Why do people think it’s “Tragic” to die alone?

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I'm with @Princess Merida & @imnotafreakofnature!...no matter how many people are around you, your own death is a voyage you can only undertake by yourself.

[Hermit Advocate]

Dying alone with a bunch of cats is my endgame. 

[donttouchme]

What if you posted on something like this one last time before you died? May not get any responses before death but in a way it isn't lonely. I am sure there could easily be a thread to wish others goodbye just as there is one to wish others hello. With a growing awareness (at least in the asexual(ish) community), this may not be too difficult. Anyway, just a thought.

[To Each Their Own]

2 hours ago, Hermit Advocate said:

Dying alone with a bunch of cats is my endgame. 

 

But......what happens to the cats when you’re gone?!?

[To Each Their Own]

1 hour ago, donttouchme said:

What if you posted on something like this one last time before you died? May not get any responses before death but in a way it isn't lonely. I am sure there could easily be a thread to wish others goodbye just as there is one to wish others hello. With a growing awareness (at least in the asexual(ish) community), this may not be too difficult. Anyway, just a thought.

So are you saying that at least your last thoughts (your good-bye thoughts) are in The Cloud?  Or that your are leaving your thoughts with other people, and in that way you are not really alone? Because they are on a message board?

 

I’m not sure I’m grasping what you are meaning, but It does remind me of that Black Mirror episode where they upload your “cookie” (your consciousness) into The Cloud when you die. Your cookie then gets to interact and be around all the other cookies that have been uploaded in The Cloud forever.   I can’t remember the title of the episode off the top of my head, though.

[Philip027]

Because people that are about to die (and know it) are usually very scared, and people are usually less scared with a loved one present.

[umbasa]

44 minutes ago, To Each Their Own said:

 

But......what happens to the cats when you’re gone?!?

They feast.

 

They escape.

 

They feast again.

[donttouchme]

41 minutes ago, To Each Their Own said:

So are you saying that at least your last thoughts (your good-bye thoughts) are in The Cloud?  Or that your are leaving your thoughts with other people, and in that way you are not really alone? Because they are on a message board?

 

I’m not sure I’m grasping what you are meaning, but It does remind me of that Black Mirror episode where they upload your “cookie” (your consciousness) into The Cloud when you die. Your cookie then gets to interact and be around all the other cookies that have been uploaded in The Cloud forever.   I can’t remember the title of the episode off the top of my head, though.

What I am saying is that the proliferation of forums such as AVEN and the meaningful connections made there can serve as a very real comfort during death. By typing into this or DMing specific members (who you have likely not met in person) may be far more rewarding than a volunteer from a local charity. I would think highly active members who suddenly ceased posting would be noted. In other words, virtual connection can serve a good purpose during death. By the time my generation (mid-20s) hits death, it is not unreasonable to have friends all over the globe with whom I have shared many intimate details and I may never have met them. I think those connections warrant some kind of acknowledgment and may have therapeutic benefits for patients in their last moments.

[Hermit Advocate]

2 hours ago, To Each Their Own said:

 

But......what happens to the cats when you’re gone?!?

Hopefully my body will provide them with enough nourishment until someone can find them and give them new homes. Luckily I will be dead and will not have to panic over what will become of them. My poor future babies. 

[To Each Their Own]

1 hour ago, umbasa said:

They feast.

 

They escape.

 

They feast again.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[Hermit Advocate]

2 hours ago, umbasa said:

They feast.

 

They escape.

 

They feast again.

This is one of the most amazing things I have ever read. I hope this is what happens. 

[SilentRose]

I think when people say "die alone", they're not just talking about the ultimate hours of death...they're talking about your golden years, retirement, after your parents and a lot of your friends are gone, the sad reality is it's a scary thought to be alone in your 70s and 80s, no one to be there for you or take care of you when you're sick. No one to spend your days with. 

 

I'm a lot like you when it comes to this issue...I'm happy just having a few close friends who I can hang with on weekends and call to talk, but I actually think I'd prefer to live alone. Not against marriage or living with someone, but I'd definitely need my space. 

 

I do understand it though, what those people mean. The sad thing is, as someone I believe mentioned, even if you did marry...one of you has to die first. I know older relatives who ended up socially isolated after their spouse died, and I also have an older aunt who is anything but lonely, and never got married...just a lot of good friends. 

