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bubblybaby

Who have you told :) ?

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bubblybaby

The only person who knows I am bi-romantic and ace is my husband. Of course there isn't a need for anybody else to know as it is nobody's business. But it is also such a huge part of me and it makes a lot of things in my past make a lot of sense. I'd probably be more comfortable saying I'm "bi" (not even romantic.. just bi) than also mentioning I'm ace, because of the amount of explaining I'd have to do haha. Have you told anybody, and if yes; why? & How old are you? <--- the actual questions :D 


Side story: My dad is trans. He's never come out of the closet fully and chooses he/him pronouns, so that's why I say "dad". But he is actually a she. And I feel like he'd maybe feel better/happy if I told him. But on the other side, he's also really awkward about sex and it'd be the most awkward conversation ever lol. Ever since I connected the dots about myself I've been wondering if my dad is ace as well - we are alike in so many ways ^_^.. He is also in the last stage of lung disease and it's not going well. He might not have a long time with us anymore (also the reason for not fully coming out and not transitioning - he feels it is too late). Don't know if I'd regret not telling him or if it doesn't really matter anyway. 

 

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Fioryn

(edit: Oops, I just realized this thread is in "Older Asexuals." My bad.)

 

Sorry to hear about your dad. I'm sure he'd be proud of you for seeking out and embracing who you are, even if you don't tell him about it. :)

 

I'm 23. I found out I was ace when I was 20, in June 2015. I then told two close friends. They were both very accepting, albeit a little confused about what it means. I also told my older sister. She was skeptical, but she is supportive of LGBT+ in general. I haven't discussed it with her since that initial conversation over Facebook Messenger.

 

Since then, I've told a college acquaintance over text. (He was trying to ask me out, and the subject came up after I politely refused.) It turned out that he had another ace friend, so he already knew what asexuality was.

 

My twin sister also knows, because she's seen me browsing AVEN on my phone. I then tried to come out to her properly. But her response was (judgmental voice) "So you think you're asexual?", followed by "You shouldn't limit yourself like that. You're still young. You can still find someone." I tried explaining that asexuality is not a choice, and it's not the same thing as celibacy, but she still doesn't approve. She thinks the whole thing is a fad, and the LGBT+ movement as well. She's very religious and thinks that people who feel "that way" need to turn to God. It's hard to talk to her about such things.

 

I haven't come out to my parents, although I have told them I'm not interested in dating, and not attracted to men. I think they kind of get it, but they're worried about me being lonely in the future. They try to set me up with people. :P

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bubblybaby

I'm going to reply properly to you in a bit, but just wanted to say that I'm also only 27, but just felt that this thread "belonged" here since a lot of people who have told others are in their teens and living at home etc! ^_^ Hehe. 

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Dean.

I've told a few close friends, because 1 helped me realize that I am an aro ace, the others I told because they are very sexually oriented and sex comes up often in conversation and I wanted them to stop trying to set me up with people, I'm not going to tell my family for a while though because they are very against anyone who isn't heterosexual and think that they need consoling, plus they are very religious, they think that sexuality is a choice :/ 

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AndrewT

Hi,

 

I've told no one that I'm Asexual, i'll probably never tell my family or older friends. I've known for years myself (never opened up yet here I am writing on a forum), my friends think i'm going through a "Dry spell" but as they have got older and married etc we spend less time together so my life isn't the first thing on their minds.

 

My family wouldn't understand/accept it.

 

A bit about me, I enjoy spending time with people, going out with friends, i'll flirt (but not lead someone on) but that's where it stops, i don't get the "instant" sexual attraction to people and feel no need to have to have sex with someone and don't feel the need/want to have a relationship.

 

I would love it if there was someone in my life that I could open up to about everything (not just my sexuality), there are some people in my life I will tell certain things to, but no one I trust to tell everything to.

 

I'm thinking about telling a Trans friend when we catch up next week as he has been through a lot and I know he had problems "coming out", but he is a lot younger than me and my fear is I unload my stuff on him and I lose friend.

 

This is really badly written which I apologise for, but I certainly don't find it straight forward so my feelings are hard to explain and I doubt I'd ever be comfortable enough to discuss everything in a forum.

 

to answer the question, 38

 

regards

 

Andrew

 

 

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Homer

Everyone who asks gets a proper "I'm not interested. I'd rather travel." That's accurate, doesn't throw any "labels" around and is something I'm totally comfortable with sharing.

 

"Hiding" anything or making up a SO "to fit in" never came to my mind. If someone reacts negatively, I'll take that as a sign not to talk about this particular issue with that particular person anymore.

 

Done.

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Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs

I'm currently in high school, and I'm out to just about everyone. I'm to okay with myself to be in the closet, as well as being to frustrated by hiding to do anything other than be super open. I've lost a couple friends over it as I come from a very religious background, and am not out as non-binary for that reason, but being ace aro has been one of the best things that could've happened to me. I tell people because I'm not afraid, and I don't need them to accept me. I'm to secure in myself. But there's a little ace kid who I grew up with that's not in a good situation, and can't come out. So I come out for them as well. So that maybe the people I come out to will think twice before telling their kid that asexuality doesn't exist or that it's wrong because they met me.

