Guys Who Are Called "Pretty"

[RK800]

I get called pretty and cute more than any other compliments involving my appearance.

I'm fond of it, I'm certainly not a very masculine individual and I embrace that.

[Mezzo Forte]

Most the people in my life knew me before transition, so I think most of them became extra cautious about feminine-associated descriptors. My sis even checked with me to see if "cute" was okay because she doesn't use it in a gendered way. I definitely appreciate more masculine terms of endearment though.

 

@nate-1234, I feel you about getting mistaken for younger, and it gets very frustrating after a while. Ageism is definitely a thing, and it's very frustrating to have people condescend you because they're assuming that you're a child. People seem to assume me anywhere between 11 and 19 years old when I'm actually 24. My twin gets it worse than me, where people get downright hostile because they mistake her for a punk teen. It's almost insulting how quickly people change their tune when they realize that we're older than we seem. 

 

Honestly, once I can grow a full enough beard, I'm never going clean-shaven again. While that's mostly because I like facial hair and hate shaving, I appreciate the added effect of looking older.

[Tortuga]

I want to be called pretty- However, everyone just calls me 'handsome' and 'sexy, in a manly way'

F*ck it, people, I'm a woman, get used to it. (Curse this male body, and why do they have to call me sexy, I'm asexual, you know that?)

Sorry about the little vitriolic  mini-rant there

 

R.A.N.T. = Rage, Anxiety, and Never Thumbs-up (Okay I had to stretch that a bit. If someone comes up with a better acronym, let me know) 

[J. van Deijck]

41 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

I want to be called pretty- However, everyone just calls me 'handsome' and 'sexy, in a manly way'

F*ck it, people, I'm a woman, get used to it. (Curse this male body, and why do they have to call me sexy, I'm asexual, you know that?)

Sorry about the little vitriolic  mini-rant there

 

R.A.N.T. = Rage, Anxiety, and Never Thumbs-up (Okay I had to stretch that a bit. If someone comes up with a better acronym, let me know) 

*hugs*

 

I have a similar problem in an opposite manner. and I know the struggle is serious. 

[Guest]

*Shrug* they’re just words to me. I wonder why people must attach gender to the terms  “pretty” and “handsome”..

[J. van Deijck]

10 minutes ago, Jayce said:

*Shrug* they’re just words to me. I wonder why people must attach gender to the terms  “pretty” and “handsome”..

same.

[nate-1234]

On 12/29/2017 at 3:54 AM, Grinchmer said:

Seriously? Come on... that's outright ridiculous but people feel "insulted" by everything these days, so you could have a point regardless.

 

Still...

Okay I do agree that a lot of people do get insulted, angry over everything even other people's opinion. I am usually not like that, I know when something is a joke or just someone's opinion. However, this is one of the few things that do upset me. When people tell me I am pretty it reminds of the times I was mistaken for a girl and that hurts me. Also, it's my face I can't do anything to make it more masculine or older. It makes me feel trapped and stuck. I have not visibly aged in almost half a decade. I know it is their opinion, but them telling me their opinion does directly affect me and how I feel about myself.

[Janus the Fox]

I've been called a pretty boy yes, might be quite common associating with men-only LGBT space for a while now.

[nate-1234]

Thank you everyone for the advice I really appreciate it. I will try to use some of the advice here for how to verbally respond and how to mentally accept those comments next time.  

[Guest]

37 minutes ago, nate-1234 said:

Okay I do agree that a lot of people do get insulted, angry over everything even other people's opinion. I am usually not like that, I know when something is a joke or just someone's opinion. However, this is one of the few things that do upset me. When people tell me I am pretty it reminds of the times I was mistaken for a girl and that hurts me. Also, it's my face I can't do anything to make it more masculine or older. It makes me feel trapped and stuck. I have not visibly aged in almost half a decade. I know it is their opinion, but them telling me their opinion does directly affect me an how I feel about myself.

