Sexual Men Treating Asexual Women Differently?

[JacobSmith]

On 12/31/2017 at 10:52 PM, dlnvu19 said:

I don't know if it's just me, but this is something that I've observed in my social relationships with (sexual) men in my past, and most recently. I'm at a point in my life where I'm finally telling people up front about my orientation (biromantic asexual). I feel it's only fair to get that on the table immediately to avoid any confusion or disappointment for both parties down the line. But in the past, before I knew how to classify myself, I would only say that I wasn't interested in sex or that I didn't believe in premarital sex (I was raised Christian). It would always seem that, shortly after my confession, men would then start treating me differently in that, they no longer treated me "like a lady" if you understand me. I wouldn't get asked to go places, I would always have to be the one to put forth the effort or suggest outings and even plan the entire thing. They would never offer to pick me up or just simply behave as gentlemen toward me. It was almost like I was just another one of the guys. They stopped trying to dress neat, or portray themselves courteously. It's as though "I'm not interested in sex" translated in their mcinds to "put forth 0 effort because she's not putting out and it's not worth your time."  Even if it's just a male/female friendship situation, I still notice I get treated differently or am otherwise kept at an emotional distance with guys. 

 

It just baffles me because while I may not be interested in sex, I'm still interested in other things such as spending time together, going out places, and connecting in other ways emotionally and mentally. I am also rather old fashioned and am partial to traditional courting behaviors (i.e. man asks woman out, picks her up, opens doors), but that's never happened for me. I'm actually dealing with something right now where ever since I told him about my orientation, he doesn't seem 

On 12/31/2017 at 11:15 PM, Sally said:

I think heterosexual men want to feel like they are the "one" for a woman, even if she's not the "one" for them.  When they learn the woman is asexual, it's like telling them that she's refused to let them be the one.  They may be a little angry at that, even if they don't realize it, and it changes their behavior.  

I am a man, my name is jake I am 17 years old. Sally your right about men behaving irrational, but the reason they are so irritable or trying to avoid you after saying your asexual is because quite frankly some of those men you women hung out with weren’t by lust. Like for me the reason I was all over this girl named Taylor was not to simply get into her pants, I adored her personality, her smile, every thing that made her unique. Most nights as creepy as it sounds I would dream of having beautiful memories teaching her to kayak and learn to camp with me. What they probably felt when you said you were asexual was like telling them there is no reason to live because they treasured you. Though, there are some jerks out there and I really don’t know your experiences, but what I can tell you is that you shouldn’t neglect someone to fast because sometimes there ideology of a relationship may be quite different then you intend it to be, you never know, they may not mind giving up sex to be with you just like I did with Taylor.

 

On 12/31/2017 at 11:15 PM, Sally said:

I think heterosexual men want to feel like they are the "one" for a woman, even if she's not the "one" for them.  When they learn the woman is asexual, it's like telling them that she's refused to let them be the one.  They may be a little angry at that, even if they don't realize it, and it changes their behavior.  

 

[Sally]

@JacobSmith   Welcome to AVEN.  This thread is pretty dead -- it's not been posted in for 1.5 years.  You're welcome to make another thread about this topic. 

[Nylocke]

I think it happens because men are butthurt if they can't get any so they just don't wannt put the effort if there is no pay out

[degenerate]

@Sally said this thread is dead, but I just read the whole thing and it was a good read.

 

Weighing in. There are a significant number of men who don't value the friendship of women. This may be uncomfortable to hear, but there is evidence of this in most of the history and science I've read. Not to mention the constant anecdotal evidence I hear from women.

[Intissar]

On 1/1/2018 at 4:04 AM, Palovana said:

In my experience, what happens is straight guys only ever speak to me if they think they're going to get in my pants. They'll be sugary sweet, pretend they want to be my "friend", pretend they have similar interests to mine. When I tell them I'm asexual, one of two things always happen. They disappear and I never hear from them again. Or, they continue pretending they want to be my "friend", while becoming increasingly overbearing in terms of complimenting me, trying to impress me, going out of their way to do things for me, pretend they care about me, all with the goal of somehow thinking they can win me over. Both scenarios are devastating for me. All I want is a friend. Someone who cares about me for me, for who I am. But this has happened so many times, with every male acquaintance I've ever had, that I really don't believe it's possible for me to be friends with guys anymore. Which is a shame, because I share a lot of common interests with guys - more so than women anyway - like sports, video games, metal...that's not to say there aren't women who like these things, but it seems they're much more difficult to find. Straight men will also lie through their teeth to me, with devastating consequences for me, because I end up trusting them with things they should never be trusted with, and when they finally realize they're never getting in my pants, they stab me in the back and use my trust as a weapon against me. And these are people who led me to believe they were really my friends. Really all along they were just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear, just to get close to me to try to fuck me. 

FUCK ALL THE GUYS LIKE THEM!

[songchick]

I definitely feel like sexual men (like all men) view me differently, although I have not "come out" as asexual.  They see me as focused, determined, strong and intelligent, and it's hard for them to break in and approach me.  I can be intimidating also because I'm tall and have long black curly hair.  RBF happens sometimes, although it's much less than before.  RBF was my permanent face for many years due to mental illness, but now I smile a lot more.  Still though, I don't flirt, etc.