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Virginity


dogmom

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First I'd like to apologise if this got posted incorrectly. New to this posting thing. I'm more of a lurker.

As you probably noticed on some of the other posts, particularly jay's and mine, it doesn't matter what your experiences or feeings are - YOU ARE ACCEPTED HERE. Welcome :cake:

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1 - ... I guess it's kind of like chocolate (don't even get a buzz from that)...

2 - ... Not certain if this format will be of any value ...

Ad 1: That differentiates you from many here

Ad 2: It is. Thanks for the contribution.

Welcome beakerFirl

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Re: "extinct animal in Ausralia... " The thylacine is a large predacious (meat eating) marsupial (pouched mammal) and not a dog or cat. The zoological classification is Thylacinus cynocephalis ("dog-headed pouched animal"). And many scientists, including but not limited to cryptozoologists, believe there may be a few left in the Tasmanian forests... Even though "experts" say they have been extinct since 1936, many people, including park rangers (who know a thylacine from a lost tom cat, we should believe) have seen them running around. Check out www.cryptozoology.com.

I like thylacines because, if they are still out there running free, it means that mankind did not destroy everything that is wild, free, and beautiful after all. So to me the thylacine symbolizes hope.

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And oh, by the way... no, I don't have sex with marsupials either... or cats... or dogs... !

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Thanks for the clarification. :oops: I hope, too, that they are not extinct!

I've seen TV shows on the thylacine and think they are quite singular and very interesting. :? That's not the word I want to use, but neither is exciting - is there a word meaning both? :?

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First of all, welcome beakerFirl!! You'll probably be getting a lot of :cake: from us; help yourself, it's delish (and lo-cal!)

I'm "older", asexual but not a virgin. I had no true awareness of who I was until much later in life, so just tried out a bunch of roles 'til I figured it all out. When I hear of an "older" virgin A, I'm impressed by the self-respect that shows (to me, anyhow)--Right on!

I guess being a virgin does make things a bit different, but most of your relationship experiences I can relate to just being asexual--whether I've "done it" in the past isn't nearly as important as the fact that I don't want it now!

Hang around here, tho, and I bet you meet some real nice people and the whole "traditional" relationship search can become somehow a lot less important--it sure did for me :)

The worst thing about being old and a virgin, other then what seems to be a strange attraction to cats :wink:, is that I find myself limited when it comes to relationships.

Yeah, so what is it with cats? I've got a housefull of them, too! :wink:

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And oh, by the way... no, I don't have sex with marsupials either... or cats... or dogs... !

I hope you know I was just kidding. I don't want or mean to be snide or caustic in ANY manner. If what I said offended you, I apologize most sincerely.

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UnicornLady

Nearly 41 yr old virgin.

Hence username.

A sexual (now former) friend once claimed I was "immature" and "needed to grow up". I'm not sure how doing something you don't want to do, simply because it's the social "norm", is supposed to make one a more "mature" person. I think having enough self-knowledge not to follow the herd simply because of social expectations is a sign of greater maturity.

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planetcutie

God, I should show this thread to my colleagues at work. Most seem shocked when I tell them I'm still a virgin at 30!

(Of course, they all say I've just not met the right person yet. After all, what do I know about my own desires and aspirations?)

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Hi... It's me, the marsupial again... I won't tell anyone else what to do, BUT! Maybe you shouldn't tell friends or co-workers a lot of personal stuff... Telling co-workers personal stuff can get you into A LOT OF TROUBLE! I found that out the hard way. I am 41 now, and after the various life experiences (not necessarily sexual experiences -- but LIFE experiences -- and one certainly does not need to be sexual to live a life)... I know now for a fact -- and it is a COLD, HARD FACT -- that you are truly better off not telling co-workers personal stuff.

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Many thanks for 2 issues of :cake: both people!

Maturity - for me - is knowing who & what you are and then acting accordingly. I am - first of all - eldest child of my mother (my father died when I was 11 and I - didnt get on with him - too tomboyish-and so he doesnt configure), eldest of my siblings, and I have a lot of the bossy strident controlling failings of -eldest ones...

So, I know that, and I try and avoid the baser bits-

I am also a dominant =alpha person. Happily, I am also a loner (which means I am not troubled - more importantly, the rest of humanity isnt troubled!!- by the ambitions which normally drive this kind of human.)

Sooo-I've found myself a place and space where I can be happy, and intermittently useful without elbowing out others-

a major driver in my life is creativity (i think our kind of animal IS truly creative, whether it is gardening (dont do); singing (do badly most times but occaisionally extraordinarily well);cooking (hey! I'm really good sometimes!); building homes (I'm ok but not nearly as good as my mother, or others of my immediate family) or - well, how many things do we all accomplish?

