Jump to content
bubblybaby

Who have you told :) ?

Recommended Posts

Moonbeat

I'm 45.  I've touched on the topic with two people.  One, my son.  We're pretty open on topics, but he's just not old enough to really understand some things yet.  He's 20.  Why?  Mostly because, again, we talk about deeper topics often.  We mostly talked about asexuals in general.  Not really as it pertains to me.  That kinda crosses the awkward boundary for him.  Not me really, but then that's probably age difference there.

 

The other person was my brother.  He's three years older than myself.  I can talk in much more depth with him.  Since he's gay, he has a much more open mind and doesn't shrug off orientations as frivolous.

 

I don't really care to tell anyone else.  I'm not really hiding it.  I just don't feel the need to announce that to anyone that it doesn't pertain too.  That's a little of the reason I'm here now.  To read and learn and talk.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
General

I'm 33, some of my friends know I'm ace, but very few.  The first person I told face to face was my grandma, back in 2013 I believe.  I felt I had to say something because I was sick and tired of hearing "Oh you'll have children one day.  You'll find a nice guy to marry one day.  You'll change your mind one day.  You'll see when you're older."

 

I never intended to come out, but I couldn't take it anymore.  She is the only person in my family that I've told.  However, she only knows the word asexual and a very brief definition.  She doesn't know my entire identity, and I don't plan on coming out any further.  I was raised religious, so being LGBT+ isn't acceptable.  She didn't take it very well and certainly doesn't fully understand.  I'm seen as "abnormal."

 

Bottom line is, no one's opinion of how I live my life is going to make me change in order to fit their ideal.  I accept myself for who I am.  That's really all that matters.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Strifed

I'm in my mid twenties and haven't ever told anyone IRL my orientation. The last few online friends I've made have been accepting of both the asexual and fictosexual parts of me and are very understanding! I tried to tell my mom once I was asexual, but she didn't get it and I was annoyed I even bothered trying to talk to her about it. She wasn't... supportive to say the least. I never bothered telling her about how I feel about Cloud, because if she couldn't even understand the asexual part and wrote off my feelings she certainly wouldn't understand the ficto part.

 

I'm a pretty private person, so I don't feel the need to tell a lot of people IRL my orientation. In my mind it's "none of their business unless they ask and are respectful/generally curious". If this happens, I'd probably tell someone I was asexual if I felt comfortable but... I don't think the ficto part and being "in a relationship" with a fictional character will go over very well haha. I just... keep that part to myself and one day hope to find someone that understands or at least accepts that he makes me very happy and I'm just wired this way. Sometimes it kinda makes me feel sad (not like "boo-hoo" sad but just... awkward and kinda left out I guess?) when other people around me talk about their relationships and I just have to sit there awkwardly, but I always hope that one day I'll meet someone that's understanding or is just really chill about stuff!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Optimus Prime

I told my sisters, they’ve very supportive of me coming out to them. Life feels great.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy

My two good friends, my sister and some LGBT+ people that either directly my friends or they are friends of friends (sorry I don't really have a good figure on this).
About 10-15 people in total, and I'm being generous.

Most folks don't ask me at all about dating/romance/sex and I don't make a point of bringing it up unless I need to.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I'm probably going to come out widely at work this week ...I have a mug at home with 'Asexual' on it and as I have to keep borrowing mugs, I'm going to bite the bullet and take it into work!😆

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Optimus Prime
15 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

I'm probably going to come out widely at work this week ...I have a mug at home with 'Asexual' on it and as I have to keep borrowing mugs, I'm going to bite the bullet and take it into work!😆

Hope that goes over well for you, good luck.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rainbow_llamas

I've told my siblings, cousins and a few friends. Most of them asked for clarification and they mostly said it explained a lot about me XD. I dont like talking about my personal life with coworkers and casual friends but when it comes up they don't really get it and kind of tell me i must be "religious". sometimes i want to correct them but they are all pretty stubborn and it doesn't seem to be worth the effort.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa
On 11/20/2018 at 11:12 AM, Optimus Prime said:

Hope that goes over well for you, good luck.

