Apathetic or dislike Sex but Masturbate all the time

[Kayfabe]

I really have no enjoyment for partnered sex, or with a person. I am in a committed relationship with a person who likes sex, unfortunately for me because I do it only for his sake and pleasure, and because I think if I came out as Aesexual and disliking sex openly and honestly with him, I may lose a man I love with all my heart and have been with for 11 years. So I do sex because I love him. I do not enjoy it at all myself really. I have never felt any attraction to another person based on sexual reasons, I do not visually find people attractive sexually at all. Looks for me are purely asthetic. Not for sex. It all all about mind and personality to me. However, alone and privately I do have this need for orgasm, or pleasure in that area based not on sex at all. It is like I would rather be alone, inside my own mental fantasy that never involves another actual person, nor the person I live either, but for me not sexy, bizarre ideas too odd to share here. Lets just say it isn't anything sexual, (or sick, or anything to do with another living person or being.) I have never gotten turned on from seeing another person in my entire life. I do not get turned on from being touched, and in fact do not enjoy it beyond the other persons liking it. Yet what drives me to masturbate alone ( always externally and always very fast). I orgasm like people think a guy does- within 2 minutes every time and from fast purposefulness, not slow, not romantic, not anything tender. I started doing so at the young age of 6, and could actually orgasm for real by age 7. I have done and still do it several times a week. If I never had sex with someone again I would be happy, except I am in a relationship where if we stopped doing so I would suspect cheating or loss of live, because he is a sexual person who seems to like sex infrequently but still does like it. I justkind of fake it and hope it is over fast enough. I use a vibrator or something like it when alone, Never one that resembles anything human either. In fact it has to not. Body fluids disgust me. Even my own do. After sex alone or with him, I have to immediately clean up totally. I wonder if he finds it odd? Not sure. Sometimes I put in a tampon to avoid all liquids while I masturbate externally only, using something else like lotion. Is this common? Why do some think you cant be aesexual if you masturbate, even when sex is not the driving reason and you aren't even thinking of sex during it! I can finish so quickly theres no time to think of much as it is, but if I do, it is my own bizarre twisted scenereo that is also abt masturbation not sex. I am really into extreme pleasure, I am a former drug addict who still has interest in such things, I get ASMR tingles, I have overly sensitive nerves all over. If I were sexual I  would probably be too into it. But Im not. And I want to see if others are like me- WAY into orgasm and sex alone, but in no way into sex with others, no attraction, even though I can orgasm during sex its mechanical and just a local reaction. Same as when alone. Am I aesexual or am I something new because I only like self-sex or self pleasure, but DO love it. And feel nothing sexual for other people. I also think being sexual is kind of messed up, even though I know thats wrong and judging just like we are judged. The whole idea is kind of rapey in my mind. How can I change my view for the better? By the way  I like the older aesexual forum best, Though I myself am neither young nor old, but rather I am 42. Thanks for hearing out my long post, please answer and help me know if others feel the same? 

[pma01]

I read your post. And a lot of what you say is just like me, I was married for about 10 years until she had an affair and left me. I never particularly cared for intercourse, and if I never had sex again it would not bother me, it been over 6 years and I don’t miss it . However I do really enjoy masturbation, I do masturbate quite a bit. I do really get into masturbation, I do actually like my bodily fluids. I have known of asexuality for quite a long time, I just never put it together until about 4 years ago, I love women and Iam attracted to then, but i don’t have the desire to have sex with them.

[jay williams]

Kayfabe,

 

I think you will find that you are not that rare. I essentially hear you saying that you have a libido, and enjoy erotic pleasure. At the same time, you have little or no desire to have sex with others. Many people do not enjoy regular, "normal" sex. They oftentimes call this "vanilla" sex. If you explore the world of "kinky," I bet you will find others that you can identify with.

[everywhere and nowhere]

19 minutes ago, jay williams said:

 I essentially hear you saying that you have a libido, and enjoy erotic pleasure. At the same time, you have little or no desire to have sex with others. Many people do not enjoy regular, "normal" sex. They oftentimes call this "vanilla" sex. If you explore the world of "kinky," I bet you will find others that you can identify with.

It's not a universal solution. Lots of people don't enjoy any kinks either, they just have no desire for sexual contact with another person.

