Do you think lithromanticism can be cured?

[Browncoat10]

3 hours ago, MightBeLonely said:

My parents just think I'm 'weird'. Which, of course, doesn't help. At all.

Haven't told mine yet. Don't think I'll bother trying to explain lithromanticism to be honest, think I'll just stick with ace and aro. They'll be able to get their heads round that.

[MightBeLonely]

15 hours ago, Browncoat10 said:

Haven't told mine yet. Don't think I'll bother trying to explain lithromanticism to be honest, think I'll just stick with ace and aro. They'll be able to get their heads round that.

Haven't told mine either, not in the traditional sense. I've made the mistake of mentioning it to my mom, but didn't get very far, as she was skeptical because it's an online community. Dad would look at me sideways if I mentioned it to him, so I haven't done that yet. They both just think I'm being 'anxiety ridden' about it all and should just do it, and that I have to remember that I'm in charge and all that crap, I'm not boxed into a corner. Now, admittedly, I'm even more skittish since the last attempt ended in the guy getting drunk over it, and I do have OCD. BUT. I really am starting to think this is just how I am. I have no idea why. But apparently I'm not alone, so I feel at least a little vindicated. So it's nice that you're all here with me. Well, not that we're all suffering, sort of, but still.

[Browncoat10]

1 hour ago, MightBeLonely said:

I do have OCD.

That... that is interesting. So do I.

[MightBeLonely]

2 hours ago, Browncoat10 said:

That... that is interesting. So do I.

Hm. Interesting. Wonder if anyone else here does? 

[SterlingBull]

On 7/9/2018 at 7:49 PM, MightBeLonely said:

Immediately all the lovey feelings just DIED. Like, A HARD DEATH.

Yeah that happened to me and it was horrid. I still remember how upset and shocked I was. It was not nice.
 

@MightBeLonely
What happened to you sounds awful. I can identify with almost everything you've said.

 

On 7/10/2018 at 7:40 PM, MightBeLonely said:

On 7/10/2018 at 5:13 PM, Browncoat10 said:

That... that is interesting. So do I.

Hm. Interesting. Wonder if anyone else here does? 

Back when I still was in the relationship I tried to find any kind of explanation why I couldn't feel a damn romantic thing anymore and I came across with a thing called ROCD aka Relationship OCD. Looked for any kind of information I could ever find and seriously considered buying an online book about it. The term and the concept gave me hope but not solution. I also was afraid I would have to take some pills in order to feel anything. I mean I would've done it if it meant I could've made my girl and me happy together but well... it would've been so unnatural and artificial and I wouldn't have wanted that to us in the end.
By now I'm not sure if ROCD is a thing but yeah apparently there's people who have overcome it and are now happily in relationships. And the person who suffered from ROCD and wrote that book is now happily married and even has a kid if I remember correctly.
I have no diagnose of OCD myself but I'm struggling with other mental health problems.

Anyways I'm pretty sure ROCD and lithromanticism are not the same thing. Same elements but not the same thing so we can't solve one's problems with another's solutions.

[Browncoat10]

1 hour ago, Jadekiivi said:

Back when I still was in the relationship I tried to find any kind of explanation why I couldn't feel a damn romantic thing anymore and I came across with a thing called ROCD aka Relationship OCD. Looked for any kind of information I could ever find and seriously considered buying an online book about it. The term and the concept gave me hope but not solution. I also was afraid I would have to take some pills in order to feel anything. I mean I would've done it if it meant I could've made my girl and me happy together but well... it would've been so unnatural and artificial and I wouldn't have wanted that to us in the end.
By now I'm not sure if ROCD is a thing but yeah apparently there's people who have overcome it and are now happily in relationships. And the person who suffered from ROCD and wrote that book is now happily married and even has a kid if I remember correctly.
I have no diagnose of OCD myself but I'm struggling with other mental health problems.

Anyways I'm pretty sure ROCD and lithromanticism are not the same thing. Same elements but not the same thing so we can't solve one's problems with another's solutions.

Thanks, that's useful, if only to rule out OCD and lithromanticism being connected. I'm pretty sure I don't have ROCD, my OCD developed when I was 11, which was way before I was thinking about relationships anyway, and it's the traditional kind, excessive hand-washing etc. Guess it's just a coincidence.

