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Eye contact questions


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Eye contact questions  

171 members have voted

  1. 1. Who would you use eye contact with?

    • Anyone
      87
    • Aquaintances
      27
    • Friends
      48
    • Very Close friends
      63
    • Relatives
      36
    • Close Family
      59
    • Romantic Partners
      46
    • No One
      25
  2. 2. How often do you use eye contact?

    • A lot every day
      48
    • Every day but just a little
      63
    • Often but not every day
      16
    • Maybe a few times a week
      12
    • Maybe once a month
      3
    • Very rarely
      19
    • Never
      10
  3. 3. How does eye contact feel?

    • It feels good
      8
    • It feels neither good or bad
      41
    • It varies
      68
    • It feels bad
      49
    • Other
      5
  4. 4. What do you think of someone you're talking to not making eye contact?

    • They are rude
      9
    • They are untrustworthy
      5
    • It's unpleasant
      17
    • I don't care
      81
    • It's good
      22
    • I don't notice (maybe because I don't make eye contact)
      74
    • other
      21

This poll is closed to new votes


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I agree with @Xavyhere. For some of us eye contact just doesn't either come naturally or feel comfortable 

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  • 3 months later...
J. van Deijck

1. Who would you use eye contact with?
Anyone. Usually. :P I'm a very specific person and I will either stare at someone persistently or avoid eye contact at all. much depends on the day.
2. How often do you use eye contact?
Every day, but just a little. sometimes I tend to talk with someone without looking at them at all, especially when I'm busy with work.
3. How does eye contact feel?
Rather bad. I can’t even explain why.
4. What do you think of someone you're talking to not making eye contact?
Typically my first thought is that they might be just like me :D but, in fact, I don't care much. sometimes it's better than persistent staring.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

I think I kind of use it a little all the time, but it's like I'm pretty sure I'm usually doing the fake kind where you're actually looking back and forth between their eyes and nose/cheeks/whatever. Basically I'm fine with it until it's reciprocated, so I might look around elsewhere a lot too so when I'm looking at their eyes they're not doing the same to me xD and if I'm particularly anxious with someone, like every time I visit a GP or with a lot of strangers, I might not look in their direction at all while I'm talking since it becomes harder to concentrate. So yeah someone else not using it is a relief.

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OmegaTheMetamorphicDreamer

1. Close Family

2. Very rarely

3. It feels bad

4. I don't notice or care

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I use at least a little eye contact with everyone every day. When I am talking to someone, I mostly avoid it because it's often very uncomfortable for me and the interaction can become very awkward but I make eye contact when I feel comfortable doing so. I never mind someone else not making eye contact, because I understand from my own experience how horrible it can feel when you have anxiety.

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Avoid it at all costs.

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I find it very uncomfortable. I'll make myself do it most of the time because it's standard, but I have to take breaks every few seconds. If people don't make eye contact back I use it as an excuse to stop, so in that way you could say it feels good. It used to confuse me a lot as a kid, I didn't understand why it was a thing people did and I kept wondering which eye I was supposed to look at haha 

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I feel indifferent towards eye contact. I've taught myself to use it a lot during professional situations in order to come across well, and I make eye contact a lot both in and out of work, but I don't think less of someone who doesn't. 

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I'm really fine with whoever I work with, e.g. patients, kids. It's okay with my colleagues and boss. During prolonged one-on-one conversations I become overly aware of it, either my eye contact becomes too long/intense or I'm skipping between looking at them and looking away a lot. I can't properly balance it out. At one-on-one appointments with parents I'm doing quite well for the first 30-40 minutes, and then it becomes the most horrible thing of all. I feel like I hold too much eye contact then as overcompensation, but I can't really tell. 

I never really hold eye contact with people I'm close with, or just a few seconds at a time. I feel more comfortable avoiding it with them, as it's less about politeness and stuff. When we have long conversations, I usually "people-watch" or just look at a fixed point in my surroundings. That way I can relax better.

