????I have questions????

[Madelyn Faith]

Hey, I'm new to this site and I didn't know there was such a thing as romantic orientations. (It would then follow that I have no idea what mine is)

I've always wanted to be in a relationship to experience the romance of it (I read a lot of romance books) but I also don't really like to be touched. Some people I'm completely okay with, then when I think that they may be touching me because they have developed a crush on me it kind of makes me supremely uncomfortable. For example, there's a girl on my Winterguard team (it's like colorguard but in the winter) who's asexual and it feels like ever since she learned that I'm maybe asexual (I told her about this website and how I'm trying to figure out what exactly my sexual orientation is) she's been a lot more touchy with me. This could also be a result of my way over-active imagination, who's to say??

IDK, I'm just all kinds of confused. I know a lot of people don't really like labels, but I feel kind of lost without them. So if anyone could help me figure out my romantic orientation or at least send me in the right direction I would be eternally grateful 

[Mezzo Forte]

First of all, welcome to AVEN!  

 

I can get where your relationship with touch complicates how you might understand your romantic orientation. I personally am only comfortable with touch if it's completely platonic, but that's partially because I'm aromantic and feel guilty if someone tries to engage me in a romantic way that I cannot reciprocate.

 

The girl on your Winterguard team might be excited that her touch won't get misconstrued as sexual, since she made you aware of her orientation and knows that you might be ace too. I definitely wouldn't be able to judge if there was anything romantic going on in her head or if she just enjoys platonic touch, but it's okay to ask her to dial back the touch if it's getting to be a bit much.

 

(PS, I remember taking a colorguard class because the high school tricked me into thinking it'd replace PE. I almost got dragged into Winterguard because of that, but I ended up getting into Indoor Percussion instead. All the power to you doing guard, I know that I was terrible at it )

[Madelyn Faith]

@Mezzo Forte Thank you so much for your reply! I'll definitely try asking her to dial back the touch and see if anything changes.

(P.S. Winterguard/Colorguard definitely isn't for everyone, It takes a special kind of person to really get into it)

[Mezzo Forte]

9 minutes ago, Madelyn Faith said:

@Mezzo Forte Thank you so much for your reply! I'll definitely try asking her to dial back the touch and see if anything changes.

(P.S. Winterguard/Colorguard definitely isn't for everyone, It takes a special kind of person to really get into it)

My pleasure, I hope everything works out! I know that marching/guard settings can be kind of a different culture in regards to touch, and it's frustrating to have people push your boundaries. I'd like to hope they'd back off if you mention that it's too much though.

 

(PS, and Indeed! You have no idea how good I was at hitting my head whenever I ever had to spin a flag. )

[Madelyn Faith]

3 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

My pleasure, I hope everything works out! I know that marching/guard settings can be kind of a different culture in regards to touch, and it's frustrating to have people push your boundaries. I'd like to hope they'd back off if you mention that it's too much though.

 

(PS, and Indeed! You have no idea how good I was at hitting my head whenever I ever had to spin a flag. )

Marching band/guard is definately a different culture in regards to touch, especially since our guard team is so small and a lot of us joined at the same time. We're all a little weird so hopefully, they won't think I'm too out there for asking for a little more space.

(This is my third season of guard and I still hit my head when spinning! I've just accepted it as a fact of guard for me.)

[NotPhoebe]

I totally can't even tell what my romantic orientation could be, it's possible that I'm even a-romantic, which means I don't even like romance. Though I often hope to one day have a partner, I'm not one for romance. This part of being ace confuses me because I honestly can't tell if I really like someone as a friend (no matter the gender) or if I have stronger feelings towards them. Someone once brought up "fray-sexual or fray-romantic" to me, which is when you crush on people but the interest goes away once they express interest, which is very much up my ally. 

As far as romantic orientation, you can be asexual and still be gay, bi, pan, or any other romantic orientation. 

[Madelyn Faith]

43 minutes ago, NotPhoebe said:

 Someone once brought up "fray-sexual or fray-romantic" to me, which is when you crush on people but the interest goes away once they express interest, which is very much up my ally. 

 

1

I've thought of this before. I'm kind of weird in the fact that I want people to like me but I don't really want the complications or expectations that come with someone liking me. I don't know if that has anything to do with romantic orientation or if it's just a weird quirk. 

[Mezzo Forte]

44 minutes ago, Madelyn Faith said:

Marching band/guard is definately a different culture in regards to touch, especially since our guard team is so small and a lot of us joined at the same time. We're all a little weird so hopefully, they won't think I'm too out there for asking for a little more space.

(This is my third season of guard and I still hit my head when spinning! I've just accepted it as a fact of guard for me.)

The quirkiness of marching/guard is likely part of its appeal if you on ask me. Something about the relatively fringe parts of the marching band like guard/pit/battery makes them especially interesting since they're often smaller and more intimate than what the marching winds experience. Meanwhile, I've heard of choirs flat-out doing massive communal massages to help warm up the vocal folds, so music just tends to be a weird field. (A similar quirkiness drew me toward music academia too. )

 

Sounds about right, part of the joys of guard I suppose.  Percussion has its moments like that too, but to a far lesser extent, though I will admit that I've bled from doing stupid stuff on some of the instruments, especially crash cymbals and hand drums.  

[NotPhoebe]

11 hours ago, Madelyn Faith said:

I've thought of this before. I'm kind of weird in the fact that I want people to like me but I don't really want the complications or expectations that come with someone liking me. I don't know if that has anything to do with romantic orientation or if it's just a weird quirk. 

I'm sure its different for everyone but for me I really feel its linked to my orientation because it affects my relationships so heavily, and I feel like it goes hand in hand with my general lack of interest in having sex.