It's not meant in the same way when applied to a guy though. Did you read my comment about Jon Snow? I can't post a pic of him on my phone, but he's almost always described by women as 'pretty' 'beautiful' 'gorgeous', he's a specific type of attractive that 'handsome' doesn't cover.. handsome is more like, Sean Bean (Ned Stark) but Jon Snow is pretty. However, if you actually look at pics of him, he doesn't look like a girl in any way, shape, or form. He's certainly not pretty in the same way a beautiful woman is. The words mean something different when applied to a man.

 

I think that 1) you're getting too hung up on gender norms when it comes to the words being used! and 2) either say 'i don't like being sexually objectified thanks' or 'thanks for the compliment' and move on? Attractive women have to put up with this shit the time, and even worse stuff like 'you've got nice tits miss' etc ..it's unfortunately something that just goes along with being  attractive. You have every right to tell them to bugger off though if it bugs you so much!!

[Calligraphette_Coe]

1 hour ago, nate-1234 said:

Okay I do agree that a lot of people do get insulted, angry over everything even other people's opinion. I am usually not like that, I know when something is a joke or just someone's opinion. However, this is one of the few things that do upset me. When people tell me I am pretty it reminds of the times I was mistaken for a girl and that hurts me. Also, it's my face I can't do anything to make it more masculine or older. It makes me feel trapped and stuck. I have not visibly aged in almost half a decade. I know it is their opinion, but them telling me their opinion does directly affect me an how I feel about myself.

I get mistaken for the opposite of my birth gender all the time. I think I could almost write a textbook on the joys and sorrows of androgyny. I just let it be like water off a duck's back, but it can take a long time to reach that accomodation with your feelings about how the world sees you.

 

In the final countdown, it seems to be how much good you can bring into the world by being Excellent to people in general. People will often reciprocate and see miles past any gender preconciptions they have at first glance. Stive to sublimate the angst into something better, and the world may just smile on you no matter jpw upi look.

[GLRDT]

First off, I'm sorry that you keep having interactions where you feel crappy afterwards. That sucks! Secondly, I'm a woman and the only time I recall having ever referred to a guy as being pretty is if I'm referring to a specific aspect like if you have long shiny thick hair that I admire, I may call your hair pretty and say something like I don't mean to be weird but you have the prettiest hair I've ever seen. How do you take care of it? And then I can get some tips! But that happened like once. I call everything and everyone cute because for some reason the word sexy coming out of my mouth seems very unlike me and kind of uncomfortable. It has been used rarely in my life. I personally am attracted to very cute men who may have like puppy dog eyes and such. If I told you I thought you were cute, I'd be flirting with you. So as others have said, I agree, people may be finding certain aspects of your looks pretty, or are in fact flirting with you and think you're cute which is good or at least it would be for me. Also people who give you this compliment probably have no idea you're receiving the same compliment constantly. Maybe they think they are coming up with something unique and different. I don't know. I've find when people give me random compliments genuine or catcallish I just say thanks and keep walking. If they are people I know I usually put the attention on them or say why I'm actually hideous that day and then end with a thanks. I have a little trouble taking compliments sometimes. Anyhoo, there have only been a few times with various random people where they said I was beautiful and it felt so genuine coming from them that it touched me. Otherwise just ignore people. Say thanks and don't let things affect you too deeply. It also might help if you can find things you do love about your appearance and see yourself in that way and build up that confidence instead of seeing yourself how everyone keeps saying. Just some thoughts! Also though I'm not a dude so I can only relate so much. I do also however look waaaay younger than I am. Sometimes I turn it into a game though and make people guess my age. I luckily have very rarely had people treat me poorly because of how young i look. Perhaps this is because of my confidence and the way I hold myself and the way I communicate. Anyhow, best of luck. Definitely with people you know, you can tell them you'd prefer not to be called pretty and you don't take it as a compliment. Other random people. Don't let them affect you. They shouldn't get to have that power. Unfortunately, compliments are a way people try to build a relationship and are a huge part of small talk. It's something most people have to get used to and find ways to be okay with.