 

The most important thing, I think, is just to have people in your life who you love and trust. Whether that's your spouse or your friends or your family, doesn't matter. And yeah, you could still end up dying alone, that's the sad truth. But if you have people who you loved, whose lives you've touched...that knowledge alone, I think, will bring you some peace. 

 

[Muledeer]

On ‎1‎/‎1‎/‎2018 at 6:23 PM, loomborn said:

I think that when someone says they don't want to die alone, it's not literally. Clearly most of people die alone indeed, since dying is a personal experience. It doesn't mean dying with physical human comfort either. 

Exactly.  Unless you are part of a mass casualty event like a plane crash then you will die alone.

I would rather not be traumatized by witnessing another person's death, even my parents'.  

Death happens to all of us and I don't think it is sad to die alone when my time is up.

[Homer]

17 minutes ago, Muledeer said:

Unless you are part of a mass casualty event like a plane crash then you will die alone.

I think that this is missing the point of the whole "dying alone" shebang. It's not only about having someone near you, it's about having someone near you who cares.

 

If I died in a plane crash and I had nobody with me who I felt close to, I would have died alone - regardless of the other 200 random strangers around me.

 

[Chimeric]

I would not want a stranger in the room watching me die. Death isn't pretty. I'd rather poop myself in peace, please.

[To Each Their Own]

16 minutes ago, Chimeric said:

I would not want a stranger in the room watching me die. Death isn't pretty. I'd rather poop myself in peace, please.

It’s a misconception that all people poop themselves when they die.  I, personally, haven’t seen that happen. But seeing how this myth persists, someone, somewhere has seen it happen. 

[Chimeric]

4 minutes ago, To Each Their Own said:

It’s a misconception that all people poop themselves when they die.  I, personally, haven’t seen that happen. But seeing how this myth persists, someone, somewhere has seen it happen. 

I have. Many times. 

[To Each Their Own]

41 minutes ago, Chimeric said:

I have. Many times. 

Fascinating!! Under what circumstances?

[korik]

On ‎1‎/‎1‎/‎2018 at 1:10 PM, Skycaptain said:

It's probably more to do with a corpse lying undetected, and possibly eaten. The "sanctity" of the human body etc 

that's what I was gonna say,.. MY only problem might be, not being found for ______, and my cat(s) eating me.

 

On ‎1‎/‎1‎/‎2018 at 1:41 PM, StormySky said:

IMO, watching a loved one die/having a loved one watch you die is more tragic than dying alone.

I also think it would be unpleasant for loved ones to be bawling all over me. maybe even making me feel guilty for dying, ...as if there were anything I could do about it. -- I guess that would depend on How I died, though. If I were dying of something preventable where having someone near could have saved me (heart attack, etc.) then dying alone might be scary. But a terminal illness/old age/whatever; I think I'd rather be left "alone!"

 

 

[Chimeric]

On 1/6/2018 at 12:10 PM, To Each Their Own said:

Fascinating!! Under what circumstances?

I work in a medical field. Everything kinda relaxes after death, and if there's stuff in the bowels, well... it all comes out. 

[Rhaenys]

It's to give their existence some kind of false hope of being satisfied. You die alone regardless of your relationship plus dying itself is more tragic than "dying alone.".

[To Each Their Own]

57 minutes ago, Chimeric said:

I work in a medical field. Everything kinda relaxes after death, and if there's stuff in the bowels, well... it all comes out. 

That’s interesting. In the seven years I did crime scenes (only do lab work now) I only had one body that had poop.  

 

Most of them were before rigor at the scene, some of them were after rigor (because it had been days).  They are all sealed up in a bag at the scene, which is not opened until the autopsy (chain of custody for evidence). By this time they would be in full rigor and no poo would go anywhere. And, of course, at autopsy, you take all the clothes, you wash the body, and take the rest of the evidence from around and inside the body.

 

However, I have no idea what happens after the autopsy. I assume it goes to the mortuary? 

 

Anyway, so now I’m wondering...does it matter how the body dies?  If you work in the medical field and you see it a lot, and I work crime scenes and I have only seen it once in seven years (and yes, I have asked my co-workers), it makes me think. What’s the difference? Does maybe stress have something to do with it?

