Yeldarb Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Ok so, for as long as i can remember i haven't had any interest in sex in real life or a relationship however i do like the fantasy of a perfect relationship, sex wise i can masturbate to porn mainly hentai since i find it hard to stay interested with real people, but when it comes into real life i have no desire to take part. I don't think that's fully asexual or aromantic but i can't find any "label" online that can put my mind at ease and think "ok, thats what i am". I realize you have probably seen a topic like this 100's of times and i apologize in advance 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Asexuals can actually masturbate and watch porn, as long as they don't feel any actual desire to have sex with anyone. So you could be asexual. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Semiterrestrial Scientist Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Hey, it's fine. You don't need to apologize for needing help figuring stuff out. Have you heard of greyromantic and greysexual? They may help. Or demiromantic demisexual. I hope you find what you're looking for. Welcome to AVEN! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rosol Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 yeah I guess I am similar - it's like being porn-sexual or something. for me, I guess demisexual probably fits well enough. but I figure functionally I am asexual so I tend to think of myself as that. it is frustrating to have this longing for a relationship as you say and no straight path to fulfilling it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
simplyalex Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 You don't have to put any label on yourself, my friend. It's OK to be confused but always remember that you are you. Period. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Browncoat10 Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Hey. I'm still pretty new too, and I know what you mean about not feeling fully ace or aromantic. Basically though, they're both spectrums. If you feel slightly either then you're probably on the spectrum - maybe you have some sexual desires but not as much as a sexual person. Plus, like others are saying, masturbation doesn't immediately mean not-ace. So... don't worry about it basically? I know that's not massively helpful, but it's the best advice I (as a newbie admittedly) can give. And don't worry about "labels" right now, you don't need one and you're liable to change throughout your life, depending on who you meet/what you experience etc. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rosol Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 3 minutes ago, simplyalex said: You don't have to put any label on yourself, my friend. It's OK to be confused but always remember that you are you. Period. that's true. but there is some comfort/utility in a label also. doesn't mean you have to stick to it or fully identify with it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cirque_du_sweet Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Its a bit confusing but I suggest looking up "Asexual spectrum identities". There are a couple lists out there and while they are not all encompassing they do do a pretty good job at covering some of the main categories. I think something people forget a lot (especially on this website) is that sexual desire and attraction are quite different. Asexuality only means a lack of sexual attraction to people, it doesn't have any regard for sexual desire; a relatively large percentage of asexuals are either sex positive or sex neutral so having sex or masturbating has no impact on your sexuality. You definitely fall under the category of asexual if you do not have sexual attraction for other people and you might be aromantic if you are not interested in romance. I know there's some part of the ace spectrum that is about feeling interest for characters rather than people but I can't quite remember what its called. Asexuality works great as a general label and you can always figure something more specific out as you get to know more about the community and how you feel. Hope this helps 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 55 minutes ago, Rosol said: yeah I guess I am similar - it's like being porn-sexual or something. for me, I guess demisexual probably fits well enough. but I figure functionally I am asexual so I tend to think of myself as that. it is frustrating to have this longing for a relationship as you say and no straight path to fulfilling it. Demisexual means you actively desire sexual intimacy with someone else for pleasure, but you need a specific type of bond that takes a long time to form to want that. Whereas it's very common for asexuals to masturbate to porn.. as long as they'd never actually want to do anything they watch or think about while they masturbate with another person, they're still asexual Edit: If you were able to attain that perfect relationship you fantasize about, would you want sexual intimacy with your partner under those circumstances? Because yes that would be more 'demisexual' but you could call it 'demisexual in theory, asexual in practice' as you wouldn't actually know unless it happened Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RhuinHruda Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 On 12/20/2017 at 5:45 PM, Yeldarb said: Ok so, for as long as i can remember i haven't had any interest in sex in real life or a relationship however i do like the fantasy of a perfect relationship, sex wise i can masturbate to porn mainly hentai since i find it hard to stay interested with real people, but when it comes into real life i have no desire to take part. I don't think that's fully asexual or aromantic but i can't find any "label" online that can put my mind at ease and think "ok, thats what i am". I realize you have probably seen a topic like this 100's of times and i apologize in advance I'm much the same way. It seems strange but being asexual and still having a sex drive is normal. Don't know if it is the majority, but still normal. For me, it took me a while to understand that what I might fantasize about is not the same as what I would engage in. It seemed like maybe I was just afraid of sex or intimacy or such. There were also times that I thought my lack of sexual "chemistry" towards one person meant simply that I wasn't into that person, but would experience it with someone else. Because it's hard to define something based on its absence and because I didn't know it was an option, I didn't realize I was asexual until my mid-20s. When I realized there were other people who felt the way I did, and that there was a name for it, it was much an "oh thank god" moment. But there were still questions I had about sexual fantasy and sex drives and the like, and really it was just browsing the forums and asking questions and having someone answer for me like I'm answering for you. Having sexual fantasies without wanting to have sex is perfectly acceptable as an Ace (and I'm with you on the Hentai. Naked people are kind of gross and floppy and porn is incredibly unrealistic and unflattering to the idea of sex). Generally, for this site, asexual is defined as having the lack of sexual attraction (which I think is like that weird gotta-have-you moment in movies, or like chemical, lust-at-first-sight attraction), and it can also be or include the lack of desire to have physical intercourse. Neither of those things reference a sex drive/need for physical gratification. So as far as I can tell, you fit that definition. And there's plenty of debate about the definition as well. If you feel "asexual" is the right explanation for who you are, that's good enough for me and most of the rest. There's a lot of variation in what counts as sex and attraction and the rest. Don't stress too much about pre-defined labels and just wear what feels appropriate to you. Hope that helps. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.