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Guys Who Are Called "Pretty"


nate-1234

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So I have had this issue for a long while. I have been called (very) pretty, adorable, and gorgeous by people including friends, family, but mostly from strangers/acquaintances. Now I am not saying that I am any of these things. I still do not get what the fuss is about and I do not think I am much to look at. However, I am a very concerned because I have never been called handsome except for a few times from family, never from anyone else. So, I asked my mom (she is always very honest) if I was handsome but she told me that I was "adorable". I was so mortified that I did not ask her to explain why...

 

I feel like I look masculine and handsome/ok enough, but somehow I get these comments and they actually make me feel uncomfortable, a little paranoid, and girly. Whenever I get these comments which are pretty much only from females, I feel so awkward because it feels like I am the girl and that I am the one that looks feminine. I do not understand why some females call guys pretty. Occasionally, when I am not too shocked to respond I tell them "hey i'm a guy" and "don't you mean handsome?" and they say something like "yeah I know" and "nope". 

 

I dread these comments because I always remember them and when I remember them I always feel that same feeling of being shocked, almost like a sharp stab in the chest and then immediately after comes an extreme feeling of discomfort, humiliation, frustration, and just wanting to leave. 

 

Have any of you guys ever experienced being called pretty? How did it make you feel? How did you respond or act? Do you have any advice on how to respond to these kind of situations?

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The only times I have been called pretty or something like that have been when I have been dressed en femme, so you may not want to hear about that. (I have had parts of me called pretty when in male mode) In any event, as long as it isn't being used in a mocking way it doesn't bother me. But I could see how it could bother other guys, especially if they aren't confident in their masculinity and/or aren't into femininity. I guess it could be a form of dysphoria. I'm not sure how you could respond to get people to stop without appearing overly sensitive and maybe that could make some people to do it even more. That's not fair, and you should be able to ask people not to do that. Some people may respect you enough to comply. Others may brush it off or worse. I wish I could give you better advice and/or reassurance. Maybe the best you can achieve is to get some people to stop and find some way yourself to not let it bother you so much when some people continue to do it? :(

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Women are most attracted to men who are very masculine and very feminine at the same time. 'Pretty' doesn't necessarily mean you look exactly like a female, it could just mean you are more balanced looking.

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1 hour ago, daveb said:

The only times I have been called pretty or something like that have been when I have been dressed en femme, so you may not want to hear about that. (I have had parts of me called pretty when in male mode) In any event, as long as it isn't being used in a mocking way it doesn't bother me. But I could see how it could bother other guys, especially if they aren't confident in their masculinity and/or aren't into femininity. I guess it could be a form of dysphoria. I'm not sure how you could respond to get people to stop without appearing overly sensitive and maybe that could make some people to do it even more. That's not fair, and you should be able to ask people not to do that. Some people may respect you enough to comply. Others may brush it off or worse. I wish I could give you better advice and/or reassurance. Maybe the best you can achieve is to get some people to stop and find some way yourself to not let it bother you so much when some people continue to do it? :(

Usually I just say thank you (even though I feel insulted) and try to leave or if I can't then I try to change the subject.

 

See it might be rude to say stop and then I come off as a jerk.

 

Another thing is that a lot of females will tell you and they don't care who you are with.  I was out having lunch with my cousin, my aunt, and my dad's friend's wife and we were having a good ol time and across from us were these two older women. In the middle of my meal I felt like someone looking at me and I turn to the two ladies. Then all of a sudden they started gushing over me and one of them said something like, "I am sorry we were just talking about you and how good looking/attractive you are gorgeous even!" I said thank you, but after that I felt so bad because I was the only one who got this compliment and I was with three females who were basically ignored by the two older women. I felt the mood tense and sour a little bit- I felt guilty. I feel like I always have to bite the bullet and just say thank you...

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16 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

Women are most attracted to men who are very masculine and very feminine at the same time. 'Pretty' doesn't necessarily mean you look exactly like a female, it could just mean you are more balanced looking.

So basically androgynous looking?

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Do you have some "feminine" features like strong eyelashes, high cheekbones, good posture, soft skin, etc? That can add a level of androgynously "pretty" qualities without changing how people perceive your gender.

