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nikarose7

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nikarose7

I was here for several months a couple years ago, and I think I'm back now.  I spent some time trying to pretend/convince myself that I was someone that I am not.  It's tough to want to be in a relationship and be asexual.  I also feel like I have so many limiting factors for who to create a relationship with.  I'm Christian, Libertarian, female, and about to earn my doctorate (finally!). There's so few people though who seem to share even one of these significant similarities to me, let alone two.  At the same time, my family keeps asking me when I will get a boyfriend or when all these things will be happening for me. As an asexual adult, how do you meet other Aces?  Also though, how do you avoid falling into the trap of dating just anyone who is asexual?  I'm honestly a fairly happy single. Being asexual is a part of me, but not all of me, and certainly not the most important part of me.  I want to be in a relationship with someone who shares my values, can challenge me on a board game or a video game, and has similar thoughts about some things but can debate everything else.  Where do these people exist?  

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Zenzencat104

There’s websites where you can meet other asexuals, just search “asexual dating site” and you can find several sites for this, with them all being 100% asexuals, demisexuals or graysexuals.

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Blue Phoenix Ace

Visit the meetup mart sub-forum here on AVEN. If you live in a metro area, you'll probably find a meetup near you.

 

Even then, you might have a hard time finding another asexual to date. You might give OkCupid a shot since you can list your sexuality there as asexual. The more questions on OkCupid you answer, the more you can narrow down your preference for who you would be interested in. Good luck!

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smack12776

OP,

 

I really relate to a lot of what you are saying. Last year I attempted 'dating' to see what the scene has evolved into in the past few years. It was an extremely unpleasant situation where personal boundaries were constantly crossed. I'm in my 40's and the gentleman I was casually seeing was almost 60 and it was hard for him to understand what my intimacy needs were and were not. Looking back, I now realize it was because he was just ending a long term marriage and really didn't know what his intimacy needs were and were not.

 

That dating um...situation(?) lasted 5 weeks. 

 

I've tried a few of the dating sites for asexuals and even conventional dating sites and they can be challenging. Conventional sites, in my opinion, really are biased in favor of individuals looking for physically intimate relationships. One of my friends is very sexual and she has tried them all and really given me the inside scoop of what goes on. And sites for asexuals are bare bones, slim pickin's. Literally.

 

I've met really nice people doing volunteer work in my community and at local meet-ups for hiking. Attending educational seminars is also a great way to meet people who are stimulated by intellect. I keep telling myself that I'm rare and so it is going to take a lot of time before I encounter someone who presents what I'm attracted to who is also attracted to me (because it's definitely a two-way street). I've also made peace with being alone for the rest of my life.

 

So, there are people out there like us and for us. It might just involve being innovative and creative, trying new things and going new places. And being flexible. At least that's what I'm telling myself 8)

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SarahN

I’m in the same boat. I would love nothing more than to find another ACE! I haven’t had much luck and have all but stopped looking. 

The holidays aren’t helping... like you, I generally don’t mind being single but sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks!

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Sunflowerfield

You could try posting on the Asexual R4R on Reddit, or just the general R4R page and specify that you are looking for other aces. I've also come across a few aces in platonic cuddling groups/websites/meetups - you could try cuddle comfort.com.

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AvenMan13

I have it even worse than this because I see so many people’s whole lives revolving around their sexual relationships. Even the people they’re with aren’t good enough for them. They always want the new hot item for   typical homo and heterosexuals. I feel weird even hanging out with friends I used to know and now I just don’t do it at all. Are they alone because they’re gay and thinking about me like that? Are they expecting me to be gung ho on finding a partner?

 

It all seems too much right now. I’m at a weird phase where I’m wondering if I even have a place in society without having normal behavior. People have told me I’m handsome, and I have my own confidence around people, but I’m not interested in them in that way at all. And I don’t know if people thinking I’m handsome is just a lie to encourage me, or if that places some greater expectation on my behavior. I was really athletic when I was younger so I think they just lump me into a typically sexual subset like most guys.

 

I wish I could just have someone to watch movies with and be comfortable giving and receiving encouragement to succeed. If I had to choose I’d want a relationship with a woman but I don’t know if we’d relate at all. I like things to be simple and I think that’s abnormal even for asexuals. 

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Euna

@AvenMan13  I've kinda given up trying to fit into society, and I've never felt better.  :)  Like you said, people are getting together with people who "aren't good enough for them."   That means their judgment is not great, or they know it and they're just desperate.  It's better to be alone than in the wrong situation.

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lilgroundhog

I've gotten to where I'm far more interested in developing friendships than finding "someone".  Maybe it's I'm are aro or close to aro, but I find society puts a lot of pressure on being part of a couple.  Also most people who I interact with socially know I'm happy single and don't want a "partner".

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48kg
On 23/12/2017 at 7:04 AM, SarahN said:

I’m in the same boat. I would love nothing more than to find another ACE! I haven’t had much luck and have all but stopped looking. 

The holidays aren’t helping... like you, I generally don’t mind being single but sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks!

You are not alone. 

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