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Elizabeth I

A question for sexual women (warning: sexually explicit)

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BunnyK.
I am a guy and I have more testosterone than...this act at all.

Giant wall of text crits you for 520875698736 headache damage! :shock:

Even though it kind of gave me a migraine, I read the whole darn thing, but all I have to say is that I disagree.

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tisha313

hmm I fail to see the power in performing oral sex, even though I enjoy giving it, I never felt that I was in any power over him. I felt submissive. I know when he did it to me, I always felt like i had the upperhand, because he was doign something that pleases me.

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AllyCat

I'm a sexual woman, and I like performing fellatio a lot. I don't see it as a submissive thing. I like the sensual aspect of it, and I like the power aspect of it as well. [ETA: That's me having power, not him having power.] I don't think any sex act is inherently dominant or submissive, and really hate the way people portray various hetero behaviors as all about the man gaining power over the woman.

There are plenty of men in the world who like receiving fellatio less than I like giving it. I've dated some of them.

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Shinnok

I probably don't fit here.. but I'll throw in my opinions anyway. I'm Male (FtM so..yeh). I couldn't do this act on anyone. I find it way to disgusting but I mean we all have our different likes and dislikes. I don't even know if I could let someone do that to me because the thought of them actually "down there" is just kind of sick and I wouldn't even be the one doing it. I'm an uncompromisable person so I wouldn't do that to them or visa versa. I admit, I've had some fantasies of someone (no idea who..just some person) doing it to me but I don't think I could let it happen in real life. I'd feel too weird

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sexless sexual

Circumstances alter cases. Everything is in context, everything is negotiable, and there are many, many ways of making love.

There was a time when for me, the whole idea of sex was just .... EEEUUUUCCCCHHH. That was until, oh, age 8. (Children today are more sexually aware earlier than in my generation. For my time, this was quite young. But then, I began my periods at age 7, so this isn't that surprising.) I got used to the idea.

The first time I experienced sex, my thought was: Is that all there is? But, over time, and with the right men, that, too, changed.

When I first thought of oral sex (either party) I was, well ... appalled isn't the word. But it squigged me, at least. Then someone did it to me and I understood. But I couldn't give.

I have never actually used my mouth to bring a man to orgasm -- I haven't developed that far. But, when I married and had sex with my husband, I found myself kissing, licking and sucking his penis.

Why? Because I was fascinated with it, for one thing. Because it was his. Because I could -- I mean, of all the people in the world, I had the permission to do this. In a way, his penis was mine. Instead of quick, guilty glances, or pictures, I had the real thing in front of me, in full view, displayed for my pleasure and (I thought) his. It was heady stuff.

Because it has a texture all its own, different from the texture of his body skin. Because it has a scent. A musky scent. Not one that you'd want to wear behind your ears, necessarily. But it is full of the pheremones that make my brain cause all kinds of pleasurable responses in my body. And it is uniquely his scent.

Because I love him.

On the receiving end, it is similar. The feel is different from hands or penis. The tongue has the flexibility of fingers, but is warmer and wetter -- and in terms of a woman's genitalia, moisture=comfort. The mouth circles the clitoris -- it's kinda like a hug. And the tongue has a different touch. Try this experiment: run your hand, palm to arm, in a loving way down your arm. Then, run your hand, palm away from your arm. The backside of the hand will feel differently to you than the palm side. The palm side is the "active" side. When we use our hands for any purpose, the palm side is what we use. The backside is more passive. Those characteristics carry on to the feel when people touch. If you like animals, see what happens when you alternate back side/palm side when you pet the animal. They, too, respond to the difference in the touch. Neither is better, both are nice. It's just variation.

Oral sex is similar to that. The tongue simply has a different touch than the hand. It's not better, not worse. Just unique.

All that said, we cannot stress enough that NO sex method is pleasurable or loving if either partner is uncomfortable with it. Now, there's uncomfortable and and discomfort. The first time you try something, it can be uncomfortable. Sometimes you have to work up to it. Anal sex is a prime example of this. But if one partner has a real aversion to something, then it's out. Period.

That's true regardless of your sexual orientation.

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Jill Bug

Another asexual but I find the thought of oral sex even more repulsive than actual sex. It is THE most degrading thing you can make another person do (that's probably one reason why men like it so much, or at least the ones who visit prostitutes) and I could never again trust any man who asked me to do it. Oral sex on a woman is just as bad; I couldn't tolerate having it done to me. All that spit is absolutely disgusting. I once heard oral sex on a woman described to me as "tastes like licking a battery" - wtf is that supposed to mean? I don't go about sticking batteries into my mouth either?