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It's not very clear-cut. I would say more toward the androgynous side but maybe not a perfect balance of the two. Maybe slightly more masculine than androgynous. But I'm describing what is seen as the ideal looking man by at least most women. There are some women who like men who look even more feminine.

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Just now, Snao Cone said:

Do you have some "feminine" features like strong eyelashes, high cheekbones, good posture, soft skin, etc? That can add a level of androgynously "pretty" qualities without changing how people perceive your gender.

Yeah I do. I have curly eyelashes, soft skin, button nose, full lips, and girly looking almond-ish yet wide-ish eyes. I don't really like those features and I try to hide my face and always wear hats. But for the most part I dress pretty masculine sometimes unisex. Also, I am a regular boy I do not act effeminate or super macho or talk effeminate or super macho.

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1 minute ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

It's not very clear-cut. I would say more toward the androgynous side but maybe not a perfect balance of the two. Maybe slightly more masculine than androgynous. But I'm describing what is seen as the ideal looking man by at least most women. There are some women who like men who look even more feminine.

Why do women like androgynous guys? Also, why do some girls feel the need to tell guys to their face that they are pretty instead of just keeping it to themselves?

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11 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

It's not very clear-cut. I would say more toward the androgynous side but maybe not a perfect balance of the two. Maybe slightly more masculine than androgynous. But I'm describing what is seen as the ideal looking man by at least most women. There are some women who like men who look even more feminine.

As much as I hate it I do sometimes get mistaken for a girl by other males and they flirt with me <_<, but females hardly ever mistake me they can tell i'm a guy.

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The Terrible Travis

I don't mind being called pretty. A compliment's a compliment. 

 

Then again, I don't really care much about gender roles to begin with. My hair is longer than shoulder-length and I shave my legs. And according to online quizzes (very scientific, I know) I'm more feminine than masculine. So I dunno, maybe that clouds my judgement.

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@nate-1234 Those males could just be assholes pretending they don't know you're a guy. Men get pretty crazy and jealous when they think another man is going to steal women away from them. Or it could be that they actually are that clueless.

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1 hour ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

@nate-1234 Because everyone appreciates femininity?

 

They're acting out of instinct. Humans are animals.

It just seems a bit weird, it just feels like the girl should be receiving  this compliment from a guy not the other way around... I guess I do not understand the female's intentions or reasons rather for telling me I am pretty (especially when something like that could definitely be considered an insult or could be taken many ways when applied to a guy).

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Jon Snow off Game of Thrones is often called pretty, beautiful, and gorgeous, rarely 'handsome', but if you look at pics of him (or have seen him in the show) he doesn't actually look feminine or girly or anything. It's just a way people describe a particular type of attractiveness that doesn't actually mean 'looks like a girl' :):cake:

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9 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

@nate-1234 Those males could just be assholes pretending they don't know you're a guy. Men get pretty crazy and jealous when they think another man is going to steal women away from them.

Yeah I figured this whole "pretty" thing is probably why guys want nothing to do with me unless they are attracted to me. All I want are some good guy friends but it's so hard. There was this guy in school who after a couple months in school started giving me dirty looks. The same day he started giving me dirty looks that honestly looked like he wanted to beat the life out of me, we a small class for party (it was mandatory) and he kept watching me eat and drink. He kept glancing over at me and at the end he even touched my waist it was so quick it was almost as if I imagined it...

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I hate it when people call me pretty. I have to act grateful for the compliment and say thanks but inside I'm upset. I've been told I look very androgynous, but it feels like my feminine traits stick out a lot. I'm called adorable/cute on an almost daily basis, but that's more of a problem with how old I look.

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I'm a little confuzzled here.

 

2 hours ago, nate-1234 said:

Whenever I get these comments which are pretty much only from females, I feel so awkward because it feels like i'm the girl and that i'm the one that looks feminine. I do not understand why some females call guys pretty.

Is being called "pretty" as a guy different to being called "pretty" as something else?

 

(Personally, being the potato that I am, I have no experience with that.)