[MightBeLonely]

1 hour ago, Jadekiivi said:

Yeah that happened to me and it was horrid. I still remember how upset and shocked I was. It was not nice.
 

@MightBeLonely
What happened to you sounds awful. I can identify with almost everything you've said.

 

Back when I still was in the relationship I tried to find any kind of explanation why I couldn't feel a damn romantic thing anymore and I came across with a thing called ROCD aka Relationship OCD. Looked for any kind of information I could ever find and seriously considered buying an online book about it. The term and the concept gave me hope but not solution. I also was afraid I would have to take some pills in order to feel anything. I mean I would've done it if it meant I could've made my girl and me happy together but well... it would've been so unnatural and artificial and I wouldn't have wanted that to us in the end.
By now I'm not sure if ROCD is a thing but yeah apparently there's people who have overcome it and are now happily in relationships. And the person who suffered from ROCD and wrote that book is now happily married and even has a kid if I remember correctly.
I have no diagnose of OCD myself but I'm struggling with other mental health problems.

Anyways I'm pretty sure ROCD and lithromanticism are not the same thing. Same elements but not the same thing so we can't solve one's problems with another's solutions.

Yeah, that is useful. Mine also developed when I was younger and into middle/high school, so not quite when I was considering relationships yet. And it does feel confusing to me. I mean, I have that same sort of OCD focus, hand washing, food spoilage issues, checking the stove is off, that kind of crap. But it is confusing that it can seem like it bleeds over into relationships. But I think the truth of the matter is that the lithromanticism is, ultimately unrelated, and that it's really just that the OCD makes you think too hard about the relationship, whereas other people wouldn't give it much thought. So I think the lithromanticism is probably separate, but the OCD makes it FEEL related, because you keep thinking about it. 

 

And the OCD and anxiety have made me consider pills in the past too, but my one attempt at that, I had a nasty side effect from it, so I ditched. Ditched the therapy, too. Didn't seem to be helping. Mom thinks I need to talk to someone about it, but I'm really starting to think it's just how I am, like an orientation. Lith can be so confusing, because those romantic feelings are there, but (and this is just a theory of mine, not something I think applies to everyone) because I might be asexual, there's a disconnect between any potential sensual/romantic thoughts and the actual reality of a relationship. I'm starting to think that any relationship anxiety is bred from the potential fact that I don't really want that relationship (ie I'm asexual) I just feel like I should, which would explain the lith. So it becomes a question of lith or a fear of intimacy vs. anxiety stemming from society telling me I should want a relationship when I don't really want one.

 

Not to mention the fact that I just enjoy being alone, though, I don't always enjoy being lonely.

[ykit]

On 7/18/2018 at 10:35 PM, MightBeLonely said:

Lith can be so confusing, because those romantic feelings are there, but (and this is just a theory of mine, not something I think applies to everyone) because I might be asexual, there's a disconnect between any potential sensual/romantic thoughts and the actual reality of a relationship. I'm starting to think that any relationship anxiety is bred from the potential fact that I don't really want that relationship (ie I'm asexual) I just feel like I should, which would explain the lith. So it becomes a question of lith or a fear of intimacy vs. anxiety stemming from society telling me I should want a relationship when I don't really want one.

 

Not to mention the fact that I just enjoy being alone, though, I don't always enjoy being lonely.

This is how I feel in a nutshell; am I lith/akoi or do I have a fear of intimacy that I need to work through.  I had a crush on this really sweet, lovely guy but now that he's verbally reciprocated all I feel is anxiety.  It sucks because he is so genuine and supportive and I feel like I'm stringing him along and don't know how to tell him I just want to be friends.  Add in that we've got a trip booked to visit interstate for a long weekend and I'm ready to squirm out of my skin 😖.  The only relief that I feel is that he knows I'm asexual and have no interest in sex so I don't feel pressured for that.

[SterlingBull]

When I read about ROCD I learned a plenty about OCD too(obviously lol). I think I've already forgotten most of the information but like what I've understood is that there's two types of OCD. One type is compulsive and another is obsessive. Compulsive is about doing things and obsessive is about thinking about things. Both are done inevitably and make the sufferer's life a hell.