Sexual stepsister says she loves giving blow jobs. I did NOT want to know that.

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evanescence

My big turnoff is not oral, but anal sex (not that I've ever done it). I wish we could bring back the days when it was considered a perversion...

E.

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Færy

I am definitely a sexual female, and while I would like to have sex, I am definitely disgusted by the idea of giving felatio. I think I would throw up if I tried. I think it is weird and gross and that does NOT belong in my mouth.

I hope I helped.

I don't think it's weird not to like oral.

My big turnoff is not oral, but anal sex (not that I've ever done it). I wish we could bring back the days when it was considered a perversion...

E.

Yeah...

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ghosts
Another asexual but I find the thought of oral sex even more repulsive than actual sex. It is THE most degrading thing you can make another person do (that's probably one reason why men like it so much, or at least the ones who visit prostitutes) and I could never again trust any man who asked me to do it.

Whoa there. Way to be incredibly judgmental about men who happen to like oral sex. I'm an asexual female, & I hardly find the act of oral sex, or performing in on a man, "degrading." And no one ever "makes" me do it. If you don't like it, if you don't like the idea of it, if you are repulsed by it, & even if you feel that it would be degrading for you, that's fine. I don't have a problem with that, because everyone has their own comfort zones. But you're being pretty insulting there - implying that men like it because it's degrading?

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Dhraconus
Another asexual but I find the thought of oral sex even more repulsive than actual sex. It is THE most degrading thing you can make another person do (that's probably one reason why men like it so much, or at least the ones who visit prostitutes) and I could never again trust any man who asked me to do it. Oral sex on a woman is just as bad; I couldn't tolerate having it done to me. All that spit is absolutely disgusting. I once heard oral sex on a woman described to me as "tastes like licking a battery" - wtf is that supposed to mean? I don't go about sticking batteries into my mouth either?

Sexual stepsister says she loves giving blow jobs. I did NOT want to know that.

As a male I have to agree I was rather offended by this post. I'm not sure if I'm asexual or sexual or perhaps simply gray-a but that doesn't really matter. I've given and received oral sex... on and from both genders incidently, and it's not particularly degrading in my experience. Although personally I don't enjoy receiving oral sex, but it's because it doesn't do that much for me (I tend to feel guilty about the one way attention focused on me) and I'd rather be doing something for my partner, however I've had to let partners perform oral sex on me because they wanted to and were quite insistent about it, especially if I did it for them first.

Also in my experience it's the one who is giving oral sex that has the power, mostly because the other person is expected to just sit there, in many ways it's like being tied down while the other person has their way with you. I do agree it's possible to make oral sex degrading, but in my experience it wasn't because it was never required of anyone and it always seemed the person performing wanted to and there was no force involved (unless you count me being forced to sit passively and receive).

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Sinitivity

As a sexual female I'm saying that I enjoy giving oral =)

It's a part of foreplay and perhaps takes a bit of getting use too, but it's all part of the routine ;)

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Chesh
Another asexual but I find the thought of oral sex even more repulsive than actual sex. It is THE most degrading thing you can make another person do (that's probably one reason why men like it so much, or at least the ones who visit prostitutes) and I could never again trust any man who asked me to do it.

Whoa there. Way to be incredibly judgmental about men who happen to like oral sex. I'm an asexual female, & I hardly find the act of oral sex, or performing in on a man, "degrading." And no one ever "makes" me do it. If you don't like it, if you don't like the idea of it, if you are repulsed by it, & even if you feel that it would be degrading for you, that's fine. I don't have a problem with that, because everyone has their own comfort zones. But you're being pretty insulting there - implying that men like it because it's degrading?

I'm an asexual female as well, and am very offended by the sentiment of that post. There is a huge difference between being personally repulsed/ finding something personally degrading and making a generalized statement of fact that it is repulsive and degrading. That is not ok in the least. Fellatio is one of the only sexual acts my husband and I share. Not often, but we do. It is very special and significant to us. It is a tremendous gift from me to him-- we both understand that. I enjoy doing it, but not often.

Same goes for anal sex. No one has the right to restrict the sexual choices of another human being unless a human is being harmed (ie in danger of death or forced unwillingly.) You have the choice not to participate but have some freakin respect for other humans just trying to find some happiness in this world.

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Skinnee Jay

Excuse me for the bump, but I love discussion...