[nate-1234]

36 minutes ago, GLRDT said:

First off, I'm sorry that you keep having interactions where you feel crappy afterwards. That sucks! Secondly, I'm a woman and the only time I recall having ever referred to a guy as being pretty is if I'm referring to a specific aspect like if you have long shiny thick hair that I admire, I may call your hair pretty and say something like I don't mean to be weird but you have the prettiest hair I've ever seen. How do you take care of it? And then I can get some tips! But that happened like once. I call everything and everyone cute because for some reason the word sexy coming out of my mouth seems very unlike me and kind of uncomfortable. It has been used rarely in my life. I personally am attracted to very cute men who may have like puppy dog eyes and such. If I told you I thought you were cute, I'd be flirting with you. So as others have said, I agree, people may be finding certain aspects of your looks pretty, or are in fact flirting with you and think you're cute which is good or at least it would be for me. Also people who give you this compliment probably have no idea you're receiving the same compliment constantly. Maybe they think they are coming up with something unique and different. I don't know. I've find when people give me random compliments genuine or catcallish I just say thanks and keep walking. If they are people I know I usually put the attention on them or say why I'm actually hideous that day and then end with a thanks. I have a little trouble taking compliments sometimes. Anyhoo, there have only been a few times with various random people where they said I was beautiful and it felt so genuine coming from them that it touched me. Otherwise just ignore people. Say thanks and don't let things affect you too deeply. It also might help if you can find things you do love about your appearance and see yourself in that way and build up that confidence instead of seeing yourself how everyone keeps saying. Just some thoughts! Also though I'm not a dude so I can only relate so much. I do also however look waaaay younger than I am. Sometimes I turn it into a game though and make people guess my age. I luckily have very rarely had people treat me poorly because of how young i look. Perhaps this is because of my confidence and the way I hold myself and the way I communicate. Anyhow, best of luck. Definitely with people you know, you can tell them you'd prefer not to be called pretty and you don't take it as a compliment. Other random people. Don't let them affect you. They shouldn't get to have that power. Unfortunately, compliments are a way people try to build a relationship and are a huge part of small talk. It's something most people have to get used to and find ways to be okay with.

Thank you  

[Aza159]

I tend to call some guys pretty because the use of the word handsome seems sorta blocky to me. I'm very used to words just floating around in my head, so much that they've even managed to literally look like their definitions. Ex: High literally looks high to me. The way the letters are arranged look right.

Anyways, that was a bit off topic. Handsome is a word I've grown to distaste for reasons I can't identify myself, so I end up telling guys they look "pretty" not because they're feminine, but because it works. There's just something about good looking people that immediately brings the word "pretty" to mind, so if I were you, I would probably take it as a compliment. But I understand you don't see it that way, so maybe try to see yourself as pretty? I'm not saying you should think you're "pretty" instead of "handsome," but just briefly look at yourself at some point and think about why people may see you as pretty. Then you can go back to your normal definition of your looks.😊

[SilentRose]

I definitely understand your frustration. As a cis female, no one has ever called me handsome, but if they did I think I would be fairly upset. 

 

However as a female I can tell you that I call men "beautiful" all the time, usually celebrity men I have a crush on...I think of "beautiful" or "hot" before "handsome"...I think people don't even use that word much any more! My female friends never call a guy "handsome" when discussing an attractive guy, it's always "he's hot" or "he's beautiful". 

 

I can see where "pretty" could feel insulting, but I assure you that's probably not what they meant by it. A lot of women love "pretty boys", that's half the reason people like Zac Efron have a career! So for most women, calling you pretty would not be an insult but just another way to call you attractive. 

 

And yes, don't judge me but I've called men "pretty" before! I actually much prefer men with more feminine characteristics to super masculine ones, so just remember everyone has their preferences, and a lot of women will appreciate your softer characteristics. 

[Lirpaderp]

I think beautiful and pretty feel very different when being called that. Pretty feels like they're calling my outsides girly. Beautiful is usually more about character along with outer beauty. I don't like being called pretty, but beautiful doesn't bother me at all.

