a part of a missing puzzle piece inserted into you that you never even knew was missing to begin with. You're a better person because of them, you strive to do better in all of your actions. And you're safe with them. It's like being free. You can say any thought, do any action, and they're right there beside you for it, not as a separate person, but your other half. When they're gone, you miss them and you worry if they're safe, if they'll be coming back. When they're there, all you want to do is hold them close and never be apart again. In total silence, without saying any words, their presence alone puts you at ease and at peace. While that's all true for me, it's not specifically about sex. In AVEN's terminology, it's more like romantic attraction, and I'd add the idea of exclusivity to it. There's a feeling that you want to be 'their person', and you ache for them to be 'your person', that your worlds revolve around each other. It can sometimes be a grey area between it being healthy, and being codependent, especially in the early stages. Sexual attraction is feeling that pull in a far more physical way, and although it often is a way of expressing and sharing those emotional components, it doesn't always come from that urge, though in my experience there's always some kind of connection: a complicity, at least. Sometimes it's more about the urge to share a purely physical pleasure, enjoy each other's bodies and what you can do with each other in the moment. 'Attraction' just means a pull towards something, more widely, which is why the way the term is used on AVEN puzzles me often - it's expressed as though it's felt in isolation by one person, not pull felt by one person towards another. It makes no sense to me to talk about attraction without taking both people into account. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 On 7/1/2018 at 8:36 AM, Nicolas said: Yeah. As you can probably see from the title, this is a bit weird. Could someone explain or describe how it feels to be in love/sexually attracted to someone? Short 1.’in love’ makes my eyes and body and mind be like a magnet to a piece of iron. There is a constant pull. Makes you a bit crazy. “Only she matters. I would rather die than live a day without her” 2.’loving’ is more of a stable, underlying feeling which takes over when first fascination wear of. Love feels better as you can also feel youself. “I want to stay with you for the next 20 years, since I love you and you are a good mother to our children. You make my life good. But it could be better if you didnt fart that much” 3. ’sexual attraction’ is more like the first one, but usually hits in my groin and makes my teeth and tongue water, ”I want to have sex with that person, as A child is drawn towards the gifts on christmas. My hands just wants to feel the viscosity of that fine ass and a pull towards that sexual experience” 4. ‘Romantic attraction’ is a way to express feeling through your body or in contact with another body. “Come sit close to me, I like you being near me. I smile to you since I like you” I want us to act on/show we like each other. Perhaps giving flowers, bringing coffee, goodbye-kisses, hugs... I think, I have a mix of the four things. I have all four with/towards my wife. I can see a hot girl and feel some of number 3, but overrule it, because of having all four with my wife. But number 3 is totally missing when I am hugging my children. I can feel the need to pat a co-worker on the shoulder as a sign of number 4. ‘Mutual’ makes it all so much better! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Love for me is a very deep caring about the person. I want them in my life, I am happier if I get to talk to them during the day, I care about them being happy, I'll do whatever I can to make that happen. Just getting to come home from work and see them makes the day 100x better. The idea of spending my life with my fiancee is enough to bring a big smile to my face. Sexual attraction for me is an extension of love, I really only have felt it for this one person. It's a feeling of I want to connect with this person on that level at times, usually sparked by some form of intimacy and/or trust building. But, it isn't something I can feel for just anyone, it comes from the very deep emotional connection I have with one special person. And it wasn't part of our relationship at first. Sexual attraction developed over time. Link to post Share on other sites
karinosa3 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Not a weird question at all. Physically, being in love and/or sexually attracted to someone does feel different. It feels . . . buzzy. Like your energy is vibrating and bouncing off and feeding off the other person. Emotionally, if you've ever had a conversation with someone you've recently met and you're hitting it off really well, you might have a moment where you're looking at each other and smiling, thinking "I feel like I've known you for longer." It's almost embarrassing, like you're sharing something you shouldn't be. That's chemistry. And that's what it feels like (to me) to be in love. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 For me "love" is the feeling that you derive directly happiness from your partner being happy. I don't mean a rational "I want them to be happy" but an irrational direct sense of happiness when you know that they are happy. This ties in with sex because giving your partner pleasure causes you to experience it yourself - emotionally, not physically. Sex between two people in love causes each to respond to the pleasure of the other. Of course if you are not wired to have those feelings, it is going to be very difficult to imagine them. Like someone who doesn't enjoy music trying to understand why a certain set of sounds is "pleasing" to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
anamikanon Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 On 07/01/2018 at 1:06 PM, Nicolas said: Yeah. As you can probably see from the title, this is a bit weird. Could someone explain or describe how it feels to be in love/sexually attracted to someone? I have struggled to define love. The closest I've come to is my current "definition". I understand love as a moment of intense affinity with another person. Sometimes you have such moments often with a person and you spend more and more time with them, because of the satisfaction they bring and string them into a relationship, making them even more frequent due to dedicated opportunity. In my view, love isn't a status, but a feeling. In the sense of I feel happy now, sad later, angry another time. And I feel love for another person when I feel it. Even in a relationship, I'm not feeling love like a constant, unchanging feeling, but a rainbow of a lot of regular feelings mixed up with that affinity I feel so often and factors into what I feel for that person making everything more intense. Joy will be more intense with this person, as will be disappointment, I suppose because that affinity makes me imagine an alignment. Sexual attraction is a different matter. It is a desire to have sex with that person. As a sapiosexual, for me this usually begins with someone catching my attention with something that triggers my curiosity or respect for their intelligence. This leads me to have more interactions with them with the potential for emotional compatibility. If that happens, there is a desire to get closer to that person (this vaguely corresponds to stringing moments of affinity into a structure to increase the potential of those pleasurable moments recurring). At which time comes the question of how close. On a romantic and emotional level, I'm pansexual. For getting still closer skin to skin, desiring physical pleasure, etc.... I am heterosexual. I suppose I see the potential in someone who matches me (caring, understanding, interest....) so well being potentially a good candidate to bring me sexual pleasure as well. Hope that wasn't too clinical. Tried to "explain" it, but it isn't so easy to put these things to words. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Its a little like trying to describe what it is like to enjoy music. Why does a particular set of sounds have an emotional impact. To complicate things more, I'm pretty sure that different people experience sexual / romantic attraction differently. For me romance, love and sex are all tied together in a way that I can't separate. If I love someone, I enjoy doing romantic things with them (moonlit walks on a tropical beach, going to Venice, having dinner together, sitting on the sofa cuddling while watching TV). Those things - holding hands on the beach, naturally lead to cuddling which naturally leads to sex which naturally leads to falling asleep in each others arms. For someone who doesn't experience physical desire, I think it would be difficult to describe. Its like describing music to someone who doesn't enjoy music. Link to post Share on other sites
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