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mari

There are any men on here?

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James121
On 04/02/2018 at 2:34 AM, john e. resler said:

i have been called polyamorous because i love people of both sexes but i am asexual because the very thought of sex with anyone is so repulsive to me so i do now understand what you were trying to actually say

Did that develop over time or was it that way from the outset as a teenager?

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
On 06/12/2017 at 2:09 PM, mari said:

Hi, i read somewhere (i dont remember where) there are 1:5 men /women, and i guess that is worst for us "the old one" because mostly of the people in the asexual spectrum in in their 20's.

I suffer every day the loneliness, i cant get used to be a lone person, i cant accept. I think is like a mourning and im not doing it well. :(

 

In my experience in the ace community (those who are active anyway) it feels like I'm talking to just as many men as women, and many people who are in their 30s and over! I see your post was from last year, but I hope you're feeling better now after some of the other answers in this thread, and like there are more people you can relate to in the ace community? :):cake:

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LittleLillie

28 year old male, totally repulsed asexual.

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Masterman

Yep, I'm a male too. I'm 28, and and I'm completely asexual, so repulsed by the idea I would never be open to even consider it. I'm very open about this too, and it doesn't make me feel any less of a man, though yes, people frowns on you.

 

I'm sort of aromantic too, but I'm aesthetically attracted to women and I do enjoy sharing platonic relationships with them, which are basically like really close friendships in my book. Obviously, girls aren't that crazy about that, so I'm pretty much alone :mellow:

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TheLastOfSheila
3 hours ago, Masterman said:

Obviously, girls aren't that crazy about that, so I'm pretty much alone :mellow:

Sexual girls may not be crazy about that, but there are many asexual females out there, some on this very site even.  Wish you luck.

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Skycaptain

@Masterman, I sympathise, as you describe me perfectly.

There are plenty of aro-ace females around, who basically want to meet the same type of person, friends without benefits, someone to share holidays, days out, nights out etc, but maybe with separate bedrooms. Trouble is convincing anyone that you only want a platonic relationship. 

I'd say the most difficult part is reassuring a potential partner that you don't want to bend bedsprings 

 

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will123
1 hour ago, Skycaptain said:

@Masterman, I sympathise, as you describe me perfectly.

There are plenty of aro-ace females around, who basically want to meet the same type of person, friends without benefits, someone to share holidays, days out, nights out etc, but maybe with separate bedrooms. Trouble is convincing anyone that you only want a platonic relationship. 

I'd say the most difficult part is reassuring a potential partner that you don't want to bend bedsprings 

 

That's a nice post. I'm probably a bit late for that, but if asexuality had been more visible when I was in my 30s, that would describe perfectly what I would've wanted in a friendship.

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Masterman

Thank you for your responses!

 

Indeed, now that it is more visible, there are many more potential asexual partners around. The thing is that it is very hard to find one that is:

1) Close to you area.

2) Compatible with your personality and aesthetic preferences. I think one might easily fall in the trap of trying to make a connection with someone you meet just because she's asexual. Because that's probably the only thing you'd share. Chances are that you won't be aesthetically attracted to each other and have very different personalities.

 

Being the 1% of the population is really hard. Especially when you can tell who that 1% is.

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JMichael

Ace male here, I waffle a bit on whether I am panromantic or panalterous, but gender has never been a deciding factor in bonding closely with someone. Successfully(?) partnered for 18 years. I also have deeply bonded relationships with a number of other friends, but my partner is the person I share a household with.

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john e. resler

cool

 

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mari

Come on men !Are there more around!!

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keep calm and carry on

Mid 30s (who feels 25) hetero-romantic male here. Usually connect at a deep level with any person, especially a romantic interest, while building a close friendship.

 

Would love to meet a lady who is fun to be around, share holidays, travel.... share life with basically. Haven't been successful in finding someone yet, but then again, I never give up. So, there you have it.

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john e. resler

you are aware that we are asexual so the question is how are you defining men?