When in the relationship, I thought about the situation and reasons why I couldn't love. It was horrible and I just couldn't stop. Always thinking about the stuff 24/7 and I felt like the anxiety could kill me at any moment. It was pretty obsessive and sounds like it but because I'm no professional I can't just self-diagnose myself. Anyways I bet being a nervous wreck and overthinking is pretty normal for anyone who has just lost their feelings for someone they've been madly in love with and wanted to have a future together for over a year.

 

On 7/18/2018 at 3:35 PM, MightBeLonely said:

Not to mention the fact that I just enjoy being alone, though, I don't always enjoy being lonely.

Oh damn same.

---

Some time ago I was picnicking and noticed how I was wondering how I might feel if my ex was there with us. I felt quite indifferent about it but I also slightly uneasy to imagine us spending time together even as friends. Sometimes even thinking about being with her makes me feel nauseous.
Like nowadays I don't want to hear or see her (and luckily I haven't) or I might get breakdown, start crying or throw up or something else messed up.
I don't know but like this is scary and so goddamn frustrating. At one moment you're head over heels over someone and are so sure about your feelings you could vow eternal love to them and want to have a life together with them. Then they happen to like you back and suddenly you want to move as far as possible from them.

this is so sad alexa play despacito

[binary suns]

I don't think lithromanticism is a valid orientation, unless defined as "attracted to people, but lacking desire for anything" in which case it would be a matter of accepting who you are and building romantic relationships or nonromantic bonding. But, bonding is intrinsically romantic. 

 

I think all phobia-type responses and aversions can be changed, if the person wants to change them. And lacking them, what would stop you from forming a relationship with someone if that's what you want? If it's want you want, you ain't lith. 

 

I think people overthink the meaning of their feelings. Real life is not the same as what you feel about it. They're two very different things. 

 

If you build a relationship, that is close and bonding, that's romantic, whehter or not your feelings for each other are. There's a reason people exalt about how they're marrying their best friend [mr/ms doe], because that kind of bonding has deep meaning, and marrying someone with such a bond is the dream. 

 

If you like people, form a relationship with them. If you bond well enough and build something together, you're in a romantic relationship, and you have feelings for them that enable that, even if they don't particularly feel romantic, to your partner those feelings will feel romantic to them and accepting that, also, will be important. 

[Browncoat10]

Ok, no offence, but I basically strongly disagree with basically everything you've said, and you don't appear to identify as lith so I'm gonna trust my own judgement on this one.

23 minutes ago, rinnie said:

what would stop you from forming a relationship with someone if that's what you want? If it's want you want, you ain't lith. 

Nope, lith people can want relationships, absolutely. They want a relationship, then that feeling as reciprocated, and then they stop wanting the relationship. That's literally the definition.

24 minutes ago, rinnie said:

If you build a relationship, that is close and bonding, that's romantic, whehter or not your feelings for each other are. There's a reason people exalt about how they're marrying their best friend [mr/ms doe], because that kind of bonding has deep meaning, and marrying someone with such a bond is the dream. 

So that's clearly all nonsense. I have a close and bonding relationship with my brother. That's not romantic. I have a close and bonding relationship with all of the friends, male and female. Those aren't romantic. Yes, people marry their "best friend," but there's a reason they choose that friend to marry over all their other friends. It's because their relationship with that friend is romantic. But not with their other friends, because otherwise why didn't they marry them? If all relationships are romantic, why does the word "platonic" even exist?

 

24 minutes ago, rinnie said:

If you like people, form a relationship with them. If you bond well enough and build something together, you're in a romantic relationship, and you have feelings for them that enable that

Lith people like people, then it comes to forming a relationship, and suddenly they stop liking them. They no longer have feelings for them. Again, that's the definition. Have you even read previous posts in this thread where people say exactly that?

 

What I do agree with is that lithromanticism may not be a legit orientation. It might well be something that therapy or whatever could fix. A fear of intimacy essentially. But everything else? Nope.

[binary suns]

 I’m very clear on how I don’t think the normal definition of lithe is legit, and disagree with it in many ways, and all you do is state what I disagree with as if it invalidates my opinion.

 

I think trying to identify as lith is trying to push emotional insecurity into repression and don’t think that’s healthy. Maybe I’m wrong but I’m no expert. I just talk about my thoughts, as an individual. Disagree all you want but neither of us know the truth, only opinion. Anyone can and should think what works best for themselves, and always be open to growth in their understanding. 