So I'm young as hell. Still, I just can't imagine the "head-giver" enjoying it. I just can't. If I'll ever have a girlfriend and she'll offer it, I'll simply say no. Yes, I think it's submissive and degrading. That's how it is (On the other hand, if she'd offer sex, I'll say "Well, how about a movie instead?". And I'm sexual.)

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ProdeFemme

Well, since it got the bump...

Head is one of the few things I'm cool with; if it makes them happy and gets me out of the situation without getting mauled half to death I say 'yay for blow jobs!' :lol:

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BunnyK.
Excuse me for the bump, but I love discussion...

So I'm young as hell. Still, I just can't imagine the "head-giver" enjoying it. I just can't. If I'll ever have a girlfriend and she'll offer it, I'll simply say no. Yes, I think it's submissive and degrading. That's how it is (On the other hand, if she'd offer sex, I'll say "Well, how about a movie instead?". And I'm sexual.)

If someone tells you that they enjoy giving oral sex, and that they don't feel degraded by it or feel that it's submissive - why do have trouble taking that at face value? You haven't been in the situation, and I have. I have never found it submissive, nor have my partners ever taken it as a sign of submission. I don't feel degraded. My partners don't feel it degrades me.

I'm not saying it's wrong for you not to want it or not to like it, but I don't think it's respectful for anyone to say it's ALWAYS degrading and ALWAYS submissive when people who actually have experienced it are saying "Hey, it's not that way at all."

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Skinnee Jay
Excuse me for the bump, but I love discussion...

So I'm young as hell. Still, I just can't imagine the "head-giver" enjoying it. I just can't. If I'll ever have a girlfriend and she'll offer it, I'll simply say no. Yes, I think it's submissive and degrading. That's how it is (On the other hand, if she'd offer sex, I'll say "Well, how about a movie instead?". And I'm sexual.)

If someone tells you that they enjoy giving oral sex, and that they don't feel degraded by it or feel that it's submissive - why do have trouble taking that at face value? You haven't been in the situation, and I have. I have never found it submissive, nor have my partners ever taken it as a sign of submission. I don't feel degraded. My partners don't feel it degrades me.

I'm not saying it's wrong for you not to want it or not to like it, but I don't think it's respectful for anyone to say it's ALWAYS degrading and ALWAYS submissive when people who actually have experienced it are saying "Hey, it's not that way at all."

I'm just saying my point of you. You may enjoy it, suit yourself. I just can't understand it. That's all. And frankly, I don't want to experience it (I don't want sex as a whole, actually).

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happylife
Excuse me for the bump, but I love discussion...

So I'm young as hell. Still, I just can't imagine the "head-giver" enjoying it. I just can't. If I'll ever have a girlfriend and she'll offer it, I'll simply say no. Yes, I think it's submissive and degrading. That's how it is (On the other hand, if she'd offer sex, I'll say "Well, how about a movie instead?". And I'm sexual.)

If someone tells you that they enjoy giving oral sex, and that they don't feel degraded by it or feel that it's submissive - why do have trouble taking that at face value? You haven't been in the situation, and I have. I have never found it submissive, nor have my partners ever taken it as a sign of submission. I don't feel degraded. My partners don't feel it degrades me.

I'm not saying it's wrong for you not to want it or not to like it, but I don't think it's respectful for anyone to say it's ALWAYS degrading and ALWAYS submissive when people who actually have experienced it are saying "Hey, it's not that way at all."

I'm just saying my point of you. You may enjoy it, suit yourself. I just can't understand it. That's all. And frankly, I don't want to experience it (I don't want sex as a whole, actually).

if I had to present one striking fact about AVEN, I would confidently say that people are very compassionate and nice. yeah I think this is what makes me feel cozy in this place. ^_^

unfortunately, however, for the last several months, I've had to see a little pond of my mind ripple. it was when I was totally embarrassing myself in this(For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies) and other forum and when I heard things that could hurt some readers.

one word that comes into my mind right now is "degrading".

I'd be lying if I said I don't really get why sex can be degrading. if you open my journal and turn some pages, you will see this word clearly written in it. so I wouldn't ever want to say to anyone, "it's wrong for you to think that sex and giving/receiving a blow job are degrading!". partly because I secretly agree with that(if in part) and partly because I strongly believe that there should be at least one safe place in the world where a person can say "sex is disgusting and degrading!!"--I'm saying only sex here because I guess it would be less uncomfortable for you to say oral sex is disgusting in this version of world--with no potential unpleasant consequences to worry about.

what worries me is not the word itself, however. it's more to do with "where". this forum was, as I understand it, created to promote mutual understanding and assistance between asexuals and sexuals. reading sexual members' posts has been very helpful for me to come to see myself better and has provided me with tools to interpret my sexual partner's "strange" remarks and behaviors. although comparatively small number of sexual members choose to stay and most of the new sexual members tend to come and go, they've left so many insightful and interesting posts on this board. and.. I am very grateful for that.

in this sense, I suppose a thread like this one can be a useful source of information for those who are interested in knowing more about sexual people. so I wish many sexuals would visit our website and contribute their ideas and information.

