Fantastic Name

How to tell if someone is flirting?

Recommended Posts

Telecaster68

The dilation thing doesn't work if they're wearing contacts apparently. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NoLongerActive1234

I find it kind of tricky to realize because I tend to have a friendly approach which doesn't mean anything more so I think someone else is just doing the same. Some parts of it is poor self-esteem too surely. My "demi-ness" also makes it hard for me to comprehend because romantic feelings takes me so long to develop that I guess I don't get how anyone could like me like that without really knowing me more.
I suppose a good clue is if they pay more attention to or treat you better than others. Then again it's not a sure thing just from that. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JellyfishWishes

Actually just last night I had my bartender and co-waitress tease me for a customer who kept coming around and ordering at the bar, saying "You know he likes you, and he's not bad looking! We know you're married but still, its nice isn't it??". Just to throw off of everyone's theories, this guy:

  • spoke mainly and mostly to the bartender
  • spoke with coworker slightly more than myself
  • asked me very few questions
  • did not avoid, nor insist on eye contact
  • made ZERO attempt at physical contact
  • complimented other waitress more than me (thank God...)

yet asked me to breakfast when my relief showed up (I get off at 10am so its not pervy lol)

He was embarrassed to find out I was married, but did nothing out side of a normal guest.

Ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between or outside: The Anomaly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jade Cross
19 hours ago, JellyfishWishes said:

Actually just last night I had my bartender and co-waitress tease me for a customer who kept coming around and ordering at the bar, saying "You know he likes you, and he's not bad looking! We know you're married but still, its nice isn't it??". Just to throw off of everyone's theories, this guy:

  • spoke mainly and mostly to the bartender
  • spoke with coworker slightly more than myself
  • asked me very few questions
  • did not avoid, nor insist on eye contact
  • made ZERO attempt at physical contact
  • complimented other waitress more than me (thank God...)

yet asked me to breakfast when my relief showed up (I get off at 10am so its not pervy lol)

He was embarrassed to find out I was married, but did nothing out side of a normal guest.

Ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between or outside: The Anomaly.

Hate when situations like these happen. Had something of an similar experience like this at a Pizza Hut once where the waitress would come back and be all giddy, saying that she just wanted to double check the order. Not the best scenario when around family (it was their idea of "family reunion" as they jumped at the chance to make remarks about how the waitress was hitting on me and how I should have asked her out.

 

 

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MiraMeyneth

Due to me being denser than a block of titanium, I can't seem to detect flirting. Or rather, differentiate flirting from being a normal human being.

 

Unfortunately I think this might have damaged my ability to socialize, especially with guys in my school. Although after doing research on what body language indicates flirting I've been able to detect it better.

 

Although I've found a way to deter flirting with ease is just change your body language. Apparently due to my body language that I just normally display (tired demeanor, hunched shoulders, quietness. resting bitch face, no eye contact, etc) people are either intimidated by me or just don't try. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JellyfishWishes
6 hours ago, MiraMeyneth said:

Due to me being denser than a block of titanium, I can't seem to detect flirting. Or rather, differentiate flirting from being a normal human being.

 

Unfortunately I think this might have damaged my ability to socialize, especially with guys in my school. Although after doing research on what body language indicates flirting I've been able to detect it better.

 

Although I've found a way to deter flirting with ease is just change your body language. Apparently due to my body language that I just normally display (tired demeanor, hunched shoulders, quietness. resting bitch face, no eye contact, etc) people are either intimidated by me or just don't try. 

I feel your resting bitch face woes, I look nothing like my dad, but we both have the same constant 'I'll rip your arms off' facial expression.

Sadly around here some of the trashier people take 'bitchy' women as a challenge, and on numerous occasions I've been made aware that its a type of game among friends and idiots to get a rise out of the 'bitch', either positive or negative.

