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Looking for someone in the same boat to talk to.


Kimmy_1998

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Hey everyone. 

 

I am new to this whole website and I'm quite new to the whole experience of being asexual. I identify as a grey asexual. The best way to describe the way I feel is that my mind and body do not agree with each other. I want to have sex and I think about it a lot, but when I do have sex it's like my body does not want to cooperate. I do enjoy it but not in the way others do. I have never been able to achieve an orgasm, either by myself or with another. I am so confused about everything that is going on inside my body and I feel like I'm letting my boyfriend (who I love dearly) down. What I'm looking for is to find someone who is experiencing the same things to talk about then and hopefully get some other insights about it to try and understand myself better. I hope that there is someone out there that can help me with this journey. So please, help me. 

 

If you think you could help me or if you want to talk about something else that falls under the same category, please, send me an email at asexualkimberly@gmail.com

 

Thank you.

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First of all, welcome to aven! It's a great community.

 

I, in a way, understand what you are going through. For the last couple years, I've craved sex with my mind, but not with my body.  I too never climaxed on my own until only a few months ago (right before my second year of college) To me, I am more in love with the idea sex represents. I love the intimacy, the honesty, and it's just a beautiful milestone of friendship. It's also fun. There is a ton of stuff out there you can use to spice things up. However, when it comes down to sex, I cannot perform.  I am not "turned on" by anything sexually.  

 

Just know that you are definitely not alone, (many people feel similar to the way you do) and let me know if you want to talk.

 

Welcome again!

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Hey hi .. welcome :cake:

Well, I can't relate exactly but I would just make a couple of observations. Firstly your bf will need a lot of reassurance if he's aware of your lack responsiveness and orgasm. He will quickly feel inadequate. Only you can take that insecurity away from him.

The other thing is that so many women don't orgasm during sex with their partner that that aspect is not so different. In regards to your own enjoyment.. I have never had the desire to have sex but performed it woefully infrequently during two marriages and 4 kids. When I was first curious about sex and very young, I did find the imagined fantasy OK .. but it was the gritty reality of it that turned me off the whole thing. The biologically gross concept of what was happening became off-putting. So maybe you're experiencing something like that too. Then I stopped wanting to want sex altogether. Maybe there's a demi element to you which requires a longer and deeper emotional attachment before finding enjoyment.

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I'm in this exact situation with my partner. I identify as grey-sexual as well, for the same reasons you do. I have your back bro! I'd love to talk to you if you're open to do. 

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On 18/12/2017 at 7:19 PM, banoffeepie said:

Hey hi .. welcome :cake:

Well, I can't relate exactly but I would just make a couple of observations. Firstly your bf will need a lot of reassurance if he's aware of your lack responsiveness and orgasm. He will quickly feel inadequate. Only you can take that insecurity away from him.

The other thing is that so many women don't orgasm during sex with their partner that that aspect is not so different. In regards to your own enjoyment.. I have never had the desire to have sex but performed it woefully infrequently during two marriages and 4 kids. When I was first curious about sex and very young, I did find the imagined fantasy OK .. but it was the gritty reality of it that turned me off the whole thing. The biologically gross concept of what was happening became off-putting. So maybe you're experiencing something like that too. Then I stopped wanting to want sex altogether. Maybe there's a demi element to you which requires a longer and deeper emotional attachment before finding enjoyment.

I always make sure that he knows but thank you anyways. 
I don't think that is really the issue but I really appreciate the thought, it is always good to see different aspects. I'll think about it though. 

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On 18/12/2017 at 4:30 PM, Asexy_beast said:

First of all, welcome to aven! It's a great community.

 

I, in a way, understand what you are going through. For the last couple years, I've craved sex with my mind, but not with my body.  I too never climaxed on my own until only a few months ago (right before my second year of college) To me, I am more in love with the idea sex represents. I love the intimacy, the honesty, and it's just a beautiful milestone of friendship. It's also fun. There is a ton of stuff out there you can use to spice things up. However, when it comes down to sex, I cannot perform.  I am not "turned on" by anything sexually.  

 

Just know that you are definitely not alone, (many people feel similar to the way you do) and let me know if you want to talk.

 

Welcome again!

I would love to talk with you. That would be amazing. I added my email address so feel free to send me a message. I think we could learn some things from each other. 

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On 18/12/2017 at 7:41 PM, CozyPosie said:

I'm in this exact situation with my partner. I identify as grey-sexual as well, for the same reasons you do. I have your back bro! I'd love to talk to you if you're open to do. 

I would love to talk with you too and I would really be open to it. I added my email address in the post, so feel free to send me a message. 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
On 18.12.2017 at 3:56 PM, Kimmy_1998 said:

Hey everyone. 

 

I am new to this whole website and I'm quite new to the whole experience of being asexual. I identify as a grey asexual. The best way to describe the way I feel is that my mind and body do not agree with each other. I want to have sex and I think about it a lot, but when I do have sex it's like my body does not want to cooperate. I do enjoy it but not in the way others do. I have never been able to achieve an orgasm, either by myself or with another. I am so confused about everything that is going on inside my body and I feel like I'm letting my boyfriend (who I love dearly) down. What I'm looking for is to find someone who is experiencing the same things to talk about then and hopefully get some other insights about it to try and understand myself better. I hope that there is someone out there that can help me with this journey. So please, help me. 

 

If you think you could help me or if you want to talk about something else that falls under the same category, please, send me an email at asexualkimberly@gmail.com

 

Thank you.

First, off It's totally ok to feel this way. However, I must agree with @banoffeepie that you should try to explain the experience to your partner for additional  support and understanding. I'm sure that he will try his best to accept and adjust himself to the situation if he really loves you. Honesty is just one of the most important aspects in every functional realationship after all, so you must not be afraid to open yourself up to him. Things might only become more difficult or painful if you keep hiding your thoughts any longer. Besides, it's not necessary or even possible to reach a climax while having sex every time so you must not feel like letting your bf down for any reason. It's ok. Just try to relax. Don't ever push or force yourself into it. I just received the biggest hug and grateful smile from my partner for talking things out with him back then, despite all odds :D

 

So yeah, be brave and go for it! It's gonna be ok. *fingers crossed*

 

 

 

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19 hours ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

First, off It's totally ok to feel this way. However, I must agree with @banoffeepie that you should try to explain the experience to your partner for additional  support and understanding. I'm sure that he will try his best to accept and adjust himself to the situation if he really loves you. Honesty is just one of the most important aspects in every functional realationship after all, so you must not be afraid to open yourself up to him. Things might only become more difficult or painful if you keep hiding your thoughts any longer. Besides, it's not necessary or even possible to reach a climax while having sex every time so you must not feel like letting your bf down for any reason. It's ok. Just try to relax. Don't ever push or force yourself into it. I just received the biggest hug and grateful smile from my partner for talking things out with him back then, despite all odds :D

 

So yeah, be brave and go for it! It's gonna be ok. *fingers crossed*

 

 

 

Thank you so much. I always try and assure him that it's not him and I think he knows it too. As for the last part...I'm trying to work on that. But thank you. It means a lot. If you'd be open to talk, my email is in the original post. 

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2 hours ago, Kimmy_1998 said:

Thank you so much. I always try and assure him that it's not him and I think he knows it too. As for the last part...I'm trying to work on that. But thank you. It means a lot. If you'd be open to talk, my email is in the original post. 

You're most welcome! I'd like to stay in touch through private mail! :D

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On 20/12/2017 at 5:51 PM, Deus Ex Infinity said:

You're most welcome! I'd like to stay in touch through private mail! :D

I'd love that

Let me know if you have sent me a message. 

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