Could this be considered a QPR? Complicated...

[-Lex-]

I'm asexual married to my asexual husband, except we never figured this out until recently.  We've been "dating" for four years, and by dating I mean playing video games and eating pizza and playing laser tag and the like.  We just got married in July because a) we wanted to live together and my conservative family would flip if I was living with someone I wasn't married to, and b) we take the term "BFF" literally, we're best friends and we're committed to this relationship, and c) getting married = more financial aid for college and d) we can't imagine going through life without the other.  For almost four years, we had no idea what the words asexual or aromantic were, and there was a lot of miscommunication. 

 

We didn't have sex for 3 1/2 years because we were saving it for marriage (sort of but more because we're both asexual and didn't know it).  When we decided to have sex we were pretty... Clueless?  We kind of just wanted to see what it was like but I already knew I was ace.  Everyone always talked about sex like it was just so amazing and VITAL TO HUMAN LIFE pretty much, so our asexual selves were really disappointed when we started having sex because it was like... eh?  Maybe we're doing it wrong?

 

So for the first month of marriage, we tried to be like normal married people and have sex because everyone always says how vital it is to a healthy marriage.  BUT (here's the miscommunication) neither one of us actually *wanted* or *needed* to have sex.  We were just bored I guess, and we were both doing it for the other (also because of societal expectations) and have just now, AFTER FOUR YEARS, started being completely honest with each other about our relationship and how we feel towards each other.

 

So now, literally after dating and having a somewhat *normal* romantic and slightly sexual relationship for 4 years, have admitted to each other that a) neither of us is sexually attracted to each other and b) we were only being sexual and romantic towards each other because we thought that's what the other one wanted.  But now, we're being honest and both agree that we are more like best friends than husband and wife (also I'm agender so I don't like the word wife anyways), and it's like we can finally breathe and be ourselves.  We agreed to stop having sex like at all and stop making out because neither one of us was actually that into it.  And we are SO MUCH HAPPIER.  Now we're just chill, mainly touching via high fives and hugs (sometimes hand holding and cuddling).  So much less pressure.  So much easier for both of us.

 

So I guess what I'm asking is... Can a (seemingly) romantic and/or sexual relationship turn into a QPR?  Also does this sound like we're both aromantic?

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

Absolutely!👍

A (seemingly) romantic/sexual relationship can turn into a QPR!

I think it's very possible you two are aromantic, at least in my honest opinion.

At least you two found out what worked for the both of you!👌☺