Jump to content

Dating in the Olden Days


Hallucigenia

Recommended Posts

HOW WAS IT BACK THEN ?? I heard a lot about it.

40 - 50 years ago women did NOT indulge in free sex. Back then there was one group (the majority) heterosexual, and there was another group, very small group, that most people didnt even whisper about were gay. Asexuality did not even exist, and married women who did not like sex were just simply labelled "frigid" and despised for it.

Back in those days being sexully promiscuous, gave women a bad name like nyphomaniacs. Having a bad reputation meant that everyone knew where to go if they wanted free sex or easy sex.

Secondly - even more importantly, there has always been a fear of pregnancy. THE FEAR OF PREGNANCY was the biggest deterrent for women not to have sex, waiting till after the wedding. Young women were married off early, not long after puberty, age 15 or 18, so those who were in their 20s were already considered old maids.

But that slowly changed as higher education became the norm and birthcontrol was discovered. Women had other options in life, more than just being wives and mothers. I am sure you heard of so called shotgun weddings?

In those years women who got pregnant out of wedlock were outcasts, with no support group, no sympathy and no means of survival. Many committed suicide out of sheer hopelessness and for bringing shame to the family name; or they were sent away from their homes in disgrace and even dismissed from their jobs, kicked out of school and church.

It was shameful for a woman to be pregnant out of wedlock, and the men responsible were not held accountable. Men were free of any responsibility unless the family forced them to marry the daughter. Times have changed. We have DNA testing now. And the laws have changed too so men have to pay child support, married or not.

To most men, free sex is nothing more than a piss, scratch and a fart. They will say, and do anything to get it without conscience. They move on to the next opportunity as soon as the sex is over.

Since the availability of reliable contraception (in the 60s), and the emancipation of women in the workforce, women have also become free with their sex - even to their own detriment. The attitude of men has not changed in the last 1000 years.

Men desire to win a challenge, to conquer the best they can find. They want to work hard at winning a womans heart, they want the challenge. Men don't want to settle with somone easy. Men love trophy wives. Men will USE an easy woman because men dont say NO to sex. Men love sex with no strings and no responsibility. But thats because men and women come from a totally different place in their needs, desires and psyche.

Men are fulfilling a sexual biological need - a basic impulse due to constant levels of testosteron in their blood stream. Women most often have sex to fill an emotional need, a nesting need, a need for love.

A woman has to play a game to attract the best mate, she has to remain aloof, alluring, mysterious, precious and desirable.

If a woman doesnt learn how to say NO she will most likely not find what she is looking for such as a husband, only a lot of heartbreaks.

I suppose it was much easier to be an asexual back then (even thought people didnt even know there was such a thing) at least the label didnt exist.

It would have been considered abnormal for someone not to desire sex since the vast population danced around in circles all trying to get laid.

Many marriages were not happy sexually, beause women who didnt like sex simply stopped having sex after the birth of their children, using the fear of pregnancy as an excuse. Women also used to pretend to be sick to avoid sex. There was a lot of denial. Men who did not desire sex were considered impotent.

Unfortunately society viewed the lack of sexual desire as "damaged goods" when in fact ASEXUALITY is a real state of being, it is NOT "damaged goods" Asexuality is a whole and complex emotional and psychological experience and has merits in its own right.

Link to post
Share on other sites
40 - 50 years ago women did NOT indulge in free sex. Back then there was one group (the majority) heterosexual, and there was another group, very small group, that most people didnt even whisper about were gay. Asexuality did not even exist, and married women who did not like sex were just simply labelled "frigid" and despised for it.

Married women who didn't like sex did it anyway. The man wore the pants and she was the next best thing to 'property'. If he beat her it was nobody's business but his own. She had 'wifely duties'. If she refused it was grounds for divorce which is what gave divorce such a bad name, you'd have sex, like it or not and take the beatings rather than risk divorce because NOW you truly were 'damaged' and 'used up'. No man would want you. The divorce also shamed your family and they wouldn't want you either. I think in some states, refusal to do one's 'wifely duties' is still a valid grounds for divorce.

Back in those days being sexully promiscuous, gave women a bad name like nyphomaniacs. Having a bad reputation meant that everyone knew where to go if they wanted free sex or easy sex

The word 'whore' was around then too. Do not be misled. Rampant sexual behavior always existed. The difference between being a whore and having it kept quiet often relied on who your daddy was in the town!

Song lyrics: "If she's a rich girl, take her out for a meal. If she's poor, just do what you feel."

Secondly - even more importantly, there has always been a fear of pregnancy. THE FEAR OF PREGNANCY was the biggest deterrent for women not to have sex, waiting till after the wedding. Young women were married off early, not long after puberty, age 15 or 18, so those who were in their 20s were already considered old maids.

Abortions were around then but at the risk of your life. They were coathanger butcher shops. Some women tried the home version of this out of desperation. They jumped off roofs. They took many a witches concoction and various 'snake oils'. There have always been 'ways'. Some worked most didn't.

In those years women who got pregnant out of wedlock were outcasts, with no support group, no sympathy and no means of survival. Many committed suicide out of sheer hopelessness and for bringing shame to the family name; or they were sent away from their homes in disgrace and even dismissed from their jobs, kicked out of school and church.