Another part of maturity is sorting out what we can do, what we can do really well, annnnd - what we cant do-

and learning to live with that, even when it hurts (I'll NEVER be able to be a helicopter pilot, sob - but one of my nephews is a really good one!)

*I* think it entirely mature to dream of other lives/situations where we can be all the beauties we want to be - long as we know they're dreams-

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Thylacine - sort of agree with you...I told my world (ur, that = ANZ national tv) who & what I was 22 years ago. Fortunately, it was just tv so nobody really heard...however, to this day I am very wary about who I talk to about anything essential-

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Telling co-workers personal stuff can get you into A LOT OF TROUBLE! I know now for a fact -- and it is a COLD, HARD FACT -- that you are truly better off not telling co-workers personal stuff.

I have to agree with this sentiment. It doesn't just concern being asexual, but anything personal. Until you've known someone a L-O-N-G time from work, you should keep your private stuff private. People are sometimes very different at the job than at home. I tend to listen first to what co-workers say about themselves and others. This is a good way to know how they may react to something you say. It's kind of like chatting on the internet...just be careful...

Unless, of course, you're chatting with us!! We're all nuts to begin with so you know we're all OK!

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We're all nuts to begin with so you know we're all OK!

So true!

-GB

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Asterion Orestes
So that movie about a 40 year old virgin is childs play. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

Nice to know we've got that sucker beat. :)

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When I hear of an "older" virgin A, I'm impressed by the self-respect that shows (to me, anyhow)--Right on!

I agree! The pressure to be sexual, especially as adults, can be very intense. I admire everyone who stood their ground. Personally, I lost my virginity at age 27 to a very determined woman, but if not for her I would most likely still be a virgin.

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Tygrrheart49

It's interesting what has come up in this forum. I, too, am a 49-year old virgin. I had one person who first thought I was "frigid", then he decided I was just "ignorant". I still think of him as supremely "stupid!"

I've always known I was asexual, but only lately have confirmed it for myself. It's been rough going sometimes, but I had a lovely gay friend explain it to me this way. We are pure love and can give pure love; that we are not grounded by the whole sex thing for it is not our nature. I know it sounds a bit grand, but it gives me comfort some days.

I, too, wish for closeness on the days when life drags me down; and, yes, I have my wonderful cat Xena, who loves me for myself. So I persevere and will always do so. Why? Because I just do.

Love you all.

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Odd that you should say so, Tygerheart. I once knew a person who felt I was ignorant for not having a lot of sex partners like her. Other people keep saying that if I was "smart" I'd get "someone" to pay my bills.

Why does high sex drive equal intelligent in our culture, I wanna know?

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Hallucigenia
Why does high sex drive equal intelligent in our culture, I wanna know?

Maybe because people ignorantly assume that, all other things being equal, everybody would have the same sex drive, and that therefore people with lower sex drives are lazier or more passive? Whereas people with high sex drives are reaching out, taking life by the horns, and getting/doing exactly what they want to. I don't believe it's true, but I can see how some people might think that way.

Or maybe because people assume that all sex drives are the same (as above) and that the only reason for not having sex is because you have strict religious brainwashing that makes you think sex is wrong and dirty... and that, if people gave up all these inhibitions and learned about the way sex actually is, they'd all be lining up to have it. (Which is also not quite correct, but seems to be a common perception in some circles.)

And maybe because there are economic advantages for people who are married or act like it - people who live together (and omgomgomg of course that means they are doing it!!1) can pool their money to pay the bills, or if one person has a high enough income to pay for everything, the other person can become a house-spouse and doesn't have to work. So, therefore, people feel that it's "smart" to take advantage of this, even if living with someone is not the best thing for you emotionally?

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UnicornLady
Why does high sex drive equal intelligent in our culture, I wanna know?

Who says it does? At school, the sluts were invariably the ones with no intellectual aspirations who couldn't wait to get pregnant.

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Yeah, but the thing is, Unicorn Lady, the sluts actually THINK they are smarter than everyone else... Cannot figure out why, though... not only do they not know how to spell, do math or write properly, they also f-ck up their lives pretty bad and then blame others for their probs.

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A person's virginity is one of the most special things about them and should only be given to a very special person.

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UnicornLady
A person's virginity is one of the most special things about them and should only be given to a very special person.

I actually don't think it's very important or special. Fetishising it is just a part of the sex-obsession. There's nothing "special" about sex - it's just another rather icky bodily function - but fortunately, an optional one.

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I'm a woman who just turned 43 and has never had sex. For some reason, though I can semi-imagine enjoying sexual intercourse, the thing that's always grossed me out is the thought of French kissing - all that spit and tongues and bacteria-filled mouths! :wink: Although I'm quite a physical person (love getting backrubs, having my hair brushed, hugging and cuddling up to those I love) and can *imagine* having sex, in real life I've always drawn back well before there was any real chance of getting sexual (though over the years I've had a few people misunderstand my intentions, even though I bent over backwards not to send any false signals). I also spent many years thinking there must be something wrong with me for being this way. Although my religion (Christianity) has traditionally valued virginity highly, I always knew that "saving myself for marriage" was not the real reason I remained a virgin.