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StupidDream

Another man here - I never realized there was a biased ratio towards asexual women vs men... I wonder if that's "true" in the population or just an online ratio.  What I mean is that maybe women are possibly(?) more comfortable about talking about their sexuality, especially when on the asexual spectrum, than men might be?  After all sex is the thing that we are always told is supposed to define the male gender according to all the advertising!

 

I read on the BBC that the total percentage of asexuals in society (of all types) is around 1-2%, so I guess that 1:5 ratio would put asexual men at around 0.2-0.4% of the total population?  Seems very low to me but it's probably accurate.

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pma01

53 year old male, had a lot of date and relationships in my twenties, but little sexual experience, and a whole lot of failed relationships, I have only one long term relationship with my xwife that lasted 10 years,

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

...just perusing.....

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pma01

I would love to have a female companion. Does not have to be sexual, someone to talk to and do things with

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Hick Wizard

38 year old dude here, how are all of you doing?

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john e. resler

it is truly difficult how many males are actually asexual either because they have no idea what asexual is or they believe it is something even more taboo than being heterosexual ,homosexual,or bisexual and we do not get the opportunity to discuss it because of the same misguided view of male sexuality. 1:5 ratio would be 20% and i truly doubt its even close to that high it is probably as you figured 1-2% of the male population. 

  I have told people i was asexual only to find they thought it was some form of pickup technique so that makes the calculation even harder in the end.

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TheLastOfSheila

The fact that, at least here, the definition of asexuality is so fluid also makes things more difficult when looking for companionship, in my opinion.  AVEN defines it this way: "An asexual person is a person who does not experience sexual attraction.Although this seems like a cut and dry definition, for me it does not really offer any clarity.  I take this definition to mean that a person could have a high sexual libido, and even be sexually active, but as long as that person is not having sex because they are sexually attracted to anyone, that person is by definition asexual.  I find this confusing.  I have expressed that before, and some members seem to sadly shake their heads, look at me and think, "How stupid are you if you don't get this?"  Well, I grant that I am no genius, nor am I a sociologist, psychologist or professional in any similar area.  I'm just an average woman. 

 

In terms of trying to find companionship, however, this notion of what is asexual makes it even more difficult, along with the possibility that we are only 1-2% of the population.  Some men identify as asexual, but in reality are demi or greysexual.  That would be a difficult thing for me because I am a celibate asexual.  That situation could result in confusion, and some hurt feelings.  Personally, I gave up on the idea of finding a companion a long time ago because the kind of relationship that I was looking for does not exist.  Although I have spoken with some men who identified as asexual, they were still very much guided by aesthetics, i.e., a woman of a particular age, race, who looks a certain way.  I guess what I am saying is that seeking a companion in the asexual world is just as difficult as in the sexual world.

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Thea2
1 hour ago, TheLastOfSheila said:

... I take this definition to mean that a person could ... even be sexually active, but as long as that person is not having sex because they are sexually attracted to anyone ...  

AVEN also defines sexual attraction. :)  From the Aven FAQs: 

 

Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction: Desire to have sexual contact with someone else, to share our sexuality with them.

 

So if I make the substitution, I get the AVEN definition of

Asexual: Someone who does not experience a desire to have sexual contact with someone else, to share our sexuality with them.

 

An asexual might compromise within a mixed relationship, not out of a desire for sex but for other reasons.

 

P.S. I am happy to let anyone self-identify as asexual that wants to do so.

 
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TheLastOfSheila
10 minutes ago, Thea2 said:

AVEN also defines sexual attraction in a particuar way. :)  From the Aven FAQs: 

 

Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction: Desire to have sexual contact with someone else, to share our sexuality with them.

 

So if I make the substitution, I get:

Asexual: Someone who does not experience a desire to have sexual contact with someone else, to share our sexuality with them.

 

I think it would be best to cut out the middleman ‘sexual attraction’, as it only causes confusion. The result however is the same, the Aven definition says that an asexual does not have a desire to have sexual contact with someone else.

 

An asexual might compromise within a mixed relationship, not out of a desire for sex but for other reasons.