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25 minutes ago, Lirpaderp said:

I hate it when people call me pretty. I have to act grateful for the compliment and say thanks but inside I'm upset. I've been told I look very androgynous, but it feels like my feminine traits stick out a lot. I'm called adorable/cute on an almost daily basis, but that's more of a problem with how old I look.

Exactly, that is exactly how I feel and I just want to be left alone. I look very young too I usually look and pass for 14, so on top of not being taken seriously sometimes, being thought of as innocent, and being underestimated,  I am also considered "pretty". That combination really does not help me. I knew I was not the most masculine looking guy around, but I did not know I was so androgynous that I would be mistaken for a girl on several occasions. A teacher I had very recently called me darling not once but twice in front of the class on separate occasions. I was so frustrated and I hated myself so much when it happened.

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J. van Deijck

I've been called both pretty and handsome in my life. and I can't even count how many times I've been called cute :D

but since I'm a part of an alternative culture, my appearance is androgynous. and I don't mind being called pretty as long as it doesn't lead to obvious misgendering. I'm aware of how 'specific' my appearance is, though.

I'm sorry you feel bad with this :( *hugs* but remember, people not always have bad intentions.

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10 minutes ago, Grinchmer said:

I'm a little confuzzled here.

 

Is being called "pretty" as a guy different to being called "pretty" as something else?

 

(Personally, being the potato that I am, I have no experience with that.)

The thing is usually guys are not described that way. They are described as handsome, hot, cute, attractive etc.. Pretty is mostly used to describe females. Being called pretty at least according to most guys is an insult or humiliating because it implies that they do not look masculine but feminine and girly.

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If women are constantly saying these things to you, it means they see something in  you physically that they admire, or even envy, and they are gushing over you.  It's a high form of flattery, tho you're obviously not perceiving it as such.  Remember too that women are generally smart enough to see things as less binary than men, so when a woman calls you  pretty, in her mind it likely has absolutely nothing to do with a lack of masculine traits, but simply her fixation on a certain trait (such as long lashes) that is attractive on both sexes, but that women are especially mindful of.  Some of these women may be flirting with you as well. 

 

If all that that doesn't make you feel any better, men who are very pretty are also usually exceedingly young, in which case, guess what?  You will grow out of it, whether you want to or not.  Some day you may look back and miss the attention.  In any case, there's not only no malice being expressed here, but great admiration.  Try  to be gracious, say thank you, and move on, no need to be embarrassed for yourself or those around you.

 

Lastly. there's a great film noir from 1945 with Rita Hayworth called "Gilda", who playfully calls aii her (masculine) leading men pretty and the like, and it's cool to watch her turn every hereronormative cliche upside-down.    Watch it once, and you may think twice about this whole subject.

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19 minutes ago, Sexual Ally said:

If women are constantly saying these things to you, it means they see something in  you physically that they admire, or even envy, and they are gushing over you.  It's a high form of flattery, tho you're obviously not perceiving it as such.  Remember too that women are generally smart enough to see things as less binary than men, so when a woman calls you  pretty, in her mind it likely has absolutely nothing to do with a lack of masculine traits, but simply her fixation on a certain trait (such as long lashes) that is attractive on both sexes, but that women are especially mindful of.  Some of these women may be flirting with you as well. 

 

If all that that doesn't make you feel any better, men who are very pretty are also usually exceedingly young, in which case, guess what?  You will grow out of it, whether you want to or not.  Some day you may look back and miss the attention.  In any case, there's not only no malice being expressed here, but great admiration.  Try  to be gracious, say thank you, and move on, no need to be embarrassed for yourself or those around you.

 

Lastly there's a great film noir from 1945 with Rita Hayworth called "Gilda" as the title character who playfully calls all her (masculine) leading men pretty and the like, and it's cool to watch her turn every hereronormative cliche upside-down.    Watch it once, and you may think twice about this whole subject.

The thing is I hate attention (something happened during my childhood) it makes me very anxious and I would just love to be ignored. But when I see people looking at me or when people say things like that it makes me feel different. I just want to be seen as normal and look normal. I never cared for attention from anyone but of course I got it. I am grateful for what I have in my life, but I just feel so fed up with not having basic things that come with being "normal looking" guy like guy friends and not finding people especially older men creepily staring at you. 

