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Elizabeth I

A question for sexual women (warning: sexually explicit)

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a-d

Any sex act can be dominant or submissive depending on how it's done. There are many ways of performing oral sex that are neither. Keeping in mind that I'm likely not asexual, I'm completely puzzled and put off by BDSM fetishes, etc.

As for women who enjoy giving head for whatever reasons, I know there are plenty out there, just overhearing casual conversation amongst sexual women. Hell, I ended up giving in to one on a number of occasions because I liked to see her happy. Still, as much as a woman enjoys fellatio, it still gets old if the man has no reaction whatsoever.

My sympathies to anyone who likes something that the partner cannot reciprocate. In my case, it's not that I'm disgusted in any way, but rather that I'm highly insensitive (put your bottom teeth into it or I won't feel anything), and so there's ultimately no release for me, and thus no feeling of being in control for her.

For any couples worried about disparity between giving and receiving along with submission and dominance, then the 69 position is likely worth the effort, especially if both partners enjoy either giving or receiving. At least, it works if both partners are roughly the same height. Damn, this sounds like yet another sex advice forum.

This all just serves to demonstrate that when you introduce sex to a couple that isn't evenly matched for sexual desires and sexual abilities, then you're likely to have problems. It's to be expected. Compromise or split.

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MassConfusion

I have no problem giving a guy head that is one of the main weapons in my arsenal I don't like sex so I swoop down and 5 minutes later he is happy and smiling and we can go on with our day.

As far as it making a woman submissive I find I am in complete control of him when I am down there I can make him laugh or make him cry by something very simple and quick. Men are sometimes so silly!

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megsvel

I'm a sexual woman (lesbian) and giving a guy head is not something I can ever imagine doing but doing anything sexual to a man isn't high on my priority list.

I can see how it would seem submissive but imagine a woman kneeling in front of another woman... I don't see that as submission at all so it kindof reframes the whole idea.

On the ick factor, I have to say that in the beginning, I was far (FAR!) more comfortable giving than receiving because of a certain squick factor that comes with sharing certain parts with other people.

I don't know, I hope this didn't seem too off-topic.

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Silly Green Monkey

I spoke to a sexual friend of mine, she said that she enjoys giving head and doesn't think it's submissive at all. She said she enjoys the power it gives her over him.

She hates the head-push, for the reason that "she's a big girl, she knows what she's doing".

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Elizabeth I

Thanks to everyone for their input.

I have to admit that I am ALWAYS surprised by the responses to my queries, and I think most of them support the theory that everyone is different, and either we are ALL normal....or NONE of us are! :)

What actually prompted me to even ask this question was a comment made by gentleman friend, my age, who is sexual is very sexually interested in me.

On another part of this forum....I got into a bit of a discussion with someone about absolute "disclosure"...and thought I would give it a go.

My gentleman friend is just absolutely rejecting my disclosure.... He says it's "normal" for women to not like performing fellatio!

Now that I have CONFIRMED that there ARE sexual women out there who DO like it ....and have partners who aren't interested, I have tried desperately to get him to read these posts.

I would think he would fall in love with Anetta immediately!

But he's not interested. He just seems determined to "break" ME.

And my experience of 54 years has always been the same. The more I protest about sexual involvement ....the more determined the "suitor" becomes.....

I guess I'm just to durned sexy for my own good! :wink:

But I guess that's an entirely different post!

Lizzie

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starrysky
I was just wondering if there is ANYONE out there who DOESN'T find performing that particular act repugnant.

I'm not sexual, but I'll take fellatio over intercourse any day. I control everything, I can drag it out or get it over with quickly, and most importantly it doesn't hurt. Plus it seems to make my husband REALLY happy. Would I enjoy doing it on anyone, no, but I enjoy doing it on my husband because I love him.

Re: the head pushing thing--my husband has never done that, but he certainly wouldn't be getting anything if he started shoving on my head.

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inona
The big stumbling block for me has always been felatio. The very idea of it sickens me.

Lizzie

I'm a sexual, sexually active woman. I don't mind answering frank questions.

I don't like to do it to the point where my partner has an orgasm. I do like licking, kissing, etc. my male partner's genitals.

Hopefully that wasn't too "icky."

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FelineFanatic
"I would do anything for love, but I wont do THAT"

Yea! Meatloaf!!!

I agree 100% with you. I "find performing that particular act repugnant." This is probably the #1 reason why I do not even consider having any sort of relationship.

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Hazelwudi
The big stumbling block for me has always been felatio. The very idea of it sickens me. As soon as that not so subtle downward push on the back of the head thing starts...GAME OVER! Run to the loo...Toss cookies....

