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"What if I'm not straight?"


Only Afloat

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So this happened a while back, an old friend of mine asked that and I didn't answer well. I can't put thoughts into verbal words the greatest; I didn't have a good response. I felt bad because I wasn't sure what to say. Currently there is a friend of mine in my class who is dropping massive hints that they aren't straight. I started thinking what would I say if that happened again?

 

What I'd really love to say: So what if you aren't straight? What if being left-handed was wrong? But it's not wrong. There are people out there who might disagree and avoid you because you're "different," but not everyone will. I'm not one of them. If you're asking me for my opinion, I'd still love you the same and feel honored that you told me. It's not my business to tell others if you're worried about that, I'd respect your privacy likewise I'd hope you respect mine. You're still the same person who I've known, having an identity other than the norm doesn't make me think any less of you. I wish the world could understand that though.

 

That's what I want to put into words but I couldn't and don't know if I could if the opportunity arises again. This puts my views out there, as well as my honest opinion. If I get the chance and all is well, then I'd even hope to drop the bomb that I'm asexual and homoromantic myself. It wouldn't matter in the moment if I dropped that bomb because what matters to me the most in a situation like that is trying to understand how that person feels.

 

So here's the question for everyone else, how would you respond to someone saying "what if I'm not straight?"

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If someone isn't out, and they trust me enough to tell me that they're queer, then they know me well enough to know that I wouldn't betray their trust or be a judgy asshole about it. I don't need to tell them that.

 

And if someone I barely know tells me that they're queer, then they clearly don't care if I tell other people or am a judgy asshole about (though, to be clear, I wouldn't), so again, I don't need to tell them that.

 

That in mind, I would say: "Cool. I'm not straight either", and finish with a *solidaric fistbump*.

 

My response tells them that I accept them and that I am open to talking about it further with them, even though I don't say those exact words.

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Then... you aren't straight?  So what?

 

I don't really get why/how it's a big enough deal for me to give a more long-winded response than that, personally.

 

If they gave more of an elaboration on why not being straight would be a big deal to them, then I can try responding to that, but it's not my responsibility to try to come up with why it's a big deal to them on my own.

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Mostly Peaceful Ryan

When I found out about my brother being gay, my reaction was just "Cool", At the time I was headed to a gay bar, and really excited about their appletinis as they have the best appletinis, I've also been pretty involved in the LGBT community as many of my friends are LGBT, so my reaction might not be the common reaction. 

 

I think for people in your real life this reaction might be different depending on the person you are talking to, I think you would have a better idea of how your friends may react, depending on their views on LGBT communities, maybe discuss other gay celebrities with them, or people you may know who is gay to get a better idea?   I think even if you are pretty sure they are cool with it coming out can be scary. 

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On ‎12‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 10:13 AM, Philip027 said:

Then... you aren't straight?  So what?

 

I don't really get why/how it's a big enough deal for me to give a more long-winded response than that, personally.

 

If they gave more of an elaboration on why not being straight would be a big deal to them, then I can try responding to that, but it's not my responsibility to try to come up with why it's a big deal to them on my own.

 

For my area being anything other than the "norm" in my area is risky, as it leads to social isolation and ridicule, unfortunately. As sad as it is to say this, most people around here are have/still stuck in the "1950s mindset." 

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To Each Their Own
On 09/12/2017 at 11:06 AM, Klassien said:

 

For my area being anything other than the "norm" in my area is risky, as it leads to social isolation and ridicule, unfortunately. As sad as it is to say this, most people around here are have/still stuck in the "1950s mindset." 

All the more reason to be a good friend and ally. 

 

To to answer the OP question, I would say, “So what? Neither am I.”

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On 12/8/2017 at 5:59 AM, Klassien said:

how would you respond to someone saying "what if I'm not straight?"

"So what? You're still you, and you are OK the way you are."

 

Always assuming that the person is OK indeed. If it was a person I'm not OK with, I hope I wouldn't be bothered with a demi-outing.

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"I'm bi, so I won't judge you if you think you're not straight. You're still the same human as everyone else, so you're still you. That's all that matters."

 

Now, I will have eventually have to come out and go" Okay guys, I like girls and guys ok?" and coming out is quite a gamble as you have to expect the unexpected. Online friends were easier, but real life people, especially family and friends, are the dealbreakers. In truth, the people who truly accept you are the ones who really love you. 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
4 hours ago, roland.o said:

"So what? You're still you, and you are OK the way you are."

 

Always assuming that the person is OK indeed. If it was a person I'm not OK with, I hope I wouldn't be bothered with a demi-outing.

Very true indeed! I'd never mind thoughts from people I don't like anyway. Even if, I'd try to be honest and open about myself. I lost a lot of so-called "best friends" after my coming out 15 years ago, including most parts of family but it couldn't stop me. I was just so tired of hiding and pretending, making up excuses or lies just to feel valid and accepted.

 

So yeah, just go for it. Be yourself!

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