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:/ Musing... unintended effects on family member


Aangie

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My sister was a computer science major, and is now a product tester. She is easygoing and friendy, thus has lots of friends- plenty of them are male.

Apparently one guy didn't speak to her for 6 months because he thought she had said something to get me to not like him.

Another of her friends (coworker) isn't as friendly any more, no doubt confused by my trying to explain that I don't have the time to call, email, and date constantly. I think he thought I was playing hard to get, whereas in reality I was stressed out and did not have the time for constant visits. I did like the guy, but apparently I have not acquired the skills to let someone down nicely.

There were a few other assorted, apparently interested, guys here and there as well, that I did not even date or talk to that much, that bugged her about me. One of them used to IM her constantly, asking how I was doing, for a good two months.

Yikes. I don't mind a little dating, but I have school, a small business, and another monthly job. If I only get to go out twice a month, you can bet I'm going to want to hang out with my friend's and family.

My sister said today that there is an attraction that drives people to spend as much time as possible together- I think this is part of what I'm missing, this attraction thing. I don't meet someone and then want to declare my love just because I find out we watch the same shows or something. I'd have a hard time pinning down what 'cute' is.

I think this musing was generated just because I'm sorry I'm creating problems for my sister. I have not said a thing to her about being asexual. I think she obviously does not quite understand me, but it is unspoken.

I also presume that aforementioned guys thought I was talking about any relationships I had with her. I didn't really. There wasn't much to tell. Her first questions after one date was "did you hold hands?" and such. Well, I didn't exactly want to hold hands and such. I'm not adverse to human contact, but with people I'm just getting to know, I don't necessarily go out of my way to keep in physical conact.

And now that I've realized the extent of my asexuality (I had hoped I was a really, really, late bloomer) I'm not overly interested (if you could call previous experimentation 'interested') in dating any more. Just friend-dates, if you get me.

So. Another guy called her about me today and she let him know that I am both picky and would definitely wants to be friends first. I think I would like hanging out with him- but lord help me if I manage to create another problem for my sister.

//here ends the spilling of guts

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Perhaps you should ask your sister to stop setting you up with guys if you're not interested in dating.

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She is not deliberately setting me up- they meet me and, I don't know. I guess the curly hair attracts people.

--though note she had considered this in the past, I think she is now aware that it really is not going to work with me.

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:lol: I don't know if it is the curly hair as much as it is that they tend to work with guys all the time and thus will be attracted to anything with two legs and female -- I say this partly in jest because I was a comp sci major... I watched how they acted. :)

Sorry it is causing stress on your sister. If you are busy, why not try the whole "I want to complete my schooling" first. I did that for several years. When you do meet someone.. you will know :)

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:lol: I don't know if it is the curly hair as much as it is that they tend to work with guys all the time and thus will be attracted to anything with two legs and female -- I say this partly in jest because I was a comp sci major... I watched how they acted. :)

Sorry it is causing stress on your sister. If you are busy, why not try the whole "I want to complete my schooling" first. I did that for several years. When you do meet someone.. you will know :)

lol Goonie; I actually became a computer science major too. TY for the suggestion.

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I used the wanting to complete schooling excuse nad still bale to use it. Except in my case I used it with my family and my Mum did admit she was very pleased I didn't have a boyfriend to distract me form my studies.

Best of luck.

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I used the wanting to complete schooling excuse nad still bale to use it. Except in my case I used it with my family and my Mum did admit she was very pleased I didn't have a boyfriend to distract me form my studies.

Best of luck.

In my case, I was still in uni when my mom told me to get out and get busy so she could have grandchildren. Guess she hasn't realized yet that even when i do have children she won't be meeting them

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Consider this solution. Just tell your sister to tell people you are very private,and don't confide your interests in other people to her.

And they would do better to ask you about these matters directly-rather than pester her.

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I actually became a computer science major too. TY for the suggestion.

:D woot!

and no problem.. I think it helped that I had perfected that "cold hearted bitch" stare :wink:

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Wee_Little_Me
:lol: I don't know if it is the curly hair as much as it is that they tend to work with guys all the time and thus will be attracted to anything with two legs and female -- I say this partly in jest because I was a comp sci major... I watched how they acted. :)

Sorry it is causing stress on your sister. If you are busy, why not try the whole "I want to complete my schooling" first. I did that for several years. When you do meet someone.. you will know :)

OMGZ help! Com-sci major needs seducing. *takes out pen and paper* what do I do?

And as for Angie: duuuude, embrace it! Your sisters gonna stop introducing you to guys when it gets too tough. Go with the flow until then. My god my advice is so....hippie...

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And as for Angie: duuuude, embrace it! Your sisters gonna stop introducing you to guys when it gets too tough. Go with the flow until then. My god my advice is so....hippie...

buwhahaha; I've been called a hippy before, because I have a peculiar liking for tie-dye t-shirts and bandanas.

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And they would do better to ask you about these matters directly-rather than pester her.

Very true. It does amuse me that they talk to her about it- but on the other hand, they are her friends, so perhaps it is natural.

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This probably won't help, but my friend, who had long white-blonde hair, was forced to cut it short when she was an exchange student in Costa Rica, because she stood out, and couldn't have a moment of peace.

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