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[noize:injekktion]

my bf knows, and also my sister. for others, I don't particularly feel like talking about as private things as sexual orientation, but I don't really care either way. 

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Spotastic

I am 35 and have been married to my wife for 10 years. She's actually the one who found out that asexuality was a thing and led me here. I'm completely open about my asexuality whenever the conversation comes up about sexual preference or the like. My mom, sister, and a lot of online friends that I have know.

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Techie

I am 55 now and told a friend back when I was 52. I told one of my sisters three years ago when she mentioned out of the blue she had an asexual colleague. Basically told her "me too". I told my 79 year old mother a few months ago when she wondered about my black ring. I never wore jewelry so it came as a surprise.

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bubblybaby

I haven't had the opportunity to sit behind my laptop without disturbance (and don't like typing long messages on my phone), so I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for replying to my post :)

I will get back to you hopefully tomorrow! ^_^ 

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Skycaptain

Everyone I know I've told that I'm asexual, simply to quell inaccurate speculation about homosexuality. 

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bubblybaby

So I guess the majority thinks the same way as me. To only tell about asexuality if it comes up/if it's relevant ^_^ . How do you guys feel about telling people about being gay, bi, pan- etc etc?

 

I'm in conflict with myself about that one, because before I came to the conclusion that I have been bi-romantic all this time (denial, denial, denial ^_^ ), I was always very pro coming out. But now it's about ME I feel like it would be silly to tell anyone besides my husband, because I wouldn't go and tell people that I'm straight either. Do you guys get where I'm coming from? I hope I'm not offending anyone. :)

 

Is this something everyone goes through once they have admitted it to themselves? I'm super happy to be out of the closet to my husband. He's awesome about it. But I don't think everyone would react the same.

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Sevrn

The people who know are two of my sisters. And I'm thinking of telling the other two. Which I will most likely do soon...it's probably laziness on my part, lol. 

I told the one, because she made a comment about possibly being pregnant at the end of this year (as a joke) and I immediately told her I was asexual (demi, yes, but with no interest in PiV sex). 

I told the other, yesterday (or two days ago?). We were having a conversation and it came up, so I told her.

 

My parents don't know, in the sense that I haven't told them in specific terms, but they know I'm not all that interested in dating/relationships, as a whole. I don't think I will tell them, because it isn't necessary.

 

I'm 27.

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Spotastic

@bubblybaby I think with anything related to self identity it comes as both a matter of personal preference and comfort with another individual (s).  Personally, it hasn't been something that I really think about and my wife is the only person who really knows all my preferences. If anyone asks, I just tell them that I'm asexual unless they have follow up questions. If anyone is that interested, I have no problem telling them. I just won't give the info without prompting.

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will123
On 1/4/2018 at 5:54 PM, Skycaptain said:

Everyone I know I've told that I'm asexual, simply to quell inaccurate speculation about homosexuality. 

:(

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will123
On 1/3/2018 at 2:07 PM, Dean. said:

I've told a few close friends, because 1 helped me realize that I am an aro ace, the others I told because they are very sexually oriented and sex comes up often in conversation and I wanted them to stop trying to set me up with people, I'm not going to tell my family for a while though because they are very against anyone who isn't heterosexual and think that they need consoling, plus they are very religious, they think that sexuality is a choice :/ 

I'm 56 and told a VERY sexual childhood friend last summer. I'm hoping he stops with the sex talk.

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Xenobot

I’m 33. I’ve told my mom, who was very unsurprised because I “never seemed particularly interested” in sexual relationships. I’ve also told my closest friend, who is also asexual (which I knew before telling her). That’s it...

 

I’ll be returning to college this fall for a grad program, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how open I want to be. Most people just assume I’m gay, which is fine. I am gay, just not sexually. I guess I’m just afraid of the reactions I might get. I don’t want to look like a joke... like a “tumblr sexuality”, or whatever.

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Spotastic

@Xenobot I wish I could help you there, but I've never cared much about what other people think of me. As RuPaul says, "What another person thinks of me is none of my business."

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Yeast

Being 60 and a virgin makes me asexual I suppose. The virginity is what I seldom discuss. However I can be very open with the people I consider true friends. Unfortunately a complete lack of relationships in my life makes it hard for me to spot predators.  One apparently was a coworker I began traveling with after she retired.  What I didn't realize was she wanted a husband. She thought the only relationship a man and woman could have was sexual. I have reason to believe she went as far as hypnotizing me on the telephone to try and "fix" my "problem". I ended the friendship feeling rather like that character in A Clockwork Orange.  

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kiaroskuro
23 hours ago, Spotastic said:

As RuPaul says, "What another person thinks of me is none of my business."

Great quote! I'll have to remember that one.

 

To answer the question: There's only one allosexual friend of mine who knows about it, I think. I haven't told anyone in "real life", because that's really nobody's business but mine and the person I might get involved with.

