mari

There are any men on here?

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mari

Hi, i read somewhere (i dont remember where) there are 1:5 men /women, and i guess that is worst for us "the old one" because mostly of the people in the asexual spectrum in in their 20's.

I suffer every day the loneliness, i cant get used to be a lone person, i cant accept. I think is like a mourning and im not doing it well. :(

 

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Princess Merida

Aww, you poor thing. :(

 

There are men on here but as you say there are less of them.

 

*hugs*

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Groobly

There's dozens of us! Dozens!

I have noticed the sex disparity as well on here. I wonder why that is. Also, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. I feel the same way sometimes. I thank my lucky stars I'm a loner at heart, but the times where loneliness really sets in can be tough, so I understand where you're coming from. :(

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Princess Merida

Perhaps it's because a lot of men don't like to discuss their feelings so less likely to join a site like this.

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Camicon

I suspect part of it is due to the way society insists that all men are sexual people. Tough to realize you aren't when everything you see constantly says that you are.

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J. Alfred Prufrock

It's the idea that men are always horny, and if they aren't then something is medically wrong with them, that isn't a state it's ever considered valid to be in.

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Groobly

Good points. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me, so I can attest to that social drive to fit in playing a part in it. I remember one time when I was a teenager this random girl came along and sat on my lap, and when I didn't "react" she was like "Is there something wrong with you, dude?"

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oldgeeza

I don't know what the statistics are, but I don't think I have ever met another asexual male or female asexual person, I too am that bit older, as a male, when in my teens, people found it hard to accept that I wasn't driven by sex, I can understand how many of us end up being single when there are so few of us in general, again, I'm not sure of the statistics, but I think overall it's only around 1% of the population who are asexual.

 

 I hope you get to finding someone, I know we're few and far between, but I do know of couples meeting up and having a relationship even though they started off on distance relationships meeting online before actually meeting and moving in together.

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Princess Merida

Men do have it tough in many ways. There needs to be a change in how boys are raised and not put in a stupidly small box.

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Woodworker1968

Me!

 

I actually don't mind admitting I'm openly asexual nowadays, because I realize not many people would care to poke fun in person at a 300-lb guy who looks lke a pro wrestler.

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Kazka

*Manly High-Five
 

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Tja

Yeah, I was brought up that men had sex, or there was something wrong with you.

So, I spent many years, having many sexual hookups, and it was all just...BLAH!

Now, I'm so turned off by it all, I'm glad to be alone.

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Nidwin

I'm around here too folks.

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Tuple

Yeah, I've noticed the gender difference too.

 

Bogaert mentioned the gender imbalance in his book. If I remember correctly, he said it could be something physiological and how woman and men experience attraction differently. He also said it could be cultural.

 

I've heard mentioned a few times that "all women are asexual" and "there's no such thing as asexual men", which speaks volumes about how society views men's and women's sexuality, i.e. stereotypical women don't like sex and make a big fuss over having sex while stereotypical men are horny and chasing after women all the time trying to get laid. Also, I once heard someone say that "asexual man" is an oxymoron. I have also heard "asexual men aren't real men" and "asexual men are really just gay and either don't realize it or refuse to admit to being gay".

 

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Midland Tyke

Another male here! It only took me about 45 years to realise I was asexual. Crazy that, isn't it? 

 

If the OP is looking to meet someone, how about checking out the meet-up section? Or just enter into chats in the Just for Fun section. I've made new friendships that way.

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Coily the Spring Sprite

Man here. I have only recently realized that I may be asexual. Sex was never a big thing for me even though we are constantly bombarded through media, entertainment and advertising that it is EVERYTHING. 

 

I recall in the past I had opportunities that I passed up because I didn't know someone or feel comfortable with them. Other times I felt comfortable with them and they had to make the move because I was oblivious to their interest. While I enjoyed the act, I have always preferred just hanging out and doing things. Sex was definitely an afterthought. I have thought I was weird and broken. It's only within the last year that I have realized that I am an ace.

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TeddyMiller

59-year-old male asexual here.

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lapat67

 

On 06/12/2017 at 1:09 AM, mari said:

Hi, i read somewhere (i dont remember where) there are 1:5 men /women,

Yes, I saw a ratio like that mentioned as well in the evaluation of the 2014 and 2015 questionnaires. On http://www.ace-book.net it's 1:2

 

On 09/12/2017 at 11:55 AM, Midland Tyke said:

Another male here! It only took me about 45 years to realise I was asexual. Crazy that, isn't it?

Same here (well, 47). I think one of the factors is that there was no internet when we went through puberty. Then by the time the internet came along I had just accepted the situation, and wasn't looking for an "answer" anymore. I only found out by accident (a science fiction novel, of all places). But yes, I think the skewed ratio is cultural. A-/Demi-sexual men might take viagra and the women end up on AVEN (this is, of course, a gross oversimplification).