I am aware that I am on an Internet asexual board and I respect your opinion. you have the right to express your thoughts and feelings. yeah, AVEN is here for us to do so. but I just thought it would be also great to try and make this one particular forum less likely to contain words that possibly can be offensive to sexual people in general. I hope I'm not offending you.. or anyone else..

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hyenaboy
Excuse me for the bump, but I love discussion...

So I'm young as hell. Still, I just can't imagine the "head-giver" enjoying it. I just can't. If I'll ever have a girlfriend and she'll offer it, I'll simply say no. Yes, I think it's submissive and degrading. That's how it is (On the other hand, if she'd offer sex, I'll say "Well, how about a movie instead?". And I'm sexual.)

I can understand how it'd be difficult to see how one would enjoy giving head (specifically a woman to a man). I've found that, in watching porn, seeing a woman give a blow job is gross.

However, I will say that, for me, actually being the person to give it is fairly enjoyable when the guy is enjoying it. That happened to be the compromise I made with my ex, and it meant I didn't have to get my own genitals involved. You can think it's submissive and degrading, but I think the complete opposite is true (you better believe that if I stopped, he would be begging me to continue -- who really has the power in that situation?).

--

happylife: I agree that people need to be a little more cautious with what words they throw around, especiall y in this particular sub-forum. The mods have noticed that people have been saying things that could be considered offensive to sexuals; that's why we had that lovely controversial banner up about a month ago, requesting that people to be less ... well, blunt, with their views on sex.

However, Skinnee Jay did say "I think it's submissive and degrading" which is not really a personal attack on sexual people. It does seem to imply that people who engage in the act are degrading themselves, but again... "I think" makes it a matter of personal opinion. One that I'm sure the majority of the Earth's population will disagree with, but an opinion nonetheless. :P

But, yes, I'm in agreement. When posting on AVEN, specifically in this forum for sexual allies, we should take care be a little less offensive to the sexual folk.

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happylife
happylife: I agree that people need to be a little more cautious with what words they throw around, especiall y in this particular sub-forum. The mods have noticed that people have been saying things that could be considered offensive to sexuals; that's why we had that lovely controversial banner up about a month ago, requesting that people to be less ... well, blunt, with their views on sex.

However, Skinnee Jay did say "I think it's submissive and degrading" which is not really a personal attack on sexual people. It does seem to imply that people who engage in the act are degrading themselves, but again... "I think" makes it a matter of personal opinion. One that I'm sure the majority of the Earth's population will disagree with, but an opinion nonetheless. :P

But, yes, I'm in agreement. When posting on AVEN, specifically in this forum for sexual allies, we should take care be a little less offensive to the sexual folk.

yes, I did notice that he didn't forget to clarify that this was his personal opinion. at first, I didn't think much about this word "degrading". but one day, after reading a post(whose writer was ghosts) where "demeaning activity" appeared, I started to think that certain words could be offensive to some people. now I am looking at some particular words more closely as I feel that "I think it's disgusting" and "I think it's degrading" are different and the former would be less disturbing. I guess that's why I brought myself to write the post.

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Goldmoon

I am a sexual woman and have performed oral on both men and women. I much prefer giving head to women although I don't know why. I never found it degrading or anything although I do ask them to keep their hands off the back of my head. I do it because I like to pleasure my partner and because sometimes I know you have to give in order to get and I love to get oral sex.

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Guest (?)

I feel the way the term was used "degrading" was wrong but to be fair the poster said it was how they felt

I'm male and don't feel offended by it, I think she's wrong but I'm not offended

Most women I have known have not had any issues with oral wether it be them giving or recieving in fact the only big issue I've noticed is wether to spit or swallow and that one draws some pretty definate opinions

and trust me when I say.. the old days when women said I'm not kissing you till you've shaved because of your stubble..it's not just the men with stubble these days..my how the tables have turned

I like the discussion and I think it's okay to say you are repulsed or you would feel degraded however I feel it is wrong to say all people are doing it to degrade others

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