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ODDNAARI - "Afraid of having sex? This is why you need to talk about it"

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10 October 2017



So you love him but don't feel like having sex with him? Maybe you're not attracted to him so the next resort is to doubt your sexual orientation and think you're not straight. The next obvious step? Trying to figure out if you're attracted to members of the same sex, right? But what if you're not sexually attracted to them either?

What if you're not sexually attracted to anyone in life? What if you don't desire sex at all?

Does That Mean You're An Asexual?

The first thing that comes to the unaware mind upon hearing the term 'asexual' is aversion to sex. But the first thing that should come to the mind upon hearing it is sexual orientation. Because you know what? Just like you can be straight or bisexual or homosexual, you can be asexual too.

"An asexual person lacks sexual attraction altogether. So, there's no attraction towards the members of the opposite or the same sex-there's no attraction at all," says Dr. Aparna S. Balasundaram, renowned psychotherapist and relationship coach.

Bu that doesn't mean that asexual can do without some emotional intimacy in life. According to Asexual Visibility and Education Network (the world's largest online asexual community), asexual people have the same emotional needs as everybody else and are just as capable of forming intimate relationships. There's just no sex with a partner involved there.

Or Just Sexually Anorexic?

Psycology Today defines sexual anorexia as a concept that refers to the compulsive avoidance of sexual nourishment and intimacy. In fact, Balasundaram adds that the real problem here is the a low sex drive that can be caused due to a variety of factors.

From feeling emotionally disconnected with you partner to an uptight upbringing where sex is projected as being a sinful/morally incorrect act to having some traumatic/not-so-pleasurable sexual experiences in the past to having body-image issues to even hormonal imbalances in the body-there is most definitely a reason behind sexual anorexia.

Actually, There's Hell Lot of Difference Between The Two

Have you ever come across a human being who simply hates food from the very day he/ she comes into this world? But there are still people who suffer from food anorexia, right? That's exactly how different asexuality is from sexual anorexia, says Balasundaram. While the former is in born, the latter develops over time-you're not born with it. Not to mention, there can be a variety of factors responsible for this behavioral change as mentioned above.

Or Maybe Not?

A 2004 research conducted by asexuality expert Anthony F. Bogaert found that as many as 1% of the world may be asexual. However, according to many experts, asexuality and sexual anorexia lie under the umbrella of hypoactive sexual desire disorder, which means having an inhibited sexual desire in life.

That's exactly what Dr. Praveen Tripathi, sexual disorders specialist and director at The Renova Care, Noida poins out.  "Both these terms are synonymous with a medical condition called hypoactive sexual desire disorder, the only difference being that asexuality means complete absence of libido while sexual anorexia can be associated with an extremely low sex drive," he says.

But Ladies, You Have What It Takes To Put Up a Fight

Whether you're an asexual or just sexually anorexic, it can be overwhelmingly confusing to deal with the situation since these conditions are neither common nor very-openly talked about.

While we highly encourage coming out of the closet and embracing your sexuality, if you still want to maintain your privacy, Balasundaram recommends finding like-minded people online-not without cross-checking the credibility of the sources though. This way, you would know that you're not alone and that there are other people sailing in the same boat as yours. Trust us, that helps.

She also suggests visiting a counselor and talking it out. And no, your privacy won't be hampered there too.

Tripathi on the other hand believes in delving deeper into the psychology in order to figure out the reason behind lack/absence of sexual attraction. "Once the reason is clear, patients can be given adequate counseling and talked out of it," he says.


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