Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 On 29/12/2017 at 7:04 AM, nate-1234 said: Why do women like androgynous guys? Also, why do some girls feel the need to tell guys to their face that they are pretty instead of just keeping it to themselves? To me it makes sense-I mean guys involved in literally ALL the media portray women in conversations with other women as mostly talking about relationships and guys they fancy, even though plenty of women wouldn't usually do that. I reckon that culture means women who like more mainstream stuff, enjoy that sort of media and so on end up acting a bit like the stereotypes. Link to post Share on other sites
OhDearyMe! Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 My advice personally is to just ask them Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 11 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: To me it makes sense-I mean guys involved in literally ALL the media portray women in conversations with other women as mostly talking about relationships and guys they fancy, even though plenty of women wouldn't usually do that. I reckon that culture means women who like more mainstream stuff, enjoy that sort of media and so on end up acting a bit like the stereotypes. So it's "media" and "society" again? Couldn't it be that it's just what some of them happen to be into? Just like others are into tall/small/asian/black... people? Link to post Share on other sites
nate-1234 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 12 minutes ago, Grinchmer said: So it's "media" and "society" again? Couldn't it be that it's just what some of them happen to be into? Just like others are into tall/small/asian/black... people? Well media and society can beĀ really big factors. SomeĀ people canĀ be naturally attracted to those people, but sometimes if society does not approve of a certain group, those people thenĀ hide their desires to appearĀ "normal" or to fit in so they are not ostracized. However, some people do not care to hide their preferences from society. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 42 minutes ago, Grinchmer said: So it's "media" and "society" again? Couldn't it be that it's just what some of them happen to be into? Just like others are into tall/small/asian/black... people? No I wasn't talking about why women might be attracted to androgynous guys-to me that's overgeneralising anyway, they might be ace, they might not be attracted to the people they're commenting on but just find them aesthetically good-looking you never know! I was replying about why women around the person would end up discussing his appearance so much-because popular culture portraying women as only ever talking about guys they fancy has probably influenced a lot of women in society. Link to post Share on other sites
nate-1234 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 On 12/29/2017 at 4:51 PM, GLRDT said: First off, I'm sorry that you keep having interactions where you feel crappy afterwards. That sucks! Secondly, I'm a woman and the only time I recall having ever referred to a guy as being pretty is if I'm referring to a specific aspect like if you have long shiny thick hair that I admire, I may call your hair pretty and say something like I don't mean to be weird but you have the prettiest hair I've ever seen. How do you take care of it? And then I can get some tips! But that happened like once. I call everything and everyone cute because for some reason the word sexy coming out of my mouth seems very unlike me and kind of uncomfortable. It has been used rarely in my life. I personally am attracted to very cute men who may have like puppy dog eyes and such. If I told you I thought you were cute, I'd be flirting with you. So as others have said, I agree, people may be finding certain aspects of your looks pretty, or are in fact flirting with you and think you're cute which is good or at least it would be for me. Also people who give you this compliment probably have no idea you're receiving the same compliment constantly. Maybe they think they are coming up with something unique and different. I don't know. I've find when people give me random compliments genuine or catcallish I just say thanks and keep walking. If they are people I know I usually put the attention on them or say why I'm actually hideous that day and then end with a thanks. I have a little trouble taking compliments sometimes. Anyhoo, there have only been a few times with various random people where they said I was beautiful and it felt so genuine coming from them that it touched me. Otherwise just ignore people. Say thanks and don't let things affect you too deeply. It also might help if you can find things you do love about your appearance and see yourself in that way and build up that confidence instead of seeing yourself how everyone keeps saying. Just some thoughts! Also though I'm not a dude so I can only relate so much. I do also however look waaaay younger than I am. Sometimes I turn it into a game though and make people guess my age. I luckily have very rarely had people treat me poorly because of how young i look. Perhaps this is because of my confidence and the way I hold myself and the way I communicate. Anyhow, best of luck. Definitely with people you know, you can tell them you'd prefer not to be called pretty and you don't take it as a compliment. Other random people. Don't let them affect you. They shouldn't get to have that power. Unfortunately, compliments are a way people try to build a relationship and are a huge part of small talk. It's something most people have to get used to and find ways to be okay with. See I like compliments like "you are so smart" or "you are very well spoken"-compliments that acknowledge character or personality. On the other hand, comments about how pleasingĀ my face looks to them makes me feel like an object and I do not deserve that compliment-I did not earn it.