 

Thank you for the movie reccomendation I will check it out.

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41 minutes ago, nate-1234 said:

Being called pretty at least according to most guys is an insult or humiliating because it implies that they do not look masculine but feminine and girly.

Seriously? Come on... that's outright ridiculous :D but people feel "insulted" by everything these days, so you could have a point regardless.

 

Still... :D

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patrick-dempsey-leaving-greys-anatomy-re

 

Patrick Dempsey is very pretty, Hello McDreamy ;)

 

my thoughts are that if youre pretty and only ever pretty its probably because your either feminine and not seen as masculine and thats probably because you're not sexual...but also you might juts be really good looking in a not manly beard and rough hands kinda way. 

 

id say most men these days arent manly looking so i dont think pretty is wrong to be fair. Most guys wear fitted clothes and colourful shit not grey and black and baggy clothes. i guess thats why men are pretty they are dressing more like women these days 

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I tend to be called pretty, and I actually like the compliment. Reason being isn't just because of my personal choice in presentation or anything, It's just that I don't associate the term with certain genders or features that deem appropriate.

 

I see it as a word to use when one wants to compliment another. I also call other people of the same gender pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, etc. and vice versa with the opposite gender. It's understandable that some have grown up seeing the word as an insult. I was taught to think that, and used to feel guilty when I was called that as a child. Though I've taught myself some life lessons about the word. I took some time to deconstruct the views I had at the time because I knew that all these restrictions on what would be proper to call something, just didn't quite sit right with me. One thing I used to say was, "Ladybugs are also male, and they still know how to look pretty." (also male, as in they are not only a species whom are strictly female. I don't want that to be taken out of context. >_< I was a kid when I said this heh.) In other words, beauty is a graceful and natural trait that we all have, not a select few.

 

How I handle the compliments that I get is the same way others do, I smile and politely show gratitude. ^_^ My advice? Observe nature, and let it speak to you, hippy-ness aside. :lol: All the insects, animals, and plants can really show you a lot about the meaning of beauty, since they all put a variety of meaning to the word itself. It's okay if you disagree with the advice though. Please take what I say with a grain of salt. :) 

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J. van Deijck
2 hours ago, Grinchmer said:

Seriously? Come on... that's outright ridiculous :Dbut people feel "insulted" by everything these days, so you could have a point regardless.

 

Still... :D

tbh that's an important point :P

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8 hours ago, nate-1234 said:

Have any of you guys ever experienced being called pretty? How did it make you feel? How did you respond or act? Do you have any advice on how to respond to these kind of situations?

It is rare anyone mentions my appearance, but I do find it extremely uncomfortable, similarly I find compliments in general to be uncomfortable, I think this is due to an inherent mistrust of other people's intentions, especially those I don't know.

 

I find the best way to deal with it is to deflect it with a bit of humour, this can help whatever the intention behind the comment.  An example for if my facial appearance was commented on would be to touch the side of my face with my hand in an exaggerated fashion, and in a Grace Kelly sorta voice say "It's my moisturizer dahling, it's faaabulous".   Try to think of something that fits your own sense of humour.

 

If you think the compliment is genuine, then make a return compliment, this shifts the attention away from you and back to them and makes them feel good about themselves.  It may also lead to a longer conversation, since people don't usually pass random compliments for no reason.

 

This hopefully leaves you with a more positive memory of this type of interaction, instead of the negative association you have now.  If you can repeat these positive associations, then eventually you stop feeling that sharp pang of whateveritis in your chest whenever someone is trying to be nice to you.

 

Its important to remember that even if you genuinely do not like the compliment paid to you, that if it is genuine then it will have taken some courage from the person making it to risk social rejection from you.  If you don't acknowledge compliments then you feel bad about it, and it reinforces your current negative association.  So always at least say thank you and smile like you mean it.

 

This is something I am still working on, I have reduced my discomfort levels and tendency to play down compliments,  sometimes I manage to pay a compliment back.

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