I have a libido, like the OP, but I'm also sex-averse. And I'm sure that nothing kinky would be the solution. First - I'm autochorissexual too, which means I fantasise in third person, and my fantasies are mostly gay, but very vanilla. Second - I'm only sex-averse, but fairly BDSM-repulsed. Third - other people have a right to disagree, but for me the common part of the sets "pleasure" and "pain" is an empty set [{pleasure} n {pain} = {}*]. Fourth - my sex aversion is not simply disliking something about this or that kind of sex act, it's a fear and extreme discomfort at the very thought of being naked or even semi-naked with another person and of letting someone do something to my body. No way. I'm sure there are people who don't enjoy vanilla sex (just like there are people who enjoy only vanilla sex), but some people just aren't able to enjoy any form of partnered sexual activity.

 

*It's not actually the letter "n", in mathematical notation it looks like an upside-down sans-serif "u".

[pma01]

Nowhere girl. I hope Iam not being too forward, but how did you get to have your sex aversion? Have you ever had sex with another person. I know for myself I have a total dislike to intercourse. I get absolutely no pleasure from it at all. I have only had sex with 2 women in my life and I. Never enjoyed it.

[everywhere and nowhere]

3 hours ago, pma01 said:

Nowhere girl. I hope Iam not being too forward, but how did you get to have your sex aversion? Have you ever had sex with another person. I know for myself I have a total dislike to intercourse. I get absolutely no pleasure from it at all. I have only had sex with 2 women in my life and I. Never enjoyed it.

No. I have never had any kind of partnered sex. I'm using the phrase "sex aversion" to mean "non-generalized negative feelings about having sex" ("non-generalized" distinguishes it from full sex repulsion - I don't find other people's sex necessarily repulsive, I only have intense negative feelings about personally having sex). I'm just scared of it, I find it disgusting and wrong in a non-moral way, in the sense of "something that should never be". Does it matter why? The most important thing is that I accept it and wouldn't want to want sex.

[pma01]

Thank you for replying, I understand what your saying, I just wondered if it was due to abuse in your past. In my case I feel I was born this way

[everywhere and nowhere]

Why is there a stereotype that sex aversion can only result from abuse (or, in some variants, "is only acceptable if it results from abuse")?

OK, you want honesty? I don't think that I was born this way. I became predisposed to sex aversion early, but under non-abusive circumstances. For me it works like this:

chronically ill ---> nudity-averse ---> sex-averse ---> asexual

I don't always feel OK talking about it because when body inacceptance is involved, there may always be an assumption involved that one should "get over it" and "cherish their body". But I don't want to. I have a right to choose not to. I don't hate my body, I don't find it repulsive, I just feel anger for my state. But I also want people who perceive allosexuality and self-love as the only valid states (and I still prefer self-respect) to stop expecting me to put myself in situations when this body would have sex. No. It's not going to.

Absolute freedom is not possible, but still I feel that I find more freedom in cherishing my asexuality than I would in "cherishing my body" and suffering to make it look better (because let's make it clear - even in a hypothetic situation in which I wasn't nudity-averse and sex-averse, it wouldn't make my health problems disappear!). In a way, it's practical - being asexual allows me to accept my obesity and, to some extent, even my allergy. It's adaptative! It's protective! And it's certainly not a simple, purely negative "giving up".

[will123]

2 hours ago, pma01 said:

Thank you for replying, I understand what your saying, I just wondered if it was due to abuse in your past. In my case I feel I was born this way

Same here. In my teens and early 20s when all my friends were sexually active, I really didn't care or try to 'pair off' with someone.

[will123]

Looking at the date and the OP's profile, I doubt they'll be replying.

 

Mind you this caught my eye:

 

Quote

I started doing so at the young age of 6, and could actually orgasm for real by age 7.

Is that even possible?

[will123]

15 minutes ago, will123 said:

Looking at the date and the OP's profile, I doubt they'll be replying.

 

Mind you this caught my eye:

 

Is that even possible?

According to the responses on Quora, yes:

 

https://www.quora.com/Can-you-have-an-orgasm-before-puberty

 

(and several other similar threads)

 

 

[pma01]

I honestly didn’t know you could orgasm at 7. I didn’t masturbate till around 14 or 15

[ryn2]

7 hours ago, will123 said:

Looking at the date and the OP's profile, I doubt they'll be replying.

