What am I?

[adz]

Hi all,

 

I'm a 'straight' male in my early 30s, and I've always felt weird about sex.

I did it a couple of times when I was in my late teens/early 20s, but I was always drunk with lowered inhibitions, and even then it just didn't feel right.

 

Around my mid 20s I had a long distance relationship for about 2 years, and although I experienced sexual desire, the actual event itself just didn't feel right.  Part of me felt repulsed.

 

I'd say my sex drive is actually average, as I do need to masturbate everyday, certainly in order to get to sleep!  But masturbation is as far as I want to go. 

 

Having another person there feels weird - nothing about it feels natural.

 

I used to see women as these beautiful exotic beings, as opposed to us gross and smelly men.  After some sexual experience though I quickly found this wasn't the case, and (due to also being humans!), women exhibit the same gross traits as men (farts, morning breath, smelly 'down there' etc).

 

Needless to say (and as foolish/naive as it might seem), I just wasn't expecting this.

 

The idea of going through with it just grosses me out these days, but it isn't an issue when I masturbate.

 

I practiced tantra techniques a few years back, and as a consequence I can make orgasms through masturbation feel utterly incredible.  I lie there afterwards, satisfied and relaxed.  The thought of someone being there as well, all sweaty etc just turns my stomach.

 

I'm just looking for some sort of clarity around my sexual identity.  So far I've come across semisexual, graysexual, aegosexual, but none of these really seem to fit.

 

I'm starting to think I'm a special case, and if so I'll invent my own word!  =)

 

Many thanks

[OldSoul]

None of what you said excludes you from just being plain old asexual.

Also, yes, everyone is gross. 
I think all human bodies are revolting.

[adz]

5 minutes ago, OldSoul said:

None of what you said excludes you from just being plain old asexual. 

I should clarify, I do think about women (and watch porn) when I masturbate.  The desire is there, I just like the idea rather than the reality.

[OldSoul]

Yep, I heard ya! 
Some asexuals do enjoy porn, their own company, even think about sex- they just don't desire the actual physical act. 
Plenty of asexuals still have sex, too.

I'm completely asexual/aromantic and without anything like that, but you'll find others here just like you. 

[em3]

1 hour ago, adz said:

I should clarify, I do think about women (and watch porn) when I masturbate.  The desire is there, I just like the idea rather than the reality.

You likely are asexual. Your experience sounds a little bit like mine, except I honestly don't feel any physical attraction except to breasts sometimes. I don't feel physical attraction watching porn. I literally can sit there and watch it for two hours without feeling any need or desire to touch myself, as I would prefer just watching them be happy. I'm like an outsider, heh. I don't watch porn anymore cause I don't even want to as its boring. Does this sound like you?

[adz]

1 hour ago, em3 said:

You likely are asexual. Your experience sounds a little bit like mine, except I honestly don't feel any physical attraction except to breasts sometimes. I don't feel physical attraction watching porn. I literally can sit there and watch it for two hours without feeling any need or desire to touch myself, as I would prefer just watching them be happy. I'm like an outsider, heh. I don't watch porn anymore cause I don't even want to as its boring. Does this sound like you?

Naa I absolutely get turned on by porn.  When I'm in the moment I love the idea of it, but only in my head.  Whenever I've actually done it with a women it's just not the same.  Reality kind of sets in and it just feels dirty and unnatural.

 

I suppose it's like enjoying a shoot 'em up game on the Xbox, while at the same time having no desire to travel to Syria to fight ISIS.

 

An odd analogy perhaps, but it's very hard to explain, hence my post! =)

[em3]

37 minutes ago, adz said:

Naa I absolutely get turned on by porn.  When I'm in the moment I love the idea of it, but only in my head.  Whenever I've actually done it with a women it's just not the same.  Reality kind of sets in and it just feels dirty and unnatural.

 

I suppose it's like enjoying a shoot 'em up game on the Xbox, while at the same time having no desire to travel to Syria to fight ISIS.

 

An odd analogy perhaps, but it's very hard to explain, hence my post! =)

no, believe me. It makes lots of sense, and I'd basically believe anyone's self-reported sexuality at this point. =)

[Ultima]

It does not look like anyone has mentioned this in this topic so I will go ahead. if you look around on aven or other websites you will find a little bit of information about aesthetic orientations. This is where you have a visual attraction to certain people (physical or romantic). For example: I identify as asexual, aromantic, but hetero-aesthetic; basically I think women look cute, but otherwise I have no other real interest in women (or any kind of person). Most people do not actually identify with a particular aesthetic attraction because it usually tends to match their sexual/romantic orientation, so most people are not talking about it.

 

Also, I masturbate before I go to bed too, it is an excellent method for getting to sleep quickly:)