vega57 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 15 minutes ago, MrDane said: The bold part and the part about maintaining the bond of being eachothers first call is very good. This is why it is not just always fucking, but also love making. What is the difference between fucking and love making to you? Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Love making is fucking with love in the equation as an important component. Occasionally it is more love and less fuck. It is usually the best when love is present. Just fucking, can be, in a serious monogamistic relationship, to help eachother mutually strive towards a good physical experience and usually enjoying the ride, and enjoying giving as well as receiving. The best fucks is when both enjoyed both journey and destination and can tilt back with a “wow, thanks. I really needed that. I hope it was as equally good to you!” when both things happens at once, then the feeling surpassed laws of nature and lifts you up and into the nirvana of togetherness. Link to post Share on other sites
vega57 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 27 minutes ago, MrDane said: Love making is fucking with love in the equation as an important component. Occasionally it is more love and less fuck. It is usually the best when love is present. Just fucking, can be, in a serious monogamistic relationship, to help eachother mutually strive towards a good physical experience and usually enjoying the ride, and enjoying giving as well as receiving. The best fucks is when both enjoyed both journey and destination and can tilt back with a “wow, thanks. I really needed that. I hope it was as equally good to you!” when both things happens at once, then the feeling surpassed laws of nature and lifts you up and into the nirvana of togetherness. Sorry, but "fucking" sounds too vulgar to me (and quite a few other women from what I understand). As much as you describe it as something that's "mutual" it almost seems kind of... cold. Emotionless. One-sided. Selfish. Kind of like, if the other person gets off, great. But if she doesn't, that's o.k., too. As long as you got yours. It sounds like something you do to someone as opposed to with someone. Now, I can understand if two people are into "fucking" each other, but quite often, that's not the case. And what if you want to fuck and your partner...doesn't? And if you fucked a lot of women before you met your wife, your wife just might see that you basically *only* want to fuck her, too. Where's the "bond" or "connection" in that? Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I don't buy this distinction you make that if someone stops feeling something it was never real in the first place, Vega. Feelings change (as youve frequently pointed out), and by definition, it means they were there to start with. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 22 minutes ago, vega57 said: Sorry, but "fucking" sounds too vulgar to me (and quite a few other women from what I understand). As much as you describe it as something that's "mutual" it almost seems kind of... cold. Emotionless. One-sided. Selfish. Kind of like, if the other person gets off, great. But if she doesn't, that's o.k., too. As long as you got yours. It sounds like something you do to someone as opposed to with someone. Now, I can understand if two people are into "fucking" each other, but quite often, that's not the case. And what if you want to fuck and your partner...doesn't? And if you fucked a lot of women before you met your wife, your wife just might see that you basically *only* want to fuck her, too. Where's the "bond" or "connection" in that? To me, ‘fucking’ is synonomous with ‘having sex’ but not always with ‘making love’. On an everyday basis in many monogamistic, sexual couples they have found a compromise or a level of sexual intercourse that works for both parts. This sex, can be build on the foundation of love and respect and can be a mutual agreement and a sincere, heartfelt wish to share sexual moments/experiences together. Most couples find some kind of common ground, as we do when it comes to holiday planning, child upbringing and if we should buy a new car. We find common ground that are acceptable/good to both of us. As I have pointed out ‘love’ makes sex better, but the mere roll-on-top quickie or lend a hand migth resemble help with masturbation done by a caring partner. We, sexuals, dont just fuck. We have jobs, take out the trash, play games and enjoy being with our partner without having sex. Sex is just very important to most of us, and so is love. When combined it works great. When separate, then love is good. When separate, then sex is good. I think I mentioned the words ‘mutual’ and ‘love’ as important. I love my wife. I love to bring her joy and happyness. Perhaps, this is not done best by ‘handling her genitalia’ but I do It other ways. I always make coffee ready for her in the morning. I do this because I love her and she loves coffee and she loves to wake up and get her gears running by sipping that coffee. I do not see the relevance of bringing up a few girlfriends, who I had sexual relations to more than 20 years ago? I guess, that what you are missing here is the very foundation of love, trust, commitment and respect that we build our relationship on. I am not just with her to fuck her. If that was the case, she was a wrong choice. She was not a wrong choice. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 On 1/1/2018 at 11:06 PM, alibali said: Why do people who do have sex in their partnership have affairs?? Usually because they are missing something. Could be love. Could be excitement. Could be the feeling of being desired. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 2 hours ago, vega57 said: What is the difference between fucking and love making to you? It sounds to me like you're asking questions but not really listening to the answers. If sexuals and asexuals are ever to be able to communicate their separate experiences and feelings, they have to listen to and respect the other's willingness to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
vega57 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 5 hours ago, Sally said: It sounds to me like you're asking questions but not really listening to the answers. If sexuals and asexuals are ever to be able to communicate their separate experiences and feelings, they have to listen to and respect the other's willingness to do so. It's not that I'm not listening. It's that the answers seem to change from person to person, experience to experience and day to day. If a sexual is with someone for an evening, it means one thing. If a sexual has a friends-with-benefits situation with someone else, it means something else. If a sexual has sex with his/her spouse, it means something else... One minute it means one thing and the next, it means something else. Sometimes. I'm sorry, but you seem to want consistency in action. Meanwhile, what about the people who want consistency in feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 1 hour ago, vega57 said: I'm sorry, but you seem to want consistency in action. Meanwhile, what about the people who want consistency in feelings? I wasn't talking about what I want. I'm not sure how you thought that. If you expect consistency in feelings, you will be disappointed. People can most often control their actions. They can't control their feelings. And people are all individuals, so person A's feelings are not going to be consistent with person B's feelings, even though they're experiencing the same thing. Also, the same person may have a different feeling about something today than they had yesterday. Some of your feeling of discomfort and disappointment (and also, it seems, anger) may be diminished if you try to see that other people are constantly changing creatures -- just as all other living creatures on earth. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 3 hours ago, vega57 said: It's not that I'm not listening. It's that the answers seem to change from person to person, experience to experience and day to day. If a sexual is with someone for an evening, it means one thing. If a sexual has a friends-with-benefits situation with someone else, it means something else. If a sexual has sex with his/her spouse, it means something else... One minute it means one thing and the next, it means something else. Sometimes. I'm sorry, but you seem to want consistency in action. Meanwhile, what about the people who want consistency in feelings? You can want it. You're not going to get it. Do you feel consistently the same about different friends, all the time? Link to post Share on other sites
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