You probably have a very strong gag reflex. I do, also. My man doesn't push on the back of my head, though. He knows that if he does, I'll almost certainly throw up.

Have you told him about how strong your gag reflex is? If you haven't, do so. If you have and he still pushes... frankly, he's being an inconsiderate jerk.

If you don't like the whole "kneeling before him" aspect, try it with him laying on his back in bed and you crouched over him. The angle can be somewhat trickier, but it is possible.

Can you roll your tongue? (It's a genetic thing, really... you either have it or you don't.) I find that if you can do this and you cup and roll your tongue on the frenulum (this is the area immediately behind the head, on the underside of the penis), the guy is usually too wound up to even "notice" you're not deep-throating him. :)

As far as the whole submission aspect goes, yes... it can seem or feel that way. Some women find that a turnon, and some don't *shrugs* If you do not enjoy being sexually submissive, but he's open to light bondage, you might want to tie him on the bed, face up. You might feel more comfortable being "in control" that way, and when he's tied like that he can't push on the back of your head.

When it comes to the spit or swallow debate, I've always been a swallower. I don't want to have to rush to the bathroom or garbage can right afterwards, it busts up my rhythm. lol :P

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Sendbillshere

Maybe it's just me. I've never actually received "felatio" (guess we cant call it what it is on this board huh?) and although I imagine that it's an incredible feeling...it just looks disgusting. I can imagine going down on my woman but the iaea of the vice cersa...I dunno, it just looks wrong to me. I'm not knocking it, I'm sure plenty of couples enjoy the whole slide-on-the-slim-jim approach, but that's just me... oh yeah, I'm a straight sexual guy...werid huh?

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Born_Confused

I think i view myself as asexual but i like performing it. I like it when my partner gets satisfaction from it. :-)

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ibicella

I'm asexual and find it repugnant, but I've still done it because I like doing something nice for my partner and I don't feel that strongly against it. I prefer giving hand jobs though, that's more fun.

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Chiaroscuro

I think there are a lot of sexual folks who have a hard time with oral sex. It's kind of messy and very intimate. It also strikes me that, because it involves taste and smell to a large degree, if you're sensitive to strong smells or tastes, it would be aversive.

And I have to say, as a sexual male, yes, oral sex is the sexiest kind of sex period, regardless of which end of thing's you're on. I know, big surprise.

-Chiaroscuro

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Manathane
And I have to say, as a sexual male, yes, oral sex is the sexiest kind of sex period, regardless of which end of thing's you're on. I know, big surprise.

Is there a reason for that? I've heard some say that it's because it's so easy for things to go 'wrong', but I don't know if that's true or if it's just sexy just because.

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Chiaroscuro

Can't say I know what the reason is exactly, it probably varies from person to person. Maybe it's because it's like "eating you up" (or being eaten up), and food, eating, is sensual. French kissing is that way too. And the fact that oral sex isn't reciprocal in terms of stimulation. It's a gift. And a form of performance art too, I think. And exploration.

You know, I'm realizing I've never really given it that much thought. For me it's the acme of sexy, but I can't say exactly why. :?

-Chiaroscuro

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a-d
oral sex isn't reciprocal in terms of stimulation

It can be, at least for well-matched partners. It may take a little getting used to. As mutual genital stimulation goes, I'd say it's even better than traditional intercourse. That may be just my opinion, but genital penetration is overrated.

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Chiaroscuro
It can be, at least for well-matched partners. It may take a little getting used to. As mutual genital stimulation goes, I'd say it's even better than traditional intercourse. That may be just my opinion, but genital penetration is overrated.

Oh, I'm aware that it can be mutual. And that's sexier still, of course. It's hard to say why oral sex is sexier than intercourse per se (not that I'm knocking intercourse for it's own uniquely pleasurable qualities). What's your take on that, A-D?

-Chiaroscuro

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a-d
Oh, I'm aware that it can be mutual. And that's sexier still, of course. It's hard to say why oral sex is sexier than intercourse per se (not that I'm knocking intercourse for it's own uniquely pleasurable qualities). What's your take on that, A-D?

My take is probably different from most people's, whether they be sexual or asexual. It all boils down to people having different preferences.

When I say I like oral sex more than just sex, I'd be referring to giving, since I seem to get nothing from being on the receiving end. As an ostensibly straight guy, I say I'm more like a lesbian in a man's body. If I happen to be with a woman who also enjoys giving more than getting, then it would work out well in theory, but there could still be other complications.