No one ever mentioned my problems with this, my best friend even says I seem to be doing okay with it. Ugh, but there's this custom to look people in the eye when clinking glasses, and if that isn't one of the most horrible inventions then what is. Looking somebody in the eye when shaking hands is even double the fun. 

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awkwardchickenpotatodragon

Whenever I use eye contact, it's usually very short eye contact before I feel awkward and look away. With my family, I'm very comfortable around them, so I think I use eye contact often? I'm not sure, because I don't really notice.

With my close friends, I tend to not make eye contact (or even look at their face), but occasionally look at them because I feel socially obligated to at least make some eye contact.

It's the same with anyone else, though whenever I make "eye contact", I'm not looking at their eyes, I'm looking slightly to the side. I think. I don't really notice these sort of things.

I make eye contact all the time with my dog, though!

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I hate eye contact. It makes me very uncomfortable and vulnerable. If people make strong eye contact with me, I feel like they are going to Eat me.

I am probably "best" at making eye contact with friends/colleagues at work. (If they are talking to me,.. but I can't make eye contact while I am talking.) Otherwise, I almost never make eye contact. Even with close friends or family. (for that matter, I rarely Talk to people unless I absolutely have to.)

If I meet someone else who doesn't/can't make eye contact, I think of them as kindred spirits. I completely sympathize with, and relate to them. They make me comfortable with myself. and with them.

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On 12/4/2017 at 3:25 AM, SamwiseLovesLife said:

Eye contact with everyone every day! :D

 

If someone isn't giving it I assume they are shy or might be on the autistic spectrum

Yes -- my daughter, who's severely autistic, has a lot of trouble with eye contact.   She's now able to do eye contact with people she trusts, but with me she's gone over to the other extreme, where she obsessively watches me in a group setting -- possibly trying to determine if she's acting properly.   Because it's difficult for her to figure out what's happening in the environment, she can't feel comfortable with eye contact.  

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was never a natural when it came to eye contact...over the years I've trained myself to do it, and to this day I often have to remind myself when talking to my boss or co-workers or during an interview or any of that type of situation. I naturally maintain a little eye contact with friends and family, but it feels uncomfortable and like I'm staring to do it the amount some other people do it. 

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Celyn: The Lutening
On 02/04/2018 at 5:42 AM, Venetau said:

wondering which eye I was supposed to look at

For real though. I do the "looking at the bridge of their nose" trick. 

I'm on the autism spectrum and for me it's not extremely uncomfortable, just weird, and boring - eyes aren't that interesting to look at. I get that it's an unspoken social rule so I do it as expected. Nobody's said anything lately, so I assume I'm doing it right.

When talking to friends and romantic partners I have no trouble at all though, because once I've developed either a romantic or platonic bond with someone, I start to find their face nice to look at.

Sometimes I have trouble with my family - that's sounds awful but it's true. I'm closest to the brother that is also on the spectrum and we don't feel the need to look at each other much. When we do, there's no weirdness about it and it's brief.

 

Wow, that was a lot of words...

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I don't do eye contact. It makes me feel nauseous, dizzy and just every kind of uncomfortable you could imagine. I don't really understand the whole 'making eye contact being trustworthy' thing, if anything it comes across as domineering.

 

I'd make an exception for someone I'd be interested in romantically though, because despite all that I'm a complete sucker for how pretty eyes are. 

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andreas1033
2 minutes ago, Deb. said:

if anything it comes across as domineering.

 

Yep i agree.

 

When people are trained in positions to intimidate people, they are trained how important it is to look into eyes of others.

 

I also, ignore people eyes, and generally do not look at people when i speak to them. I generally ignore them when i have to say anything to them.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 4/19/2018 at 3:17 PM, Celyn said:

For real though. I do the "looking at the bridge of their nose" trick. 

