MrDane Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Tell me your story. Today my ace-wife kissed me a bit longer than her usual not-long kiss. Immediatly my mind/body goes: "uh, perhaps she is in the mood for more!" Then quickly followed by "who the f... am I kidding? This is just a friendly, no-sex kiss and interpreting it any different, will take me further away from the sex I would like." have you also seen those fatamorganas? Link to post Share on other sites
NerotheReaper Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Well as an ace, I hope you don't mind me weighing in on this. Sometimes I am a bit more affectionate than usual, my sexuality doesn't change just sometimes I feel more affectionate. Then other days I don't even want a hug. This could be the case with your wife, you could always ask if she is in the mood. Or ask how she is feeling, see what's on her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 1 hour ago, NerotheReaper said: Well as an ace, I hope you don't mind me weighing in on this. Sometimes I am a bit more affectionate than usual, my sexuality doesn't change just sometimes I feel more affectionate. Then other days I don't even want a hug. This could be the case with your wife, you could always ask if she is in the mood. Or ask how she is feeling, see what's on her mind. Well, my changes too. But her range is from a small, 'I could be okay with this, and will perhaps enjoy as we come past a few uncomfortable things and will enjoy your enjoyment' going down to 'no, would really like us not to!' And my point is, how I wrongly tries (unconciously?) to read her sexuality different than what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 I think people naturally do that with anything that is different from what they ideally want in a relationship. But, best to give yourself that reality check so you don't get disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Jewel Bright Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 The safer I (ace) feel with my (not ace) spouse the more affectionate I feel, the more daring I feel I can be. The more supported I feel the more I can venture into the unknown and the uncomfortable. I want to figure out all of the things that are possible for us, but that includes some rocky roads. Good luck. You are a wonderfully supportive person. I hope that you find the support you need also. Link to post Share on other sites
Moonchaser Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 ... Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 On 11/6/2017 at 9:03 AM, MrDane said: Tell me your story. Today my ace-wife kissed me a bit longer than her usual not-long kiss. Immediatly my mind/body goes: "uh, perhaps she is in the mood for more!" Then quickly followed by "who the f... am I kidding? This is just a friendly, no-sex kiss and interpreting it any different, will take me further away from the sex I would like." This used to happen to me all the time. Now I just avoid thinking of my wife as a sexual or affectionate person. When I always think "this kiss/touch is for me and not something that she really wants" it is a lot easier to not go any further. That isn't to say she isn't actually affectionate. I am sure that she really does like cuddling and quick pecks on the cheek, but when I tell myself that those are just for me, I can avoid going any further. 22 hours ago, Moonchaser said: This is what makes me feel that this just can't work, because speaking from the other side, I so often hope my husband will show me some affection without wanting sex, or commenting on how he knows he won't get it, or saying something about me being ace. It feels awful. It's not working. For either of us. Jesus. That sucks. My wife used to make the same sorts of complaints. I think that if I was sexually satisfied then I wouldn't have felt the need to have as many instances of affection as possible turn into sex. But, if I hadn't been so eager to have sex, she probably would have agreed to more make out sessions and cuddles. Link to post Share on other sites
gaogao Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 Uhh, idk if relevant but I think I have noticed those sorts of thoughts/hopes cross my gf's mind when I've been very affectionate and cuddly in what I intended to be a non-sexual way. She usually laughs it off but I have wondered if it is cruel for me to show affection like that and unintentionally provoke a response. Like.. am I being a tease, or is it mean... should I try a bit harder to be more aware of how my actions might be interpreted? ;;; What are your thoughts on this? D: Link to post Share on other sites
Moonchaser Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 23 hours ago, Treesarepretty said: Jesus. That sucks. My wife used to make the same sorts of complaints. I think that if I was sexually satisfied then I wouldn't have felt the need to have as many instances of affection as possible turn into sex. But, if I hadn't been so eager to have sex, she probably would have agreed to more make out sessions and cuddles. Sorry I must have deleted that at the same time you quoted it. Otherwise I would have left it. But I felt I was kind of high-jacking the thread with that opposing view. Link to post Share on other sites
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