...It was shameful for a woman to be pregnant out of wedlock, and the men responsible were not held accountable. Men were free of any... responsibility

And don't forget, victims of rape were ostricized as well! SHE was somehow the perpatrator!(sp?) Even if it was her own father or brother!

Many marriages were not happy sexually, beause women who didnt like sex simply stopped having sex after the birth of their children, using the fear of pregnancy as an excuse. Women also used to pretend to be sick to avoid sex. There was a lot of denial. Men who did not desire sex were considered.

Hence, " Not tonight dear, I have a headache".

And few women were 'allowed' to stop having sex, they jumped from roofs and such. The men considered it license to go out ans screw around knowing that there was nothing she could do or say. 'She' frequently ignored it because it was better than her having to do it and at least she kept her roof!

Notice how all along there are labels for women who either do or don't. Only heroic sounding ones for men, ie; 'stud' 'conquerer', for men. Even in the negative his name is innocuous- impotent- while the names for her are not only deroggative but have such a detrimental effect as to cause the whole of society to 'stone' her even if only metaphorically!

The 'female' is such a 'passive' role, it's inconcievable to me that society takes such an 'aggressive' stance on her part in this issue!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 years later...

A fascinating thread, some well put recollections; ready for some updates.

As one poster put it, there were no asexuals in the 'Olden Days", just straights & gays.

One or t' other ... make your choice.

This made it impossible BACK THEN for asexual fulfillment.

As opposed to NOW, when society has "evolved" to such a huge extent

that it's now "only barely possible" for asexual fulfillment. :P

Link to post
Share on other sites

50 years ago, there weren't any "gays", at least in smaller towns in America. The word wasn't used. It was "queer" and they were not out at all, and everyone was accused of being queer when you wore the wrong color, said the wrong thing, or liked the wrong person. It was a standard accusation. There was only one real orientation and it wasn't even called anything, because it was just normal.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry

I was born in the summer of '67, but that doesn't mean I'm a total ignoramus... after all, I got to live the first 25 years of my life Internet-free. That right there is testimony enough, plus things I gleaned from older relatives.

Ironically, when my older relatives talked to me about love, sex, etc etc, they never told me the things everyone else was told---I always pictured some unhip parent wagging their index finger at their preteen daughter and telling her, very matter-of-factly, "remember, always let the boy choose you: NEVER choose HIM first". Apparently, that stuff only happens in non-industrialized countries now.

But from what they DID tell me, all the stuff like teen pregnancy, homosexuality, incest, etc etc, happened in the old days too... it's just that people kept it in the closet. My ggm's biological father tried to molest her... my mother's uncle was gay and managed to keep it in the closet until years after he died in '89... my dad's cousin experimented with sex in the early 60s, got pregnant, and was forced by her religious mother to wear a heavy overcoat until she had a baby boy and gave him up for adoption. And my father, who is almost 70 now, was a bigamist. Things like those are out of the closet now, they are no longer scandalous or newsworthy. I think the other posters are right, after the hippy era and Stonewall, people gave the ol' paradigm gearshift a yank, and suddenly, one's sex life was expected to be public; anyone who held back was considered selfish, willfully depriving some lecher or some nympho of the sex they needed for survival.

In the early 80s, when I was in high school, it was all about how many girls you could screw, how much dope you could take without killing yourself, and how loud you could crank the rock music without blowing your eardrums out. Small wonder my classmates wished I was dead.

From that time until my mid-twenties, my social life was dead. I had no desire to go to the bars and clubs where the kinds of people who made my life hell hung out. Then came the Internet, and with it, trolls... these were the kids who'd always been the kick-me-sign-on-the-pants crowd, and they discovered there was no online principal to punish them (oh joy). They grew impish grins on their faces, and started using the Internet as a weapon to hurt lonely people (by this time, the sex-drugs-R&R crowd had started to become sour-faced burnouts).

Now, sadly, people have no idea how to date anymore. If they did, they'd still be meeting at socials, and they would've laughed online dating out of business years ago. Trolls would still be miserable, quivering shut-ins. Now, instead of dating, single men are sitting at home getting blind drunk, while single women are waging epic battles against each other in the hope of becoming Empress of Earth.

When the last man dies, will womankind still be as smug?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Most of that's not true. I'm almost 70 and I can directly compare the eras. Although I'm that old, I'm out in the world and see young people meeting in clubs just like they used to at school dances, and on-line dating sites are flourishing because everyone's on the computer, not because no one's dating. On the other hand, although being gay's cool in big cities, in much smaller communities and definitely in the South and Southwest US, it isn't. Matthew Shepard was killed in the US simply for being gay several years ago. The rise of religious fundamentalism in the US has caused some social regression. Couples are spending a whole year planning their weddings again, which is a 50s thing. Most married mothers work out of the home but they still feel they have to "have it all", which comes down to doing their paid work and the unpaid housework and child care; sometimes men "help" but most don't take equal responsibility. Sexually abusing a minor is certainly as big a deal as it ever was; that's not something that society gets used to, hopefully, like someone being gay.

Nothing's really changed that much, except for the increase in hypersexuality in the commercial world.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...