Ā Ā I feel like the people that meet me think that because I am apparently "pretty" they then assume I am full of myself and that I think I am better than them. Some guys and girls are just so mean spirited and contemptuous towards me. It seems like my peersĀ are always trying to find some little fault of mine and expose it. They always assume that I am so lucky and that my life is splendid. It is not. I have no friends basically because of how I look and apparently the negative things that my appearance inspires. Oh and the "friends" I do have treat me poorly. Ā I guess I just created this post to rant about how my appearance basically just causes me grief. I have said this before in another post, but I do not feel like a normal boy when I am being checked out by 25-30+ men and even women. It even happened to me when I went to a little shop near my house by the shop owner. His eyes lookedĀ sexual and I am still frightened by the look he gave me. I got a serious rapey vibe from him. This is just one example of something that happens more than I would care to admit. Ā Ā All those comments about my looks just remind me of my grief,Ā insecurities, and my struggles...Ā Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 On 29/12/2017 at 4:52 AM, Snao Cone said: Do you have some "feminine" features like strong eyelashes, high cheekbones, good posture, soft skin, etc? That can add a level of androgynously "pretty" qualities without changing how people perceive your gender. I have basically all those features that you described, and I have been called lots of times pretty by women. But as like others have said before me, and I agree with them, I don't mind being called in that way, a compliment it's a compliment. The important thing here is to keep in mind if the person who isĀ receiving the notice, it's truly enjoying or feeling uncomfortable.Ā Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 10 minutes ago, nate-1234 said: I feel like the people that meet me think that because I am apparently "pretty" they then assume I am full of myself and that I think I am better than them. It could be your looks combined with the way you're acting. I don't know how you think of people, but maybe you don't think much of them. My brother's insight into my issues with getting along with people were that I look prettyĀ and rich (which I'm not), I act both youthful AND immature, and I also just haven'tĀ really liked people that much because of my life experiences so far. So they think I'm a brat. Being friendly with people goes a long way. But first you have to figure out why you're being unfriendly. For me it's been a lack of trust. Link to post Share on other sites
nate-1234 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 14 minutes ago, Wish Bear š said: It could be your looks combined with the way you're acting. I don't know how you think of people, but maybe you don't think much of them. My brother's insight into my issues with getting along with people were that I look pretty, and rich (which I'm not), and I also just haven'tĀ really liked people that much because of my life experiences so far. So they think I'm a brat. Being friendly with people goes a long way. But first you have to figure out why you're being unfriendly. For me it's been a lack of trust. Well I do dress well (my mom thinks I dress like a middle aged man) and yes some people do mistake that for meĀ being wealthy for some reason. I may not like or trust people sometimes, but I do not look sour or unfriendly, more like focused on myĀ task at hand and wanting to be left alone. In fact, quite a few peopleĀ come up to me and ask me for help sometimes. That always surprises me. Link to post Share on other sites
nate-1234 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 28 minutes ago, Wish Bear š said: It could be your looks combined with the way you're acting. I don't know how you think of people, but maybe you don't think much of them. My brother's insight into my issues with getting along with people were that I look pretty, and rich (which I'm not), and I also just haven'tĀ really liked people that much because of my life experiences so far. So they think I'm a brat. Being friendly with people goes a long way. But first you have to figure out why you're being unfriendly. For me it's been a lack of trust. I guess another thing is when people get to know me they usually regard me as very intelligent and again for some reason they think I am better than them (which is not true). They put words into my mouth. One of my friends even said thatĀ I do not study with them becauseĀ they are not smart enough for me (again not true I just study better alone). I am an honest person as well soĀ I guess some of my stated observations or opinions could come off as offensive, but I mean well and I tell them that. Ā However, that is just from people that know me. I am a pretty neutral and easy going guy for the most part though that is why I do not understand where the negativity is coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 7 hours ago, nate-1234 said: Well media and society can beĀ really big factors. SomeĀ people canĀ be naturally attracted to those people, but sometimes if society does not approve of a certain group, those people thenĀ hide their desires to appearĀ "normal" or to fit in so they are not ostracized. However, some people do not care to hide their preferences from society. Those are two completely different things. You can pretend everything you want (which won't work anyway), but my point was that you are attracted to/desire whoever you're attracted to/desire, no matter what's on TV. Ā It's ridiculous how "media" and "society" are a scapegoat for nearly everything on here Link to post Share on other sites
