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Q for aces: did you change over time?


MrDane

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When I was 10 I decided I would never have sex and this attitude continues to persist. Of course when I experienced puberty I developed an attraction to a classmate but I was too shy to express my feelings. I soon became more interested in science than sex. Of course when my gay classmates noticed my lack of interest in girls I had to endure sexual harassment at times. I didn't know what a homosexual was and thought the boys were just being jerks. Looking back I now realize what their intentions really were. I eventually began to consider sex as nothing more than a temporary regression to infancy.  I suppose this part of my life had passed and I felt no desire to return to it. I've never thought there was something wrong with me. I am what I am. Some might find my situation a bit tragic but I simply say one can never miss what they never had. I think the only thing that has changed is how I view other people. I used to think that adults would never hurt me if I never hurt them. This isn't true but I suffered quite a bit learning it.   

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I've pretty much always been indifferent in my attitude to sex. Not much fantasizing, no "hunger" for this kind of experience at all, but I didn't know about asexuality, so I identified as just a sexual person with really low sex drive. Heterosexual at first. Then I started developing crushes and squishes on women, so I thought I may be heteroflexible in some way. My attitude to sex never really changed, but my romantic orientation "exploded" into a full-on panromantic one with time :) 

Later, I discovered asexuality and at first I thought I might be demisexual but it didn't fit completely, so I ended up as a grey-ace. Still sex-indifferent.  

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I don’t think I’ve changed over time. I’ve always fancied boys but have never enjoyed conventional sex or been turned on by any type of body. I thought for a very long time that there was something wrong with me, sex wise. That maybe I was just uptight and needed to ‘loosen up’ in order to enjoy sex. But now I’m comfortable that it’s just not for me. I’m happier now to engage in unconventional sexual activity which doesn’t involve penetration as I know what my happy limits are. 

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I've always been Ace, but didn't have a word for it until discovering AVEN.  In the past I saw myself as nothing/failed.  Now I don't and don't feel obliged to try and be part of a couple if the opportunity arose - did this a long time ago and the results were not good.

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IvoryStardust

I've grown more ace as I've aged. Never was really that interested, but in my 20s I had a lot of sex because I wanted to be "normal" and thought it was just expected of me. In my 30s I cared less and less with every year. Now, in my 40s I could not care less.

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I've always been aro ace. It hasn't been fluid like others might have been. Someone came out to me as ace when I was 16, and I looked into it. There wasn't much of an online community at the time, and what I could find, was so much like me, I was terrified. I wanted to conform so badly. Someday I'll feel the same way everyone around me did. Maybe when someone else told me they felt that way towards me, I'd suddenly be like them, too. Maybe that was how it worked...I just had to wait. Nope. Nothing changed even when people told me they liked me that way. I denied it even while I was in a romantic (and sexual) relationship that started when I was 19 or 20. I felt pseudo-normal to have that sort of relationship. Didn't feel right internally, though. Also, I apparently didn't 'play' my part well. Not initiating in any of the sexual or romantic stuff, for one thing. 

 

I finally realized and accepted being ace in June of 2016, and aro in October of that year. I was 31. So, I tried to act like I was heterosexual and heteroromantic for most of my life. It wasn't that I was that way before, and suddenly changed at 31. 

 

I've always been sex-positive. Meaning I'm for people to have as much or as little (or none) sex as they want. I'm also for the education side of it, discussing it, joking, etc. I've always been sex-repulsed. Any sexual stuff relating to myself, can churn my stomach. However, I'm extremely curious about the feeling. I'm also romance-repulsed, which adds another layer to it. Even as a little kid, I'd yell that I hated it. The romance stuff directed at me has always felt like I was being smothered or drowning to death. If done right, I like romance in books, movies, etc.

 

So, my views on these things have never changed. Probably never will. Sometimes I wish they would, and in a way life would be easier if I wasn't aro ace. However, I'm also happy with these parts of myself now. In a way, I'm proud. Why shouldn't I celebrate being different, rather than think ill of myself? Oops, this ended up longer than I expected it would be.

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Fantastic Name

I've been this way my whole life, except I was much more repulsed by sex when I was younger.

