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How do I know I'm aromantic? How aromantic am I?


AiDe

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Well, hello,
so I just found out about this website and I would like some advice:) I'm pretty confused about my sexuality. and I think I'm aromantic, so could you help me please? So, I'm in a relationship for a year. Me and my boyfriend were friends before our relationship and he had a problem with his previous relationship in which he was when we were friends. Then he told me, he likes me more like a friend, but I didn't know what to do? I really liked him, but I didn't know if I really wanted a relationship. I couldn't and still can't describe my romantic feelings or when I feel then. I don't know how love or attraction feels like. Sometimes I think I'm only with him just because, he shows interest in me. My boyfriend always says nice things to me like I'm "the prettiest girl in the world" or "we'll be together forever", sometimes it feels really nice and sometimes I just want him to stop and to be realistic. But he wants me to do the same, to reciprocate his feelings this way, but I just can't. I can't say things like that, I can't dream about unrealistic things. I'm can't be attracted to him like he is.

I don't flirt.

I appriciate friendships a lot and have sqiushes. I think like people, because they show interest in me.

I don't flirt.

I do love cuddling.

I don't know, if I like kissing. Like I tolerate it. Before when we got any further, I tolerated it too, but now, I just don't want to do it. The kissing I kinda enjoy, but that's all.

Thanks for reading :) I'm from a very conservative society, so I'm a little confused about this and don't know that much, so sorry about my low knowledge.

 

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Galactic Turtle

Welcome to AVEN! I'm really bad at talking about romantic orientations but I'll try my best? 

 

I guess in general on AVEN people describe aromanticism as a lack of romantic attraction usually indicated by a lack of desire for a romantic relationship in life and a lack of forming crushes on people. Keep in mind that there's a lot of ground to cover between "romantic attraction" and being "in love." One usually isn't "in love" with a crush or a new boyfriend, they're only (presumedly) attracted to them which is what makes them a crush/boyfriend. As an aside I'd also like to say that in middle/high school many of my friends started dating boys just because the boys showed interest in them. They weren't attracted to those people specifically, but desired to be in a romantic relationship. Likewise while only you can tell if you're attracted to your current boyfriend, I don't think that alone is a good indicator of whether or not you're aromantic. You just might not like him specifically.

 

I think romantic relationships are lauded so much because they're aggressively associated with the ultimate happiness mostly because I feel like many feel they're missing out on something without that experience whether that be actually settling down with someone or just feeling the emotional rush of having a good date night. Personally I always saw dating/marriage as a practicality (money, social standing, business endeavors, or the useful combining of resources) which might lead to a more comfortable standard of living and by proxy some sort of happiness but not only do I fail to understand why a romantic relationship would be an emotional necessity, I find that they make no sense to me at all (in an emotional sense) and sound like some sort of ailment if anything.

 

While I do identify as aromantic, I do think that term might only apply to me because my love language is different than that of other people, different to the extent that I can't reciprocate enough to satisfy someone's emotional or physical needs in a non-platonic nature. I don't see romance as above friendship. To me friendship is the most significant non-familial relationship you can form with another person and that friendship in and of itself has different depths. Meanwhile romance to me is this hormonal thing that happens and seems a bit alien in nature. I want my friends to feel special, happy, and safe when they're with me. From my point of view, I love them. I am filled with it, I value the time I spend with them regardless if there's a guarantee of forever or not, and can't imagine anything "more" than that.

 

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