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Sex-Repulsed. Is that okay?


tobi.is.a.gross.nerd

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tobi.is.a.gross.nerd

So I recently came to the realization that I am sex-repulsed. I never really thought of it tlike that before, but when I explained to my friend that even the thought of my being apart of anything sexual grossed me out, made me uncomfortable and caused me very strong anxiety. She lightly told me that that would make me sex-repulsed not Just asexual. And I guess I was just curious to know if that's a terrible thing. Because it feels like it is.

Especially since I have a sexual partner. Although we would not be having sex unless we got married I still feel like I am depriving him of something he needs. 

It just makes me feel guilty and gross.

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Don't do things that would feel violating to you. If you are sex-repulsed, your best choice from the point of view of your own sanity and mental comfort is not to have sex.

Sex repulsion is a valid option. There's nothing wrong or terrible about it. You are just this way. You can do whatever you want about it, but forcing yourself to do things that feel frightening to you is a very bad choice.

I am myself sex-averse. I'm not in any relationship and have never been, but I too sometimes feel like I would just be a bad partner, like it would just be unfair if I would want to have a girlfriend but could offer no sexual intimacy. Still, I don't want to change my feelings. I don't want to start wanting to have sex. I just have to look for a solution that would hurt none of the persons involved (open relationship? platonic relationship with a rather straight woman? or just giving up? - all these options aren't ones where I'm making no effort on my part and just hurting others, yet they don't involve typically understood "sexual compromise" which seems impossible for me). You are - since you actually have a partner - even more in a situation where you need to find the best possible solution for both sides. But don't believe ideas that your orientation is less valid or that you must give in to sexual expectations.

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tobi.is.a.gross.nerd
8 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Don't do things that would feel violating to you. If you are sex-repulsed, your best choice from the point of view of your own sanity and mental comfort is not to have sex.

Sex repulsion is a valid option. There's nothing wrong or terrible about it. You are just this way. You can do whatever you want about it, but forcing yourself to do things that feel frightening to you is a very bad choice.

I am myself sex-averse. I'm not in any relationship and have never been, but I too sometimes feel like I would just be a bad partner, like it would just be unfair if I would want to have a girlfriend but could offer no sexual intimacy. Still, I don't want to change my feelings. I don't want to start wanting to have sex. I just have to look for a solution that would hurt none of the persons involved (open relationship? platonic relationship with a rather straight woman? or just giving up? - all these options aren't ones where I'm making no effort on my part and just hurting others, yet they don't involve typically understood "sexual compromise" which seems impossible for me). You are - since you actually have a partner - even more in a situation where you need to find the best possible solution for both sides. But don't believe ideas that your orientation is less valid or that you must give in to sexual expectations.

Thank you, and yeah I never planned on giving up my boundaries to please him, but I still do feel like a dissatisfactory partner due to the fact that I won't do those things. He says it doesn't bother him in the slightest, and he would never force anything on me, but I still have anxiety about it. again thank you :)

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Agreed with Nowhere Girl. I'm also sex repulsed, and while I do feel like I personally would do sexual things with my partner every once and awhile if they were sexual (for them, of course, not for me), that's just my decision and I or anyone else shouldn't fault any sex repulsed asexuals who decide they want nothing to do with sex. If a partner ever really pressures their SO into doing something they're not comfortable with sexually, odds are that's not a healthy relationship. At least that's the way I see it. Suggestions are fine, but people in relationships need to understand each other's boundaries and respect them. So don't feel bad, especially if he's supporting you. Just encourage him to be open about his feelings, and if he ever has any issues to bring them up with you and talk them out. That's so important.

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tobi.is.a.gross.nerd
7 minutes ago, Groobly said:

Agreed with Nowhere Girl. I'm also sex repulsed, and while I do feel like I personally would do sexual things with my partner every once and awhile if they were sexual (for them, of course, not for me), that's just my decision and I or anyone else shouldn't fault any sex repulsed asexuals who decide they want nothing to do with sex. If a partner ever really pressures their SO into doing something they're not comfortable with sexually, odds are that's not a healthy relationship. At least that's the way I see it. Suggestions are fine, but people in relationships need to understand each other's boundaries and respect them. So don't feel bad, especially if he's supporting you. Just encourage him to be open about his feelings, and if he ever has any issues to bring them up with you and talk them out. That's so important.

You're right, and luckily we are very open with one another. Hopefully my anxiety about the whole thing will decrease throughout the relationship

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There is nothing wrong with being sex-repulsed. I've met a few other Aces on other websites who describe themselves as sex-repulsed and there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever, it's just one of the aspects that could apply to you as an asexual person. Just think of it as being another one of your personality traits, it helps make who you are and you can't really change it (it doesn't have to define you though). 

 

I'm glad to hear that your partner is fine with this, I know that some people aren't that lucky to have that kind of support. I know that it might make you feel like you're letting him down but you're not, he said he's fine with it and that's wonderful it means he respects your boundaries. It might help to talk with him more about this, sometimes anxiety can be relieved by just talking to another and letting it all out.

 

Hopefully your anxiety will subside and I wish you two nothing but happiness together :).

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tobi.is.a.gross.nerd
16 minutes ago, Ace_Of_Clubs said:

There is nothing wrong with being sex-repulsed. I've met a few other Aces on other websites who describe themselves as sex-repulsed and there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever, it's just one of the aspects that could apply to you as an asexual person. Just think of it as being another one of your personality traits, it helps make who you are and you can't really change it (it doesn't have to define you though). 

 

I'm glad to hear that your partner is fine with this, I know that some people aren't that lucky to have that kind of support. I know that it might make you feel like you're letting him down but you're not, he said he's fine with it and that's wonderful it means he respects your boundaries. It might help to talk with him more about this, sometimes anxiety can be relieved by just talking to another and letting it all out.

 

Hopefully your anxiety will subside and I wish you two nothing but happiness together :).

Thank you, that's some solid advice

 

 

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