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I need help with relationships


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Hello, I need help with relationships.I am almost completely unable to have comfortable relationships because of three main things:

Social anxiety, my asexuality and aromancy.

How am I supposed to be comfortable with my partner if I am not attracted to them and have social anxiety?It is just a mess in normal social situations, and being with my partner makes me even more nervous and kissing someone isn't my thing either.I just need help if I ever get in a relationship anyways.

Even though I am asexual I might find SOMEONE, and social anxiety just stands in the way.

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Galactic Turtle

There are lots of things that might happen in our lives but if you're not attracted to anyone in any way, I'm not sure why you'd want to enter that type of relationship in the first place. If you do, I really think it's more about having open communication with the other person and figuring out what the two of you are comfortable with. If those things don't align then you're most likely incompatible, as most romantic partnerships turn out being for an infinite amount of reasons, in which case you would break up and try again with another person if you happen to catch feelings again.

 

As such, asexual people who aren't willing to perform physical acts of intimacy with their partner usually find themselves with a far smaller pool of sexually compatible partners to choose from... and that's not even starting on compatible personalities. 

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Thanks for the help, and I agree with the fact that I am not attracted to anyone, it is just if I do get in a relationship.Btw how can I move posts? I think i did a bad job picking a group for this post.But yes, it was a stupid idea to even post this.

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Galactic Turtle
1 hour ago, sum random guy said:

Thanks for the help, and I agree with the fact that I am not attracted to anyone, it is just if I do get in a relationship.Btw how can I move posts? I think i did a bad job picking a group for this post.But yes, it was a stupid idea to even post this.

If the mods think a thread is in the wrong section of the forum they will move it themselves. I think you can maybe contact them directly as well? I'm not sure.  

 

And no question or idea is stupid! I've made far too many threads on this forum. @__@  

It's all about learning about all things ace/aro.

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23 hours ago, sum random guy said:

it is just if I do get in a relationship.

People don't just get in a relationship by chance or force. People choose to get into a relationship. If you don't feel like it, or if you don't want to take the risk, then it's your choice not to enter any relationship.

 

I recommend that you spend some time to figure out what you would want to get out of a relationship, and what you would be willing to put into it in return. Because those are the questions you'll have to answer when you decide on whether you should or should not enter a relationship when the occasion arises, or whether you should pursue such occasions in the first place. :cake:

 

All that is about partnerships, of course: romantic, sexual, whatever. There's a more general meaning of "relationship" as well... you have a relationship with anyone around you, be that family members, friends, fellow students or co-workers, teachers, students, acquaintances, correspondents, anyone. Those are not by choice, but because you are living in a society with other people. That's where you social anxiety puts up roadblocks, doesn't it?

I suggest that you work on that social anxiety, and start to consciously build up a network of acquaintances, and a smaller network of friends, and an even smaller network of close friends or familiars. Along that way, you might encounter someone you'd like to be in a partnership with. But until that actually happens, you shouldn't worry too much about it. Building up the networks will give you plenty of opportunities to balance expectations with efforts and risks, and to practice the decision making.

 

I hope this is of some help to you. All the best in 2018, and beyond! :cake:

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23 hours ago, sum random guy said:

how can I move posts?

At the top right of your post, there's a share symbol, and next to it a "Report post" link. You may have to hover the mouse there to let it appear. Click the link, then ask a moderator to move your thread to another sub-forum.

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Thanks for the advice and same to you for that last line.I can say that I might not get in a relationship like that which I brought up but I wanted to be sure, way too soon to say that but I suppose its ok.Considering I'm Asexual and Aromantic I shouldn't worry.

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5 minutes ago, roland.o said:

At the top right of your post, there's a share symbol, and next to it a "Report post" link. You may have to hover the mouse there to let it appear. Click the link, then ask a moderator to move your thread to another sub-forum.

Thanks, but I might just not want to move it anyways.

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