Jump to content

Apathetic or dislike Sex but Masturbate all the time


Kayfabe

Recommended Posts

Li'l Backseat
On ‎11‎/‎16‎/‎2017 at 12:03 PM, Kayfabe said:

I really have no enjoyment for partnered sex, or with a person. I am in a committed relationship with a person who likes sex, unfortunately for me because I do it only for his sake and pleasure, and because I think if I came out as Aesexual and disliking sex openly and honestly with him, I may lose a man I love with all my heart and have been with for 11 years. So I do sex because I love him. I do not enjoy it at all myself really. I have never felt any attraction to another person based on sexual reasons, I do not visually find people attractive sexually at all. Looks for me are purely asthetic. Not for sex. It all all about mind and personality to me. However, alone and privately I do have this need for orgasm, or pleasure in that area based not on sex at all. It is like I would rather be alone, inside my own mental fantasy that never involves another actual person, nor the person I live either, but for me not sexy, bizarre ideas too odd to share here. Lets just say it isn't anything sexual, (or sick, or anything to do with another living person or being.) I have never gotten turned on from seeing another person in my entire life. I do not get turned on from being touched, and in fact do not enjoy it beyond the other persons liking it. Yet what drives me to masturbate alone ( always externally and always very fast). I orgasm like people think a guy does- within 2 minutes every time and from fast purposefulness, not slow, not romantic, not anything tender. I started doing so at the young age of 6, and could actually orgasm for real by age 7. I have done and still do it several times a week. If I never had sex with someone again I would be happy, except I am in a relationship where if we stopped doing so I would suspect cheating or loss of live, because he is a sexual person who seems to like sex infrequently but still does like it. I justkind of fake it and hope it is over fast enough. I use a vibrator or something like it when alone, Never one that resembles anything human either. In fact it has to not. Body fluids disgust me. Even my own do. After sex alone or with him, I have to immediately clean up totally. I wonder if he finds it odd? Not sure. Sometimes I put in a tampon to avoid all liquids while I masturbate externally only, using something else like lotion. Is this common? Why do some think you cant be aesexual if you masturbate, even when sex is not the driving reason and you aren't even thinking of sex during it! ...

At first I thought this was my own posts. I came out on Facebook because I was too scared to tell my partner of 9 years (at the time) directly. I regret not telling him in person first, but I was terrified that he'd leave me. He forgave me for being indirect, and totally supported me and my sexuality.

 

A couple sex-free years later he came out to me, (via email-- yeah we suck at face-to-face possible relationship-ending convos), that while he supported me he wasn't done being a sexual person. We decided within the following weeks to open our relationship, and a month later he began dating. Nothing serious, but still...

 

Over a year has passed since the change and we're still going strong. We belong to some poly groups and he's flirting with people online. Even though we're still figuring this situation out we're happier now that everything is out in the open. No one is faking for the other.

 

I can't promise that your partner will stay with you when you come out to him. But he loves you right? So it's worth the risk. Even if he wants you to be as into sex as he is, I'm sure he doesn't want "compliance" sex. He probably can tell when you're not into it, and without knowing about your orientation (yes you're still asexual if you enjoy masturbating), he probably thinks that there's something wrong with him. I promise you'll feel so much better once you stand up for your own needs.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I relate to a lot of what the OP has said. Wow. Get out of my brain lol.

 

For various reasons I have lived my life trying to be a heterosexual. It's not working. I'm not happy, but I'm scared to lose a very important person and relationship... even though I want something very different. I would be very happy if I never had to have sex again. Masturbation is better, quicker, cleaner, and doesn't leave me feeling weird after. I like hugs and affection, but foreplay and touching turn my stomach, even though I've always faked enjoyment for the other person. I don't particularly like intercourse with a man either, but it's the lesser of two evils when compared to foreplay. 

 

It's so great to see so many like-minded people on here.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jay williams
5 hours ago, TigerBalm said:

I like hugs and affection, but foreplay and touching turn my stomach, even though I've always faked enjoyment for the other person. I don't particularly like intercourse with a man either, but it's the lesser of two evils when compared to foreplay. 