A few more people know I'm queer, though, but I don't tell them more. If they assume that I'm a lesbian, so be it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It's better than having them think I'm heterosexual.

 

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AndrewT
On ‎03‎/‎01‎/‎2018 at 7:09 PM, Andrew001 said:

Hi,

 

I've told no one that I'm Asexual, i'll probably never tell my family or older friends. I've known for years myself (never opened up yet here I am writing on a forum), my friends think i'm going through a "Dry spell" but as they have got older and married etc we spend less time together so my life isn't the first thing on their minds.

 

My family wouldn't understand/accept it.

 

A bit about me, I enjoy spending time with people, going out with friends, i'll flirt (but not lead someone on) but that's where it stops, i don't get the "instant" sexual attraction to people and feel no need to have to have sex with someone and don't feel the need/want to have a relationship.

 

I would love it if there was someone in my life that I could open up to about everything (not just my sexuality), there are some people in my life I will tell certain things to, but no one I trust to tell everything to.

 

I'm thinking about telling a Trans friend when we catch up next week as he has been through a lot and I know he had problems "coming out", but he is a lot younger than me and my fear is I unload my stuff on him and I lose friend.

 

This is really badly written which I apologise for, but I certainly don't find it straight forward so my feelings are hard to explain and I doubt I'd ever be comfortable enough to discuss everything in a forum.

 

to answer the question, 38

 

regards

 

Andrew

 

 

well told my trans friend tonight, definitely didn't lose him as a friend so all went well

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will123
On 1/10/2018 at 5:57 PM, Yeast said:

Being 60 and a virgin makes me asexual I suppose. The virginity is what I seldom discuss. However I can be very open with the people I consider true friends. Unfortunately a complete lack of relationships in my life makes it hard for me to spot predators.  One apparently was a coworker I began traveling with after she retired.  What I didn't realize was she wanted a husband. She thought the only relationship a man and woman could have was sexual. I have reason to believe she went as far as hypnotizing me on the telephone to try and "fix" my "problem". I ended the friendship feeling rather like that character in A Clockwork Orange.  

I'm pretty sure I could spot someone that had ulterior motives. I've always been concerned that moving to a smaller rural community would possibly attract that kind of attention. Having a corporate pension would be the golden ticket for folks around here.

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Coily the Spring Sprite

I haven't told anyone, and don't feel it's really necessary. I've also only recently realized I am asexual and am still trying to figure out where I fit in.  

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StaceyBenjilt

I'm 25 and I've told a few friends and a couple guys from work.

 

I'm not against telling anyone, but it almost never comes up. The two co-workers specifically asked if I was straight. When I said I was asexual one said, "what does that mean?" In spite of it being a new concept to them they were very accepting. 

 

The reason I told one friend was because he kept asking whether or not I was seeing anyone. He would actually "boo" me whenever I said I wasn't so I told him the reason.

 

I'll tell anyone who asks, I consider myself to be openly asexual since I'm definitely not trying to hide it. I think where it's the lack of something (rather than a thing itself) it just doesn't really show.

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will123
On 1/10/2018 at 5:57 PM, Yeast said:

Being 60 and a virgin makes me asexual I suppose. The virginity is what I seldom discuss. However I can be very open with the people I consider true friends. Unfortunately a complete lack of relationships in my life makes it hard for me to spot predators.  One apparently was a coworker I began traveling with after she retired.  What I didn't realize was she wanted a husband. She thought the only relationship a man and woman could have was sexual. I have reason to believe she went as far as hypnotizing me on the telephone to try and "fix" my "problem". I ended the friendship feeling rather like that character in A Clockwork Orange.  

 

On 1/11/2018 at 7:06 PM, will123 said:

I'm pretty sure I could spot someone that had ulterior motives. I've always been concerned that moving to a smaller rural community would possibly attract that kind of attention. Having a corporate pension would be the golden ticket for folks around here.

The town involved in this story, Novar is slightly larger than where I live:

 

https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2018/01/06/he-suffered-a-horrific-head-injury-and-spent-months-in-hospital-then-his-former-girlfriend-whisked-him-off-in-secret-and-married-him-giving-her-legal-rights-to-his-wealth-not-so-fast-judge-rules.html

 

Unbelievable what some people will do.

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Decaf

I came out on facebook, but I was out before that anyway.
It's not the first thing I tell people, but if the subject comes up, I'm quite open.

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will123
3 minutes ago, Decaf said:

I came out on facebook, but I was out before that anyway.
It's not the first thing I tell people, but if the subject comes up, I'm quite open.

On Facebook? I could never do that! Props to you for being able to do that!

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YarrisMum

At the beginning of a girls weekend away I told my Mum and younger sister I was bisexual, they didn't even blink, but I've never come out to someone as being grey asexual. I don't hide it and if anyone brought it up I still wouldn't hide it, it just never comes up. 

 

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arekathevampyre

told family and a few friends (off-AVEN who are oddly all guys and disappeared lol) . 

 

No one bothered at all . 

 

I was being ignored . :(

 

So yeah , no more coming out :D

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