nate-1234 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 23 minutes ago, Grinchmer said: Those are two completely different things. You can pretend everything you want (which won't work anyway), but my point was that you are attracted to/desire whoever you're attracted to/desire, no matter what's on TV. Ā It's ridiculous how "media" and "society" are a scapegoat for nearly everything on here I agree no matter how much people try to conform it will not change their natural attraction or desire for something, they can only hide it or embrace it. But people hide it because of societies and the media's influence on people. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 While that may be true in some cases, it misses the actual point entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
nate-1234 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 2 minutes ago, Grinchmer said: While that may be true in some cases, it misses the actual point entirely. Media and society are not being used a scapegoats or as an excuse here. They are legitimate reasons and contributing factors as to why we have the gendered culture we doĀ now. As much as people want to believe they are above societies influence, the reality is that we are not. Some people are influenced by different degrees but they are still under its control.Ā Even something as simple as living in a house is theĀ result of human societies influence. Ā Anyways, you can see just by looking around you societies controlĀ likeĀ beauty standards, racism, and homophobia just to name a few. People are exposed to these messages and some adopt those beliefs. How is that notĀ societies and the media's influence on people? And yes pretty and handsome are gendered terms because of how they are portrayed and enforced on tv and how they are typically used amongst peopleĀ today. So, it is completely valid to conclude that yes those gendered words are bred from society and the media. As a result most people apply them as such. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 That was not what I was talking about at all. I suggest reading the thread again. Link to post Share on other sites
GLRDT Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 9 hours ago, nate-1234 said: See I like compliments like "you are so smart" or "you are very well spoken"-compliments that acknowledge character or personality. On the other hand, comments about how pleasingĀ my face looks to them makes me feel like an object and I do not deserve that compliment-I did not earn it.Ā Ā I feel like the people that meet me think that because I am apparently "pretty" they then assume I am full of myself and that I think I am better than them. Some guys and girls are just so mean spirited and contemptuous towards me. It seems like my peersĀ are always trying to find some little fault of mine and expose it. They always assume that I am so lucky and that my life is splendid. It is not. I have no friends basically because of how I look and apparently the negative things that my appearance inspires. Oh and the "friends" I do have treat me poorly. Ā I guess I just created this post to rant about how my appearance basically just causes me grief. I have said this before in another post, but I do not feel like a normal boy when I am being checked out by 25-30+ men and even women. It even happened to me when I went to a little shop near my house by the shop owner. His eyes lookedĀ sexual and I am still frightened by the look he gave me. I got a serious rapey vibe from him. This is just one example of something that happens more than I would care to admit. Ā Ā All those comments about my looks just remind me of my grief,Ā insecurities, and my struggles...Ā Well we all would like to be complimented on our character for sure! I've gotten nice character compliments as well but before people know you well enough to give those I guess they jump to looks first.Ā Ā I'd be friends with you for you and only judge you for who you are and not for who you aren't. And even then I'm not super judgey in general Come to Chicago!Ā Ā I'm sorry you've been struggling with this. There have got to be some good people who have the potential to be good friends with you. It just seems highly unlikely no one would ever take you for who you are. Perhaps, you are coming across a certain way for a reason other than your looks that maybe you haven't explored yet? Ā This doesn't mean I think that you think you're better than everyone else. But maybe you're appearing that way to others and it may have to do with your looks or maybe something else you're doing or a combo of both. Ā I can communicate with all sorts of people well about 93% of the time. I'm easy going, approachable, accepting, etc. And Ā yet like five times in my life (enough for me to take notice) people told me they didn't feel like I was listening to them. I consider myself to be an excellent listener and many people feel like they can come to me to talk to me. I can often repeat people's main points back to them if needed so I was like what is going on with this comment? Turns out some people require more acknowledging than others. I would listen fully to someone and then jump to problem solving, skipping over the acknowledgement phase of what they just said and skipping that moment of empathizing with them. This can be a vital thing to miss. This is why people were saying I wasn't listening. It took me many many years to put my finger on why I was getting this comment and being misjudged. Maybe something similar is happening to you too? Ā Do you think you have resting bitch face?! Maybe that's why people think you think you're better. Although from how you have described your features I'm not sure how you would pull that face off. I have resting sad face. Good thing is my face is almost never resting.Ā Link to post Share on other sites