 

Mind you this caught my eye:

 

Is that even possible?

Yes.  I figured it out as a kid and got in all kinds of trouble for it.

[will123]

6 hours ago, pma01 said:

I honestly didn’t know you could orgasm at 7. I didn’t masturbate till around 14 or 15

My memory is pretty good, but other than to urinate or wash myself in the bath tub, I don't remember ever touching my genitals for 'other' purposes. Before I realised that it was a dead account I was going to reply, "WOW! Where's the jaw drop emoji?" Some intering comments in the Quora threads. I don't recall reading here in AVEN or doing research online, about someone masturbating at such a young age. I guess I was a late 'bloomer' as I didn't start until I was 18.

 

2 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Yes.  I figured it out as a kid and got in all kinds of trouble for it.

'As a kid', I just thought it was just for peeing with. I had no idea how babies were 'made'. 

 

When I had my one and only 'wet' dream, I have no idea how I knew sub-consciously (just before I ejaculated) that the result was going to be a mess. My limited high school sex ed was basically two slides showing the male and female reproductive 'systems' and how the female menstrual cycle worked (gym/health classes were segregated and either girls or boys only). I'm pretty sure there was nothing about the actual 'mechanics' of the process nor the obligatory 'putting a condom on (fill in the blank) demonstration' that a lot of folks on here have spoken about. I think more time was actually spent on discussing the various STDs one could catch by having sex (this was in the late 70s before AIDS).

 

[Skycaptain]

Never attend to a stray libido shortly after using epoxy resin adhesive. It brings a new meaning to "A sticky end" 

[Skycaptain]

@Telecaster68, I've done that, I didn't have the most comfortable next couple of hours 

[will123]

44 minutes ago, Skycaptain said:

Never attend to a stray libido shortly after using epoxy resin adhesive. It brings a new meaning to "A sticky end" 

 

37 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Or chopping chillis. 

My libido isn't that strong that I have tend to it while doing something else.

[ryn2]

As a former paramedic I can assure you both you are far from alone.

[will123]

30 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

As a former paramedic I can assure you both you are far from alone.

Somehow I don't think Emergency ever had any episodes that involved a victim who suffered an accident/injury while masturbating...

[jay williams]

2 hours ago, ryn2 said:

As a former paramedic I can assure you both you are far from alone.

Really? You actually had emergency EMS runs for guys (or gals) who suffered some kind of excruciating problem from masturbating? I would be interested in hearing these curious tales!

[ryn2]

1 hour ago, jay williams said:

Really? You actually had emergency EMS runs for guys (or gals) who suffered some kind of excruciating problem from masturbating? I would be interested in hearing these curious tales!

All I can say is... people do the strangest things.  

 

But, yes, people do call the ambulance when they scare themselves.  And then they lie about what happened.

 

It was much more commonly guys.

[will123]

TMI! I don't need to know about that stuff!

[ryn2]

Nothing empties a room like ambulance stories.

[will123]

1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

Nothing empties a room like ambulance stories.

I worked in a factory for 28 years as a tool & die maker and nothing bothers me more than seeing unsafe stuff in videos. I retired with both my eyes and all my fingers and toes intact.

[Skycaptain]

If anyone really wants to know, just Google "injuries whilst masturbating", or similar

Spoilered, TMI for some 

Spoiler

And be prepared to never look a vacuum cleaner in the same light again 

 

 

[ryn2]

3 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Is it bad I now want to hear All The Gory Stories? 

People say that, but then they are sorry.

[jay williams]

On ‎5‎/‎25‎/‎2018 at 8:21 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

It's not a universal solution. Lots of people don't enjoy any kinks either, they just have no desire for sexual contact with another person.

I have a libido, like the OP, but I'm also sex-averse. And I'm sure that nothing kinky would be the solution. First - I'm autochorissexual too, which means I fantasise in third person, and my fantasies are mostly gay, but very vanilla. Second - I'm only sex-averse, but fairly BDSM-repulsed. Third - other people have a right to disagree, but for me the common part of the sets "pleasure" and "pain" is an empty set [{pleasure} n {pain} = {}*]. Fourth - my sex aversion is not simply disliking something about this or that kind of sex act, it's a fear and extreme discomfort at the very thought of being naked or even semi-naked with another person and of letting someone do something to my body. No way. I'm sure there are people who don't enjoy vanilla sex (just like there are people who enjoy only vanilla sex), but some people just aren't able to enjoy any form of partnered sexual activity.