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TotalFreedom

I'm a male asexual. I joined this forum way back in 2011 and only posted once. I found my way back because I feel similar to you. I've always been fine being a loner. I have been my entire life and I'm used to it. But damn is it tough during the holidays seeing all my friends and family living their seemingly normal lives. I hung out with a few of my guy friends and half of the conversations were about fucking and porn. I know being asexual is challenging for women as well, but in my biased opinion, it is far more difficult for us men to survive this world as asexuals. I'm just exhausted with it all right now....

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Lucas Monteiro

And another male asexual here. Never really did cared for sex, and I am just glad that I discovered while young (I'm 19), seeing what all the older male asexuals had to go through, it's truly an blessing for us to have the internet right now, to help to see things from another perspective, and find that we are not broken. 

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[noize:injekktion]

and another one here. I'm 27.

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umbasa
On 06/12/2017 at 1:29 AM, Groobly said:

There's dozens of us! Dozens!

I have noticed the sex disparity as well on here. I wonder why that is. Also, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. I feel the same way sometimes. I thank my lucky stars I'm a loner at heart, but the times where loneliness really sets in can be tough, so I understand where you're coming from. :(

Almost certainly because if you have a group of male friends you are very likely to be part of a pack mentality and something like asexuality runs completely at odds with that pack mentality.

 

I have no doubt there are just as many asexual men as there are asexual women out there in the world, but instead of coming to terms with it and  perhaps seeking out communities like this one they are are running against their makeup if not outright deluding themselves in order to not deal with their truth.

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darkgreen

Count me in as one of the males out there. What I am pondering as I approach the often-dreaded age of 40 in just a few months is, will I fade away? What I mean by this is, am I only able to communicate with other asexuals through AVEN and other online sites. First, let me say, I am so happy to be able to be a part of AVEN. Without AVEN, I have no other asexuals with which to communicate. Finding people to meet is really difficult as most meetups seem to be for those who are teenagers. That optic does not look right given our current climate, particularly from some U.S. politicians or ex-politicians. As new generations are born and as our generation gets older, what will become of us?  Guess as I age I spend too much time thinking about life. :)

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will123
On 12/5/2017 at 8:38 PM, Princess Merida said:

Perhaps it's because a lot of men don't like to discuss their feelings so less likely to join a site like this.

You're probably right.

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will123
On 12/9/2017 at 6:55 AM, Midland Tyke said:

Another male here! It only took me about 45 years to realise I was asexual. Crazy that, isn't it? 

 

If the OP is looking to meet someone, how about checking out the meet-up section? Or just enter into chats in the Just for Fun section. I've made new friendships that way.

I was 44 when I found out about asexuality and that answered a lot of questions.

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will123
On 12/18/2017 at 6:07 PM, Coily the Spring Sprite said:

Man here. I have only recently realized that I may be asexual. Sex was never a big thing for me even though we are constantly bombarded through media, entertainment and advertising that it is EVERYTHING. 

 

I recall in the past I had opportunities that I passed up because I didn't know someone or feel comfortable with them. Other times I felt comfortable with them and they had to make the move because I was oblivious to their interest. While I enjoyed the act, I have always preferred just hanging out and doing things. Sex was definitely an afterthought. I have thought I was weird and broken. It's only within the last year that I have realized that I am an ace.

On the first bold, "because I didn't want sex, but probably could've hooked up". On the second bold, I just want to be friends, I wasn't interested in any 'benefits'.

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will123
On 12/23/2017 at 4:40 PM, lapat67 said:

 

Yes, I saw a ratio like that mentioned as well in the evaluation of the 2014 and 2015 questionnaires. On http://www.ace-book.net it's 1:2

 

Same here (well, 47). I think one of the factors is that there was no internet when we went through puberty. Then by the time the internet came along I had just accepted the situation, and wasn't looking for an "answer" anymore. I only found out by accident (a science fiction novel, of all places). But yes, I think the skewed ratio is cultural. A-/Demi-sexual men might take viagra and the women end up on AVEN (this is, of course, a gross oversimplification).

I'm 56 and I think you nailed it. I only found out about asexuality and AVEN by reading a newspaper article about folks that weren't interested in sex.  

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will123
On 12/26/2017 at 11:24 PM, Lucas Monteiro said:

And another male asexual here. Never really did cared for sex, and I am just glad that I discovered while young (I'm 19), seeing what all the older male asexuals had to go through, it's truly an blessing for us to have the internet right now, to help to see things from another perspective, and find that we are not broken. 

You don't know how pleased I feel when I read of younger aces saying they found out at a early stage in life. Going thru most of your life, not knowing what the heck is 'wrong' with you (by society's standards) is very disheartening.

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Decaf

56 year-old male aro/repulsed ace.

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will123
2 minutes ago, Decaf said:

56 year-old male aro/repulsed ace.

56 year old ace aro here. Not repulsed, just never had any real interest in being sexual.

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