[Skycaptain]

Time was, not so very long ago, when calling a male "pretty" or "pretty boy" was a thinly veiled homosexual insult. Whilst attitudes are changing "pretty" is still a compliment that may lead to a misunderstanding 

[J. van Deijck]

what if someone is actually gay

[Guest]

1 minute ago, [noize:injekktion] said:

what if someone is actually gay

But you’re soooo pretty! Gay or no Gay  

 

And cute and handsome and beautiful  💙❤️

[J. van Deijck]

5 minutes ago, Jayce said:

But you’re soooo pretty! Gay or no Gay  

 

And cute and handsome and beautiful  💙❤️

aweeeee you're always complimenting me. 💚💚💚

[J. van Deijck]

I'm no way like Zac Efron and I'm still being called pretty.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, [noize:injekktion] said:

aweeeee you're always complimenting me. 💚💚💚

Because i love complimenting you so much 💙💙💙💙 

[Homer]

43 minutes ago, Skycaptain said:

Whilst attitudes are changing "pretty" is still a compliment that may lead to a misunderstanding 

Is there anything that doesn't bear the potential to be misunderstood? Personally I see absolutely no difference between "pretty" and "handsome", for example, but I'm not a native speaker so there might be nuances I don't catch. This whole topic absolutely blows my mind.

[J. van Deijck]

I probably said it before that I don't really care either way. a compliment is a compliment, whether it's being called handsome or beautiful.

 

13 minutes ago, Jayce said:

Because i love complimenting you so much 💙💙💙💙 

aw you. 💚

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, Grinchmer said:

Is there anything that doesn't bear the potential to be misunderstood? Personally I see absolutely no difference between "pretty" and "handsome", for example, but I'm not a native speaker so there might be nuances I don't catch. This whole topic absolutely blows my mind.

And that’s why i don’t understand why these terms are gendered.Yeah, mindblowing.

2 minutes ago, [noize:injekktion] said:

aw you. 💚

No you  💙

[nate-1234]

Describing someone as pretty denotes a feminine delicate beauty and describing someone as handsome denotes a masculine and strong aesthetic. The reason these words are gendered is because most men look masculine hence the word handsome and most women look feminine hence the word pretty. However, a man can be described as pretty like a woman can be described as handsome, but again can be taken as an insult to their masculinity or femininity. A word such as gorgeous or even beautiful is more safe, appropriate, and gender neutral.

[Homer]

I think that all those words are gender neutral. The rest is your personal interpretation... which is fine, but it doesn't make any of these words more "appropriate", "safe" or what have you in general.

[nate-1234]

14 minutes ago, Grinchmer said:

I think that all those words are gender neutral. The rest is your personal interpretation... which is fine, but it doesn't make any of these words more "appropriate", "safe" or what have you in general.

Actually it is not those are the definitions of pretty (mostly for pretty) and handsome. Since pretty is mostly used for females and handsome for males while beautiful and gorgeous are more frequently used for both genders, it is a safer option in terms of not offending someone and being socially appropriate. I am not saying that pretty is strictly used for females and handsome only for males, but that is how it is usually applied by the vast majority of society.

[Homer]

At this point it seems like there is no such thing as a "safe option to not offend someone".

[nate-1234]

42 minutes ago, Grinchmer said:

At this point it seems like there is no such thing as a "safe option to not offend someone".

Sure there will always be someone that will get offended that is just life. However, I doubt many people (male or female) will be offended if they were called beautiful or gorgeous. If you are going to give a compliment (especially to a stranger) it is all about being socially appropriate based off the environment you are in and also not coming off as rude. The degree or chance of someone being offended by being called something culturally and/or socially unconventional (calling a male pretty or female handsome) is much higher due to how a society generally uses those words. However, sticking to neutral words (gorgeous and beautiful) that can be vastly applied to a myriad of genders greatly reduces the risk of that compliment coming off as offensive or socially inappropriate. In other words, the compliment will be received more positively.