[Browncoat10]

I'm not saying lithromanticism is an actual orientation, we both agree on that. What I'm saying is it is defined as having feelings for someone, then not having feelings for someone. Whether you want to put that down to it being an orientation, or it being emotional insecurity, whether you want to call it healthy or unhealthy, that's a fact. So to say, "yeah but... just build a relationship and form a bond" like it's easy, is ridiculous, cos the whole point of lithromanticism is that you can't. Because you stop wanting to.

2 hours ago, rinnie said:

I think trying to identify as lith is trying to push emotional insecurity into repression and don’t think that’s healthy.

Again, this, I agree with. But a lot of us don't know how else to identify, because we develop feelings for someone, they reciprocate, and our feelings go. The internet has christened that lithromanticism, whether it's an orientation or just a fear of commitment.

[TheAP]

Lithromanticism can also be defined as experiencing romantic attraction, but not needing or wanting it reciprocated. I don't think it's necessarily unhealthy, if it's not causing emotional stress. There's nothing wrong with not wanting a romantic relationship. 

[binary suns]

2 hours ago, TheAP said:

Lithromanticism can also be defined as experiencing romantic attraction, but not needing or wanting it reciprocated. I don't think it's necessarily unhealthy, if it's not causing emotional stress. There's nothing wrong with not wanting a romantic relationship. 

Honestly, this is my favorite. 

 

 

And also, I apologize for my earlier behavior in this thread; I was a drama queen earlier today, so I am sorry for any turmoil or hurt I caused, very sorry.  While I can't say that isn't my thoughts, they aren't accurate to my truer feelings of the matter. 

 

 

Long story short - the truth of what I think about lith, is that "feelings that fade" is an unrealistic definition. Everyones' feelings wax and wane, and some people will more often than not have feelings fade, or will have too few experiences to really fully be in touch with their sexuality and romanticism. 

 

Like - I used to say teens were "too early to know for sure" but "early enough to know what it probably is" ad I stand by it - but I think people at any stage in their life can find things change for the "more feelings". 

 

So, I do like to point out the value in challenging one's orientation, and as such doubt lith as "feelings that fade" 

 

 

I do like both "feelings without a need for recoprocations" as well as "feelings without desire for action of it" but "feelings that fade" is... a little misguided IMO. 

 

 

Again, sorry if my being a drama queen earlier made my message or behavior unclear or disruptive. 

 

 

[Browncoat10]

20 hours ago, rinnie said:

I apologize for my earlier behavior in this thread; I was a drama queen earlier today, so I am sorry for any turmoil or hurt I caused, very sorry.

S'all right, and sorry if I came off a bit harsh! No hurt caused. Our opinions definitely differ on this one, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

[noahkurt25]

On 3/1/2018 at 12:56 AM, Browncoat10 said:

I did. My romantic feelings disappeared as soon as they were reciprocated. We went out for a week after that and it was genuinely horrible. Then I felt terrible telling him what had happened at the end of the week, obviously, and I hate how much it hurt him, but I had to do it, because I could just tell my romantic feelings for him were never coming back.

i did the exact same thing and it broke their heart. i was thinking of just staying in it, for their sake. and pretend that everything was fine. but i couldnt. i was uncomfortable and i felt sick and i felt broken because this was the person i loved and after 3 years of chasing them, i finally got them to like me back. only then did i discover something was wrong with me.  

[Browncoat10]

6 hours ago, noahkurt25 said:

i was thinking of just staying in it, for their sake. and pretend that everything was fine. but i couldnt.

Yep. It's impossible. And probably not a good idea, cos even if you do it in an attempt to not hurt the person you're with, they'll figure something out sooner rather than later. And then you both end up getting hurt anyway, same as if you just told them immediately and didn't put yourself through a relationship.

[MightBeLonely]

1 hour ago, Browncoat10 said:

Yep. It's impossible. And probably not a good idea, cos even if you do it in an attempt to not hurt the person you're with, they'll figure something out sooner rather than later. And then you both end up getting hurt anyway, same as if you just told them immediately and didn't put yourself through a relationship.