 

I always liked foreplay, some might call it outercourse. It is intercourse I dislike, which unluckily is what is supposed to follow foreplay.

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, jay williams said:

I always liked foreplay, some might call it outercourse. It is intercourse I dislike, which unluckily is what is supposed to follow foreplay.

There are a few posters on here who share that feeling with you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jay williams
5 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

There are a few posters on here who share that feeling with you.

Probably damn few! LOL

Link to post
Share on other sites

@jay williams

 

Outercourse, many giggles 🤭 🤭 😋 😋 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

Iam not out to other people regarding asexuality, but I am comfortable with it, I can relate to most everyone, I don’t feel like a freak, I do have low self esteem and low confidence in my self, but Iam comfortable with my body and being naked in front of people, I do masturbate quite a lot, way more than when I was younger, Iam 54 I am not ashamed about in the least, I do talk about it openly with some people irl. And Iam very open.about it on here and how much I do it. I also learned that Iam not alone or a freak, as I used to feel before I found this site. So I thank you all for being here and being so nice😁

Link to post
Share on other sites

I enjoy being naked at home and at the beach. I probably won't mention masturbation to many people during the rest of my life. I did mention to my nudist friend that I masturbated last month during my 'Why I'm Asexual' chat. 

 

I'm the opposite of you when it comes to frequency. I'm jerking off nowhere near as often as in my 30s, but still enjoy it just as much.

 

Yes it is nice that this is a place where people can discuss pleasuring themselves and nobody is judged by that.

 

Mind you that being said I may come across as hypocrite by saying the following. Last year doing some surfing/research, I came across the term 'edging'. I had never heard of it, so I Googled it. Several hits came up and I clicked on the first link. Oh my God I couldn't believe the forum that it linked to. Male masturbation was the subject and WAYYYY too explicit for me. I really don't need to know that FriscoStudXXX was able to go 6 hours and 45 minutes before cumming. The reponses will go unmentioned. Nor did I have to check out the gallery after reading its description.

 

Some things are better off not seen.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, will123 said:

I'm the opposite of you when it comes to frequency. I'm jerking off nowhere near as often as in my 30s, but still enjoy it just as much.

 

Yes it is nice that this is a place where people can discuss pleasuring themselves and nobody is judged by that.

 

 

 

 

I don't masturbate as I once did. But aging takes its toll on the libido.

I totally agree that this group is very accepting of our telling what we do and don't do. It really helps to know that there are others similar to us.

This reminds me of an old saying about the two biggest lies that are told: Saying you have never masturbated; and saying that you have quit. Apologies to those in this site who really have never masturbated, or have tried it and experienced nothing of value in doing so. We really do have a great variety of folks here with sexual and gender orientations outside the norm. Viva to all!

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, jay williams said:

I don't masturbate as I once did. But aging takes its toll on the libido.

I totally agree that this group is very accepting of our telling what we do and don't do. It really helps to know that there are others similar to us.

This reminds me of an old saying about the two biggest lies that are told: Saying you have never masturbated; and saying that you have quit. Apologies to those in this site who really have never masturbated, or have tried it and experienced nothing of value in doing so. We really do have a great variety of folks here with sexual and gender orientations outside the norm. Viva to all!

I have to agree on the bold 100%. Sometimes I get carried away with what I post. 

 

Even though I don't masturbate as much now as I did when I was in my 30s and 40s, I haven't lost my interest in it. In some ways I may be more enthusiastic about it since since joining AVEN. It's nice to be able to exchange my thoughts with others that enjoy it and occasionally help others that may be struggling emotionally or physically with the acts.

 

Mentioning reduced libido as we age, I don't know how I'll react as I get older and I can't get aroused. That being said I seem to recall reading about an AVENite in their 70s or 80s that still masturbated. Not the complete act but still enjoyed what he could achieve.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't want to derail the thread @pma01 started so I'll post here.

 

@CBC I have to agree with you on this: 

 

Quote

How does that even work, aren't your uhh... lady parts... completely desensitised at that point?