Haven't done it yet! I keep leaving it on the sink and I only remember when I'm half way to work. Hopefully on Monday! I'll keep you posted!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rach1234
On 1/10/2018 at 7:40 PM, Spotastic said:

As RuPaul says, "What another person thinks of me is none of my business."

This is amazing, I’m going to put it on a postcard in my selfcare box 😊

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rach1234

I’m out to the people that matter to me - parents, siblings, cousins, friends, healthcare professionals (GP and counsellors / therapists) and am venturing into the world of telling colleagues. It’s a massive part of my identity. I’m in my early thirties. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rach1234
On 11/19/2018 at 7:35 PM, chandrakirti said:

I'm probably going to come out widely at work this week ...I have a mug at home with 'Asexual' on it and as I have to keep borrowing mugs, I'm going to bite the bullet and take it into work!😆

Absolutely love this idea! I have a very discreet ace magnet above my desk and long for the day that a colleague notices it and asks me about it. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
will123
43 minutes ago, Rach1234 said:

Absolutely love this idea! I have a very discreet ace magnet above my desk and long for the day that a colleague notices it and asks me about it. 

Is it the asexual flag?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Koning

I actually haven't told anyone in in real life, because I see no reason to do so. I personally think it wouldn't necessarily change anything for the positive right now. If I told them, people might look at me in a different light, whereas I'm actually the exact same person. If someone I trust asks me, I will answer honestly. As of yet, I don't need to lie to anyone. I can still say I'm hetero; without adding "sexual" ;--). I also don't mind conversations with friends about relationships and/or people I find attractive. There are certain things I have told my trusted friends however. I have told them I'm not interested in relationships focussed around sex and that I highly prefer anything romantic above sex, which is completely true from my part.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
snapdragon108

I’ve told my closest circle of friends (4 people) one of whom is a transgender man - he is very accepting and actually introduced me to the term asexual - my older sister, my counsellor, and... most importantly, my boyfriend. We’ve been together for eight years and I only told him fairly recently, but of course he must have known already. It’s still a sticky subject and we’re working through it... but yeah, those are all. 7 people in total - my parents do not know, neither do any other relatives or my GP or any of my colleagues. I’m 26. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Spotastic
General
7 hours ago, Rach1234 said:

I’m out to the people that matter to me - parents, siblings, cousins, friends, healthcare professionals (GP and counsellors / therapists) and am venturing into the world of telling colleagues. It’s a massive part of my identity. I’m in my early thirties. 

How did the healthcare professionals take it?  I'm not out to any doctors because I'm afraid of discrimination.  I'm already receiving poor treatment simply based on my appearance and also because I don't want children.  Worried that if I volunteer information they might refer me to a psychiatrist for being ace.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rach1234
10 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

How did the healthcare professionals take it?  I'm not out to any doctors because I'm afraid of discrimination.  I'm already receiving poor treatment simply based on my appearance and also because I don't want children.  Worried that if I volunteer information they might refer me to a psychiatrist for being ace.

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a negative experience so far. My GP is great and it hasn’t affected any treatment. I’ve had one aphobic counsellor but the rest have been really helpful. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
General
4 hours ago, Rach1234 said:

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a negative experience so far. My GP is great and it hasn’t affected any treatment. I’ve had one aphobic counsellor but the rest have been really helpful. 

Thank you for your insight.  I honestly believe every doctor and patient would benefit from the disclosure of identity.  However, it's difficult to come out to people who haven't been trained to deal with LGBT+ issues, particularly when it comes to asexuality.  Even though there is supposed to be a non-discrimination policy in place, I still feel very unsafe in the care of the medical professionals I've seen so far.  They have zero bedside manner, and have caused me to have a lot of anxiety and dysphoria.  Its been rough.  Hopefully I will find someone I can trust.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
will123

@Rach1234 @AceOfHearts_85 The new family doctor in my village is in his 30s and gay. I havent been to see him but anybody that I've spoken to that has seen him have had a positive comment.