Exactly what happened to me, so I can back this up. Stuck it out for two months, hoping my head would straighten out or something would click, I'd relax, whatever. Nope. And he started pressed me about what was the matter and was I angry and did he do something wrong and what was I afraid of, and didn't I want to kiss him...Yeah, you can try, but it likely won't work. What's done is done. Doesn't have to make sense, but obviously it's something or we wouldn't all be here. :/

[Madao]

I am not entirely sure whether I am lithoromantic, aromantic or demiromantic, but I had only one romantic experience in my entire life, and it was totally lithoromantic. Since then, I had only admired people from afar and had a low-profile so no one actually responds to me or tries to get in a relationship with me. I don't know whether it can get cured of not, but I wished it could. It's quite an uncomfortable feeling for me, since I want a romantic relationship but then I get so scared and run away, and it just... ruins everything. 

[AirPower]

I just want to say thank you all for commenting. Usually I am not particularly bothered by all these lithromantic stuff, but sometimes (like recently) I get so frustrated and sad about it and reading everyone's experiences really makes me feel understood and not alone. 

[AirPower]

On 7/5/2018 at 7:41 PM, Jadekiivi said:

@AirPower

I don't think 9 months is impressive. Actually nothing in that relationship was impressive. I only hurt the one I cared about and wanted to love in the normal way but couldn't because of this shit. I wanted it to work, be all sappy and romantic, protect and support my girlfriend while making her the happiest creature on the earth but this lithromanticism didn't let me. It made everything only to end up with broken hearts. I turned out to be a complete monster and now I'm dealing with the feelings of guiltiness, sadness and anger. I'm still struggling with the ended relationship and this all and it's already been over a year. I just wanted it to work and thought time will heal my anxiety and restore my old feelings.

---- ^ I wrote that 3 months ago and it just was left here but I don't want to delete it all. Sorry if I sounded rather harsh. ^

 

At this point I don't know where this is going. Since the last Saturday I've been crying about my ex, and this mourning about the relationship and the failure I couldn't prevent doesn't seem to get any better with time. I actually had some kind of mental breakdown a few days back because of this and I felt so damn horrible I almost called crisis hotline. I don't know where to get the right kind of help for this. I'm lost and so sad lithromanticism is a possible thing in me that might never go away. I miss my raptor but I know it could never work especially after everything what has already happened and I don't even want it to work. I don't even want to see or hear about her!

Sorry about this but I had to vent this to someplace where is people who possibly could understand me and the situation.

I am really sorry you had to go through that. I hope we all find all types of happiness.

[SterlingBull]

I agree that lithromanticism is not necessarily a bad or unhealthy thing. The bad and unhealthy things happen if both(or more) parties have formed a relationship and it doesn't work out the way they wish it would (obviously just because one loses their interest once reciprocated). It makes one or more suffer, more or less or maybe not at all.
Some lithromantics don't mind if their feelings disappear and some may be relieved by it. People are different.

- - -

On 7/30/2018 at 7:18 PM, MightBeLonely said:

On 7/30/2018 at 6:14 PM, Browncoat10 said:

Yep. It's impossible. And probably not a good idea, cos even if you do it in an attempt to not hurt the person you're with, they'll figure something out sooner rather than later. And then you both end up getting hurt anyway, same as if you just told them immediately and didn't put yourself through a relationship.

Exactly what happened to me, so I can back this up. Stuck it out for two months, hoping my head would straighten out or something would click, I'd relax, whatever. Nope. And he started pressed me about what was the matter and was I angry and did he do something wrong and what was I afraid of, and didn't I want to kiss him...Yeah, you can try, but it likely won't work. What's done is done. Doesn't have to make sense, but obviously it's something or we wouldn't all be here. 😕

Oh god I can identify almost everything you guys say. I now I say this almost always but seriously. So many feelings and incidents are familiar to me! In one way it's relieving like I'm not alone with this problem (curse) but at the same time it's quite depressing you know lol.

- - -

I wonder if some psychology group would investigate and do research on this "lithromanticism" condition or whatever it is. Like find reasons and solutions for those who want and wish for them.

 

18 hours ago, AirPower said:

I get so frustrated and sad about it and reading everyone's experiences really makes me feel understood and not alone. 

Same ^
Being a member in this forum makes me feel mixed feelings. Yay I get peer support and people understand me and vice versa. Nay when I'm here I'm constantly reminded by the reason why I joined the forums in the first place: my love disappears once reciprocated.