 

*It's not actually the letter "n", in mathematical notation it looks like an upside-down sans-serif "u".

Back to the original topic:

 

Thanks for explaining autochorissexual. I have seen that word but never fully comfortable with understanding it. I believe it essentially describes my own "...uality." I don't really think I am sex-averse, although it depends on what sort of activity we are talking about. For example, I am totally averse to and grossed out by any anal activity. 

As for so called "BDSM," pain is not a required set or subset. To be sure, some degree of masochism and/or sadism is popular among many devotees of BDSM; yet there are many bdsm people who are averse to having anything to do with sado-masochistic activities. Some adherents are largely into so-called "power-exchange" roles, with one partner dominant or in control, and the other partner submissive or obedient and being controlled. The BDSM tent is really, really huge, including all manner of folks who are not into common sexual activity. I hazard to say that the most common link among the kinky is that most do not much care for "vanilla" sex.

In short, I think that you will find autochorissexuality to be a real subset of some folks in the bdsm or kinky world.   

[will123]

2 hours ago, jay williams said:

Back to the original topic:

Thank you!

 

I would say I have no INTEREST in sex. It's not a negative feeling, I just don't care about partnered sex. But at certain times in my life I did masturbate 'all the time'. In my 40s (I'm 56) I was pleasuring myself two or three times a day on a daily basis. I'm not sure what the actual motivation was, the act of

jerking off

or the resulting orgasm.

 

Looking back (I have at times too good of a memory) at what I would consider a 'low point' in 'doing it all the time', was something that happened about a year after I started masturbating. I actually pleasured myself in a washroom cubicle at my job. Afterwards, I thought, "What are you doing? Are you that

fucked up

that you're doing it at work?" I'm positive that was the only time I did it in a spot like that.

[everywhere and nowhere]

5 hours ago, jay williams said:

As for so called "BDSM," pain is not a required set or subset. To be sure, some degree of masochism and/or sadism is popular among many devotees of BDSM; yet there are many bdsm people who are averse to having anything to do with sado-masochistic activities. Some adherents are largely into so-called "power-exchange" roles, with one partner dominant or in control, and the other partner submissive or obedient and being controlled. The BDSM tent is really, really huge, including all manner of folks who are not into common sexual activity. I hazard to say that the most common link among the kinky is that most do not much care for "vanilla" sex.

In short, I think that you will find autochorissexuality to be a real subset of some folks in the bdsm or kinky world.

I don't question it, but what I primarily meant is that for some people trying BDSM is no solution at all. Some people just don't want to participate in any form of partnered sexual activity, whether "vanilla" or "kinky". As I said - I for example don't want to participate in anything which would include being naked and not alone (actually, in fact I only feel fully comfortable in clothes... but of course I undress to take a shower, for example - I just couldn't stand being naked in someone else's presence) or having someone do something to my body. I don't want to do stuff to someone else's body either, I just don't want any form of sexual interaction.

See, in a general forum on sexuality suggesting "Maybe you should try BDSM?" or "Have you ever had same-sex fantasies? Perhaps you aren't straight" could be appropriate. But if someone feels an active sex aversion, it's very likely (though with some exceptions, such as in @CBC's case, I can recall) that trying with a different gender, or trying another form of sexual activity will not do anything about it. I'm certainly not even going to try - it would be too traumatic for me, and anyway, to look at the issue in a very sober way - if I find the very idea of being naked or semi-naked in another person's presence or "having someone do something to my body" frightening and intensely uncomfortable, how likely is it that there could be some kind of partnered sexual activity which I could enjoy? Very unlikely, I would say, and I'm certainly not going to risk all the trauma, discomfort and self-violence which would inevitably be involved in testing it.

[ryn2]

10 hours ago, will123 said:

I actually pleasured myself in a washroom cubicle at my job. Afterwards, I thought, "What are you doing? Are you that

  Hide contents

fucked up

that you're doing it at work?"

I’m relieved to find out I am not the only person who has done something like that.