BladeQuill3807 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I think that examining the historic uses of 'handsome' and 'pretty' might help you see where women are coming from when they compliment you this way.Ā Ā Neither 'handsome' or 'pretty' were gendered words until very recently (socially speaking). Just look at Jane Austen. When her female characters are called 'handsome' it's a remark on the fact that their features are striking. It's aĀ compliment for both men and women, but it's actually a slightly backhanded one, as being 'handsome' meant that you fell short of being 'beautiful'Ā or 'elegant'. Here's the definition, circa 1828, in case you want to see what I'm really talking about;Ā http://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/handsome. In the same context, 'pretty' was also a gender-less complement, and it suggested inherent beauty, represented in a more simple way. It's much more genuine as a compliment, and carries more weight. Here's the 1828 definition;Ā http://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/pretty. Based on these definitions, the wordsĀ becameĀ gendered (thanks, gender roles and hyper-masculinity). Now, because younger generations are starting to realize that these words have become unnecessarily gendered, the old definitions are making a bit of a comeback. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā In addition 'handsome' has developed a very formal context today. It's not an everyday word, it's a word to use when a guy is wearing something formal, or when he'sĀ in a formal social context. It's a bit odd, but consider the way we apply the words 'handsome' and 'pretty' to objects. If someone bought a good-looking bag for a reasonable price, we might call it 'pretty'. If someone bought an expensive, designer leather bag, the bag is now calledĀ 'handsome'. The only difference is the social context of the bag. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā The same thing is happening when you, OP, are called 'pretty' by women. It sounds like you're getting these complements when you're in casual social situations, not formal ones, so their use of 'pretty' is partially social. In addition, younger generations are more likely to be using 'pretty' in it's non-gendered context, especially because they're applying it to you, a man. So you're actually receiving a higher compliment. But there's also the additionalĀ weightĀ that complements carry. If 'handsome' is more formal, then it is also more likely to come across as flirting inĀ anyĀ social context. So when women call you 'pretty,' it'sĀ saying that the compliment is sincere, it's notĀ justĀ flirting (because some of them might be), it's the genuineĀ truth. And I promise, no woman is ever offering you a compliment with the intention of embarrassing, upsetting, or hurting you. It's supposed to beĀ nice. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Anyway, in my mind, 'handsome' and 'pretty'Ā shouldn't be gendered comments at all, and shouldn't be taken as such. The old definitions are actually more applicable today, because the compliments are becoming non-gendered. I hope this helps how you feel about being called pretty, and I hope it makes more sense.Ā Link to post Share on other sites
blueheroness Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 @nate-1234 Ā I relate to wanting to be ignored. I have a curvy body that gets noticed when I would rather not be seen at all. Even when the attention isn't rude or sexual it still feels intrusive. And looks can complicate social situations so much. When someone is intimidated by your looks they can be rude or cold for no reason at all. Or start bragging about their s/o who isn't even there becuase they want to establish some kind of dominance. (Other females do this sometimes)Ā I never know exaclty what to do becuase I have never been in a relationship and am not interested in making anyone feel bad about themselves.Ā I am sorry that you are experiencing this so much. In my experience it can harm how you view yourself. I start to be very angry with myself for attracting attention and I subconsciously try to be less attractive. It's just a pain all around. Sending hugs and cake!!Ā Link to post Share on other sites
MarriedInTheSameBody Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Well, my mother told me several times by age ten that my face was much more pretty than handsome. I loved it and ate it up whenever she said it because I had been an avid cross-dresser since age five (Mom never knew until I told her when I was about 40). Hence, I frequently remind myself that I am more pretty than handsome. Pretty would have always been my first choice had I any choice! I frequently am told that I look pretty when I am out and about as the femme me. I greatly love it when I'm en femme and genetic, natal, cis women act playfully angry as in hating me for "...[having] prettier legs [than them]." A couple of weeks ago I was in male drag/mode waiting to checkout at a Home Depot when a second female cashier opened up a second register, made direct eye contact with me and said: "I can help you over here, Ma'am." I could have hugged her and I had to bight my tongue to keep from shouting: "YES!" (I am transitioning to female but not full time yet. So I love every validation that I look the gender). Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 On 1/10/2018 at 12:42 AM, BladeQuill3807 said: Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I think that examining the historic uses of 'handsome' and 'pretty' might help you see where women are coming from when they compliment you this way. The etymology is the reason why I like being called prettyĀ [crafty]Ā more than being called handsome [suitable, convenient, symmetrical]. Link to post Share on other sites
MarriedInTheSameBody Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 4 minutes ago, Sage Raven Domino said: The etymology is the reason why I like being called prettyĀ [crafty]Ā more than being called handsome [suitable, convenient, symmetrical]. I'll take 'pretty' over 'handsome' from anyone any day. Same for 'sweet' over [anything more 'masculine; fortunately I have never had to tolerate being told I'm studly!]. I have always loved females telling me I'm sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