Still, I'd like to know why it's appealing to anyone, including myself. I'm not quite sure what it means when people say that's sexy. Personally, I don't know if I get the same feeling that a lot of other people would get when giving oral sex. It may be stimulating to a point, but I'm one of those weird guys who actually finds the female genitalia to be both aesthetically pleasing from a visual standpoint as well as delectable for smell and taste (assuming proper hygiene). It shouldn't make sense, and I know lots of more openly sexual straight guys who dislike giving oral sex to a surprising degree. Maybe it's just the raw pheromones going straight to my brain and making me act weird.

Anyway, that's just my take. In my case, I'd say that probably 99% of sexual stimulation happens from above the neck, not below the waist. There may not be any logic to it, but there's not much logic to sex in general. It's reasons such as these that I don't label myself asexual, but there are a lot of other things about sex that really don't appeal to me in the slightest, and I still totally don't understand the whole attraction and attachment bit.

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scamper

Hi,

I'm a sexual woman and happily married to a sexual man - I joined this forum not because of my partner but because of a close friend who recently "came out" as asexual. I decided to read up on it a bit in an effort to understand & offer whatever support my friend might ask for in the future.

Anyway, I've been lurking a bit and reading lots of interesting threads (and feeling kind of shy about posting) and since I fit the profile of who Elizabeth was asking this question of, I figured I'd jump in with my two cents:

In answer to your question - I'm a straight woman who really enjoys performing this particular act. I've never considered it degrading or submissive (in the negative sense of that word). It's part of my overall approach and attitude to my sexuality though - embracing the fact that I am a sexual person for me means loving my own body and my partner's body, and not finding anything about either of us "icky" or un-touchable or un-kissable. But in a very specific sense, I've always found fellatio enjoyable, and I love the fact that it brings so much pleasure to my partner.

Oh, and regarding the "look into his eyes" issue - this can be very easily done with the male lying on the bed and his partner crouching/hovering over him. The woman (or other man, for that matter) is physically "on top" but because of the position of their head, they still have to "look up" into the man's eyes.

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relaine1

Lizzie wrote:

I was primarily interested in hearing from sexual women on this one, because I wonder if my aversion has to do with my asexuality, or if it's a pretty standard objection for non-submissive women in general.

Gay male or not, I think he was right on about how pleasurable the act of giving head is, generally. I'm a woman who's given head to my male ex. and my girlfriend. I did it because I knew it turned him/her on. The pleasure I got came from seeing the pleasure s/he got. The hottest sex is when both people are turned on, one by the other. Really good sex has a great deal of give and take between two people who love one another. When I was still sexual I would have said it is much better to receive than give. I'm now asexual. I blame it on menopause. Desire just evaporated. :(

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Elizabeth I
I'm now asexual. I blame it on menopause. Desire just evaporated.

Ya know, I have ALWAYS had a pretty strong aversion to what I consider "unnatural" acts...but have really only avoided romantic involvement and the inevitable sexual contact that accompanies it since menopause.

I think it's a natural progression of events really, for folks to slow down as they get older and pass healthy childbearing age.

But our sex-saturated culture equates sexual prowess with power in men and influence in women.

Sexual performance enhancement drugs for men are very big business for pharmaceutical companies in the US, and even with BLINDNESS as a potential side effect, younger and younger men are now being given these drugs to use on a regular basis.

But a similar drug to stimulate sexual desire in post-menopausal women was denied because "some studies" suggest that excessive use MAY contribute to cancer risks. Same with hormone replacement in post menopausal women.

The thing that is so appalling is the REASON that FEMALE performance enhancing drugs have not been approved.

Women do not have to be stimulated to engage in the sex act, so sexual stimulation in women is not MEDICALLY necessary (you can just lube up, spread your legs and submit)....and therefore would not covered by health insurance as it is in men, so it would not be as profitable.

I have discussed this with my (male) ob-gyn on MANY occasions, and he is the one who told me about the failure of the FDA to approve the use of what he called "female viagara".... that was about four years ago I guess.

Aparrently.... it's a fairly common complaint.

I really HATE being a woman!

Lizzie

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Chiaroscuro
I have discussed this with my (male) ob-gyn on MANY occasions, and he is the one who told me about the failure of the FDA to approve the use of what he called "female viagara".... that was about four years ago I guess.

If it DOES have dangerous side-effects, wouldn't you prefer that it be certified as safe before thousands of people start using it? I understand that certification may be slowed down by all sorts of ignorant reasons (not profitable, not "christian", whatever...), but it strikes me as more awful to let dangerous things into circulation, and have thousands of lives ruined down the road because of unforseen side-effects. It's happened before.