 

And I’m now thinking: Do I want to be murdered and not crap my pants?

Or do I want to die in a hospital with some long drawn out illness and die in my own shit?

 

hmmmm?

[Chimeric]

8 minutes ago, To Each Their Own said:

However, I have no idea what happens after the autopsy. I assume it goes to the mortuary? 

 

Anyway, so now I’m wondering...does it matter how the body dies?  If you work in the medical field and you see it a lot, and I work crime scenes and I have only seen it once in seven years (and yes, I have asked my co-workers), it makes me think. What’s the difference? Does maybe stress have something to do with it?

 

And I’m now thinking: Do I want to be murdered and not crap my pants?

Or do I want to die in a hospital with some long drawn out illness and die in my own shit?

 

hmmmm?

This is really interesting!

 

I also work in autopsy, and almost all of my patients are covered in poo by the time that I get them. =) (The examples I alluded to earlier, however, were patients I had been around at the time of death, so I saw the, ehm, "loosening" firsthand.)

 

Maybe cause of death does matter. My legal cases are few and far between; I can't recall off the top of my head if fecal staining is a typical finding.

 

Maybe patient species matter; mine are all non-human animals. =)

[To Each Their Own]

1 hour ago, Chimeric said:

This is really interesting!

 

I also work in autopsy, and almost all of my patients are covered in poo by the time that I get them. =) (The examples I alluded to earlier, however, were patients I had been around at the time of death, so I saw the, ehm, "loosening" firsthand.)

 

Maybe cause of death does matter. My legal cases are few and far between; I can't recall off the top of my head if fecal staining is a typical finding.

 

Maybe patient species matter; mine are all non-human animals. =)

Wow, the more you know!!

 

Thanks 

[The Never One]

My grandfather wouldent have had compay by his hospital bed if it wasent for his wife his daughter and his grandaugher he wouldent have had family without his wife. He would have spent weeks lying alone slowly dying. But I think watching loved ones cry over you might be worse...

[Correner]

With recent deaths I don't think fecal staining is a typical finding. Though you can also find cases where large amounts of defecation surround the body.

[Skycaptain]

At times of extreme stress the human body voids itself, hence the term "to poop your pants" as a euphemism for being scared. So at a traumatic death it is possible for the body to expel faeces in the dying moments. 

But expulsion of faeces requires muscle action, so this won't occur in a natural death. Hence a pathologist taking an anal temperature reading as part of determining the time of death has to take care that the thermometer isn't inserted into a bolus of faecal matter, which cools at a different rate to the body. 

The bladder, and muscles surrounding it relax upon death, so urine within the bladder slowly drains out under the effects of gravity and body tissue resting over it squeezing urine out. 

As an aside this is also a diagnostic indicator of a grand mal seizure 

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

*Trigger Warning*  on deciding how to die if it was needed

I'd rather do it alone, if I ever needed to be in hospice I'd rather not since I never want help washing or going to the restroom, I'd rather live in a place that has assisted suicide if it ever came to that. I also love my space for myself, I do however am going to be moving in with a dear friend in 2019 IF all our plans work out, both hers and mine. 

I see it this way "It's better to be alone than be with someone who has no respect for personal space or boundaries" 

This is partially why I'll never date besides me being sex repulsed and never wanting to try it and being aromantic. 

I'm Norse Heathen so in my last few minutes I would probably imagine my Goddesses and Gods around me and waiting to take me to the afterworld, I do not fear death or dying alone, I rather live a long happy life single, I find more freedom and it's stress, and depression free, I'm not anxious or feeling alone. I love my friends I have and the band I'm practicing with, these people are like my family compared to my real family who do not respect me.

[Yatogami]

Its not so much about dying alone because you don't have a partner. But dying alone is associated to being unloved, by everyone. Your not alone if you have friends and family there. Your not alone if you have a partner. 

 

The reason it's sad, is it reminds people of their own mortality, and regret in wasting their life on stupid things. No one wants to die having not lived, having done nothing in life. A family could be deemed as legacy, just as an invention, or novel that they sold.

[Guest community6seasons]

Any practical suggestions on how to avoid dying alone without anyone noticing you are gone. I mean I don't mind dying alone. What I am worried about though is my body rotting away until someone finds me.