Comrade F&F Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Didn't read everything, but 'pretty' and 'handsome' imo are basically the same thing. Perhaps there is an age difference? 'Handsome' is something I would expect much older women to use with older men, so I would avoid the term. Whereas 'pretty' is more modern. Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 On 12/29/2017 at 8:13 AM, Winter Spirit ā said: @nate-1234 Because everyone appreciates femininity? I don't think so. I believe there are plenty of women who prefer so-called alpha males over feminine men. Ā And femininity and 'female traits' are being devalorised and looked down upon wherever you look. Especially by men who claim to 'love women'. Link to post Share on other sites
Karst Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Compliments from strangers can be creepy or bothersome, even when they're well-intentioned.Ā As a rule of thumb, I try not to compliment people on things they can't control.Ā Telling someone that you like their tattoos, or that you were impressed by their lecture, for example, is much less likely to come off as misgendering or sexualizing them than talking about their body would. Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 5 hours ago, Ardoise said: Compliments from strangers can be creepy or bothersome, even when they're well-intentioned.Ā As a rule of thumb, I try not to compliment people on things they can't control.Ā Telling someone that you like their tattoos, or that you were impressed by their lecture, for example, is much less likely to come off as misgendering or sexualizing them than talking about their body would. I rarely give compliments and I follow a similar policy. While people can work on their looks, genetics play a big role.Ā Also,Ā I donāt really compliment peopleās looks cause I donāt want to sound flirty. I compliment people if theyāre smart or perceptive generally. Or strong or capable or something. Ā Being called āprettyā would give me the heebie-jeebies š¬. Itās just too engendered for me, and I really donāt think Iām very feminine looking š . Itās like being called ācute.ā It just seems way too out of character for me to be described like that. Link to post Share on other sites
hey-hey Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 hiya i'm like really late to this Ā i'm a girl, and am actually quite fond of the idea of "pretty" guys, for a few reasons Ā 1- i think "pretty" is a term describing attractiveness in all genders, with some androgynous and some gender-specific criteria. (as a side note: the criteria listed are solely what i think qualifies as pretty, and in no way says that people who don't fit them aren't attractive) some androgynous features: long eyelashes, cute hairstyle, cute smile, nice lips some female features: rosy cheeks, round eyes some male features: dimples, freckles, cute laugh, cute style (oversized sweaters, etc.) Ā 2- pretty isn't effeminate when used on men. on the contrary, most men are described as just "handsome" (nothing wrong with that). therefore, if you're described as "pretty" by a girl, it means you have more slender features, which are quite attractive to many women. it also means you stand out since you're attractive in a different way than most. Ā 3- personally (and i assume at least some women feel the same), being a cute, adorable or "pretty" guy is actually more attractive than a generally "handsome" guy. everyone has a type, and most women have nothing against guys with slender, or "pretty" features. some (like me) actually prefer those features. some girls like having a guy with more "feminine" (in your terms) features because it means they're on an even playing field, as opposed to them having to be attractive in different ways Ā 4- it's an interesting role reversal from the usual "girls are pretty and guys are handsome" mindset. it's been mentioned above, but in game of thrones, most young guys (such as jon snow) are described as "pretty", even though they have very masculine features. Ā NOTE: pretty, used with guys is often associated with the phrase "pretty boy", which was used as an insult by guys to guys to make them feel "feminine" and less "manly". sadly, this is the main reason why guys might not like the term "pretty" used on them Link to post Share on other sites
twetzel59 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 On 12/29/2017 at 12:47 AM, nate-1234 said: I feel like I look masculine and handsome/ok enough, but somehow I getĀ these comments and theyĀ actually make me feel uncomfortable, a little paranoid, and girly. Ā Have any of you guys ever experienced being called pretty? How did it make you feel? How did you respond or act? Do youĀ have any advice on how toĀ respond to these kind ofĀ situations? Well, as for me, I don't mind (I actually like) being perceived as feminine, but I'm more than a little questioning about my gender identity and sorta queer so Ā I'm bad at social situations so take this with a grain of salt: maybe girls that call you pretty are curious how you will react as a way of finding out if you're straight?? My asexuality causes people to perceive me as gay, so they try to "probe" and find out what I like. Ā So, you could just give them an "assertive, masculine" response like, "well, thanks, but since when are guys pretty?". That will make it clear to them without saying that you are gender-conforming. Ā Just an idea Link to post Share on other sites
Internetlionboy Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I actually like being called pretty as a nonbinary trans guy but of course handsome, good looking, and others are good too. The thought of being a "pretty boy" sounds appealing to me and it makes me happy ghsdfjdsh Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.