There was a very long thread some months ago, I can't recall which forum, discussing the "sexual asexual".  Apparently, there are asexuals who will occasionally have partnered sex, not because they are attracted to the person, but merely to satisfy their own libido or sex drive.  I am not talking about mixed relationships here, but non-committal encounters.  I recall making the point that there are many sexuals who have sex for the same reason.  Only a few commenters agreed with me on that one.  Just to clarify, I am a middle-aged woman who has not been celibate her whole life.  I was married to a sexual man for many years, and participated in sex with him because I cared deeply about him, even though my sex drive was almost non-existent, even in those days.  So I am VERY well aware of the different reasons that asexuals might engage in a sexual relationship with someone.  However, that is not what I was talking about. It is an older thread, the one discussing "sexual asexuals", but you still might be able to find it.  It went on for pages and pages, lol!

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Thea2
18 minutes ago, TheLastOfSheila said:

... "sexual asexual"... 

Tja, what can I say, it's exasperating. :angry: "sexual asexual", :lol:, it's an oxymoron.  

I've given up on it now (I am happy to let anyone self-identify as asexual that wants to do so), but it used to annoy me, see my old post https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/27918-what-are-your-most-controversial-opinions/?do=findComment&comment=1062700934

 

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TheLastOfSheila
14 minutes ago, Thea2 said:

I've given up on it now (I am happy to let anyone self-identify as asexual that wants to do so)

Yeah, I'm pretty much at the same place too, Thea2.  I used to get annoyed, but now I accept it.  It saddens me a tiny bit because I was so happy when I first found AVEN.  I still think it is a great place, but it didn't really provide any clarity for me; and the feeling, that sense of belonging has faded somewhat.  Ah well. 😕

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Thea2
3 hours ago, TheLastOfSheila said:

... Ah well. 😕

:lol: yes, I join you in that, ah well. <_<   Still ... you’ve got one of my all time favorite signatures, I just love it. 💕 

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GutsyCowardLep

I'm a asexual male 

 

while currently not looking or interested in a romantic companionship I would just like a friend to be close with.

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Giwreh

Plenty of men on here, all ages as well 🙂

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Giwreh
On 4/21/2018 at 9:29 AM, Masterman said:

1) Close to you area.

2) Compatible ............

Being the 1% of the population is really hard. Especially when you can tell who that 1% is.

Indeed, if we run some mathematics on it, chances to meet THE ONE could dropp to 0,05 % 🙂  ??? ?

Even the majority of sexual people, fail very often in their relationships, because "it was someone non compattible after all"...

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Joe Guzman

I'm 55, if that's old enough . . . and it's old enough for me, at least until my next birthday. 

 

I'm new so I wasn't aware of the disparity until I came across this thread, but speaking as an older male, if I may offer a theory: We older guys were often, and definitely in my case, made to feel when young that being anything less/other than the full-on stud meant we weren't men. It was difficult for me to acknowledge even to myself who and what I am, not least because I didn't have the necessary vocabulary. I'd never even heard of asexuality until I was in my late 30s. Definitely got my attention, but the part of me that had always "accepted" the "norm" resisted at first. I don't mind coming out here (yeah, well, obviously), but I'm still hesitant around my face-to-face friends. I don't think they'd think less of me, but it's still a big step. And there may be plenty of other guys in a similar or even more self-restrictive (aware or not) position who can only acknowledge it in the deepest part of themselves. And perhaps not willingly. 

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RakshaTheCat
On 6/27/2018 at 10:23 PM, Giwreh said:

Even the majority of sexual people, fail very often in their relationships, because "it was someone non compattible after all"...

Sexual people are busy trying to have sex with each other ASAP, so they are not even interested in checking if they are compatible 😈 I'm sure we can do better than that, and it increases our chances of finding decent match! :)

 

I can rant that everyone here is super young and I feel like a creep to even message people with my 36 years... Its not really important, but I would actually prefer older partner myself, for completely selfish reasons - would make me feel younger by comparison 😼

 

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