  •  

@Ashara @Salmiakki I was thinking the same thing when you posted how many times you masturbated. I think I recounted an 'episode' where I masturbated three times in short succession and then when to bed. When I woke up in the morning I jerked off another three times in a row, 

 

I had the opportunity of not being disturbed, the weather was rainy and I do enjoy just fondling and admiring my genitals. A session like this is not the norm for me.

 

That being said afterwards and for the next few days my penis was VERY sensitive to touch even just to hold it for urination. I doubt I'll ever repeat that even though at the time it was very enjoyable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, CBC said:

I honestly can't say that "admiring my genitals" has occurred to me as a rainy-day activity, but then I guess there would have to be mirrors and perhaps uncomfortable positioning involved in my case, so I think I'll stick to my podcasts and crosswords.

The guys definitely have it easier from a neck-craning perspective.

Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

As I guy... it doesn't really form much of my daily routine either.

...but if admiration of your genitals did, it would at least be convenient.  :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

For examining down there to be part of a regular routine you need to be a cat. I think mine self-fellatiate 

Link to post
Share on other sites

@will123 

Well just to be clear, it’s not the norm for me to masturbate 8 times a day. But I do have times when I masturbate very often, and I can masturbate very very much in the span of a few hours.

And when I masturbate that often at the end it often does make me feel tired and eventually my genitals just can’t handle any touch anymore, even if my mind might still be into it. I can’t masturbate again immediately after having an orgasm but it doesn’t really take long to be ready again.

 

I can’t masturbate every time I get aroused (since it happens so often), my body couldn’t handle it. So sometimes when I get the urge I just have to ignore it. Sometimes I can’t ignore it and then I have to masturbate but other times the urge isn’t that big and I can just let it be. Sometimes I can’t masturbate even if I wanted to because I’m in a public place. And I also do enjoy just the feeling of being aroused.

It takes very little to make me aroused. And fantasizing takes me to such a comfortable place and I like staying there.

 

Usually I at least masturbate every time before falling asleep (sometimes more than once) and after waking up (again sometimes more than once). Sometimes I can’t fall asleep until I masturbate.

Link to post
Share on other sites
58 minutes ago, CBC said:

I swear to god half of asexuals masturbate more than it's ever occurred to me that it's even possible to do so.

That’s why people confusing asexuality with low sex drive frustrates some aces.  There is a full range of sex drive - from none whatsoever to “it interferes with day-to-day activities” - within every orientation.

 

It’s the opposite of the “gay problem,” where people tend to assume homosexual = “oversexed.”

Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

For examining down there to be part of a regular routine you need to be a cat. I think mine self-fellatiate 

Or a dog.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/18/2018 at 11:55 AM, CBC said:

That is... well, probably more information than I needed, but ok. 

Sorry about that. I just couldn't get my head around the frequency and getting carried away it my own experience at multiple 'sessions'.

15 hours ago, Salmiakki said:

@will123 

Well just to be clear, it’s not the norm for me to masturbate 8 times a day. But I do have times when I masturbate very often, and I can masturbate very very much in the span of a few hours.

And when I masturbate that often at the end it often does make me feel tired and eventually my genitals just can’t handle any touch anymore, even if my mind might still be into it. I can’t masturbate again immediately after having an orgasm but it doesn’t really take long to be ready again.

 

I can’t masturbate every time I get aroused (since it happens so often), my body couldn’t handle it. So sometimes when I get the urge I just have to ignore it. Sometimes I can’t ignore it and then I have to masturbate but other times the urge isn’t that big and I can just let it be.Sometimes I can’t masturbate even if I wanted to because I’m in a public place. And I also do enjoy just the feeling of being aroused.

 

It takes very little to make me aroused. And fantasizing takes me to such a comfortable place and I like staying there.

 

Usually I at least masturbate every time before falling asleep (sometimes more than once) and after waking up (again sometimes more than once). Sometimes I can’t fall asleep until I masturbate.

On the first part of the blue bold. I have masturbated in secluded forests or beaches, but NOT where passersby would be a possibility. The second part is kind of what I was trying to say earlier (arousal meaning I'm erect).

 

On the green, my fantasy thread pretty details that part of my 'activities'. I probably enjoy that more so that looking at porn.