[AirPower]

59 minutes ago, Jadekiivi said:

I wonder if some psychology group would investigate and do research on this "lithromanticism" condition or whatever it is. Like find reasons and solutions for those who want and wish for them.

I do study psychology, but in quite a small country. If I get the chance though, you bet I will study the hell out of lithromanticism :d I more so hope I will find a therapist and have dealt with the issue before I even graduate. A girl can dream...

 

1 hour ago, Jadekiivi said:

Being a member in this forum makes me feel mixed feelings. Yay I get peer support and people understand me and vice versa. Nay when I'm here I'm constantly reminded by the reason why I joined the forums in the first place: my love disappears once reciprocated.

Ex-act-ly! 

[Browncoat10]

1 hour ago, Jadekiivi said:

Oh god I can identify almost everything you guys say. I now I say this almost always but seriously. So many feelings and incidents are familiar to me! In one way it's relieving like I'm not alone with this problem (curse) but at the same time it's quite depressing you know lol.

- - -

I wonder if some psychology group would investigate and do research on this "lithromanticism" condition or whatever it is. Like find reasons and solutions for those who want and wish for them.

I know, I honestly thought (obviously naively!) that I must be the only person this has ever happened to!! The first time I experienced it, that is. But then, when I realised I wasn't sexually attracted to people and all my friends were, I thought I must be the only person on the planet like that as well. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

 

With me though, I don't really want a solution. I know that's kinda weird, but I thought I was aro for so long because I had never wanted a relationship, and felt like I never would. I've romantically fallen for one person, one time, obviously the lithro thing happened and my feelings evaporated... and since then, nothing again. I now feel aro again in that I feel like I never want a relationship, and I'm fine with that. So I'm just hoping things stay that way, and I don't fall for someone again, only to have my feelings instantly vanish. Hence I don't feel like I want/need a solution. But I also get if people feel like they do, and agree that research would be super useful on that front.

[SterlingBull]

14 hours ago, Browncoat10 said:

With me though, I don't really want a solution.

Kinda same with me. Different solutions for different folks?

When I was struggling in the beginning of my relationship I really wished for my feelings to come back and me to be "normal". While trying to sleep at night, I would often wonder if there was any drug or surgery that could restore my feelings... or even a spell. I wanted so much my feelings to come back to me, but no matter how hard I wished for love, a thought of consuming some pills, going through some brain surgery or being under a love spell in order to feel love felt so unnatural and forced.

Back then, even if I actually had a chance to get any of those for feeling again, I would have not taken them. I felt it would have not been the real me then. I wished for my feelings to come back, but I didn't want to lose myself just because them. I don't know this is complicated and I can't explain it but I hope you understood something.

 

But just like you, nowadays I'm pretty okay with being like this. I don't need to change and I don't even want to... maybe? At the moment I might feel like this but I'm guessing that when I fall in love with someone again I start hoping for a change. I just gotta wish I don't fall for anyone, even though that sounds tempting and lovely.

- - - -

14 hours ago, AirPower said:

I do study psychology, but in quite a small country. If I get the chance though, you bet I will study the hell out of lithromanticism :d I more so hope I will find a therapist and have dealt with the issue before I even graduate. A girl can dream...

Oi! Good luck! Be sure to keep us updated.

[AirPower]

16 hours ago, Jadekiivi said:

Oi! Good luck! Be sure to keep us updated.

Thanks! Will do  

[dieffenbachia]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this website and I know this topic hasn't been discussed in a while but I wanted to add my two cents (accidentally wrote an essay😞

I've dealt with this problem for so long and only found out about lithromanticism about a week ago.

 

Through high school I had the same experiences everyone else seems to: like someone, they like me back, I start dating them, early in the relationship I just want to run and hide. I don't want to touch them or be near them. There are times when I do want to and I'm happy, but 80% of the time I'm a no go zone, whereas before the relationship I had so much fun being around/close to them.