-Chiaroscuro

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Elizabeth I
If it DOES have dangerous side-effects, wouldn't you prefer that it be certified as safe before thousands of people start using it? I understand that certification may be slowed down by all sorts of ignorant reasons (not profitable, not "christian", whatever...), but it strikes me as more awful to let dangerous things into circulation, and have thousands of lives ruined down the road because of unforseen side-effects. It's happened before.

-Chiaroscuro

I think that "safe" is a relative term. Most perscription drugs carry some risk and that is why they are restricted to being used under a doctor's supervision. Viagara is certainly not safe, but men, and their doctors are given the opportunity to weigh the risks in context to the benefits of using this drugs, which is becoming increasingly less theraputic... and more recreational.

Naturally occurring sex hormones have just as much cancer risk as the ones used in hormone replacement therapy. The same Hormones are used in birth control pills, which oddly enough are approved and considered safe, and are perscribed and taken for YEARS at a time by fertile women for birth controll purposes......with cancer risks that are the same ...or higher. As birth controll pills they are not covered by most health insurance though, because female non-reproductive rights are not consirered a medical necessity.

But they are no longer being used to alleviate disabling symptoms of menopause....which IS medically necessary....and would be covered by health insurance!

It gets really silly, I guess, but it's VERY frustrating.. on this side anyway. Women, and their reproductive organs, are too often considered a (replaceable) commodity.

Lizzie

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Hallucigenia
Women do not have to be stimulated to engage in the sex act, so sexual stimulation in women is not MEDICALLY necessary (you can just lube up, spread your legs and submit)....and therefore would not covered by health insurance as it is in men, so it would not be as profitable.

I have a question.

Why is it considered "medically necessary" for anybody to have a sex life, female or no?

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Placebo
I have a question.

Why is it considered "medically necessary" for anybody to have a sex life, female or no?

Seconded.

I always thought that that was a question that just occurred to me because I don't consider sex important--but maybe not.

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Elizabeth I
Why is it considered "medically necessary" for anybody to have a sex life, female or no?

Technically, it's only actually "medically necessary" in cases of erectile dysfunction when couples are supposedly trying to concieve, but many doctors actually encourage the recreational use of Viagara, and falsify medical records to support it (with a nod and a wink)

Of course it's also done with OTHER drugs, but not nearly on the same scale.

Lizzie

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midga59
"BunnyK." Posted: Wed May 24 3:35 am

I've personally never had a problem with it. In fact, it kind of arouses me to know how much I'm pleasing my partner, especially if we are in a position where I can look up and into his eyes while I do it.

That "looking up into his eyes" thing would require you to be on your knees with the man looking DOWN at you. I have seen the same scenario posted in a "ask guys anything" forum with a guy describing it as his fantasy. It strikes me as an extremely submissive and even humiliating scenario for the woman.

I was primarily interested in hearing from sexual women on this one, because I wonder if my aversion has to do with my asexuality, or if it's a pretty standard objection for non-submissive women in general.

Lizzie

Just to clarify, this does not require a submissive position. It is just as likely for the male to be on his back with the female on top in a rather dominating position.

I have gotten outstanding head from an extremely dominating woman, and I know other women that no one would ever even dream of speaking about as submissive that absolutely love giving their partners oral sex. I really don't see it as a submissive act at all. I don't feel like I'm being submissive when I perform oral sex.

But what the hell would I know, I'm just a guy, right? :wink:

-edit-

that last statement really wasn't aimed at anybody, but I just read it and saw it could be construed as such. It's more just a comment at society in general. Totally not sorry if it offends :)

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samante_bryan

HINDI KO ALAM ANG SITE NA ITO SANA MERON MAN MABAIT JAN NA MAG GUID SA AKIN.....HOPEFULLY???? BY THE WAY I'M A NEW MEMBER OF THIS FORUM.... samante_bryan@yahoo.com.... :oops: :oops: :oops: [/b]

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Daysleeper

I am a sexual woman and I enjoy it actually. I think that those "miths" about sexuality like "men only want sex" "women wont do that" etc. are only miths.

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jaybird721
HINDI KO ALAM ANG SITE NA ITO SANA MERON MAN MABAIT JAN NA MAG GUID SA AKIN.....HOPEFULLY???? BY THE WAY I'M A NEW MEMBER OF THIS FORUM.... samante_bryan@yahoo.com.... :oops: :oops: :oops: [/b]

...the heck?

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