Neptune Ave. Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 I've been asexual for years, but until recently, I'm not sure if I can identify myself as one, anymore, and I have no idea why. Like, I'm open to some sexual acts, but I don't desire actual sex. I don't desire nor do I ever want intercourse. With that said, my main approach to sex is more in a romantic sense and not a lustful sense. I crave romantic intimacy and want to express my deepest emotions to someone in a romantic way through sex. There's that, but at the same time, I do have some sexual fantasies that I'm more curious about. I have a desire to fulfill my curiosity, yet people just don't sexually attract me. I don't fantasize about the specific person out of mere sexual attraction, yet I do fantasize about a specific person in a romantic and sensual sense (kissing, caressing, etc). In a mere sexual sense, I fantasize more about the action or situation. I don't really get aroused; it's real low and easy to ignore, and I don't get that itch whatsoever. Body parts or unspecific, vague persons are in my thoughts for convenience sake of action or situation. This is probably confusing you, because it's confusing me. Just like I have always been, people don't turn me on and not once I saw some hot person and expressed the desire to have sex with them out of sexual attraction. I wasn't even sexually attracted to past partners, but I cared about them that I was willing to please them. As far as I can remember, I've always had thoughts of action and not attraction, but they were just thoughts. Nowadays, they're turning into needs. The last time this happened was ten years ago, and that was because I was longing for my first romantic relationship. I guess it's the same again. I wonder if it's because I've been so desolated and deprived for intimacy that these thoughts are escalating due to the need for intimacy and even increased curiosity. I have no idea. After being asexual for a decade, I sometimes feel like nothing fits me these days (asexual, grey, sexual, fluid, whatever). Maybe it's just my need for intimacy that's clouding my own judgment. Whenever my needs are not flaring, I feel grey-ace or just being in the asexual spectrum fits fine, but whenever I do crave for romance and intimacy, and even get curious, that's when I feel like a complete fraud, despite that I don't get aroused and don't experience sexual attraction. But still, I have no idea what's going on anymore I'm sorry that this makes no sense whatsoever. I'm tired and can't be bothered making this post more clear Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dean. Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Your post makes enough sense to understand so you don't need to worry about that first off, second it seems like you have very deep romantic feelings, (don't take my words as what this is btw) but to me it seems like you just really need to be close to a significant other, and just cause you kind of want to try some of that doesn't mean your not an ace, it just means you are experiencing a need to be intimate and that's ok. hope that helped a little, I'm not the greatest when it comes to all this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Ave. Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 That makes sense, but at the same time, no matter what, I just feel like a fraud regarding the asexual spectrum. The influence of how sex-driven and naive society is, and the feedback of sexual people telling me I am sexual all because I get curious and want to express that curiosity, it really leaves one confused and out of place. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 you are allowed to feel like a fraud. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Ave. Posted March 2, 2018 Author Share Posted March 2, 2018 Yup. Thanks. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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