 

The red pretty much mirrors my frequency on a daily basis when I was in my 30s. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/18/2018 at 11:56 AM, Telecaster68 said:

Everyone needs a hobby.

LOL!

 

I've got too much on the go to have masturbation as a hobby. After reading the 'edging' posts elsewhere I wondered how those 'enthusiasts' accomplished anything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, CBC said:

Masturbation in the woods and on the beach is a new one to me. I've done stuff with someone else on a beach, but I can't say I've ever gotten hot and bothered alone amongst the flora and fauna.

It happens, maybe once a year. It's not so much the surroundings, but the opportunity to 'take care of things' so to speak.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Could be worse. Someone from my hometown is "considering the error of their ways" for a few months at "Her Majesty's pleasure" for dealing with an urge on a bus 

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

Could be worse. Someone from my hometown is "considering the error of their ways" for a few months at "Her Majesty's pleasure" for dealing with an urge on a bus 

Oh my! I've been able to curb my urges and/or eagerness so far 😉

 

Seriously, I would NEVER do it where there are people around. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎9‎/‎20‎/‎2018 at 2:02 AM, CBC said:

AVEN... the place where I learn just as much about complete strangers' self-pleasure as I do my partner's. If not more.

 

Masturbation in the woods and on the beach is a new one to me. I've done stuff with someone else on a beach, but I can't say I've ever gotten hot and bothered alone amongst the flora and fauna.

"...amongst the flora and fauna." LOL. Funny!

Yes, it is great that we communicate so openly about how we really are...that we find out that we are not the only ones.

I used to masturbate a lot, similar to how others describe. Getting older has clearly diminished what I can do, and how often. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

@CBC,

 

I am impressed that you have been able to overcome any confusion and repulsion as to sexuality. While I identify here as bisexual, I have never, ever been able to muster the courage to reach out and explore same-sex activity. It never helps that being gay for males has been a taboo during my lifetime, even if there is a social trend of greater acceptance.

Did you find it difficult to step out and explore "gay" feelings?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok, so...after reading what OP posted I instantly had the thought of "This is me, I had that too".
Since I'm exploring my emotions and overall sentiments I want to open up about this topic as well.
Will surely be TMI. I've warned you.

I always loved masturbating. I always preferred it over sexual interaction with another person. In fact, having sex (not Piv however since I never had it) felt like a downgrade to just doing it myself (one out of various reasons I consider myself asexual). I also wasn't able to have an orgasm with my partner which disappointed me, because with myself I can always reach "happy end". At the same time I felt bad for my partner since they wanted to make me feel good and cared about it (though I do know that sex for many people seems to feel good even without having an orgasm).
Now writing about these emotions, I feel like I come across as cold and selfish. And seriously I can't deny it since I do enjoy my orgasms very much. They are clean and quick but also a great tool to fall asleep when I feel like I can't.
I can relate to OP since I had my first orgasm with 8 or 9. I wasn't aware that what I was doing was considered sexual (wasn't even too sure what is going on downstairs), I just knew it felt good and I wanted to do it more often. Don't want to go in too much detail here (though I would be willing to talk about it via PM).
I don't masturbate excessively, not several times a day but several times a week, with and without porn, with and without arousal. I enjoy it either way. I have medium to high libido but it's even nicer when the pressure to do it is real (since the release is incredible).
Just so you know my body has female parts (that I don't like) and I assume this is also why it was easier for me to have an orgasm at a young age. I always wondered what masturbation would feel like with having a penis and if the feeling would change in a significant way (in fact, I'm still curious).

So what stroke me as odd throughout all the years was indeed my aversion towards partnered sex and yet the strong preference for solo sex. And I do like talking about it, I sometimes talked about it with open minded single people since I wanted to take away the shame connected with masturbation. I realized even though I dislike partnered sex and it doesn't give me anything (besides boredom) I'm definitely not "innocent" and have a dirty mind to some extent. And I feel good with it (even more so knowing I even don't stand alone with this). 🍰.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 year later...
Skycaptain

Locking this. It's a near two year old thread. If you want to start a similar new thread please feel free to do so. Skycaptain moderator Older Asexuals 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...