 

Not sure if I would bring up my asexuality during a visit but I think he would be open and understanding of my feelings.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Well @Optimus Prime, I said I'd keep you posted!

 

Took the mug into work, went to the kitchen to full it with coffee and a colleague from another team was doing the same. He took a look at the mug, said 'That's a bit random isn't it?' and I replied 'Not in my case it's not!' . after 2 seconds silence we went on to chat about a series on Netflix.....😄

 

Then everybody could see, as the word 'asexual' was designed to point outwards as I drank.....

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
General
20 minutes ago, chandrakirti said:

Well @Optimus Prime, I said I'd keep you posted!

 

Took the mug into work, went to the kitchen to full it with coffee and a colleague from another team was doing the same. He took a look at the mug, said 'That's a bit random isn't it?' and I replied 'Not in my case it's not!' . after 2 seconds silence we went on to chat about a series on Netflix.....😄

 

Then everybody could see, as the word 'asexual' was designed to point outwards as I drank.....

 

I don't understand how an asexual mug could be viewed as "random."  What??  Honestly I think his comment was random, not to mention weird.  I wonder if he would say the same thing to someone drinking out a gay pride mug.

 

I just had another thought....

Did he think "asexual" as in reference to plants?  Because THAT would be random on a mug. 

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

@AceOfHearts_85, I've long given up trying to second guess anything that goes through the heads of my colleagues....😆

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
General
3 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

@AceOfHearts_85, I've long given up trying to second guess anything that goes through the heads of my colleagues....😆

I have a habit of analyzing everything.  Maybe it's because I'm an introverted INFJ.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tasha the demi squirrel

I'm 28 I first heard of demisexuality and discovered it fit me a little after my 27th birthday I pretty much straight away told my younger sister my mum and my brother (I haven't told my older sister since I don't see her often and she has the mind of a younger child so any talk of thing regarding relationships just feels weird) I've since told some friends some colleagues etc.....I'm quite open about it 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa
8 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I have a habit of analyzing everything.  Maybe it's because I'm an introverted INFJ.  

...so am I! How random is that?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
General
12 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

...so am I! How random is that?

Even though INFJs are few, we have a habit of finding each other. ☺

 

Wow, INFJ and Ace.  Guess we're in two rare categories now.  Super powers LOL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kruthie73

The only people in my life who know are some friends and acquaintances from my local theatre. Some have just recognized the ace flag on a t-shirt I wear sometimes. And with a small handful, I happened to be present during a discussion where a younger friend mentioned she was ace, and I went "same hat!". She's the only other IRL ace person I know.

 

As for family... my father is the only one I really would have ever discussed something like this with, but he passed away a few years ago, and had been suffering from Alzheimer's for several years before that. My mother is completely homophobic, so bringing up any discussion of sexuality with her would just be an exercise in anxiety and family strife. And though I get along all right with my brother, it's not the sort of thing we'd ever discuss.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
will123
1 hour ago, kruthie73 said:

The only people in my life who know are some friends and acquaintances from my local theatre. Some have just recognized the ace flag on a t-shirt I wear sometimes. And with a small handful, I happened to be present during a discussion where a younger friend mentioned she was ace, and I went "same hat!". She's the only other IRL ace person I know.

 

As for family... my father is the only one I really would have ever discussed something like this with, but he passed away a few years ago, and had been suffering from Alzheimer's for several years before that. My mother is completely homophobic, so bringing up any discussion of sexuality with her would just be an exercise in anxiety and family strife. And though I get along all right with my brother, it's not the sort of thing we'd ever discuss.

I hear you. Friends are probably more understanding than family at least in my situation.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...