 

While in uni I dated a girl from my group of friends for the longest time I've been with someone- about a year. She was quite a distant person both physically and emotionally, and even though I'm quite introverted I did a lot of the talking, flirting, and I had a few times where I really, truly enjoyed kissing her etc. We didn't really move past that stage, and it turns out she's aromantic, and asexual. During all the time I was with her being intimate etc, I never felt that Feeling. You guys will know the Feeling. (You know the other person likes you and immediately you feel this disgusted, uncomfortable feeling and you want the person to get out of your personal space asap even though you invited them into that space to begin with). If anything I wanted to go further with her just to try new things and have fun, but it was really difficult because she was even more distant emotionally than I can be. As soon as she talked to me about being asexual we decided it was waayyyy more comfy for her for us to just have a platonic relationship.

 

Anyway, we drifted apart for quite a little while, I got a crush on a guy, and for a little while we had an open relationship where the both of us were in a queerplatonic relationship while I dated the guy.

 

We became really distant though and just never really talked anymore, until she told me she might be aromatic as well, and eventually we broke it off. We're still good friends though actually, and nothing's awkward between us which is awesome!

 

I moved on to date the guy, and dated him for 6 months. In that time I regularly had the Feeling, but pushed it away or made an excuse for why I couldn't see him that day. Eventually I broke up with him and told him that my feelings were just gone. I didn't tell him, but my feelings had pretty much disappeared after the first month or two and I often felt extremely anxious, nervous, and disgusted just  being close to him (which filled me with guilt). He didn't really understand, and we haven't really spoken a lot since.

 

That was about a year ago. Over the past few months I've been developing serious feelings for my closest friend. Unlike anyone I've been interested in previously, I can see a future with her. We just work well together. I think she likes me me back and we're in that phase where you both kind of know the other person knows you like them but no one's made a move yet. We were in my kitchen the other day and were pretty close and were chatting, and our of the blue. Suddenly. This god damn terrible feeling. And there it goes again. It happened as soon as she gave me a compliment while smiling and I could TELL that she liked me back. And as soon as that moment came my feelings went from a 10 to a 1 and I just wanted to be alone.

 

I haven't mentioned any of this to her but I'm thinking I might. It might make our relationship really weird, but I think she might love me and I don't want to lead her on now that this disgusted, uncomfortable feeling has replaced a lot of my romantic feelings for her.

 

One last thing: I really want to be cured of this. I want to be with this girl, this woman, and have a life with her. I'm so angry and upset that I'm this way.

 

I've been put on a mental health plan by my doctor for generalised anxiety so will be seeing a psychologist fairly soon. I want to use that as an opportunity to also talk about these problems and see what the psychologist thinks.

 

I will be 1000% sure to update absolutely any useful thing I hear or find out for anyone like me who really does want a lasting relationship in the future.

 

TLDR

me @ everyone: same. Will update with psychologist stuff over the next few months I guess

 

 

Edited March 14, 2019 by dieffenbachia

[Browncoat10]

7 hours ago, dieffenbachia said:

One last thing: I really want to be cured of this. I want to be with this girl, this woman, and have a life with her. I'm so angry and upset that I'm this way.

That sucks, I'm so sorry you feel that way. There's not much else I can say, except, obviously, you're not alone, and it's good you've found this forum.

7 hours ago, dieffenbachia said:

I will be 1000% sure to update absolutely any useful thing I hear

That would be awesome, and much appreciated

[kiaroskuro]

On 3/3/2018 at 4:41 PM, Browncoat10 said:

The thing is... is it even a real thing? Cos if it is curable and not a legitimate orientation, then it must have some basis in, I dunno, like a fear of commitment or whatever, or some kind of psychological thing. The actual term "lithromanticism" is just a made up internet-y word isn't it. I don't know who, where or when, but someone decided that it was an orientation and not a psychological thing, and they gave it a name. And because other people have shared similar feelings or experiences, they've decided they're lithromantic too - and I'm including myself in this btw.

To be honest, I don't consider things like lithromanticism or demiromanticism etc. as orientations per se (who would a lithro person be oriented towards?) but rather as ways to describe one's approach to relationships or in what ways one's experience of attraction is out of the norm.*

 

Either way - yes, I hope it can be 'cured'.

 

On 7/9/2018 at 7:17 PM, Browncoat10 said:

... I guess it's still possible it could be some form of fear of intimacy. Like a self-defence mechanism, even. Unconscious fear of intimacy to the extent that when you try for a relationship with someone your brain freaks out and flicks a switch that makes you genuinely hate being around them. Someone could do some really really interesting research into this!

I agree with you there!

 

 

*Then again, what is the 'norm'?