I've never understood why the flirter would WANT negative attention, I'd just leave once spurned :T

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MiraMeyneth
15 hours ago, JellyfishWishes said:

I've never understood why the flirter would WANT negative attention, I'd just leave once spurned :T

Yeah, in high school it isn't much better. The one saving grace here is I generally have music and headphones, so I'm so absorbed in my thoughts or the music, I just don't hear their attempt to flirt and just keep on walking. I've gotten the rep as the "Ice Queen" but to be honest I find it hard to care what others think of me. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Fantastic Name
3 hours ago, MiraMeyneth said:

Yeah, in high school it isn't much better.

Yupyup.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moon Spirit ☽

If they look at you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale

Apparently aces aren't the only ones who have trouble picking up on flirting. This article from the Independent (http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/the-psychology-of-flirtation-how-to-know-when-someones-interested-10331971.html) mentions a study about flirting perception (though only focused on heterosexual flirting):

 

"It is no surprise then that knowing if someone is flirting with you is difficult. In fact, a recent study looked at how accurately people perceive flirting by having over 100 heterosexual strangers engage in conversation with another participant. Afterward, researchers asked each person if they flirted during their interaction and whether they thought their partner flirted with them. Participants accurately detected flirting only 28% of the time. A follow-up study found that outside observers who were not in the actual interaction were even less accurate, suggesting that their objectivity did not help but only made things worse."

 

Indeed, asking a friend whether someone was flirting may not be a good indicator either. :P The article mentions flirting as a way to avoid being vulnerable to rejection, but if it's not that accurate to begin with, why not just ask straight out and avoid awkwardness? "Hello. Would you like to enter into a relationship?" "No." "My apologies. Pardon the intrusion..." I guess this would take any fun out of it for most, though.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Fantastic Name
10 minutes ago, RoseGoesToYale said:

"It is no surprise then that knowing if someone is flirting with you is difficult. In fact, a recent study looked at how accurately people perceive flirting by having over 100 heterosexual strangers engage in conversation with another participant. Afterward, researchers asked each person if they flirted during their interaction and whether they thought their partner flirted with them. Participants accurately detected flirting only 28% of the time.

Still, 28%. That's a heck of a lot better than I could ever do. :lol:

 

12 minutes ago, RoseGoesToYale said:

A follow-up study found that outside observers who were not in the actual interaction were even less accurate, suggesting that their objectivity did not help but only made things worse."

Ain't that true.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JellyfishWishes

xDD wow. So this WHOLE TIME people are making me out to be the dense one but everyone else is just as slow!!!! COWORKERS, YOU BUMS!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68
On 1/17/2018 at 5:02 AM, RoseGoesToYale said:

why not just ask straight out and avoid awkwardness? "Hello. Would you like to enter into a relationship?" "No." "My apologies. Pardon the intrusion..." I guess this would take any fun out of it for most, though.

... because anyone sane would say 'I have no idea'.

 

As well as expressing interesting, flirting is kind of exploratory, gradually ramping up reciprocation bit by bit, rather than going in full on with 'would you like to enter a relationship?'. Rejection is less hurtful if you haven't gone the full way, just tentatively offered up a 'maybe'.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

Here's one I posted earlier, going through common stages of flirting:

 

If one person doesn't reciprocate escalation, then they're pulling back and saying 'no further'. So by the time you get to actual sex being on the cards, there's been a series of non-explicit but repeated 'yes's. It builds complicity - by the time you're both at that stage, you've both tested the ground and understood how the other signals 'yes' multiple times.

