Jump to content

There are any men on here?


mari

Recommended Posts

On 10/27/2018 at 5:01 AM, MandyBOB said:

Wow! So many of you 🌺 It makes me wonder, I’ve heard 1% a few times but that would mean 10,000 out of every million people (I think I did the math right)... so where are they?? On this wonderful forum, yes, but where are they in my neighborhood or state for that matter??? Just curious... I have to say, I’m sooo very grateful to have you all to “talk” to now! I too am 45 and just found a name for this about 4 years ago

We're actually ghosts, that's why you can't see us :)  I do agree with you that this site is a blessing.  When I discovered it and started reading some stuff I started to understand a lot about myself.  I realized I'd basically hidden my  asexuality from myself,  primarily due to ignorance (who knew there was such a thing?) and societal pressures/assumptions.

Link to post
Share on other sites
starting over

 I don’t necessarily envy them either but I would absolutely like to go back to my 18-year-old self and know that I was a sexual… I would be willing to do it all again if I have that knowledge and knew I would get my 2 children one day…  that’s all I would ask. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, 012 said:

We're actually ghosts, that's why you can't see us :)  I do agree with you that this site is a blessing.  When I discovered it and started reading some stuff I started to understand a lot about myself.  I realized I'd basically hidden my  asexuality from myself,  primarily due to ignorance (who knew there was such a thing?) and societal pressures/assumptions.

I was having a chat with a female friend the other night. I came out to her a week or so ago and she was fine with that.

 

Anyways I botched the chat and it git really confusing. What I was trying to ask her was did she get the feeling that I may have been humiliated in telling her that I had no sexual attraction to others and was still a virgin at my age? (For the record I wasnt bothered). She asked me why I thought of this question. I said that society puts so much pressure on males to be masculine, sexual beings that some guys might feel bad if they weren't. She said she didn't really care what society thinks about a lot of things.

 

Just my opinion, but I think this shame and/or humiliation may explain why males are under-represented on AVEN. "You're not interested in sex? There's something wrong with you..."

 

That being said, some of us aces will tell the world that we asexual, while others are very guarded in who we tell (I fall into the latter group).

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Yes it is difficult I don't even know any asexuals. For most of my life I didn't even know the movement existed and coming up to 44 I dare say it may be too late for me to get effection especially as the sites always ask whether I want a man or a woman but they are both as good I don't see why I need to choose. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, simon999 said:

Yes it is difficult I don't even know any asexuals. For most of my life I didn't even know the movement existed and coming up to 44 I dare say it may be too late for me to get effection especially as the sites always ask whether I want a man or a woman but they are both as good I don't see why I need to choose. 

 

I didnt know a thing about asexuality until I WAS 44.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 months later...
chairdesklamp

I'm male. Actually, that's why I'm so confused about my romantic attraction, because how much of it is "guys just aren't into mushy stuff" and how much of that is even true? Unlike others who ask for help with naming it, I'm not getting answers, though. Then again, I didn't even get the standard welcome, so maybe I'm just unwanted...

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, chairdesklamp said:

I'm male. Actually, that's why I'm so confused about my romantic attraction, because how much of it is "guys just aren't into mushy stuff" and how much of that is even true?

That's a blanket statement and sheer rubbish in my own experience.

 

I know that a lot of guys are dismissive of the concerns of their male comrades. Because of this I've learned to keep my mouth shut in most cases because they'll likely be careless in their responses and make it worse.

 

Back when I first started liking girls I was mortified about admitting it because I would be mocked. Later on it became more socially acceptable what with the increasing emphasis on sex, as if being a super stud made attraction okay. That wasn't really the case with me though; it often led to cruel pranks.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am born as male too, even though I don't truly identify with it. In fact I don't have that much in common with most guys, and the older I get the less in common I have with them. I draw, paint, color floral patterns in coloring books, bind my own ace rings and other "unmanly" stuff. But I don't care about that honestly because I do my own thing anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Dreamsexual
On 21 May 2019 at 8:19 PM, Toa Lhikan said:

I do my own thing anyway

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 10 months later...
Professor Tarknassus

Male asexual here.  Glad there are others, more so in older age brackets.  Spent most of my adult life thinking I was broken, when I'm not.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
Lisa Smith

I read somewhere that around 1% of people are asexual. Let's round up the number of people to 7.8 billion (It's 7.78) . That's 78 million (give or take). Cut out half for being female (I'm hetero F), 39,000,000. Cut out 10% of those as it's thought 10% of men are gay (again give or take). That's 35,100,000. Not an awful number, but then you have to think of distance, how many people aren't aware they are ace or are in denial about it. How many just aren't compatible, language barriers, different belief systems, incompatible life styles etc etc ad infinitum and it's not a big number. You then have to actually FIND them. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die alone. x

Link to post
Share on other sites
Some Call Me Tim

Count me in.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Skycaptain
1 hour ago, Some Call Me Tim said:

Count me in.

Welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

Link to post
Share on other sites
erichamion
On 5/21/2019 at 1:11 PM, chairdesklamp said:

how much of it is "guys just aren't into mushy stuff" and how much of that is even true?

Not only that, but men are (generally, as a rule, not universally) expected to be the initiators. If the initiator simply never initiates any relationships, then they may never need to face any immediate, pressing disconnect between expectations and reality. General societal pressure can just be written off as not having found the right person yet, and one may never see a reason to question one's identity (or at least, not until relatively late in life).

 

In 40 years of life, I've simply never been in a situation where a relationship (romantic or physical) has been an option. That's likely to remain true unless I actively put myself in such a situation. And it leaves me just... not knowing. I would guess that, as a statistical rule of thumb, far fewer women than men could say that. If any of this is actually true, that would give a strongly gendered bias in terms of who searches for information on and eventually finds their identity.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Male as well, also in my 40s. I have never met anyone that shared they were asexual. I can relate with much of what @ER2742 is sharing regarding expected roles/behaviors of males. I know I felt some societal pressures most of my life, but in the end, I just do what makes me happy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 months later...
3 minutes ago, AceAndHappy said:

I'm here, not afraid to admit who or what I am.

Welcome to AVEN :cake: from a guy who has identified as asexual for 15 years now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

@AceAndHappy, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, AceAndHappy said:

I'm here

Welcome and :cake: !

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

37 year old man. Felt the same way. Everything I see, videos online I feel like it was always girls in their 20s making content. Which is great overall, keep it coming, it was super informative for me... but as someone recently grappling with all this properly for the first time, I needed to see or hear that I’m not the only guy in my age range dealing with this. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

I think there may just as many asexual men as there are women, but society expects men to be sexual so they feel compelled to hide it or pretend they are one of the guys.  It’s definitely easier for us ladies overall.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Not precisely new here, but thinking about this part of my life again recently, and just want to reinforce that men can face different pressures when it comes to dealing with being ace. 
 

Personally got married and things fell apart mainly because my ex wife expected me to be the initiator (I’m not repulsed) and our anxieties conflicted in negative cascades (she felt undesired, I felt inadequate). I feel like this is probably not that unique a story among men here.

 

For women, I think one of the many bizarre double standards we hold them to involves the idea that women generally don’t or shouldn’t enjoy or be interested in sex, except perhaps as a favor they can do someone, or a duty they can perform. So in that context, non repulsed ace women might be able to still fulfill some of the standard expectations placed on them a little more easily.

 

Anyway, cheers to any men here, whether you’re coming to learn more about yourself or you’ve always basically known what your deal is, and know that this community has been a real help to many people before you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...