 

holy crap i just realized this was in older asexuals

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here_on_the_morrow

Yes! In my late teens and early 20's I was having a lot of sex, because I thought I was "supposed" to, and everyone else was doing it... And while I wasn't feeling sexual attraction like everyone else I was still enjoying the sex I was having. The older I get, the less I am happy to go along with someone else wanting sex. I don't enjoy it as much now- I more think of myself as sex indifferent than sex favorable, since I hit my thirties. My sex drive has decreased substantially as well, down to almost nonexistent.

 

Edited to include that romantic relationships used to be super important to me in my 20's, but now in my 30's I think if it weren't for my husband I don't think I would have any interest in romantic relationships.

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In my teens, I fought between getting into a relationship because that was what was expected of me and what everyone else was doing, and not acting on peer pressure. Now in my late 20s, I find that I do want to find a partner who's understanding, because I don't desire to have sex with anyone.

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i used to be averse to romance. now I'm indifferent. 

i used to think everyone else was annoying for being so fixated on sex. i'm mostly indifferent to it now.

i used only be able to view women in a sexual manner. now i can sort of see men.

i used to question myself less, but on the other hand i understand myself better.

 

i still think genitals are gross tho.

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When I was late teens I wanted to have a sexual partner but wasn't so wholly consumed by the thought as everyone else seemed to be around me. This desire fizzled out before I reached my 20's and then about five years ago (I was 27) I was sexually attracted to someone for the first (and so far only) time. Now I consider myself a grey-asexual and swing from wanting sex for a few days at certain times of the month and completely uninterested in it for the rest. 

Even sexual women experience change as they get older.

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arekathevampyre

I don't think so . Honestly , I am quite new to asexuality and only took on that label officially last year after about 2 years of searching for answers but all my life I know that I will never want those sex/romance stuff . 

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I didn't know what asexual was until my early 30's; but, I think I've always been on the scale of somewhere between Demi and A Sexual.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 23/12/2017 at 3:48 PM, Glamourgirl1 said:

I haven't really changed at all. Sex is something I tolerate - I view it as one of those unpleasant things that has to get done, like going to the gym, doing the laundry, etc.  And I'd much rather do the laundry. I am envious of those of you who have spouses who are willing to accept a sex-free marriage. I would love to be able to just say no to it all, but that really wouldn't be fair to my husband even if he'd put up with it.  So in the meantime, I get drunk and do my part. I honestly don't even remember most of the sexual encounters we have because I drink myself into oblivion in order to tolerate it. 

Wow, Let me see if I can rephrase your “letter”:

“I dont want it, but accepts that it is important for him. I can give myself to him, and let him get his sex, but best when I am drunk. Sometimes I get so drunk, that I cant even remember what happened, but that is okay. Or perhaps better.”

 

I would have liked to give you a smiley, that looked both sad and puzzled with a small “oh, I see” speech bubble.

 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

I don't know. I guess I've always been demigrey-A, just without recognizing it until 1-2 years ago. My sex drive used to be more intense when being in my 20's but it didn't change that much ever since I guess, leaving aside a few rare exceptions like being lovestruck or having my monthlies. It's still very low.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've changed as far as what I am willing to do.

 

I used to be pretty gullible, especially to people trying to fix me.  I've learned to prize honesty in ways that didn't used to occur to me . I, now, respect people to whom sex is very important enough to tell them that I am not at all interested.

 

The lack of sexual attraction has been a constant.

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I was very romantic in high school. Was always looking for a boyfriend and had a few very intense crushes on male friends. I had no interest in sex or kissing. I was repulsed/averse, but I figured I just had to get to know the person better. Then when I was 18 I started dating my husband and we’ve been together ever since. I was still averse to sex for years after we started dating, almost 10 years. I was eventually comfortable enough with the idea to try it and I think I became fairly sex-favorable. I think it was the novelty and it does feel good so we had a pretty active sex life for 2 years. Although I could always go without. Its waned since then and I’m pretty autochorissexual these days. I’m currently 33. I never knew anything about asexuality until recently. 

 

I’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone but my feelings towards sex have changed. Although it’s just a matter of how much I tolerate. I never went as far as actually wanting it. 

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