 

Firstly:

  • a lot of eye contact, smiling, laughing; classic signs like women touching their hair a lot
If both people are doing this then one moves up to: 
  • moving closer than normal body space, to the point where they're casually 'accidentally' touching
If that's reciprocated, then one will move up to: 
  • ambiguous 'accidental' touching, like on the arm, or small of the back, finding an excuse to touch hair or face. (And all this time the eye contact, smiles, etc. are increasing too)
If that's reciprocated, then one will move up to: 
  • clear, unambiguous moves like an arm round the waist, stroking their face or neck with no covering excuse
If that's reciprocated, then one will move up to: 
  • a first kiss. Probably brief, and timed so the other one has a chance to deflect to a cheek or move away if they want (just in case somehow there's been a misinterpretation up to this point).
If the recipient extends the kiss, and it becomes more passionate (open mouths, tongues, etc)
  • bodies pressed together, arms round each other
Still reciprocating?
  • hands start to wander: necks, faces, backs, arses, chest/breast. Both starting to get physically aroused now, and they know it.
Still reciprocating?
  • clothes getting undone, skin on skin, hands under clothes. Definitely both turned on, and getting more turned on by the second.
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thea2
58 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

... common stages of flirting: ...

If one person doesn't reciprocate escalation, then they're pulling back and saying 'no further'. ..

That’s very interesting.  So if person A skips a stage, or goes to the next stage without reciprocation; then it is natural for person B to get annoyed/confused, and B would be right to tell A to f*ck off.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

'Fuck off' would be a bit strong, but most people would understand they'd skipped a stage. That might be okay, it might not. It's a bit more of a gamble. 

 

It's more like set of judgements of a changing situation than an algorithm. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thea2
On 18/01/2018 at 6:01 PM, Telecaster68 said:

... flirting is kind of exploratory, gradually ramping up reciprocation bit by bit ... Rejection is less hurtful if you haven't gone the full way, just tentatively offered up a 'maybe'.

So the function of flirting requires it that nobody knows for sure what it is. (Yay, :lol: I ‘m normal).

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

It's more like... if you're not sure you've got the right room for a meeting, listening outside, then edging the door open, then sneaking quietly into the back to avoid the embarrassment of marching into the room, going to the front and singing There's No Business Like Show Business to what turns out to be a bunch of accountants reviewing last year's profit and loss spreadsheets.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thea2
15 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

... going to the front and singing There's No Business Like Show Business ...

:lol:  Nice explaining, I understand that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ripper

I’ve always had a hard time being able to tell too! I’ve gained some knowledge though just through experience. I am a straight heteroromantic asexual male, and I’ve been flirted with before but don’t usually see it or ain’t sure at the time. But with the most recent time I been flirted with she told me if I needed a ride ever to ask her and she would, cause I don’t have a car, haven’t had one in years. Then when she driving me home from work she wouldn’t stop talking and kept missing turns like she didn’t even want to drop me off so I she could spend more time with me. Then occasionally she’d touch my arm or something if she’d feel humored by something I said. I like her so I liked it, but now she’s talking to someone else and I missed my chance :(:(:( so gotta wait for the next one.. however fucking long that’ll take.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thea2

I hate people staring at me, it takes effort to ignore :angry:.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ripper

I never even know what to do when a girl flirts with me..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sageq

yeah I don't understand flirting. so confusing. been told a few times that I missed someone flirting with me (this was years ago though) so it made me wonder how many other times I missed. very confusing to me. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
chandrakirti

I've been watching an interesting bit of mating behaviour at work...when I started, there was also another new woman, much younger than me. We got the same bus home and got on the chat a few times, then a guy started joining us and he made it clear he wanted me out the way so he could get his foot under the table. He literally sulked if us two women sat together.The a second, and a third guy joined in the 'flirting frenzy' trying to get into her orbit. She revels in leading them on and is very touchy-feely. After a week or two I excused myself from the melee and have been watching from a safe distance.

 

The funny thing is....she's married! It doesn't stop herself , or them from engaging in this mating dance. Fortunately, I'm now biking up and down to work as the weather has warmed u a little, so I won't need to be party to it all. There's something of a relief , being in my 50s!:lol:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gldlynch

I lookout for the stereotypical stuff. One time I was chatting away to a guy and I simply thought he was a friendly gentleman. At the end of our conversation he walked away with a wink. I was gobsmacked to say the least and started panicking thinking, Shit was he flirting me with that whole time!? Then I made all the efforts to never run into him again because I'm a dork lmao.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now