Ziffler- interesting comments re clothing-

Polynesians in general - before the advent of colonisers - had a very relaxed view of clothing - anybody going swimming was naked- females didnt cover breasts, males didnt cover penes, kids ran naked BUT

-for adults, two bits were *always* covered in public - tip/glans of penis

and 'te roto' (my tribe's dialect) - that triangular bit of females that includes clitoris & labia major-

which *also* (I think) goes to show that there were proprieties & expediences-

Interesting quote - just goes to show that every society that ever existed has had its sexual taboos, even if they're not visible to outsiders. In Japan, where they were forced to start bathing communally centuries ago simply due to lack of firewood, people seem very open and relaxed about nudity. Yet I was fascinated to read that if a man in a public bath starts giving the women around him the sexual stare, the women will be quite offended and their husbands are likely to get threatening. Even there, the "elevator look" is considered rude - you're supposed to keep your eyes on other people's faces the same way you would if they were clothed. Likewise, in Australia and New Zealand where going to the beach in minimal clothing is part of daily life and considered a family affair, I understand that people get quite offended if someone is obviously cruising the beach in a sexual way.

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Fascinating stuff about sexual taboos in different cultures. They don't necessarily help individuals work out who they are, if they don't fit in. I was raised high church Christian (the only child of an Anglican/Episcopalian priest) but have been involved, for my own spirituality, with the feminist Witches for about twenty years. (Don't want to go there because it's the wrong thread - I'm sure the problems about pagans and sexual passion are on AVEN somewhere - but on the whole I just say I'm passionate about other stuff, dancing, poetry, trees....) Anyway, my point is that I was brought up to idealise virginity as a special gift, but that idea stopped working for me long ago (no disrespect to those who still hold to it).

I've had sex with both genders. I'm not proud or ashamed of that, it's just my story, and our past is what it is. I always viewed the men (very few of them, in my late teens) as "experiments", compared with the women, where the sex was the kind that comes with trying to sustain relationships. I was also abused somewhat as a child, and aren't including that. Like I say, our past is what it is. Our present and our future is the part that we can still make.

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Like I say, our past is what it is. Our present and our future is the part that we can still make.

Here, Here!!! This is mainly the attitude I live by. I was married for 23 years and my sex drive never did kick in. I told my husband that I had a VERY low libido. I don't think he ever understood. He passed away Oct. 2005.

I love to see another person with the attitude like yours, Wordwitch! :cake: :cake: :cake: for you!

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When I hear of an "older" virgin A, I'm impressed by the self-respect that shows (to me, anyhow)--Right on!

I agree! The pressure to be sexual, especially as adults, can be very intense. I admire everyone who stood their ground. Personally, I lost my virginity at age 27 to a very determined woman, but if not for her I would most likely still be a virgin.

sorry for you mate!

but if i were been you i would, without any doubt, have kicked her ass so much to make her become high jump champion :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

by

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  • 1 month later...

I'm 26 and I haven't had sexual intercourse. I was beginning to think I was the oldest “virgin” in the world. Not that it’s weird, it’s just not that common where I live. I’ve decided not to engage in sexual intercourse for several reasons. Mainly sex decreases and/or abolishes mental clarity among other things. It has been very difficult for me to be involved in relationships mainly because I prefer not to have sex while many others have to have sex.

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  • 4 months later...
y wrote:

I believe "Islander9" asked why virginity is prized and that it is some kind of patriarchal thing.

I'll try and stay to this topic without rambling. LOL.

Why is virginity prized?

I can't answer for anyone else but me, but here is why I prize virginity.

I look at virginity as a rare special gift. Obviously being asexual I never had a desire for sex, but I could have tried sex just for the experience if I so desired. I chose NOT to have sex in any form with another person, for a number of reasons including one very special reason. My view of virginity is that it's a one time gift that can only be bestowed on one and only one person. Virginity can only be given away once. Even though I am asexual and I knew from a young age that I would never marry and have sex, I still held in the back of my mind, the idea, that one day, possibly that special someone would come along and if I was still a virgin, then I could give them that one special gift. The gift that says: You only. No one else has ever had this. I saved it just for you and you alone.

And because I hold virginity to such a high position, I respect others that hold it high also. If I ever was to marry and my bride brought virginity, with her, as a wedding gift, then I would prize her all that much more, because she thought me special enough to give me the one gift that no other will ever get. And I would hope that she felt the same about me bringing virginity as my wedding gift to her. That I position her above all other women and give to her, the one thing that no other woman can ever have.

Did I answer the question? I prize virginity, because it is special and a one time gift. That makes it rare and valuable.

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