I'm on the autism spectrum and for me it's not extremely uncomfortable, just weird, and boring - eyes aren't that interesting to look at. I get that it's an unspoken social rule so I do it as expected. Nobody's said anything lately, so I assume I'm doing it right.

When talking to friends and romantic partners I have no trouble at all though, because once I've developed either a romantic or platonic bond with someone, I start to find their face nice to look at.

Sometimes I have trouble with my family - that's sounds awful but it's true. I'm closest to the brother that is also on the spectrum and we don't feel the need to look at each other much. When we do, there's no weirdness about it and it's brief.

 

Wow, that was a lot of words...

Haha that's a good idea!

Same here! For me body language gives off more clues than the eyes so I guess the purpose of eye contact is a bit lost on me.

It's definitely easier with people I'm close to, I agree. It's really interesting that there have been a few people mentioning that so far :D

 

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DoYouUnderstand

I consider eye-contact a threat. Needless to say, I don't have many friends, nor do I get out much. I've learned to accept it as it is.

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Aroace_bookworm

I think it depends on the conversation that's being held, or at least in my experience. If it's a serious conversation, my friends and I are more likely to make eye contact (So very rarely)

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  • 6 months later...

I don't like eye contact and its uncomfortable for me, but I've been masking for as long as I can remember (I'm autistic and mask with other things as well). Its not a conscious choice. Its automatic now, and there are plenty of people who would take offense or think its rude to not make eye contact, or they'd just assume it means something that it doesn't. I really don't want to get into a situation where someone calls me out for that, especially with my social anxiety. Even if I know someone won't mind or notice, I still forget that its not necessary because its just so automatic now. I think I've been doing it more than what's really necessary now, just because its a forced behavior to begin with and isn't natural for me. I definitely wish people would be more understanding about the fact that eye contact is not natural for everyone and that it can be uncomfortable or painful. It really isn't fair to force something or judge someone for being different if they aren't hurting anyone.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I always make eye contact when speaking to someone, because I feel like I'm not giving them enough attention otherwise. I don't mind if other people don't keep eye contact.

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TheGeekyNobody

I have issues with eye contact, particually with strangers, but I try to at least appear I'm giving eye contact (look at thier nose or something) so I don't offput anyone

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1. No One

2. Never

3. It feels bad

4. I don't notice/it's fine

 

I hate eye contact, whenever I look someone in the eyes, my eyes feel weird. I can't even look at their nose/forehead so I either just look away and not care, or I look at a sign or some random thing in the background so that it kinda looks like I'm giving eye contact.

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I don't like making eye contact, especially with strangers when I'm shopping, but I find it necessary to communicate. It's a way to be polite ("I see you"), it's a way to show that you're engaged in the conversation, it's so many things.

I don't mean eye contact as in staring into each others eyes, whoever you're talking to and whatever the topic is, that's just weird (some people do that, especially people who are supposed to "help", doctors and whatnot, freaks me out), but looking up at someone during a conversation is pretty much required to keep it going at all. Usually half a second of eye contact every now and then is enough.

 

I haven't really met anyone who's tried to make less eye contact than I do, but if I met someone who tried to avoid all eye contact I would probably take it as "they don't want to talk to me", "they would like me to leave" or "this isn't a good moment", depending on the situation.

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I avoid it. Eye contact doesn't come naturally to me and it doesn't feel good. It feels incredibly uncomfortable and makes me uneasy.

 

I only just recently realised when people are trying to make eye contact with me and it turns into this awkward one-sided game were they’re bending their head in all kinds of directions while trying to force me to lock eyes with them while I force my gaze away at every turn. The whole ordeal makes me panicy and I want to flee; I can’t talk, I get cold sweats, heart palpitations, my brain quits working and, at best, I can force out single words like yes or no... or maybe humming noises.

 

I don't trust people who force eye contact because it feels unnatural. 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organisation, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

  

iff, Census Forum Moderator

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